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Alex & Me
Chapter 8
As soon as I reached the restroom I splashed my face with cold water. Once. Twice. Thrice. As if the water could take the pain with it. I'd just have to learn how to deal with it. And fast.
I had Spanish with Alex. Now.
I was dreading it.
How could I face him now ? When no one knew about my feelings they were a bit easier to ignore but now that Hayley knew it was like they had... substance. I couldn't deny them anymore. And I was so afraid he'd read them from my face and then start avoiding me to let me down easy rather than rejecting me outright. But no Alex wouldn't do that. He was too nice to be that rude.
As I kept thinking more and more about what had just happened, I couldn't understand my reaction. Why had I almost cried just now? And that too over a crush. I mean it was just a crush. Feeling bad after what happened? Sure. But actual tears? That was unexpected. I shook my head. Maybe I was losing my mind. The hormones driving me crazy. Yeah that would explain it.
Satisfied with that and the fact that I had a handle over myself, I left the restroom. In class Alex looked up when I entered and smiling, patted the seat next to him. I would do anything to see that smile.
What? No!
I mentally slapped myself and replaced the silly smile on my face with a friendly grin.
"Where'd you run off too?" Alex asked, " I didn't see you come back in."
"I got caught up with something," I lied hoping he wouldn't ask with what.
I hated lying. Probably because I always gave myself away somehow. He looked a bit preoccupied so he didn't catch on and for that I was grateful.
"So you're going out with Jessica? " I blurted before I could stop myself and then cringed on the inside. I didn't want to hear it.
He perked up, his eyes actually started shimmering. His gaze was intense as he looked between both my eyes.
"Yeah what do you think?"
What I thought didn't matter as he was obviously happy with the idea of dating her. But I couldn't say that now, could I? What kind of a best friend would I be?
"Well she seems nice and you look happy so I think you should date her."
His reaction was weird. His face actually fell though he tried to put some effort into smiling.
"You really think so?" he whispered.
I swallowed and then nodded slightly, giving him a tight smile. After that we settled into an awkward silence. I couldn't think of anything to say. The tension between us was so thick. Why wasn't he saying anything? What was he thinking? My questions went unanswered and so I resolved to do something about it.
Everything would be fine.
I'd make sure of it.
***
Three weeks have passed since then.
Alex and I were back to normal and I was glad. Everything was fine. Just like before. Except now Hayley knew. She didn't try to bring it up once. She probably realised that I needed some space to sort things out.
I'd decided not to let it affect me. Or at least act like it. Alex and Jessica had gone on a few dates but I didn't think it was anything serious. But I could never know with Alex because I didn't trust my conclusions. They could be clouded by my feelings, making me see things that weren't actually there.
It was Friday today. I could feel a buzz in the school atmosphere. One of the uber rich kids in school had announced a party at his house. Scott something his name was. Oh joy. I have never been a party kind of girl. I prefer the quiet life to socialising. No I wasn't a social pariah. I just didn't like partying. That's all. What good could come out of getting smashed and waking up with a killer of a headache ?
Time passed quickly and before I knew it the bell rang for lunch. I went to the cafeteria and got in line after shrugging off my bag at the table. Only Sam and Alex were missing. So far the day was going fine. But then Amy had to go and ruin it.
"Zoey ?" she said.
"Yeah ?" I was busy eating so I didn't look up.
"Remember what I said about you going out more ?" she started.
Well that certainly got my attention. My head snapped up. I already didn't like where this was going and she'd barely said anything.
"Yeah.." I answered hesitantly.
"Well I meant that. You really should. You'll have fun." she said, bouncing in her place as usual.
"Uh okay. Thanks for the advice." I said and continued eating my lunch, looking down.
She made a impatient noise, and then said, patiently as if she were explaining something to a toddler, "I meant you should come to the party today Zoey."
"What ? Why ? " I asked, sounding much like a toddler that her tone
"Because." she pouted.
I raised an eyebrow.
"Oh alright! I really think you could have fun. And we could go together Zoey! It'll be amazing. All of us together. And also because this is our last year here. Who knows where we'll be headed off after graduation. Please Zoey! Please please please please please ?" she finished her little rant and her expression was so heart-braking that I found myself agreeing with her.
She blinked.
"Really? I never thought you'd be that easy to convince " she said, her eyes wide and honest.
I laughed.
"It won't be so bad if all of us are together," I smiled. She just wanted to spend time with her friends. I couldn't deny her that. And what she'd said about after graduation also struck a chord within me.
"Yay! We'll have so much fun! Even Hayley's coming! "
I looked at Hayley, shocked.
"She used the same one on me." Hayley shrugged, smiling.
I laughed. Amy was adorable. Then she suddenly jerked up straight and looked at me and Hayley in alarm.
"Wait! Do you guys have right outfits for the party?"
I rolled my eyes along with Hayley. We didn't care for that stuff. At least I didn't.
"I don't care about what I wear Amy."
She looked scandalised and then she narrowed her eyes.
"Well I do. You better be at my place by 5 Smith," she said. She used my last name. She must be serious. I saw Hayley looking relieved.
"That goes for you too Hayley" Amy informed her though in a much softer tone. You just couldn't raise your voice against Hayley. She sighed but nodded. I agreed as well.
Amy beamed.
I grimaced.
***
So Hayley and I ended up at Amy's house. She got to me to wear a blue top - midnight blue, I'd been corrected - along with skinny black jeans and flats. Whatever. I honestly couldn't care less. I tried not to show it though. The girl looked like Christmas had come early. So I let her have her fun trying not to dampen it with my indifference and impatience.
After she deemed us both 'perfect' - her words not mine - she finished getting ready herself. We left for the party at around seven in Amy's car. It wasn't too far.
A lot of cars were parked outside and you could hear the music blasting a block away. Scott's house was huge. There were young guys and girls already looking tipsy and wandering outside. I sighed.
Its for Amy. Its for Amy. Its for Amy. I chanted in my mind.
Taking a deep breath I got out of the car. Amy as usual was more excited than should be legally allowed. She dragged both me and Hayley in. The inside of the house was classy I suppose but was now completely trashed. I pitied the one who was supposed to clean up all the mess.
We encountered several drunk boys and girls making out on every available surface. Amy had the guys would be here. Sure enough I heard Sam speak to my right after a few moments of just standing there and doing nothing.
"Well I never thought I'd see the day you two would come to a party. It's like watching history in the making."
"Yeah, laugh it up big boy. I'm sure you'll be singing a different tune when my knee disturbs your family jewels." I said.
I didn't understand why I was so on the edge. I was never this mean to Sam.
"Ouch! Someone's in a bad mood. Anyway cheer up Grumpy. We're here to par-tay!!! " Sam said in a falsetto voice pumping his fist in the air twice.
I stared at him for two seconds and then I burst out laughing. I could never be mad at him. I still couldn't shake off that feeling of being on edge. I feel like I shouldn't have come. But I shrugged it off and doid't say anything.
"You want anything to drink ?" Sam asked us. All of us wanted a coke.
"Take care of your girl here. She's been driving us insane. I'll get them." I teased.
"Hey!" Amy pouted.
"Just kidding Amy. You know I love you." I blew her a kiss.
"Go and get the drinks you nut. Love you too." she giggled.
"Hayley you mind coming with me ?" I asked.
"Okay." Hayley smiled.
I turned and we went to the kitchen. I didn't bother knocking just went in through the door, Hayley behind me.
My heart slammed in my chest.
There was Alex kissing Jessica his hands on her shoulders. Her arms were around his neck. I felt the tears blurring my vision before I backed out and bumped into Hayley. She'd seen it. Her eyes were filled with concern. I said nothing just wiped my tears and ran towards the door.
I didn't look back nor did I pay any heed to the voice calling out my name behind me.
I got out of the house and through the streets tears blinding me. But I didn't care. I knew I couldn't stay there. Not after that.
I just kept running and didn't look back.
***
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