It took a week before I even managed to step outside the house, I was all set for going to my childhood home but my body had other ideas.
Josh said it was normal to feel this way, depressed as fuck in other words, I didn't even speak much, Alex tried talking and I would nod my head or shrug, maybe I would say the odd I love you but that was it.
Today I woke up feeling better, Alex was laying beside me, his bare back to the ceiling as he slept face first into the pillows. I shuffled closer towards him, kissing his shoulder gently, unfortunately that woke him up and he rolled to his back, his sleepy smile spread across his face as he lent forward to give me his routine morning kiss. Just a simple peck.
This kiss however wasn't a peck, his tongue was in my mouth and his warm body moving on top of me, I ran my hand over his back as my legs wrapped around him, our bodies moving together like before.
I didn't fully register what was about to happen until Alex slid down my underwear and pushed my legs open, his mouth never left mine as he moved into me, I gripped his shoulders slightly tighter as he pushed himself in all the way.
Both of us slightly breathless and sweaty as we came down from our high “I love you Lilly” he pulled back and placed a soft kiss over my nose.
“I love you too” I smiled “I'm bleeding and your stuff if kind of leaking” I cringed then started to panic “oh god Alex”
“what?” he frowned
“I'm not on the pill and we didn't use a condom” I stated the highly obvious
“oh” he said quietly but dragged it out, then looked at me and smiled “don't go back on the pill”
“what?”
“Lilly, I love you and I feel like I have known you my entire life, your the one for me so don't go back on the pill, let's try again for a baby” he was still laying over me, I didn't know what to say.
I looked up at him and his whole face was bright, he looked excited and I realised I couldn't take this away from him, I loved him and I felt the same way as him “ok, let's try get pregnant again”
his lips smacked down on mine and kissed me hard, I couldn't help but laugh as he pulled away “come shower with me, because I think were both covered in blood” he groaned and pulled a face at the same time as he moved out of me, just having to look down at the bloody mess between our thighs.
Throwing a top over me of Alex's I opened the bedroom door and peered out to make sure Emma and Josh wasn't around to witness us heading into the bathroom, lucky for us they weren't there so us going to the bathroom was no problem.
Since we were in the shower and washing ourselves off Alex thought we should go again for good luck, he was seriously excited about the possibility of us becoming pregnant again and since it only took one time before I'm pretty sure we were both hoping it would happen sooner rather than later.
By the time we stepped into the kitchen we were met with two suspicious sets of eyes, both looking slightly confused and happy at the same time.
“shower sex really?” Emma smirked
“yep” Alex grinned
“well as long as your being safe?” Josh added as he walked over to the sink.
Both Alex and I looked at each other and smirked, both nodded and due to the face that we didn't want everyone to know we were trying to get pregnant so soon after the miscarriage, I was slightly nervous about that but Alex assured me it was in fact safe.
The house phone rang and Alex went to answer it, Emma rushed over and grabbed my arm pulling me over into the living room and away from everyone else.
“what the hell, are you trying to get pregnant again?” she whispered
“no” I hissed, if there was one thing I was good at it was lying with a straight face
“good, I don't think you need to get pregnant so soon” she narrowed her eyes at me and walked off.
I stood there stunned at her little outburst, why would she care if we were trying to get pregnant again, Alex walked in and looked around the room until his eyes laid over mine, walking forward he sat the phone back on the holder and walked towards me, I tilted my head to the side motioning him to follow me outside.
Once we had walked a good distance from the house Alex wrapped his arms around me, pulling me to a stop “what's with the secretive long walk?” he chuckled slightly.
“Emma was just acting weird, she wanted to know if we were trying for another baby and I told her no, then she said good and that we don't need to get pregnant so soon again”
“that's weird because Josh just told me the same thing, that it would wrong to even think about it” he scratched the back of his head looking just as confused as I felt.
“and what do you think about it?” I asked unsure if he had changed his mind.
He pulled me into his body, closer into his chest and wrapping his arms around me more “I know that I love you, that I want to spend everyday with you” he reached up tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear “Lilly we barely know each other but I feel like I know who you are, I want to have a lot of babies with you and I'm not getting younger, I don't want to wait”
I smiled and lent up, placing my lips over his “I love you and want a baby Alex, I'm not going anywhere and were going to be together forever, nothing will stop that”
“good” he grinned “how about we go to your old place today and check that out”
“sounds like a plan” I smiled leaning my head into his chest.
Emma and Josh weren't around when we went back to the house so we left without them, yeah funny I know, they always seemed to disappear on us.
So here we now were, a five minute drive and we were out the front of my families old home, it was a brick single storey and looked abandoned, there was paddocks where I was guessing a horse had been kept here, well my horse obviously.
“I've been here before” Alex spoke making me turn to him “I don't know when but I remember this house”
“ I don't really remember living here, I know I grew up here but that's it, I don't even know how to get inside” I laughed slightly as I took my belt off.
The house was empty, we was walking around to find a loose window or where a key could be, I look at Alex as he used his hands to wobble a window and slowly slide it up, turning to me with a grin “want a lift babe?”
“and how do you know how to do that?” I gave a questioning look towards him before I placed my hands over the seal.
I landed on the ground with a thud, in other words I fell through the window like a idiot, Alex lifted himself up and got through it perfectly fine in fact, he looked like a pro at it.
“so was this your room?” he asked looking about, this room had a double bed and everything was pink, very girly and pretty, not overly girly though, I looked around the bedroom and most of my things were gone, there was one box on a shelf in the cupboard, it was labelled junk and I don't know why, if it was junk wouldn't it have been thrown out?
“guess so, lets look around the place and see what else is here” I grinned taking his hand.
We walked about, there wasn't much else here, actually there was nothing here except that box in my room, the house wasn't overly huge or anything, infact it was tiny compared to Alex's parents place. I was too busy looking around to notice Alex had stopped and I crashed into his back, pushing him forward slightly.
“why didn't you tell me you had a brother” he spoke in a monotone voice.
I had no idea what he was talking about, I never had a brother “what?”
“well there is a brother birthday card on the shelf here” he stepped into the room, picking it up he started to read out loud “dear big brother, happy birthday lots of love your favourite little sister Lilly”
A pain in my chest caused me to fall down on the ground, I had no idea I had a brother, I only had a sister. Why the hell hadn't anyone told me I had a brother as well and why hasn't he contacted me at all.
“Lilly” Alex dropped down beside me “just take deep breaths babe, in and out slowly” he placed his hands over mine as I tried to control my breathing.
“Alex, I need to tell you something” I spoke after gaining control of my breathing, the look on his face didn't look impressed by the thought of me hiding something from him.