The best thing about not using your phone is that you never hear an alarm. I've begun to wake up with the sun. It's been doing wonders for my overall energy level. And even less time that I'm awake and can think.
I wandered downstairs in my pajamas, prepared to make breakfast. Lucky me didn't even have to, seeing as there's my mother, still in her robe, frying bacon on my griddle, er, their griddle. I'm not used to anyone else cooking here, not since Gram moved back to Kentucky. She taught me everything I know about cooking.
"Mom, what are you doing?" I questioned, still confused as to how she beat me downstairs.
"Making you breakfast. Dad is going to do bulletins at church, so after we eat, we can drive up to the mall," she replied, as if this happens every weekend.
"I always make breakfast, you don't have to."
"But I want to, sweety. You seem like you could use a break from all of this. That's why I took a half day later this week so I'll be home when you get off school. Then we can go do something fun, like get your nails done for Homecoming. Dad told me you're going with Eric?"
"Yeah, since he didn't have a date either, Dad pretty much forced him," I muttered the second part so she couldn't hear it.
"How nice! Our daughter going to her first dance with a date! And such a handsome one, at that."
"Mom, please, Eric is just my nurse," I said, cracking up at my own joke.
"Whatever you say! Eat your breakfast and get dressed so we can go soon," she replied, rolling her eyes. Some people just aren't pro mornings.
I popped some whole wheat bread into the toaster while I inhaled the plate of bacon. Once they came out, I put peanut butter on them and carried them upstairs.
Let's see, chances are Mom is going to make me try on hundreds of dresses, so I need to dress accordingly. I threw on a cami, a sweatshirt, spandex, sweatpants, and my slides. Comfortable yet easy to get on and off quickly. The sooner we find "the dress" the better.
Before I left, I fired up my laptop to email Michelle. I'm not totally cut off from her. I sent her an email explaining about how I'm going with Eric and that my mom is taking me shopping today. Chances are, she won't reply, but she'll mutter something to me when we pass in the halls. She still comes to school, but she hides her face well.
It's strange, everyone else carrying on like nothing ever happened. They are their same old selves, while a small few of us who actually understood are breaking at the seams. Sometimes I wonder if they've been waiting their entire lives for that one moment, reading it in the paper. Like they're somehow happier than they were before and I'm just too depressed to notice. At home, I can try to forget, but at school, it's everywhere.
I remember when Simon told me this about that person..., I remember Simon tripping him since he insulted Michelle..., I remember Simon. I begin to wonder if he haunts me.
"Si," I whisper, "why did you leave?"
It comes as no surprise when the only thing I can hear is my own heart beating and my mother calling from downstairs. He can't actually be here. If he was a ghost, he'd want to be with Michelle of course. Or his mom, or everyone else but me. I was only the tutor who introduced him to my best friend, the third wheel, and the quiet girl who wouldn't speak for herself.
"Ryleigh? Are you coming?" Mom called.
"Yeah, let me get my bag," I yelled back, hearing the exhaustion in my voice. But it's not like I've been deprived of sleep. I've been deprived of peace of mind.
I'm not sure why I even took my bag. Mom's paying for the dress. My phone now lies under my bed. I haven't looked at Advil in weeks. All that's in there are feminine hygiene products and I'm not supposed to get it for another week. It was just a pointless excuse to have another three seconds to myself. To change my facial expression. I'm going dress shopping, I should be the happiest girl in the world.
"Michelle's mother called," Mom said, "she said Michelle won't leave her room except for school. After we're done shopping, I want you to go over there."
"Yes, mother."
We proceeded with getting into her car and rolling down the driveway and onto the road. I haven't driven in a few weeks either. Not since that night. It seems that everything has changed. I used to be social. I used to go out bowling once a month. I used to read romance novels. I used to smile and mean it.
I heard a familiar tune and my eyes visibly widened. Mom must've noticed it too, since she turned up the radio. My suspicions were confirmed.
"A long, long time ago, I can still remember, how that music used to make me smile." Those lyrics have never made so much sense until now. Simon was like the music and the day he died is just like the way Don McLean sings it; dark, sad, and depressing. The only differences are that the day he sings of, three musicians died, and everybody was sad, not just a handful.
Mom smiled as I sang the lyrics. After the first chorus and the pace picked up, I was smiling too. Don doesn't know what it feels like to be me, but he sure can temporarily make me feel better.
The mall is about half an hour away, in the city just West of us. It has over triple our population, which has earned it a decent shopping center. For dresses, the department store usually gets a few options around the time of dances. Our high school dances are generally the same days as their high school's, so it wasn't hard to find at least one dress during that time.
Mom parked close, knowing that walking means thinking. We both climbed out and walked quietly up to the doors. Most girls who cared about the danced have already come, leaving the last minute shoppers to find something today or forever hold their peace. The only people I saw immediately would be Taylor, seventh grade lab partner, and Uma, fellow tutor.
Although Uma is also a tutor, she's only used when I can't. Lately, she's been helping a lot. I smiled and waved to her across the aisle, since we are decent friends. Taylor didn't see me, so I just followed mom.
"Honey, I'll look here. You go over there and see," she said, pointing across the room. At least that portion is smaller.
I made my way over to the other section. A coral dress caught my eye out of the royal blue ones, so I walked to the place where it hangs. There are only two there, and everyone here knows, only two dresses are set out until one is bought. If you want a different size, they're swapped out. Two dresses, two dances, it saves everyone from the "OMG we're wearing the same dress" issue.
"You know, I do have a tie in that color if that's the dress you like," a voice said. Eric.
"What do I have to do to last one day without bumping into you?" I replied, laughing.
"Seeing as we have school the next five days and the dance the day after that, you might have to get sick."
"Likely. What are you doing here?"
"Hoping I'd find you so I could know the color of your dress. You haven't been answering your phone."
"That's because it's dead and lying under my bed," I said, laughing again.
"You seem to be in a much better mood today. Were you listening to the radio on your way here?"
"You like American Pie?"
"Everytime I hear it, I think of you," Eric replied, grinning.
"Why is that?"
"Whiskey and Ry," he said, as if it were the most obvious thing.
"I can't believe I've never realized that."
"There, now we even have a song. Makes you happy, and your name is in it."
"Uh oh, mom alert. Does this look like it'll fit?" I held up the smaller dress and Eric gave a thumbs up. Mom came up to us carrying four dresses.
"Oh, honey, that's beautiful. Hello, Eric, nice to see you," she said.
"You, too, Mrs. Jones," Eric replied, "charge your phone and let me know, Ry."
I sighed. I'm not charging my phone, I'll just go to his house after Michelle's and tell him.
Mom pushed me over to the try-on rooms. I closed the door behind me and held up each of the dresses; the coral one had to be the best. I decided to slip it on first, because if this is the one then I won't have to try the other ones on. I pulled off my sweats and shook my shoes off before pulling the dress over my head. I couldn't reach the zipper so I walked out of the room backwards so Mom could zip it up.
I got lucky when the zipper went right up and the dress felt comfortable. It wasn't too loose or too tight, it was knee-length, and it actually stayed up. I saw tears in the corner of my mother's eyes as I turned to face her.
"My daughter is finally a senior. I can't believe how beautiful you look, dear."
I cried tears of joy when she hugged me. I'm a senior. My last year of high school. My last Homecoming. Last Snowball and Prom. Last high school exams. After this I won't be seeing all of these people everyday. I'll leave for college and come back married and with kids.
"Does this mean I don't have to put on any more dresses?" I asked.
"Not if you don't want to. I'll buy this one."
Mom kissed my forehead before I walked back into the room and changed into my sweats. I gave her the dress so she could pay while I put the other dresses back. A dynamic duo.
We met at the front doors again and proceeded to her car. The dress got set in the backseat as we both climbed into the front. The radio was turned up still, but I didn't pay attention to it; I already realized it's an Eagles song, and I don't plan on crying in front of my mom. I decided to talk, just because we haven't done that much lately and it'll occupy me.
"Which day did you take off?" I asked.
"Friday. I can pick you up after school and take you to the nail salon, if you want," Mom replied, peeking at me for a brief second.
"I'd like that. But I'm not getting my hair done at a salon. You or Michelle or I could just curl it."
"As you wish, honey."
Then the conversation died off. It wasn't much, but it was enough. I get to spend more time with Mom. It's exactly what I need. It lasted me until we got home.
"I'll take the dress inside, you can go to Michelle's house now," Mom said, offering me the car keys.
"I'm not driving," I replied. I handed her my bag to take inside before walking down to the trail that ran between ten houses in this square of land. They were cleared out about ten years ago, when I was little.
Michelle's house is on of the closer ones, along with Taylor's and Eric's from our grade alone. Some of the other families have younger kids, some with kids off to college, and one couple who doesn't have kids.
I follow down the familiar sequence of paths that I used to go down almost everyday. Michelle and I rarely drove to each other's house, knowing that this was much safer and quicker. Besides, she never got her license.
The trail led to her backyard. I slowly walked up and knocked on the back door. Worst come worst I could open the garage door, but I know she's home. Her mom is the one to open the door, no surprise either.
"She's upstairs."
I nod, making my way to the staircase and climbing up. Her room is the first door on the left. The same room I spent half of my nights at in the summer time, the other half spent with Michelle at my house. The same room where I first told her about tutoring Simon. The same room where I gave her his number which started it all last year.
I knocked on the door softly, pausing a moment before I opened it. There's Michelle, crawled up in a ball on her bed, hugging a stuffed bear she got last Valentine's Day from Simon himself.
"Michelle? It's Ryleigh," I said, sitting down on the bed and resting a hand on her shoulder.
"Ryleigh!" She yelled, sitting up and hugging me softly. "We definitely need to talk."
"I know. You got my email?"
"That can wait. First of all, I need you to pinky promise you won't tell my mom anything."
I wrapped my pinky around hers, then she continued to explain.
"I think I'm pregnant."
My breath hitched in my throat. I didn't know they had sex. It must've been soon before he passed, seeing as there's no difference in her stomach.
"Did you take a test?"
She nodded. "Two. Both said positive. And I was supposed to get my period a while ago."
"We need to take you to the clinic," I said.
"What if they tell my mom?" She asked, tears brimming. "If they tell her, she'll tell my dad for sure!"
Michelle has a right to be afraid of her dad. He's the sheriff, after all. In middle school, kids used to tease her since she never stayed out past curfew. After that, I never did either. You'd have no idea that the sheriff's daughter would be in love with someone like Simon, but she was. And now they're supposedly having a kid.
"Should I get an abortion?" She asked, shaking hard.
"No! This is Simon's only kid we're talking about! His mom can't have kids anymore, and now her kid can't. Let her have the opportunity to be a grandmother."
"But what about me?"
"I think you'll be a great mother. Plus, you'll know how to take care of kids for when I finally have kids. And you'll always be connected to Simon. Imagine being Forrest Gump. He could've put his son up for adoption, but he didn't, since he was Jenny's son too."
"Forrest Gump? Really?" The corners of her lips tugged up a little bit.
"Yes, really. Now call the clinic and schedule a confidential appointment. I want to come, too."
"I will. Now, tell me about this email."
"Yesterday, at the funeral," I gulped, "Eric hit my face with the bathroom stall door..."
I proceeded to tell her all about yesterday, and this morning, and about how I'm stopping by his house later to let him know the dress color, if it wasn't obvious enough. Then I told her about Mom taking the afternoon off so I can get my nails done, and how her and my mom are doing my hair for Homecoming.
"Sorry I'm not going, Ryleigh. I know this is your first time with an actual date, so of course I'll do your hair. I'm going to be in some pictures, too."
"That would be amazing. I just hope it's not awkward, since I don't think he plans on doing dinner with everyone else."
"You need this in your life. I'm sorry I've been so depressing. You should have a good time with Eric and keep spending time with him."
"What about the whole pregnancy thing? Your parents will have to find out eventually. I promise I will be there to help once it's born."
"Maybe we can tell them after Christmas break. That way I can still hang out with you over break and they won't be too suspicious at that point."
I smiled. Michelle was coming back out of her cocoon. And she's going to be a mother. And Simon will have a kid. This must be one of the happiest conversations I've had all month. Everything should start getting better now.
After we concluded talking, I bid my farewells to Michelle and her mother, seeing as her dad was still at work. Michelle promised me she'd call, and I promised her I wouldn't blow off Eric and that I'm going to his house right after hers. I'm not even stopping at my house to get the magazine. But she doesn't know about that yet.
I knocked on the glass door leading to the kitchen. Inside, Eric's mom was making bread, so she waved her hand motioning for me to come right in. I slid the door open and asked her were Eric was.
"He's in the garage," she replied, "would you like a slice of chocolate banana bread? Just came out."
"Maybe on the way out. Smells fabulous, by the way."
I walked past her and down the hallway to their garage. In this town, everyone knows their way through everyone's houses, no problems. I could hear rock music already, and it only got louder as I opened the door.
Eighties rock played through a large stereo on top of a cabinet. No one listens to new music here, since the only radio station that broadcasts nearby doesn't play it. Instead, we save our money by listening to our parents' old cds. I could tell this was the radio, however, because when this song was over, they said the station name and started a new song.
"Ry?" Eric said. I hadn't even noticed him slide out from underneath his mom's old van.
"Sh, it's John Lennon," I replied, closing my eyes. My favorite song by him as an individual; Imagine.
"Care to dance?" He asked, wiping his dirty hands on his shirt first.
"Of course."
I'm not very good, seeing as I only ever danced with my female friends. Michelle was always shorter than me, so I was the boy up until last year. I'm not used to someone's hand on my waist. I'm certainly not used to someone spinning me, then pulling me back in so my back was against his chest and our arms were all wrapped up.
"Whoa," I said, grinning.
"Sh, it's John Lennon," Eric copied, his grin equally as large.
This song isn't very long, so when it ended and Eric let go, I was a little sad. Instead of showing it, I hopped up and sat on the workbench.
"So, what are you doing here?"
"I didn't feel like charging my phone, so I'm letting you know that we got the coral dress so that tie you have will be good."
"Great. When are we going to look at that magazine? And charge your phone, since there could be something on there, too."
"I don't know, what are you doing tomorrow night?"
"Just practice. You can stay for that and I'll take you back to my house and we can look then."
"Sounds good to me."
"Don't forget your phone," Eric said, smiling and poking my nose.
"Is there black on my nose now?"
"Maybe."
He picked up a clean blue shop towel and told me to lick it. "Ew, why?"
"Do you want me to?"
"I don't care!"
Instead, Eric licked it, then vigorously rubbed the black off my nose.
"That is gross," I commented as he threw the disposable towel in the trash.
"Are you afraid of my saliva?"
"No, I'm just afraid of trying to wash it off later."
"You're so weird," he laughed, shaking his head. "See you later?"
I nodded and Eric patted my side, signalling me to get off the bench. He layed back down and slid under the car again. I opened the door to the house and went inside.
"Leaving so soon, dear?" Em Woods asked.
"Yeah, I only came to tell him the dress color," I replied, eyeing the fresh bread loaves on their counter.
"Oh yes, how exciting! Eric told me you two planned to attend together."
"Yeah, while they were over for dinner last night."
"How sweet. Take this loaf home for your mother, please?" She held up a cling-wrapped chocolate loaf.
"Thanks. See you on Saturday at the latest!" I called on my way out.
"I can't wait!"
So with a loaf in my hand and a dancing spirit in my heart, I followed the paths that led back to my own house. There are too many emotions now.
10/30/15