I stood at the front of my porch staring down the chestnut colored house a couple feet away from me. There was sleek black Mercedes Benz parked in the drive way, which over the past days I've come to learn was Alyssa's car. It meant she was home. If I didn't apologize then what? Would Finn actually approach me in school again?
Would apologizing make her my friend? I guess that wouldn't be so bad, she didn't seem like a bad person. We didn't go to the same school, so she wouldn't have the chance to hear what people have to say about me, unless it came out of Finn's mouth.
I kicked at the small pile of leafs gathering on the floor of the porch from the Autumn season going into full effect. Who was keeping me from doing this? Why do I feel so restricted? Something builds up in my chest as I stomp down the stairs of the porch, and walk the couple of feet up to her house. Before I can think my hand rapidly knocks on the door in-front of me.
For a second I feel my jaw drop. Did I really just do that? I stand there quietly, silently praying that she's watching TV and didn't hear my knocking. A few more seconds pass by. Maybe I should just leave before someone else comes. I hastily turn around and make my way down the stairs when I hear the door creak open.
"Grace?" Her voice comes out confused.
I stay frozen in my spot, ashamed. Slowly I turn around to meet her stare. Her face looks confused but then slowly changes into a more relived look.
"Oh my god! I thought you were going be mad at me forever! Im so sorry about Finn, he never knows when to shut his mouth you know." She shakes her head as a smile graces her face. Her black hair was thrown up into a bun and her bangs were swept to the side. She stood with the door wide open behind her, dressed in sweats and looking a lot less bright from the first time I met her.
"I'm, We-well, I'm actually here to apologize." I say quietly, looking at down at the white stone stairs.
"What are talking about? What are you apologizing for? If anything Finn should be the one apologizing to you." Her voice came out bewildered but still stern.
"He sorta did. I g-guess." I look at her. She rolls her eyes and shakes her head again.
"Well do you wanna come inside? I mean I have homework to do but I'd rather much hang out with someone than stress over trigonometry."
"Oh, no. I mean, I have to make dinner and stuff." She flashed me a knowingly look and crosses her arms.
"Are you serious Grace? When was the last time you hung out with somebody? No offense, but you don't seem like the type to be crowded by tons of people." For a second I felt hurt, but then I realized she was right. She must have noticed the look on my face because she quickly responded.
"Sorry, I'm the worst when it comes to this honestly. I shouldn't even have said that. I don't really have that many friends either. " She explains while keeping her voice quiet. For the second time while being on her property my jaw dropped.
"Are you serious?" I question. She gives me a wavering smile. "How come? You, You're so, You're so bubbly. And your brother has probably a million friends." I gape.
"Kind of hard to get or keep friends when they are only interested in hooking up with your brother. Not to mention Finn is so overprotective, I don't think Ive had a guy friend since kindergarten. I guess thats why I seemed so bubbly when I introduced myself to you. Besides, you don't seem fond of him so I'm making it a personal mission to make you my friend." She adds, her voice gaining back some spirit.
"Oh, I, Um-" I get cut off.
"Stop Grace, just come hang out with me, please?" Her voice wavers just like her smile did a couple seconds ago. That's probably why Finn was so pushy about me apologizing. She really didn't look as lonely as she might be.
Giving in, I meekly nod my head and walk inside. The sound of the door shutting behind us echoed through the house. Alyssa's house was a complete opposite of mine. The walls were splashed with a nice ocean blue color and the furniture was a mix of light and dark leather and complimented the painting and vases around the room. The sound of a throat clearing took me out of my mini admiration moment as I turned around to face Alyssa.
"Do you want anything to eat or drink? To be honest I cant cook and I don't think we have any leftovers from last night so we might have to order Chinese or Pizza."
"Oh Im fine. Some w-water would be nice."
"Sure thing. Follow me."
I trailed behind her, and into the kitchen. She placed a glass under the water dispenser and let it fill up before handing it to me. I mumble a thanks while sipping out of it.
"My parents nor Finn is home and probably wont be for another couple hours so what do you want to do?"She questions, jumping up and sitting on top of the counter space.
"Well what do you usually do?" She raises her eyebrow at my question. "I mean when no one is home!" I squeak out.
She laughs at me, her whole face quickly lighting up like a light bulb.
"I have every episode of Sherlock on my dvr so we can watch that if you want." She replies.
I tilt my head and she laughs again before sobering up.
"You've never seen Sherlock?" She shrieks at me. "Oh you Miss Grace have no idea what you're missing out on! Come, you have to watch it!"
I set the cup down on the counter as she grabs me by my arm and drags me upstairs. My arm screams out at me in pain but I bite my lip and try my best to keep it in. When we approach what I assume is her room door she lets go and I hold my free arm against my other one, lightly patting and holding it to simmer down the pain.
Opening the door to meet her big room, decorated with purple and white walls and a big double bed with Zebra print covers in the middle. There was flat screen opposite to the bed and around the room was a desk with a laptop, a large bookcase, some speakers, and shelfs with items. There was also the essential vanity and mirror and door which probably led to either a bathroom or a walk in closet. She hopped onto her bed and grabbed the remote while patting the space next to her.
I sat down on the bed, sinking into the foam mattress. It made me want to curl up and take a nap but I couldn't. As the first episode came into play she explained that it was called "A Study in Pink" and that I must pay attention to every single second of it.
Before I knew it we were both staring at the TV with wide eyes, watching as Sherlock scoped the room, and laughing when Sherlock dismissed Anderson. It felt nice to have a friend. It felt nice to laugh, and it felt so good to relax without having to think twice.
As we neared the end of the third and final episode of the season I was finally able to pry my eyes from the TV screen and look at the time. I almost passed out when I saw it was 6:30. I jumped off the bed and hurriedly threw back on my jacket that I took off when we got half way into the first episode.
"Slow down tiger. What's wrong?" Alyssa's voice rang through the air.
"I have to go home! I was actually suppose to be home a while ago." I say frowning.
"Aw, well it was nice having you over! You should come over more often! We can finish up the other two seasons later I hope." She gives me a smile while getting up. She leads the way downstairs but before we can reach the front door the loud sound of rummaging comes from the kitchen.
Alyssa freezes completely before she finally turns around and holds up her index finger, telling me to wait a second before she quickly and quietly runs into the kitchen and squeals.
"Finn! Are you serious! I thought there was a murderer in our kitchen!" She screams at him.
"Yea, because all murderers stop by in the victim's kitchen to eat before they slaughter." His annoyed voice shoots back.
"That's not funny! I thought I was gonna have to yell at Grace to run for her life!" Her voice comes back equally as annoyed.
Suddenly the rummaging stops and Finn appears walking backwards out of the kitchen with a bowl in his hand through the large doorway. He stares me up an down, his eyes grazing over my appearance.
"What are you doing here?" He cocks one of his eyebrows upwards at me and flashes me a menacing look.
I probably resembled a snowman at the moment. I could feeling my skin losing its warmth and paling at his words.
"You! Shut your mouth before you scare her away! " Alyssa shouts at him again, throwing a small box of seasoning in his direction. He catches it with his free hand and continues to stare me down.
"If you must know," Alyssa continues, "We were watching Sherlock and having a pretty nice time without you!"
"Introducing her to your nerd shows are you lil sis'?" He teases her.
"Shut up! Just take your obnoxious existence elsewhere!" They continue their banter and I stand there awkwardly, too scared to intervene.
The sound of loud footsteps begin and a door attached to the staircase opens.
"I thought you said you left the grill downstairs from last time."
If I was a rabbit, at this moment I swear my ears would've stood straight up. My eyes widened at the sight of Logan appearing from the basement and I darted my eyes straight to Alyssa.
"If its not downstairs then my dad probably put it in the backyard. I don't know, go check." Finn responds. Logan's back is turned to me and I take it as a sign to wave goodbye at Alyssa.
"Wait!" She shouts at me.
"Not you!" She responds when Finn answers with a "what". "Im speaking to Grace." She finishes.
As if on cue Logan's back stiffens and another "what" travels through the air except this time its not from Finn. Logan turns around and gives me the same look Finn did before he turns around to face Alyssa. I can see him cross his arms before he walks off into the back of the house.
Alyssa jogged up to me and frowned.
"Are you sure you have to go? Please don't leave me here with these knuckleheads." She pleaded.
I actually didn't want to leave. The fact that my father was most likely home and god knows how mad he could be was the reason pushing me to leave. I managed to keep a small smile on my face, shaking my head in disapproval at her.
"Sorry Alyssa." She shrugged her shoulders at me letting out a small huff.
She walks past me and I follow behind her once again, when she opens the door and I make my way ahead of her, her arm shoots out in front of me, stopping my movement. What she does next catches me off guard. Her arms wrap around me and engulf me in a hug.
Her slightly taller frame stays put in the position, warmth swarming around me. The feeling it gives me is unfamiliar, something I haven't felt in a really long time. Although she hugs me I cant bring myself to hug her back. She lets go after a few seconds murmuring a quiet "bye" and I just give another small smile on my way out.
The sound of the door shutting behind me rings through my ears as I turn toward the direction of my house. I glance at the driveway and notice my father's car parked there.
Fear arises in the pit of my stomach and I swallow silently, walking towards the door to hell. My hands shook as I inserted the key into lock, slowly unlocking the door and pulling the creaky door open. The good mood that had been created within me from a couple hours ago was wiped away from the aura of the house. The lights were on but remained dim.
I kicked off my shoes and slowly walk into the kitchen and shift my head in the direction of silverwear clinking. My father sat at the table, hovering over a bowl filled with something and bottle labeled gin next to him. He was still dressed in his work clothes. His blazer still on and his white button up still tucked into his black slacks. He turned towards me, his grey eyes burning with anger. He scowled at the sight of me and I stood there with my lips tight expecting the worst.
"Grace, come over here." He whispers harshly.
I drag my feet over to him and stand unwillingly there in my position. He drops one of his hands onto my back and pushes me closer to the table.
"What's on my plate Grace?" He asks as I peer over to see nothing but a spotless shiny plate.
"What's on my plate Grace?!" He shouts again. I stumble back at his loud voice, his silent treatment seeming to be over.
"N-Nothing." I stutter out. He laughs at my response. The kind of laugh where everything seems off.
"Isn't that the fucking problem?" He laughs meanly, grabbing the plate and slamming it back down on the table. "Why is there nothing on the plate?" He asks sweetly knowing all too well the answer.
"Because, I-I didn't make any-anything for y-you."I choke out.
"And why didn't you make anything?" The sound of the chair wood scraping against the floor puts me on higher alert as he stands up and faces me.
"I wasn't-" He grabs my chin and pulls my face upwards as he stares me in the eye urging me to go on. "I wasn't home."
"How come sweetheart?" He spits. "Too busy outside whoring yourself around?"
Tears well up in my eyes, threatening to spill out. I swallow once more, looking down at the ground where sock clad feet were. My face is pulled upwards once more, and he hatefully glares at me.
"You're just like your mother Grace." He growls. "She was a slut just like you, like mother like daughter huh? When she left she should have taken you with-"
"She didn't leave us." I whisper out, my tears rolling down my cheeks.
"Oh fucking stop! She left and she's never coming back! She fucked the whole town and finally hit jackpot! She's off in some fucking paradise with her Italian man and I'm stuck here with you. Some piece of shit daughter who can barely make dinner!" He hisses. His words cut deep, causing me to shake in pain.
"Come to think of it you probably aren't even mine." He fumed angrily.
"Dad... please s-stop." I beg, my voice breaking.
"Shut up. It's true!" He shoves me backwards into the kitchen counter. My stomach still ached from Ethan earlier and now my back was crying out.
I shut my eyes tightly, trying my hardest to block out what he just said. Although he abused me, heck he was abusing me right now, I still didn't want to believe I wasn't his daughter. It couldn't be true. He was wrong, he had to be. I looked exactly like him and my mother combined and he was just saying that because he was angry. He had to be.
"You're nothing but an exact replica of her. Tell me Grace, how many more boys will you suck and fuck before you run off with one of them just like your mom?" He sneered bitterly.
My heart ached and my breathing became irregular. I covered my ears with my hands but he ripped them off and pulled them into my sides, shouting into my face once again, his alcohol stained breath blowing all over my face. He didn't care if anyone heard anymore it seemed, all of his anger from the previous days of silence unleashing right now.
Tears ran out of my eyes and I shook so badly my head couldn't take it anymore. I ripped myself out of his grip and ran as fast as I could. I ran up the stairs, pounding my feet so fast against the hardwood floor and into the bathroom. I locked the door and turned against the wall, sliding down into a curled up position on the floor.
No footsteps were heard behind me, a sign he was probably done. I cried harder as his words replayed in my head. How could he say that to me? The past few years I tried to convince myself that he just took out his anger for mom on me, and I knew he still did. Lately it seemed to be more than that.
He always brought her up but never before has he ever said that I wasn't his daughter. It slowly tore me apart inside and pained me to no end. It wasn't true, there was no way. It was stupid. Of course I was his daughter. I knew it, and he knew it too. It was dumb to be afraid of thinking that I wasn't his daughter. I should be wishing and praying that I wasn't but I cant. I didn't want to agree with him, but my mom was gone. I don't know exactly why, but she was gone and he's all I have left.
I hated him, but he's all I have left.
☓☓☓☓☓☓☓☓☓☓
After a long hot shower, I laid down in my bed, staring up at my ceiling. My body hurt slightly less after the shower I took but my head still pounded loudly. It's crazy how not even thought of now having a friend made me feel better. Then again Alyssa didn't know me either so why should it?
My hair laid in wet loose ringlets around me, the minty smell from the shampoo and conditioner I used wafting off my hair and through the air calming me down. Slowly my eyelids became heavy and my body shifted onto my front and into my regular sleeping position.
My eyes finally shut and before I know it I drift off into the worst nightmare I've had in a while.
Click on 'external link' below if you would like to see what Alyssa looks like. Finally a long chapter. Something happened within me while I was writing this chapter and now I'm really excited to write the chapters that are coming soon! Let me know your thought on this chapter below! Sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes made :(
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