People like you always want back the love they gave away
And people like me wanna believe you when you say you've changed
The more I think about it now the less I know
All I know is that you drove us off the road
-Taylor Swift
(You can listen to 'Talk Show Host' by Radiohead too that songs suits the chapter. At least for me)
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In all this chaos, this mess of our small world there is one thing I know and that is that our love lost
the battle. The small string of hope I was dangling on broke and it broke everything inside me completely.
In this mess of my suicide attempt, blackmailer, his ex, my f*cked up-ness, his f*cked up-ness and his ditching and lying to me constantly and getting engaged to someone else, our love lost.
Was it even love?
Was I always his slave until he found someone who complimented him perfectly?
I guess I was.
I decided on not going back there. The place which I used to call home. I'm not going there to witness him and Victoria. To witness their joy. I swear it would kill me. I'm not going there back to confuse them anymore.
To witness the pity in his eyes.
I will miss Z.. Him. I can't even bring his name out even that hurts me.
***
I threw the phone in the small fountain in the middle of the street. I know Zayn would track me, give me an explanation, buy me a f*cking apartment ,adopt me and look after me like I am a baby. Bloody Control Freak.
I can't take anything from him. I have had enough. I know what I was going to do.
***
I knocked on the door which was my only hope. I just want to leave everything.
Ellie opened the door looking the hot mess she is in her sweatpants and tank-top.
"Hey!" she looks shocked but she hugged me as soon as she saw me. Sometimes some people just know what the other person needs.
"I was trying to ring you but it's going to the voicemail." I hugged her tight. "Hey love ,come inside." I let her go and enter her small apartment. Everything is packed and I could assume that she was leaving soon.
"Look, sit down. I know what happened. I'm sorry darling."
"How do you know?" I looked at the wallpaper which is worn out on the wall.
"Internet."
"Right, how could I forget the 'Business Tycoon'? "
She nods.
"Do you need something to drink or eat? God where did you go after the party? Did you meet that scumbag? You know what? I was about to call his pretty ass and drag him down, probably lock him here and just leave."
I didn't know, between asking me for a drink to personally going Hannibal on him where did Ellie leave but she returned with two glass of some drink.
I took it and gulped all the alcohol burning down my throat. And God it really burns.
"God what was that?"
"Brandy. And go slow with that."
She took small sips and scrunched her nose.
"Neat?"
"Yeah, I thought you were in need of something strong so..." she shrugs.
I just laughed. I don't know but between all this I know I can at least count on her or maybe Martha. But I guess I will just leave her without biding any good-bye.
"Is the offer still available?" I asked her.
Her eyes grow big in shock "No! Are you serious?"
"I guess I am."
"Are you sure about leaving London?"
I took a deep breathe "Yes. I am. I have no one here and what am I going to do here anyway?"
"Oh my god. Faith. Darling I know what has happened to you and everything. But I'm guilty of being so bloody happy."
Ask me why I love her.
"He is a douche you know that now, which is good." and again everything inside me drops. I just nod.
"When are we leaving for your home town?"
"Around three in the morning. We are going to take a train and then it's a small bus journey. Oh MY GOD ! I'M SO EXCITED!"
I laughed at her. This brandy is really kicking in my system.
"Where is the restroom?"
"Beside the kitchen."
"Do you need to go back and pack your things from Zayn's place?" She asked me while fixing her last bag.
His name gave me chills. I took a deep breathe "No. I don't want to face him. Besides that is all his. All the things. I have nothing of my own. I can't go there and just ask for 'my stuff'. "
"Got it."
"Can I borrow a few of your clothes for some time if that's not a problem? Also, I will soon find a place to live there."
"Hey it's alright. We will figure it out later. Okay? I don't think my dad is going to let you live somewhere else. We, country people are really good unlike the mean and scumbag city people."
I nod and thanked her.
***
I took a cold shower in the small cubicle bathroom. All my thoughts kept rushing to Him. Even this stupid bath makes me think of him and how his hands used to work on my body. God, I miss him.
I cried knowing that nobody could hear me.
I wonder if he was looking for me.
I don't think he was,he must be busy with Victoria.
I guess he would just be waiting for me to cry and to return to him and then he could just explain himself and move on with her.
But I'm not going to him anymore. If this is how it was supposed to end then so be it.
I looked at myself in the mirror, I am wearing nothing but black studs which him had gifted me and a single gold chain which was also a gift from him. I had put the promise ring in the chain. I just couldn't throw any of these things. I just couldn't. I will return these to him If we ever meet .....If.
Stupid of me to still hold onto such stupid hopes. The funny thing is that I'm not mine anymore. I'm his.
He is not mine but I'm still his, only his.
I pushed back my hair, which suddenly felt like the most annoying thing. I looked for a hair tie in Ellie' s bathroom. But, I couldn't find any. Instead, I found scissors.
I asked myself '' Do I really need to do this?''
But he likes my hair. I think I should do this.
Taking a deep breathe I took one section of my hair and chopped them just above my shoulder and repeated the process.
I towel dried them and changed into one of Ellie's pair of jeans and sweater.
I went outside and sat on the couch where Ellie was watching telly.
"Is all the furniture of the landlord's?"
She nods and then looked at me.
"Holy crap."
I laughed.
"Oh Darling. Why?!"
I know that she was referring to my hair.
"I needed that."
"You are still rocking it."
"Thanks."
****
Finally having packed everything we took a taxi to the railway station.
"Are you sure you don't want to meet Zayn or anything?"
"No. There is nothing left."
"Sure thing." She gave me a side hug and then climbed in the taxi.
I looked at the street which was deserted at this time of the morning and the feeling of leaving everything just like that made me sick.
I went inside and promised not to re-think about my decision.
I will miss him terribly. I am always going to love him. Hope that he has a great life ahead.
Goodbye.
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Author's note ; Hope you like it. And thank you everyone who messaged me for editing the chapter. i love you all. and special thanks to @NHAdly and @PalakKothari24898 for editing the chapter.
i hope you all like it :) vote and comment your theories :)
Love you all.