Chapter Twenty Four
BLYTHE
Famous photographer Blythe Oenone Dominguez is reportedly seeing another well-known businessman in the identity of Avix Saavedra after the rumored split with the CEO of the Monteverde Group of Companies.
Napamura ako nang mabasa ang headline ng article sa Facebook. Ibinaba ko ang cellphone at naupo ako sa swivel chair ko. Parang wala sa sariling paulit-ulit akong umiling.
So, what if we're dating? Why does the media have to stick their noses everywhere?
It's been two weeks since I left Bicol, but the memories are still emblazoned in my mind. Everytime I feel the familiar twinge of pain, I try to focus my attention on something else to block off the negative thoughts. I was supposed to fly to Paris a week ago, but my sister talked me out of it. Sabi niya ay hindi naman kailangang madamay ng trabaho ko dahil sa personal problems. I realized she was right. I'm hurting, but I have an empire to run. I have staff that rely on me for advice and leadership.
There was a knock on the door.
"Come in, Terry." Pumasok siya dala ang isang bouquet ng red roses. She placed it on top of my table and left immediately. Hindi ko naman pinagalitan si Terry dahil sa kanya nalaman ni Alexander ang plano ko. It's not her fault. Though the past few days, nararamdaman siguro ng mga staff ko na may nagbago sa akin kaya maingat sila sa pakikipag-usap at pakikitungo.
Kinuha ko ang card na nakakabit sa mga bulaklak at binasa ito.
These flowers are as beautiful as you are. Have a nice day, pretty woman. - AMS
My phone rang and I answered it with a little bit of hesitation.
"Hi," I greeted.
"Hello, pretty woman!" Avix's voice was on the other line. Napasandal ako sa swivel chair bago minasahe ang sentido ko.
"Hello to you as well. Busy ka, 'di ba?"
I met Avix at a friend's party a week ago. He introduced himself to me. We talked about life in general and we enjoyed each other's company. A day later, he asked me out. It escalated quickly, but I decided to go with it. I want to be the old Blythe again. The one who never wants to be in any relationship. The one who does not believe in romantic love. I want to go back to being me. I don't want to be the helpless person whose love cannot be genuinely reciprocated. Avix knows what he is getting himself into. Alam niyang I'm not looking for anything serious right now because I'm not ready to take a leap of faith. He told me he understood and respects my perspective.
"Blythe?" His voice pulled me back to reality. "Did you receive the flowers?"
"Yes, they're lovely. I loved them. Thank you." Avix is a womanizer and I'm well aware of that. Kabisado ko na nga ang mga estilo niya. Ang mabubulaklak na salita, mga chocolates, at mga pagpapalipad-hangin. The fact that he's a playboy makes him the perfect thing I need right now. A distraction.
Muli ay lumipad ang isip ko kay Alexander. Nakaramdam na naman ako ng pagkirot ng damdamin dahil ayaw ko mang aminin ay namimiss ko siya at ang boses niya. Nang makabalik ako sa Metro ay sa apartment ako ni Amanda tumuloy. Hanggang ngayon ay roon pa rin ako naglalagi dahil ayaw kong bumalik sa condo.
I'm not yet ready.
My unit is filled with memories I am not certain I can face.
Alexander didn't try to contact me anymore. The rational part of me rejoiced kasi alam kong mas makakabuti ito. Pero 'yung puso ko na napakakulit ay parang lumubog lalo dahil para lang niyang pinatunayan na tama ako. Isa nga lang akong past time at hindi totoo ang sinabi niyang mahal niya ako.
Because if you really love someone, how can you not fight for them?
"Blythe, hello? Are you still there?" Napapitlag ako.
"I am. Sorry for zoning out. Ano nga 'yun uli?"
"Dinner at 8 pm. Gustav's. What do you say?"
"Sure, that would be amazing. So, see you later?"
"See you later." I hung up. I placed my face on my palm and stayed in that position for a short while. Ibinalik ko sa laptop ang tingin ko. Ini-edit ko na ang mga photos na kinuha ko sa debut ng isang kilalang artista kahapon. I will have to send the portfolio to them a week from now. Marami pa naman akong oras pero gusto kong ayusin na ngayon pa lang. Nang pumatak ang 5 pm ay nagpaalam na ako kay Terry.
I went to the mall and headed to a salon to have my hair done.
"Gusto mo bang gawin nating pink ang buhok mo, madam? Mukhang bagay rin sa'yo." "No, I'd like to keep it blue. Thank you."
Nang matapos siya ay nagbigay ako ng tip at umalis. Nagdrive ako pauwi sa apartment ni Amanda. I showered quickly and picked a tight-fitting black dress. I wore a nude lipstick for tonight's look. When I heard the sound of Avix's Mercedes in front, I hurried down the stairs just to find my sister at the base of it.
"You cut your hair!"
"Kanina lang. Bagay naman sa akin, 'di ba?"
Tumango siya. "It made you look younger." She noticed my attire and her face formed a big question mark. "You're going out with that Avix guy again, aren't you?" she asked, showing her obvious dislike towards him.
"I am," turan ko bago tuluyang bumaba ng hagdan. I know how ready she is to give me another speech, but I'm just not in the mood to listen to one right now.
"I don't like him for you." She held my arm. "Nag-aalala ako para sa'yo."
"Mands, don't be. Kaya ko 'to."
"We're bestfriends, right? Sisters. Pero bakit naglilihim ka sa 'kin? Simula nang bumalik ka hindi ka na tulad ng dati. I mean, you're still the tough person I know, but somehow you're more distant and aloof."
"Okay lang ako. Ikaw talaga. There's nothing to be worried about."
"Is it about Alexander?"
"Please do not mention his name."
"I was right. Siya nga ang dahilan. Did he hurt you?"
Imbes na sagutin ko siya ay naglakad na ako palabas. "My date is waiting. We'll talk some other time, Mands. Don't stay up too late, okay? Good night."
Paglabas ko ay natanaw ko si Avix na nakasandal sa kotse. He beamed at me and I tried my best to return the smile.
"Bagay sa'yo." Ininguso niya ang buhok ko at nagpasalamat ako. Pinagbuksan niya ako ng pinto at agad akong sumakay. Habang nagdadrive siya ay nakapatong ang isang kamay niya sa hita ko. Somehow, noong si Alexander ang gumagawa noon ay kumportable ako.
"Hindi kaya mapanis ang laway natin dito? Can we make out?"
Tumango ako. Ipinarada niya sa gilid ang sasakyan at humarap sa 'kin.
"You look so hot." Despite the heat of our bodies, I felt the coldness of my own heart. I kissed him, trying to cheat myself, trying to lie to my feelings and for a second, I almost convinced myself. Almost. Bumaba ang halik niya sa baba ko, papunta sa leeg ko.
He is a good kisser, but somehow I feel myself wishing for something else, for someone else. I wanted a different set of lips kissing me. I wanted a different set of hands touching me. But that person probably isn't thinking about me anymore. So, I let Avix do things to me.
Naramdaman ko ang kamay niyang humaplos sa likod ko. His hand was just above the zipper of my dress and then I felt him reach for it. He tugged it down.
Suddenly, I shivered in revulsion for myself.
I can hear Alexander's voice inside my head telling me he is in love with me.
Goodness. I can't do it with Avix. It feels... wrong.
I feel like crying because of the stupid choices I have made. I detached myself from his arms and sat back on my seat. I fumbled for the zipper of my dress, but my finger could not locate it.
"Let me." Avix reached behind and pulled the zipper up and that's when the tears started to fall. He hushed me and asked what he did wrong, but I shook my head and told him he didn't do anything.
"Please bring me home." Tumalima siya agad. We drove back while I silently wept wishing I had done things differently. Nang ihimpil niya ang kotse sa tapat ng apartment ay agad akong bumaba. Bago ako pumasok ay binigyan ko siya ng nahihiyang tingin.
"I'm sorry I ruined dinner plans."
"It's okay." He held the steering wheel tighter. "I guess we were too fast. Pasensya na, Blythe. I didn't mean to disrespect you, kung 'yun ang iniisip mo. I just..."
"No, it's not that." Umiling ako. "Ako 'yung may problema. I have issues that are unsettled and I feel guilty na nadadamay ka. Hindi dapat gano'n. I should have been better than that."
Tumango siya na parang alam niya na kung ano ang tinutukoy ko.
"Is this the last time we're going to see each other?" he asked.
I wanted to say no. I wanted to tell him we can remain friends and that he can always call me whenever something comes up. But I am so sick of my bullshit.
For once, I did the thing that felt right. I nodded. "Yes."
"I respect that." Nginitian niya ako. "You stay safe out there, pretty woman."
"You too." I waved. "Good night, Avix."
He winked as the glass window rolled up. He backed away from the driveway and left me standing there, cold and confused. I walked back inside and found Amanda working on the living room. She looked up and creased her eyebrows.
"I thought may date ka. Anong nangyari?"
Imbes na sumagot ay lumapit ako sa kanya at yumakap. "How do I make the pain stop?"