The days that follow mostly consist of Jonah. He performs test after test trying to find any research he can on my immunity, but he's so limited with the medical equipment at the prison his findings lead to nothing. My forearm turns black and blue from all the blood draws, and I begin to grow impatient with our lack of progress.
I know Jonah's trying the best he can, but there has to be something more we can do. I know there's a cure for this. I know there's a way to stop people from turning.
Spinning around in Jonah's office chair, I wait for him to return from the lab. It's different being here and not seeing sick bodies lined up on the cots. The infirmary is the quietest it's ever been. I hear the creaks in the chair as it spins me faster and faster, making the walls blur into one.
Jonah enters the room and light from one of the windows catches his wedding ring.
"Do you think your wife is alive?" I ask, realizing I know close to nothing about him.
He glances up from the notebook in his hand before taking a seat next to me. I watch his face carefully to see if I've crossed any lines by asking him something so personal. "No, I don't," he answers, staring over my shoulder. "Becca and I stayed at the house for over a year. If she was alive she would have come home for her daughter. I know she would have."
"I'm sorry," I say quietly. "You must miss her."
He stays silent from a long time and I accept that as him not wanting to talk about it any further. I should've never asked. My heart sinks to stomach, drowning in guilt.
"I do miss her," he says suddenly. "Believe me I do. And I pray fervently that nothing bad happened to her, but um," he pauses for a moment before continuing, "we were in the middle of a divorce when the outbreak occurred."
"God, Jonah I'm so sorry." I should've never asked. I'm not good with sympathy and I don't know how to fix him or how to make him feel better. But in the end I know my curiosity is going to win.
"Do you mind me asking why?" I venture.
He laughs and his reaction takes me by surprise. I'm used to Daryl always getting angry at me for being so nosy. "I don't know why I laughed because it's not funny," he says as his voice becomes serious again. "She was cheating on me with Eli."
Well, shit. "And you let him stay with you after that?" I ask incredulously.
Jonah shakes his head. "Eli was a messed up kid. And I've always been known to be too gracious."
I stare at the ring on his finger. "Why do you wear your wedding band then?"
His gaze meets mine. "I loved her, you know. For me, it's easy to forgive the people that I love."
I spin around in the chair again. "Do you think all this testing is useless?"
"Of course not."
His eyes are bright and hopeful, and I find myself staring at them for too long.
"Do you think it's useless?" he asks.
"I don't know. I guess I'm getting impatient."
He gently squeezes my shoulder. "We'll find something eventually, I promise."
*****
Two hours later I sit on the floor in Daryl's cell as Sam runs around my feet, and Daryl lies down on his bed. The room is mostly dark. All I can see is Sam move back and forth in front of me, his fingers grabbing handfuls of my hair.
Daryl clears his throat. "Did you give that Robbie guy a chance yet?"
"No."
"Macy, you promised you—"
"Maybe Robbie isn't the guy I want to give a chance," I interrupt before he starts an argument with me.
He sits up. "Then, who?"
I watch his dark silhouette as he runs a hand through his hair. "I'm not sure, yet."
"Yes, you do."
"Do we really have to argue over everything?" I sigh. It's late and everyone around us is trying to sleep. The last thing I want to do is fight.
He releases a frustrated sigh and I picture him rolling his eyes. "Oh right, he's single so he's not your type. You need a marriage to ruin."
"That would be it." His harsh words hardly affect me anymore.
"You said you'd try. It's been almost two weeks and I ain't seen nothin' from you." He grabs Sam off the floor and places him on the bed. The little kid giggles to himself.
"Maybe you haven't seen anything because I think it's pointless."
He groans. "We ain't discussin' this now. Go to bed."
"Fine." I rise to my feet and go to the next cell over. I change my clothes before heading to bed, throwing the dirty ones in the corner. I lay awake for a long time. All I think about is how useless it is for me to try to move on. I don't know why I ever promised him I'd try in the first place. It's a waste of time and time is something we don't have anymore.
And I'd rather not have someone invest their feelings in me when I have no intention of giving anything in return. Then it occurs to me to go for someone who would never go for me in the first place. Someone who's too good. That way even though it would fail, Daryl would still have to realize that I tried.
*****
The next morning I sit in Jonah's office, watching him as he jots down findings in his notebook. His expression is focused as little beads of sweat collect on his forehead.
"Did anything from yesterday turn up?" I ask, spinning around the chair.
He glances up at me, and the green shirt he's wearing brings out a hint of green in his blue eyes. "I'm afraid not. But Levi, the other doctor, said he'd take a look tonight."
I scoot closer to him, realizing now that I'm closer he really is kind of handsome and I'd never noticed before. I see the wedding ring on his finger. I can't believe I'm doing this. He watches me closely, completely unaware that everything is about to change.
By the time I lean in to kiss him, I already expect him to be pushing me away. Or a few seconds of questioning whether or not this is really happening and then him pushing me away. It surprises me when my lips meet his and he kisses me back. What surprises me even more is the way he makes me feel.
His hand gently presses against the side of my face and my head spins. My insides turn. I want more. This is not what I wanted to happen. It takes a moment for my mind to clear and when it finally does, I'm the one who pushes him away.
We're both silent, our eyes searching each other for any kind of explanation.
"Jonah, I'm so sorry. I-I don't know why I did that," I keep staring at him, waiting for him to tell me why he didn't push me away.
He doesn't say anything. Just stares at me.
I immediately get up. "I think I should go now."
He starts to say something but no words come out and I keep walking.
I have no idea where I'm going. I can't form a clear thought. Somehow I end up in the cafeteria at a table next to Sinclair. I don't remember how I got here.
"You okay? You look white as a sheet."
I keep looking straight ahead. "Fine. I'm fine."
I'm not fine.
He scrapes the bottom of his plate with his fork. "Hey aren't you dating that crossbow guy?"
Now, I look at him. He lifts his head off the right and I follow his direction. Two tables over Daryl sits next to Carol, his hand on her shoulder as he laughs. Since when does he laugh? Since when does he talk to Carol?
"They've been talking all morning like that," Sinclair mutters.
This isn't real. What the hell is wrong with today? I close my eyes, hoping everything I've experienced in the last ten minutes will disappear from my memory. It doesn't work. Is this why he wanted me to move on? He didn't have the heart to tell me he liked someone else so he thought he'd try to get rid of me?
My stomach feels sick; I think I'm going to vomit.
"Macy, are you—"
I'm already running out the door, pushing through another set of doors until I'm outside. The cold air rushes against my skin. I instantly feel better as the cool air calms my stomach. There's snow on the ground. In a few minutes I'm going to start freezing. When I turn around, Sinclair is behind me.
"You okay?" he questions.
"Didn't puke. So yeah I'm okay," I answer.
He raises an eyebrow. "Are you really seeing that guy? You need me to knock him out for you?"
"No," I try to smile. "We're not together. It's just been a hectic day."
He nods. "Well that's one way to repay you for saving his life."
I laugh, and the sound reminds me that I don't do it enough.
"Did you wanna talk about your day?" he asks, pulling a cigarette from his pocket. His question surprises me; I didn't think he was the talkative type.
"Can you keep a secret?"
He smiles. "I've kept the secret about your immunity since the hospital."
"How did you know?"
"Wasn't hard to put two and two together." He takes a drag from his cigarette.
I decide to trust him. I need to tell someone and it feels nice knowing he'll keep it to himself. "I kissed someone and it wasn't what I expected."
He looks at me. "That's it? What, was it that awful?"
"No, it was too good."
"Macy, I think what you're telling me isn't a problem, but a pleasant turn of events. Embrace it," he says before he goes, leaving me standing out in the Georgia cold.
***Sorry that I'm terrible at updating. Thank you so much for reading!!
-Jaimie