Chapter Twenty-One
Tila ba sirang plaka na umikot-ikot sa utak ko ang mga katagang binitawan ni Alexander kanina pagkatapos naming tumalon. I fell for you, he had said. Nang tanungin ko siya kung ano ang ibig niyang sabihin ay nginitian niya lang ako bago niyakap. I decided to shrug it off afterwards. Imposible namang may nararamdaman siya para sa 'kin. Paaasahin ko lang ang sarili ko sa wala.
I heard the water running from the bathroom. Hindi pa tapos maligo si Alexander. Muli ko na lang itinuon ang pansin ko sa phone na hawak ko pa rin. For the umpteenth time ay tinignan ko ang electronic ticket na sinend sa akin ni Terry through e-mail.
A one way ticket.
Away from the feelings I have no courage to face.
I love Alexander, but I don't want to get hurt.
Biglaang bumukas ang pinto ng banyo at lumabas siya na nakatapi lang ng tuwalya sa baywang. His hair is still dripping and I couldn't stop myself from scrutinizing his body. His muscles were set in all the right places.
He smirked at me when he caught me staring, ogling, rather.
"My body is a wonderland, Alice. Come and explore it."
Pinipigilan ko ang magpakita ng emosyon.
"Blythe, love, is there something wrong?" tanong ni Alexander. Nang magtaas ako ng tingin ay napansin kong nakasuot na siya ng boxers at isang itim na shirt. Hindi ko alam kung mabilis lang siyang magbihis o sadyang matagal lang akong wala sa sarili.
Umiling-iling ako bago ngumiti. "I'm okay. I just suddenly missed Mandy," I lied.
"Gusto mo na bang bumalik?" he questioned me with concern present in the kind of tone he used. I was quick to shake my head repeatedly. Yumakap ako sa kanya na medyo ikinagulat niya. Nonetheless, he hugged me back.
"I want to stay here longer. I want to be with you longer."
He caressed my hair. "I can have a use built for us here if you want."
Natawa ako. "Stop it, loko ka." Lalo ko siyang niyakap palapit sa akin. When I leave for France, I'll surely miss everything about him. His warmth, his rare smiles, his wicked grins, his frowns, his kisses and hugs, and the sweet words he whispers on my ears. In his arms, I am simultaneously rising and falling, sinking and floating.
"I know just the thing to cheer you up."
Nagtatakang tumingin ako sa kanya pero kinuha niya lang ang phone at nagdial. Nakatingin siya sa 'kin habang nakatapat ito sa tainga.
"Hello." His voice sounded intimidating. I know he probably doesn't mean it, but that's how it sounded like. It made me realize how impossible it is for the two of to be in a relationship. He is on top of a pedestal. The Chairman and CEO of Monteverde Group of Companies. The heir to his father's vast riches. A renowned businessman in the industry. And what about me? An adopted good-for-nothing photographer.
"Sino ba 'yang tinatawagan mo?" Hindi ko na natiis itanong.
Hindi siya sumagot. Mas nakapokus siya sa kausap. "Hi there, pumpkin. Yes, it's me. Paano mo nalaman? Ang galing mong manghula! I missed you, too. Tumawag ako kasi may gustong kumausap sa'yo. Ready? Yeah? Okay." He put the call on loudspeaker.
I heard a little girl's squeaky voice from the background. My heart instantly softened.
"Hello, Kyla. How's my baby?"
"Mama Blythe! Miss na kita agad," she said excitedly. Parang gumaan ang pakiramdam ko nang marinig ko ang sigla sa boses niya. Halata sa sigla niya na totoong namiss niya nga ako.
"I miss you, too, Ky. Dadalaw ako pagbalik ko sa Manila."
"Sige po. Ingat kayo ni Papa r'yan ha?"
"Oo." Naluluha na ako. "Mag-ingat ka rin."
***
"Thanks for calling Kyla kanina. Gumaan ang mood ko."
"Anything for you." Nakahiga siya sa kama habang nanonood ngayon ng basketball replay sa TV. Tahimik lang akong nakamasid, pero nang hindi ko na matiis ay humiga ako sa tabi niya at hinapit siya papunta sa akin.
"Wow." He chuckled. "Someone's being clingy. Nasobrahan ka ba sa pili nuts?"
"Shut up, Alexander."
"Shut me up, then," he teased.
Umusog ako palapit sa kanya at hinawakan siya sa magkabilang pisngi bago hinalikan. Ginantihan niya ito at unti-unting pumaibabaw siya sa akin para mas makontrol niya ang halik. Ipinasok niya ang dila sa bibig ko at hinalikan ako ng mas malalim, mas malagkit, mas mabilis. Wala akong naramadamang pag-aalinlangan.
Kinagat ko ang labi niya.
"Damn, love." Panandalian siyang humiwalay para tignan ako sa mata. "Tell me to stop, Blythe, and I will. Tell me you don't want this. Tell me..." He was pleading.
I took his face in my hands and looked straight into his eyes. "I want this and I want you. So bad. So, fucking bad..."
"Damn." He kissed me again, with more need and urgency this time. I clung to him desperately and allowed his tongue to do sin after sin inside my mouth while his hands are busy massaging my legs. He pressed and caressed. He bit and kissed. I groaned as I arched my back. Alexander's one hand went under my shirt, but it settled over my bra. He kept on licking my neck and giving it small fleeting kisses. When he gently pulled me up, I lifted my arms to help him get rid of the wretched piece of clothing that I wore.
"Blythe..." His breathing was labored. He removed his shirt and tossed it away. He kissed my lips again while fumbling with the lock on my bra. It fell off me a couple of seconds later. He stared at my breasts, appreciating them, as he squeezed and pinched. He took in one nub and sucked as if he was a baby.
"Alexander!" I gasped. Nagtaas siya ng tingin at mahinang tumawa.
"Be silent, love. Our house is made of wood and Xiana's room is just next to mine," paalala niya bago bumalik sa ginagawa. Napapikit ako at bahagyang kinagat ang labi ko para pigilan ang pag-alpas ng kahit anong tunog. Malakas ang tibok ng puso ko lalo na nang bumaba ang mga halik niya.
He looped one finger on the waistband of my pajama and underwear.
I was blushing.
He pulled it down in one swift motion.
I tried to cover my nakedness, but he removed my hand, and kissed me on the lips.
"Don't," he whispered. "You're absolutely perfect." He stood up to discard his boxers, leaving him in his white underwear. The cold evening air did nothing to kill the heat I was feeling. Alexander took my hand and placed it on the waistbad. "Do the honors."
I slowly pulled it down and it sprung free.
I turned crimson.
I can see sweat casading from the top of his head down to his face. His jaw was taut, his eyes searching my face for any inhibition, any second thoughts, but I had none. I touched him and he groaned as he guided my hand. We spent a generous amount of time exploring every inch of our bodies.
"I want to be staring at you while I enter." He lowered himself on me and I parted my legs for him. "Look at me, love."
I opened my eyes, met his tantalizing stare.
He pushed himself inside. My mouth slightly parted as I felt the pain of it, but the beauty of the unison. He paused, waited for me to ease, and pushed back inside. I felt something inside me break at his intrusion.
"I'm sorry." He kissed my forehead, my nose, my lips. "I'm sorry it's hurting you."
"It's supposed to." I moved against him. He exhaled and slowly thrusted in and out of me. I was panting heavily, deafened by the ringing in my ears, as he quickened his movements. I closed my eyes as my nails dug on his back. His forehead was touching mine and beads of his sweat are falling on my face, but I don't mind.
All I care about is this blinding happiness and the dizzying sensation that comes with it.
I wanted to shout, but I bit my lip hard.
My legs are shaking and I feel like I'm running out of breath.
I squeezed his shoulder and he groaned.
A sharp breath escaped from my mouth as I reached the heavens. I felt something hot spill on the side of my leg and when I opened my eyes again, Alexander is already looking at me with a weak yet fulfilled smile plastered on his handsome face. He lay next to me, catching his breath, as we both stared at the ceiling.
"Can we at least cuddle so I can pretend that we did it out of love and not just our personal gratification?" I asked. He turned and I saw a glint of muted annoyance in his eyes. It was hard to tell from his expression what exactly he felt.
"What the hell are you talking about?" He sounded slightly angry.
"Why do you sound so pissed?"
"Because you are being annoying right now."
"Wanting to cuddle makes me annoying?" I retorted as I glowered.
"No!" He raised his voice. "Being dense makes you annoying." He massaged his temples. "I am in love with you, Blythe."