Chapter Nineteen
It was the last night in the hospital and a weird mix of excitement and anxiety filled the air. Tomorrow morning we rise at the same time as everyone else, eat breakfast like everyone else, but don't go to group therapy. We separately visit a doctor who will deem us healthy enough to be checked out and then we go visit our therapist for the last time. We spend an hour with our therapist alone, talking about whatever we feel needed, and then we spend thirty minutes with our therapist and family discussing what will happen once we're out.
Even though we will no longer be patients living at the facility, we're all expected take our medication and come back to the hospital for one-on-one therapy with our therapist every week until it's determined no longer needed. If we act out, we can be checked back into the hospital against our will.
All of the last stuff is typical stuff. Rachael believes I will have no problem taking my medication and visiting her once a week. She even believes we might be able to go to twice a week after the first couple of visits. Although I'm doing fine, I feel a little sad when Rachael says I might not have to come in as much. I really like Rachael. She too has helped me discover myself.
As I take my last bite of my last dinner at the hospital I sigh.
"Last dinner at the hospital, no more lunches, and one more breakfast," Daniel says. I can feel all the patients eyes on us, wishing they were leaving tomorrow with us. I hope the hospital will still have a hopeful feel with Sammy, Daniel, and I gone. I really hope so. Everyone deserves to get better.
"What should we do tonight?" I ask. "I feel like we should do something special, something to remember everything that had happened here."
"How about a tour?" Sammy suggests. "We walk around and if we have a story to tell about a certain place we tell it."
"I like it," I say.
"I like it, too," Daniel says smiling. He takes my hand and intertwines his fingers with mine.
After dinner we go back to our rooms to pack like we were told to do. Sammy and I pack in silence. We're given the whole evening to pack even though we have minimal items to bring home. The clothes we wear everyday belong to the hospital, the soap and shampoo belong to the hospital, the tooth paste and tooth brushes belong to the hospital. I have a few books and magazines I never finished and Sammy has a collection of books.
Sammy sniffles and says, "This feels a lot more damn depressing than when I entered." She chuckles.
"I agree. When I moved in I was defiant. Now, I've changed. This place has grown on me."
"I'm just glad that we get to go home together."
"Me too."
Sammy turns to face me, tears in her eyes. A tear rolls down my cheeks, surprising me as it drops onto my chest. I open my arms and Sammy walks into them, pressing her body close to mine. We wrap each other's arms around each other.
"I love you, Casey King," Sammy says. "I'm so blessed to have you as my best friend."
I choke on my words, tears streaming down my face. I can feel the warmth of Sammy's tears falling on my shoulder. "I love you, Sammy. You're my sister, I don't care what DNA says."
Sammy chuckles at my comment but doesn't let go. We cry into each other, silently remembering all the memories made in this room. All the nights we stayed up way too late talking about whatever came to mind. All the mornings spent getting ready. All the times Sammy watched me get ready for my outings with Daniel. This room alone had memories that could be talked about for ours upon ours. But we weren't going to share those aloud, those memories were all ours.
The door opened and Daniel emerged. He saw us hugging and came to wrap his arms around us. We leaned into him, his tears falling down on us. And we all cried together. About the good and the bad, the past and the future, memories new and old. And it never felt so good to cry.
"Ready to go?" Sammy asked. We all nodded in agreement.
We didn't talk about any of the memories in our rooms. Those memories belonged to those who experienced them.
We started in the common area where group therapy was held.
"I remember the first group therapy session with this one," Daniel said, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me into him. "She was a stubborn little bitch. A challenge I was going to take head on. I realized that she is naturally stubborn but not naturally a bitch. The bitch thing was a mask to hide what she really felt: alone. And I wanted her to not feel alone. More than anything."
"And you succeeded."
Daniel kissed me on the top of my head.
We walked over the the therapists' offices. No big memories were ever here but we all learned a lot with our one-one-ones with our therapists. I did remember some moments that occurred in the halls by the therapists' offices but decided to keep them with me.
We moved to the dinning area.
"This is where I ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner with the two best friends a girl could ask for," Sammy said, a big smile on her face.
We walked outside to the benches. We sat down on the one for Daniel's brother.
"This is where I learned a boy named Daniel lost his brother to suicide. And that his parents had abandoned him, leaving him here for over two years. That was the first moment my bitch mask broke, and I tried so hard to keep it on. But I just couldn't. And that's okay. Daniel Gentoo was the first person to make me feel real, and for that I am forever grateful."
Daniel pointed to the area where we first ran into each other. "That's the first time I saw the most beautiful girl in the world. And from that moment on I knew I had to get to know the real her. And on this bench I have had memories with both of these amazing girls," Daniel said, wrapping his arms around the both of us.
We stood up and walked inside again. We stood in front of the janitor closet.
"This is where I first kissed Daniel," I said. "And from that moment on I've wanted to kiss him constantly."
Daniel kissed me.
We walked toward the entrance for high security.
"This is where my soul was saved by Saint Daniel," Sammy said. "My body craved the touch of a blade. My mind was desperate to feel all my blood rush out of me. But Daniel talked to me. And he made me realize that there is hope."
"This is where I left the love of my life," Daniel said. "Not knowing if she loved me anymore but praying that I'd rather have her get better and hate me than die."
"This is where I left my best friend. And caused me to myself to sleep every night because I didn't fall asleep to her stories," Sammy said.
"This is where I left the two people I loved the most because I lost the one person I loved the most of all. In there I was mended to health by my best friend and tried to deny my love for Daniel. That obviously didn't work. In there the thoughts of suicide crawled inside me, scaring me. How could something so good go so bad?"
We walked around the rest of the hospital, telling stories of tragic loss and immense joy. I learned more stories about Daniel and Sammy's relationship but I still knew that they were keeping a lot to themselves. Their relationship belonged to them. Not me. As much as Daniel and I's relationship belonged to us and Sammy and I's late night talks would never be memories to anyone else but us.
After walking around the entire hospital twice, we stopped in the main area where group therapy was held.
"A lot of memories in this hospital," Daniel said.
"Yeah," I said. Daniel pulled me into his side, rubbing my arm with his hand. I pushed my face into his chest, letting myself cry for all the good and the bad that happened in this facility. Daniel pulled Sammy into his other side, letting her cry on his chest too. Some tear drops fell from Daniel's eyes to his chest, wetting his shirt.
"This place took us to hell and back but it also took us to heaven and forward," Daniel said. "I am forever grateful for all the memories I made here and the special relationships I made with you two. You always talk about how much I helped you and other patients but you two helped me more than you'd ever know."
"I'll miss this place," Sammy said. "Even though life here sucked a lot and it took a lot of energy to get better, I still found my two best friends here. And I am so glad I get to go to school with you two and that I live a short drive away. Don't have too much fun without me. And Casey, don't you ever let Daniel take my place as the best late night talker."
"Of course," I choked out. I took in a deep breath, preparing myself for my words. "I have experienced every emotion in this hospital. But, before coming into here, I wondered how in a world full of seven billion people I could feel so alone. And then I met you two. And two simple people out of the seven billion alive made me feel so loved and so wanted. More than any other people in this entire world.
"I believe that we were all put here in this hospital to meet each other. To help each other discover who we truly are. There is no way in hell we all just became friends. This was all a plan. And I am so thankful that I finally found myself with both of your help. If I didn't have you two there is no way in hell I'd still be alive."
We both squeezed each other, our tears blurring our vision. This hospital would leave a special spot in all our hearts, I have no doubt. But we have bigger and greater things to accomplish once the doors open to let us out for good tomorrow.