Every day is more perfect than the rest. I love coming home from a long day of work to see Hana and Lani waiting for me.
But all of that may be over now.
She tried to kiss me last night. I wanted to kiss her so bad, I almost let it happen before I reluctantly pulled back. She asked me why and I told her. After that she was pretty mad.
But she doesn't understand that I am doing this for her. She's only seventeen. She hasn't experienced life yet. She is still in freaking high school. Why should she settle down with a man and raise his baby? It makes no sense. She thinks that this is what she wants now because she is infatuated with me, but once that wares off she'll resent me.
I sighed as I put away the last of my papers into my desk. There was a knock at my door and I called out. "Come in."
Lani's mom Carmen came in and closed the door behind her. "Can I talk to you?"
I nodded. "Of course."
She sighed heavily. "I don't know where to start."
Oh no. This couldn't be good.
"More and more everyday I watch my daughter becoming more attached to your daughter, and to you. She's in love with you Joon."
I gulped hearing our situation summoned up by Lani's mother.
"And I think you care for her too. I don't know what the right choice is for her. But I trust her. If you feel the same about her tell her, don't keep stringing her along if you don't." She said fiercely in protective mama bear mode.
I ran my hands through my hair feeling like I wanted to pull it out. I might as well try and be truthful. Carmen had the courage to come to me and tell me what she thought about me and her daughter straightforward so I should do the same.
"I love your daughter. I love Lani so much. But she is just a girl. She doesn't know what she wants. I would feel like I am taking advantage of her. Forcing her to be with me and Hana when she doesn't know any better." I said revealing my fears.
Over time when I had to bring Lani home at the end of the night I felt a sharp pain in my chest, and that was just bringing her home when I knew I would see her again the next day. What if I gave in to my feelings for her and we started a relationship than sometime in the future she realized this life wasn't what she wanted? I don't think I would survive. I literally think my heart would shatter. And Hana is already so attached to her. She even called her mama the other day. I couldn't do that to my baby girl, having Lani in our life only for her to leave later.
It was better for all if we just kept things like they where now. It was perfect now.
Carmen shook her head. "It's different with you. I know my daughter and I don't think this love is going away. I knew she was interested in you and I kept trying to discourage it by saying she like Seung Yoon hoping she would look his way. But she didn't. You are to old for her but she's only ever had eyes for you." She told me. "I'm ready to accept that this what she wants, are you?" She asked.
I sat there for long minutes after Carmen left thinking about her parting question.
Could I accept that Lani loved me and that maybe, just maybe, what we had could be forever?
I drove to the condo ready to face Lani. I missed her face already. I walked in to see her Hana and another girl sitting on the couch playing. She must be Shay, the one Lani called me about earlier. Lani looked up at the door and our eyes connected. I couldn't look away. I tried to decipher any secrets that they held. Was she still mad at me?
She smiled as she picked up Hana.
"Daddy's home." She said walking towards me. She handed Hana to me and I took her then I grabbed Lani and pulled her into the hug.
I think Carmen's right and I just need to accept it.