I've been awake for twenty minutes now. In the back of a van. I don't think I was asleep for very long because I can see the little light left from the crack of the door. But it's so dark in here that I can't even sense the waving hand in my face.
I've been feeling around the place and I can tell that there are paint cans in here. There's also spray paint very surprisingly.
How the hell did I get into this situation again? And how the hell am I going to get out? I have no plan at all. I can't think of anything to do. I keep thinking of my mom and my sisters. They hoped that I would be just like them. But I'm not. I can't.
The only thing I think is pretty stupid of them is that they think I'm getting out if here without a fight. They didn't tie any of my limbs together which was really dumb because I may not have a plan now, but my spontaneous ones are the most reliable.
I slowly got up onto my knees trying not to make any sudden noises. I reached out in front of me and pushed my feet onto the floor and I stood up hunching my back at first.
But I fell back down when they made a sudden stop. It was like I face planted right into concrete or something.
I started to panic when the engine turned off and I reached out for anything. I felt a cold metal bar and squeezed it so hard. I don't know what came over me at that point. I shivered and my heart started to go a million beats a minute.
I could hear arguing outside with a woman. She was speaking so fast I couldn't understand a word that she was saying.
I sat up and pressed my ear against the car wall.
"Why the hell did you bring her? I said bring me a batch of men. We don't need women for this?"
"She's like a prize. If we bring her back, he would be so happy."
"You only got me one person? You were out for almost two hours. You could've at least have gotten three or four."
"She lived so far." I pulled away from the outside wall and frantically felt around for anything. All I found was a paint opener but I stuck it in my boot. It's not much buts it's something.
"Open the damn door!" I heard her yell.
I sat back on the car and I acted like I just woke up.
They swung open the door. The light that came through was of a post. We were in a vancant parking lot with only that one light. There was a light drizzle, almost like mist that made their hair look like cobwebs.
"She's even more gorgeous than I thought." She stuck out her hand to help me down. She was elegantly tall, but stick like. Her hair was kinda edgy because it was shaved on both sides and the middle was colored a very bright red that turned into black on the ends. She had piercings everywhere. In her nose, her mouth, her ears, near her eyes.
"Remember me bitch." She said it like I was suppose to. She smiled and started to laugh. "You're more gorgeous than I remember." She motioned for them to take me out. Each one grabbed my arms and forced me to stand. They grinded their nails into my arms and pushed me out.
"That's funny, she doesnt. Well when we get into some light she will." They pushed me and I fell about four feet to a pile of gravel.
"Be a little more gentle." They rolled me over and picked me up again by the arms.
"Take her inside." They pushed me past the truck. We were at an abandoned motel building. The weeds have taken over and have started to grow on the building. The windows were boarded up by huge pieces of wood and the doors had rusty chains locked on them.
"One of you go in with her. And make sure she doesn't do anything stupid. But don't kill her either." One of them let go of me and the other pushed me towards the building.
I tried to shove him away but he grabbed a lock of my hair and whipped me back to his chest.
"This isn't the warehouse." He whispered in my ear.
"Nonono!" I snaked out of his hands, but he tripped me.
I remember this. All I remember is the humiliation. I remember feeling all used up and disgusting. Like I wasn't worth what everyone use to tell me. And then I was taken to the real warehouse where it doesn't even matter where I am because I wasn't worth anything to anyone in there. Even the people just like me because they felt the same way about themselves.
He spooned me and wrapped his massive arms around my stomach. I kicked and screamed and scratched and I pushed against him. But he held on too tight.
Then he threw me through the door and it busted open. I heard him go back for the door. So I ran into the bathroom. I slammed the door behind me and I quickly locked.
The smell in here is so fowl I felt the alcohol rise up and burn my throat. It dusty and disgusting. There was a window right above the rust covered and moldy bathtub that I could fit through if I went through.
Without even thinking about the filthiness of the bathroom and how bad I was going to throw up, I climbed up on the toilet and opened the window.
He started trucking into the door.
I went through head first and I underestimated how big my hips were to fit in through the window.
He almost had the frame off the door.
If I pushed any more my hips would break off the rest of my body. I dropped back onto the toilet and I looked for anything that would help me.
In the shower was shampoo and I think was conditioner. The shower head was one that you could disconnect. I reached into the shower for the dried shampoo covered bottle and squirted it all over the floor with the conditioner. Then I took the rusty shower head and sprayed the entire floor with it.
He busted through the door taking the frame off with him and clawed for me, but I moved out of his reach and he slid and hit his head on something. I didn't stay to watch it. I ran out into he room. The door was had a lock on it. There were no other windows in here. I turned around and there he was stalking towards me. He was like a skyscraper right over my head. My strength wasn't going to get me anywhere. My speed would, but there's nowhere to run.
He swung at me and I ducked. His fist went through the wooden door and I went through his grab with the other hand. As he was getting his fist out of the door, I bent down into my boot and fished for the paint can opener. When he pulled out of the door his hand was dripping with blood. I saw him wipe it on his shirt before he turned around and ran.
I only have one swing with this. One chance so I gotta make it right. I pulled my arm back and I swung forward. And fate was with me that time. He yelled in pain and fell onto the floor covering his face. I got it right in the eye. Red tears dripped down his face.
Something shiny caught my eye from his pocket. A silver gun handle. I reached for it and when I pulled it out, I shot the door open and it fell down. Dust came bursting off and they looked out at me. But I shot at the other two men there clean in the forehead.
But the girl. I saw the two different eye colors. But I gotta go. I need to find somewhere safe.
But I can't kill her. She deserves a life just like I do because I know what she went through and what happened to her wasn't fair.
I shot both of her legs and she collapsed right beside the truck. I stuck the gun in my pants. And swung myself up onto the truck. I got in through the window and in my luck the key was in the ignition.
The sound of her painful yells set a little remorse in the pit of of my stomach. I looked down at her as I was pulling out.
"We'll find you. We know exactly where you live. Everyone wants you. So if it's not me, it's the guy next to you." I couldn't be here any longer. So I got out and started for the highway.
I guess luck was in my favor. But this would've never happened in the first place if it was on my side.
****
I'm cold. And wet. And so tired.
I had to ditch the truck two or three miles back because I didn't want to be tracked or anything like that. And then I went through woods between highways and I found that this one leads right to the school. Which is thirty miles away. So I made a tiny phone call for someone to come for me.
And with me I carry sorrow, remorse, relief, and pain.
I remember everything now seeing her again. When she was first there, she was so optimistic that her family will come find her. Even though she had one blue eye and one brown eye, they were both lit by fire that would save us from hell. When she came, I was already there for about a month and she was there for the last month with me. Then the warehouse was found and I never saw her again.
The last month was the hardest for me and her. I remember us being servants to the Others. Then we're physically hurt to see if we would give up. I knew that as long as I was still living, I would never give up. I made that promise to myself and to her. And she made that promise to me too. The question that I have for her is was she forced to give up. Or did she choose to?
I wish there was something out there to erase my memory. I want it to erase everything that made me so heartless. Erase my childhood, erase the warehouse, erase my father. But only erase half of my job. The other half can just go away. Being a commander just made me expect the worst out of everything. It made me expect death and catastrophe. Not even a ray of sunshine broke through. It was all grey.
And then add my family's grieve for me on top. And then my own.
I was on a main road sitting in a phone booth with my feet propped up on the bench. My body heated up the little room in here. The glass was steamed up all the way up. I started drawing on the wall like a little kid. I use to get yelled at when I was younger when I did this. I couldn't even express my innocence when I had it. And I don't even have any left.
Each headlight going by I hoped that it was for me. My clothes were soaking wet and my hair was sticking to the back of my neck. And I was tired, I want to sleep in my warm overheated bed. At the moment, I was eighty miles away from my house. I'm thirty miles from the school and my house is fifty miles from the school heading the same way. So I'll be home in an hour and a half, maybe less.
I think I'm okay. I'll quickly move on from this I think. I mean I was almost raped but I wasn't. And I was almost taken to my worst nightmare, but I wasn't. That's something to celebrate, right?
It felt like there was needle being pushed in my heart and if I moved, I would puncture what kept me from breaking down all of these years.
A pair of lights came my way and stopped just a few feet ahead of me. I didn't think he was going to come. I thought he would the other one to come get me.
He came out of the car with a jacket big enough to be a dress for me. I came out of the box and accepted the jacket and he opened the passenger door for me. He closed it and quickly went around to the drivers side.
I took off the buttondown that I had on. He pulled out and went around onto the highway. I pulled on the jacket and pulled my hair out, pulling some knots and me squinting.
He broke the silence. "Are you okay?"
"I think so."
"Okay, that's what I really care about."
****
We haven't said anything since he picked me up. I should be the one to explain myself since I'm the one with the situation. But he knows that I need quiet to think about what I should say.
It's not awkward. It's just a comfortable silence that we fall into when one of us is feeling some type of way. But he wants to talk, he usually starts scratching. But he's just in a zone. Like when he's thinking too much about one thing. And then I start picking at my fingers when I want to say something. Like I'm doing now.
"I lied." I raked my hair away from my face.
"Hmm," he snapped back into reality.
"I'm not okay. I thought I could get over this, but it cuts deep." He fixed himself in his seat and switched hands on the wheel.
"Well, we're here for another forty five minutes. If you wanna talk about it?"
Literally, he has the emotional capacity of a girl and he's straight and he's hot. I'm an idiot.
"Why are you so nice? I don't understand. I'm the last person you should be nice too. Especially to someone like me-,"
"Don't say that. You're perfectly fine the way you are."
"I'm crazy just like everybody wants me to be. I'm not even human apparently because I was forced to have sex or I was beaten senseless. It's not like they wouldn't have killed me if I didn't do all of that stuff."
"Giuls, you don't have explain anything to me."
I ignored him. "These scars all over me was because I said no. I got fifty slashes on my back. On my stomach was because I didn't do a full 'service'."
"Giuls, I'm the last person who's gonna hurt you."
"I know. I know." I looked down and fiddled with my fingers.
"It's just no one knows. Did you know once I didn't get any food for five days because I asked for some water that I haven't gotten in two days."
"No, I didn't know."
"There was once they strapped me down and cut all of my hair off. When I tried to fight back, they punched me in the lip and broke one of my teeth."
And all of my feelings came at me way to strong to handle. My tears just exploded out of me. I just let then fall for once.
"No don't cry. You're too beautiful." I smiled, but the tears kept pouring out.
"My dad use to say that me." I violently wiped all of the tears away. "Why, I'm just like everyone else. I have worked so hard in my lifetime and this is what I get. A huge stab in the back from the Republic I have been protecting for almost four years. People don't know how hard it was for me to keep living after that. There were many times when I had a handful of sleeping pills in my hand and I didn't take the chance."
There were a couple seconds of silence.
"I'm glad you didn't do that. Cuz then I wouldn't have met the wonder that is Giullianna. Giullianna Something Lios."
"Levi, that's my middle name."
"Giullianna Levi Lios: the brave and the beautiful."
"Stop giving me compliments that don't make sense. I'm not brave and you're the only one that thinks I'm beautiful so don't even."
"You're the bravest person I know."
"How? I don't see it. You're crazy." I leaned my head on the window.
"Well, you are who you are and you didn't care about the system to be succesful."
"All of us do that. It's not really brave."
"Well you put a gun to your head to save one of us."
"He wanted me. I knew I wasn't going to shoot myself." I said cooly. I closed my eyes and tucked my hair behind my ear.
"Well you were strong enough to run into a burning building to save small children."
"No, I was being stupid. As you can see I almost died in there. The person who saved me was the brave one."
Again more silence as I got comfortable in the seat. We're three miles away from the exit to get me home.
When I closed my eyes, I went back to that day to the point where I passed out. I felt like I was floating.
There was a point where I was coming out of consciousness but then I quickly went in. I couldn't remember the voice or how they said it but I remember what they said.
So strong. So beautiful. . .
I quickly snapped up from my daydream.
"It was you." I said.
"What? Nooo,"
"Don't lie to me. You saved me from the fire. I remember what you said." He didn't say anything else. "How come you didn't tell me?"
"I didn't want you to look at me different. I didn't want you to have feelings for me because I got you out of there."
Again silence.
He drove up on the hill to my house and a couple ambulances and cop cars came crossing by. I pretended like I didn't see anything.
"I don't know what to say." I could feel those butterflies in my stomach. They got stronger when thunder rumbled through the air.
"Don't say anything. Just don't think about it." But it's all that I think about. He went in a building burning down to come save me. He's a fucking idiot. So hopelessly romantic he would die to save. . .me.
We were right in front now and there were two cars parked in front if my house. One was my moms, the other I'm not so sure.
He parked. More thunder rumbled and it had started to drizzle.
"Here I got you." He got out of the car and went around to open my door.
"Thanks," I got up and closed the door behind. Then I looked up at his baby blues that were lit up by the little light of the full moon between clouds. My heart melted all over again.
"No prob."
"For everything. I know I'm a lot to deal with but I usually don't have people to deal with me. So thank you."
"You're welcome." He came down from his height to hug me. He came back up and his fingers got caught in my hair. "Ugh sorry."
"You're fine, less combing I have to do." He smiled and tucked a stray of hair behind my ear.
We were inches away from each other, sharing each others breath in the mist of the rain. More thundering and the rain got stronger. If he does this right now, it would be the most cliché moment of my life.
He kept switching between my eyes and my lips and I know he was holding back.
"Do it before I do." I whispered and he smiled. He made me want to squeal from the dimples in his cheeks.
His lips were so soft against mine I melted in his chest. They were like cotton candy once again filling my desires for something sweet. And his lips tasted like water with sugar in it. Like he just had a piece of candy as the taste lingered on his tongue. And the rain ran through the cracks of our mouth tasting fresh.
The smell of fresh rain combined with his smell of laundry right out of the dryer and you want to melt into the warmth of his chest against mine. And his arms around my waist bringing me closer.
The pitter-patter of the rain getting stronger made me realize that we are still in reality but each bea his heart made me want to lifted into the floating feeling that I'm getting.
A huge crack of thunder and lightning hitting the ground made us split apart and we both looked up at the sky.
"I don't want you to drive out in the rain like this." I was almost yelling from the storm going right over us. "Let's go inside."
"If you can beat me." It was a split second and we were both running through puddles and smiling and laughing and. . .trying to be happy for once. He scooped me up from the ground and I squealed like a twelve year old and he put me down.
"Let's just stay out in the rain forever." He suggested.
"My luck says no." I said.
We got to the door and raised it up and the air conditioned air hit me. I saw my mother sitting on the couch looking worried sick and another person. I had to blink a couple times from my the water running in my eyes. Alex was right behind me after he slammed the door down.
"Chief." He turned around and almost smiled before he looked up at him. Then he stood.
I didn't want to see Alex's face.
"Shit," I thought out loud.
"Shit is correct." Chief said.
"Dad?"
Hi guys!
It's been a long time since I personally wrote to you guys but I know that you guys are enjoying the story.
First I wanted to say that we are now in the second half of my story and I'll be tying up a lot of loose ends. I wanted the story to seem like a mess becoming a bigger mess and then at the end creating a really big mess. And I'll be saying that there are a lot of awesome stuff coming up. And with the really big mess I'll be taking like a two week break for brainstorming ideas for creating more messes in a hopeful second storg. So don't freak out that I'm not writing.
Second, the next chapter is in Alex's point of view because it's his situation now.
Third, I made a playlist on Spotify of songs that coordinate with each chapter. And then I'll be adding more songs for like previews of next chapters. My name on Spotify is iansluvndme and the playlist is called Outcasts Playlist. But I'm not quite done with it yet. I just want you guys to check it out.
Keep reading, you'll love what will come up in maybe one or two chapters.
Thanks
-Wmeliz