*Jenan*
Two hours after Zayn's love confession, Harry knocked on the door. Unlike when Zayn knocked, I opened the door for my best friend to let him enter. He wasn't confused seeing my red eyes, and only shut the door behind him. I returned to the bed and took a new tissue.
"Who told you?" I whispered and watched him sitting down beside me.
"Zayn." Harry answered. "We came back and knew something was wrong so we kept asking him until he told us. Louis and Niall are still in shock. They said that they had noticed that Zayn likes you more than normal but they never imagined him to actually tell you."
A new tear escaped my eyes, and I was more and more aware of my feelings for him and the fact we could never be together.
"Liam feels guilty." He added and crossed his legs. "He was the one who told Zayn to tell you." I nodded slowly, secretly hoping Zayn is not angry with Liam now. The latter only wanted the best, as usual.
" So.." From his voice, I could recognise that he felt uneasy about what he was going to say. "What is the problem?"
I looked up at him, feeling confused. "What do you mean?"
He didn't answer straightaway and I kept waiting impatiently for him to speak: "I mean, it's obvious that you love him back. Zayn doesn't know it, but I do. I know you, Jenna. But I can't read what's on your mind. What is it that makes you freak out?"
I sighed deeply, knowing that he probably wouldn't understand my point. No one would. Should I tell him? "Harry.. I admit that I love Zayn but my feelings are not enough." I replied, throwing the tissue into the bin which I had carried to the bed. "There are too many things standing in our way."
"Is he the reason you rejected me?" he sounded shy and sheepishly and I quickly shook my head.
"No, Haz. I wasn't aware of my feelings for Zayn until now. He was not the reason." I felt that I had to give the curly-haired boy a little comfort, so I added: "I love you, Harry Styles. But not the way you think you love me."
I could see that he wanted to start an argument about the last part of my sentence but I cut him off by shaking my head. Lastly, he smiled and said: "I love you too, shorty. Cheer up! You have me and Liam and Niall and Louis, we can help you in the matter of Zayn."
A hesitant smile appeared on my face and I was glad I had the boys in my life. But I knew they couldn't help me.
Harry stayed for one more hour and helped me get my mind off things. Eventually, before stepping out of the door, he said in a warm voice: "If you're not ready, he'll wait. If he cares, he'll be there. If he loves you, he'll put you first. And if he's the one, he won't leave."
**
*Zayn*
"After all, it was the right thing." Were Niall's comforting words to me after particularising the situation. In the eyes of Louis and Niall I could see a slight disappointment about the fact that I hadn't told them about the thing I had for Jenan before, but I had felt too embarrassed to tell them.
"Yes, it was." Liam added and tapped a few times on my back. Louis nodded.
When Harry came back from Jenan's room, he sat down onto the cocktail table in front of me. "What did she say?" I asked nervously and kept biting on my lips.
Harry sighed deeply and arranged his curls. "It's sorta difficult. She was crying."
What does that mean? Why did she cry? Did she love me back or not?
"You should go and talk with her." Louis reckoned.
"Yeah." Harry muttered. "But not today. We should give her time."
The thoughts flew around my mind. How much time should I give her? Did I ruin our friendship? Was I going to lose the girl I love?
For the next days, she totally avoided me and our full schedule only helped her. Interview after interview, signing after signing and even two performances in France and Sweden. People noticed that I was more quiet and thoughtful than usual but I would not let management or media know about the inner feelings and problems I had.
On the 15th of July, I accidentally bumped into Jenan who was coming out of Simon's office.
"Oh." Was all she said. She stood there opposite of me, looking at me in a thoughtful and kinda sorrowful way but I didn't care. In the first place, I was just glad that her eyes were rested on me. "Jenan, please talk to me.." I almost begged and looked at her pleadingly. She kept her eyes focused on my face for a while and then –when I had lost my last hopes— suddenly said: "Zayn, I'm sorry. I never wanted it to end this way."
"Please don't say that!" I was terrified, my heart racing in my chest.
"So you want me to forget that you told me you loved me?" she asked and raised one of her eyebrows. I quickly shook my head and replied: "No, cos it's a fact which I can't change. The only thing I ask you for is to give me a chance. Please." A chance is all I wanted. A chance to show her that I'm worth it. That I can give her all my love, and protect her.
She seemed to be thinking as she stared into my eyes. Hope flew around my body, chasing the butterflies in my stomach.
*Jenan*
A chance.
I knew he thought it was just a small thing he was asking me for, but in fact, to me it was a very big deal. Giving Zayn a chance would mean that I show him how much I actually love him, and I didn't want that.
I couldn't do that.
"I can't, I'm sorry." I finally whispered and broke eye-contact to look at the ground. I didn't want him to see the tears forming in my eyes.
"Jenna.." how he said my name made me weak. I could hear pain in his voice.
Before his husky voice could change my mind, I exclaimed: "I'm leaving to Egypt on the 19th!" I could see that my words were heavy on his heart and I realised that they were on mine too. But I had left Simon's office with the ticket in my bag. There was no turning back now.
"No, please don't!" Zayn said after overcoming the first shock. "You can't do this to me!"
I had to. It was out of my hands.
"I'm so sorry, Zayn." I whispered one last time before leaving him and making my way to the lift.
The fact is, I love Zayn. But I just can't be with him. He's a Muslim, yes, but sometimes even that is not enough. I know that since I am here in England, he lessened the times he goes clubbing or drinking, but he's still someone I can't be with. He has tattoos, wears earrings, smokes, gets drunk and dates girls easily. Someone like him would never agree to bind himself to someone like me for the rest of his life. And if we have no future together as husband and wife, I see no use in being in a relationship.
Maybe Zayn loves me now but he has to change to love me forever.
I know I might be asking for too much, but I can't help it.
"I think he would change for you." I had spend the rest of the day sharing my worries and thoughts with Harry. I knew he would probably not understand my point of view perfectly, but I had to talk to someone about it.
"I know." I sighed and watched a butterfly flying around. We were standing on the balcony watching the sun going down slowly. "But that's not right. There is no use if he changes when he does it for me. He has to do it for himself." It has to come from his heart and be something permanent. It wasn't easy.
"I don't want you to leave." He muttered and I could see sadness in his eyes. The atmosphere of the windless evening left prickles on the surface of my hand and made me just more sad than I already was.
I thought about Egypt, and the questions which are going to face me as soon as I arrive. I told my parents that I'm coming for Ramadan (which is going to start on the 20th). My father believed me but my mother knew there was something wrong.
So did Emily and Eleanor. I told them the same Ramadan-thing and kept Zayn's love confession a secret. It took me a lot to persuade Louis to keep mum as well.
I had told the boys that my flight was at 1.00 PM but that was a lie. On the morning of the 19th, I left the flat at exactly 8.00 AM without taking a last look back. As I entered Paul's van, tears started forming in my eyes and he gave me a tissue box. During the drive, I thought about how helpful Simon Cowell had been to help me get out of England without being forced through a long goodbye with the boys.
Later then I thought that he might be happy about the prospect of getting me off his chest.
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So I now simply hope you don't hate Jenan :D Give her a little time ;)
thanks for your priceless support, guys! I love you all x