The Doctor:
"Bye, then. Lovely meeting you. Sorry about the mess." I smiled, desperately trying to get back to the TARDIS, but the woman I was running from pinned me against the TARDIS door, stroking my hair. Please be asleep, please be asleep...
"You think I'll just let you leave without me, after what we've just been through?"
I shook my head, really hoping to get free. "You've got the Egyptian people to rule, Queen Nefertiti. They'll need reassuring after that weapon-bearing giant alien locust attack we just stopped rather brilliantly."
And then Phina came out, folding her arms at the woman. "Excuse me, but what do you think you're doing?"
"Leave us, peasant, this is nothing to do with you!" Neffy told her and I inwardly groaned. A pissing contest between my wife, a deadly Sarani Time Lord mix, and the most famous Queen of Egypt. This wasn't going to go well. "Are you hard of hearing as well as stupid? I said leave!"
Her eyes flashed gold and she moved forward, her hand on her knife, sheathed in her jacket. "I'm Priestess of Time, and I'm also his wife, Love. So, if I were you, I'd leave before Egypt needs a new Queen. Seraphina Tate, at your service."
Then we all jumped, my phone getting a text and I was freed from her embrace. "Oh dear, sorry. I've got it set to Temporal News For You. That's interesting."
"What is?" Neffy and Phi asked together, and then my wife growled, moving possessively closer to me. Really didn't mind, I was just happy we were together again. She was mine, and I was hers.
"Nothing. Not interesting. Not at all. Ooo, never been there. Exciting! I'm off!" We all went inside the TARDIS, heading towards the interesting place in question, with Nefertiti as well. Phina was really not very happy about this.
DW
"Craft size approximately ten million square kilometres." Indira told us, while Phi quickly went through all of the data, her hands so much better once she relented and let me cure her arthritis. If it came back, that was a different story.
"A ship the size of Canada coming at Earth very fast." She repeated, her eyes moving quickly as it went. "Any signs of life?"
"We sent up a drone craft. It took these readings."
The incoming spaceship was a central mass with lots of big pods extending out of it. "Crikey, Charlie, look at that. Ooo, I know someone who'd love to have a look at that. And the Ponds. Mustn't forget the Ponds, Seraphina, Neffy. Haven't seen them in ages, and Amy will love to see you and so would Mr Pond." I paused, looking at her as she just smiled, listening. "I'm riffing. People usually stop me when I'm riffing or carry on without me. That's also an option." The smile got bigger. "Why are you smiling like that?" I asked her, as she wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me. "Not that I'm complaining."
"I missed you, God, I missed you so much..." She laughed, pulling back and kissing me. "Plus, I listened to solid Bring Me the Horizion for 2 years, your voice is like melted chocolate."
Smiling back, I kissed her quickly again, lifting her into a piggie back as Neffy glared at my wife in jealously. Who cares, she's not a Queen but she is my Princess. "Can you communicate with this craft?"
I liked that question. "She's with us. Good question, Neffy."
"No. No response on any channel, in any recognised language. If it comes within ten thousand kilometres of Earth, we send up missiles."
My Princess sighed, hiding her face in my neck. "Oh, Indira, I liked you before you said missiles. How long till the ship gets that close?" She paused. "Never mind, just saw the clock. Six hours nineteen minutes. "Right. Better get a shift on, then. Leave it with us. Come on, Neffy. We're going to need help."
The next stop was 1902, somewhere I really should have gone back to before hand, but Phi really wouldn't have liked it. He was a womaniser and tried to get me to forget her. Safe to say that I disappeared. "More stew?"
"Where've you been, man? Seven months. You said you were popping out for some liquorice. I had two very disappointed dancers on my hands. Not that I couldn't manage." He paused, looking at my wife. "And I see your own dancer is with you, hope you don't mind if I borrow her."
Phi hissed, baring teeth as he reached out a hand to touch her hip. "Don't touch me! I'm his wife, you idiot. We've found something."
He sized her up. "Doctor, I like your taste, though personally you should have stayed a bachelor. Pleasure to meet you, Seraphina. I shan't fall for that again, though. What is it?" Oh, because that worked.
"I've no idea. Do you want to find out?"
Rory:
My dad was always fussing... It was getting really annoying and he always thought that he knew best. "I think it's the fitting."
"Dad, it's not the fitting. It just needs a new bulb." I told him, while Amy was just resigned to wait and hold it.
Dad glanced down at me. "You're wobbling the ladder. I don't want another loft incident."
"I'm not."
Amy decided to show off how much my dad liked her then. "How's my side, Brian?
He smiled down at her. "Perfect, as ever, Amy." Oh, great. My dad prefers my wife to me.
"Thank you, Brian."
"I don't know what he said to you to make you marry him, but he's a lucky man. I just wish that Alice could have been here to see you, after she ran off with that boyfriend to Spain back in 2009." Oh, right... We should probably tell him at some point... He didn't understand that Alice didn't exist, and that she was really my currently terrifying back from the dead sister in law, and was off travelling the Universe with her husband.
And speaking of the devils, the TARDIS started arriving, papers blowing around. "Not here, not now."
"You leave the back door open?" He asked us, not understanding.
I leaned toward Amy "What is he doing? Do you think Phi is with him or she went back to being a Bounty Hunter? "
"I'm going to kill him. And her if she's there." She replied as the TARDIS materialised around us.
"Hello! You weren't busy, were you? Well, even if you were, it wasn't as interesting as this probably is." He grinned, and Phi was on his back, no mask, no hood, and wearing a skirt. Halle-freaking-lujea. It was dark blue, and she was also wearing a her red long sleeved top. Only problem was the knife still sheathed on her hip and one on her calf. "Didn't want you to miss it. Now, just a quick hop."
Phi smiled, jumping down and holding out a bucket of something. "Everybody grab a torch." And then my dad dropped the light bulb. Great.
The area we landed in was dark and dusty, with cobwebs. No obvious indication of usage, the whole place was just big open-plan. "Spiders. Don't normally get spiders in space." Phina commented, while her husband shivered. Wuss.
"What the?" Dad muttered, coming out of the TARDIS while really confused. Brilliant, my dad hated travelling.
And the Doctor finally realised. "Don't move! Do you really think I'm that stupid I wouldn't notice? How did you get aboard, eh? Transmat? Who sent you?"
"Doctor." Phina sighed, taking his hand. "That's Rory's dad."
He turned his attention to me. "Well frankly, that's outrageous."
"What?" OK, now I was confused.
"You think you can just bring your dad along without asking? I'm not a taxi service, you know."
Seraphina leaned forwards and muttered in his ear. "You materialised around them."
"Oh. Well, that's fine, then. My mistake. Hello, Brian. How are you? Nice to meet you. Welcome, welcome. This is the gang. I've got a gang. Yes. Come on then, everyone."
"Tell him something, quick." Amy hissed, before walking after the Doctor while Phina stayed with me. She looked so much better.
Dad was looking around in a daze. "I'm not entirely sure what's going on."
"You know when Amy and I first got married and we went travelling, trying to find Alice in Spain?"
He nodded. "And when you didn't you moved on. To Thailand."
Phi shook her head, grey and brown hair swishing. "More the entirety of space and time. In that police box. And it's me, Alice. Though now my names Seraphina, I was there at the wedding. Hiya, Bri."
Then something shook the space ship as we moved along, meaning that Phina gave me a quick apology for her behaviour the time before, kissing my cheek before running back over to the Doctor. I was so glad they fixed things, they adored each other.
"All right, where are we? What is that noise and hello, ten months? Seraphina, what the hell was wrong with you last time I saw you?!"
"Well, I sense it's orbiting. More like pre-crashing. On a spaceship, don't know, and hello, Pond. Ten months. Time flies. Never really understood that phrase. This is Neffy, this is Riddell. They're with us." Phi smiled, hugging her sister. Amy didn't look like she wanted to let go and I couldn't blame her. Nearly 3 years before getting to properly see her, she was bound to be upset.
"Charmed."
"With you?" She asked incredulously. "They're with you? Are they the new us? Is that why we haven't seen you? And seriously, tell me what happened last time!"
Phi paused, looking hard at her sister, her eyes back to normal, not the black they were last time. Her skin... Still lined and scarred, but she was always gorgeous. "I will tell you, I promise. And no. They're just people. They're not Ponds, you're family, they aren't."
"I thought we might need a new gang. Not really had a gang before. It's new." The Doctor smiled, as at the far end some red lights turned down on the big bulkhead door at the end. "It's coming down."
Riddell frowned, confused. "What is it?"
"No idea." The cargo lift arrived with a thump, the doors opening to reveal two large armoured creatures. No freaking way...
"Not possible."
"Run!" Phina and the Doctor shouted, and we all did, apart from the pair of them
"Sera! Doctor!"
"We know." They laughed, standing in the charging creatures way. "Dinosaurs! On a spaceship!"
Then she grabbed one, meaning the other was auto pulled away from the dinosaurs as Nefertiti called us into a small alcove as they beasts stopped nearby.
"I could take one of them. Short blow up into the throat." Riddell told us, taking out a knife.
Phi retalliated with her much larger hunting knife from her calm holding it against his jugular. So. She was still part wild cat then. "Or not. We've just found dinosaurs in space. We need to preserve them. We're expendable." No, you were just as rare as these guys, Mrs 3 Time Lords left. Her, the Doctor, and River.
"Who's going to preserve us? An armed woman, how absurd." He scoffed, and the Doctor physically had to prise her away she looked so murderous. Her and Amy, die hard feminists.
And then the big dino's moved on. "Okay, so, how and whose ship?"
"Well, there's so much to discover. Think how wise we'll be by the end of all this." Phi smiled, physically calming herself, putting the knife back. Her nails faded quickly back to pale happy blue.
Dad stared at her. "Sorry, sorry. Are you saying dinosaurs are flying a spaceship?"
"Brian, please, that would be ridiculous. They're probably just passengers" The Doctor paused. "Did I mention missiles?"
"Missiles?" I was going to kill him.
"Didn't want to worry you." Phi said hastily as we started moving again. "Anyway, six hours is a lifetime. Not literally a lifetime. That's what we're trying to avoid. And we're all really clever. Ooo, let's see what we can find out. Come on."
The Doctor removed a cobweb from a blank monitor. "How many dinosaurs do you think are on here?" Amy asked, as Phina wandered over to her.
They didn't answer, scanning the terminal into life. "Oh, well done, whoever you are. Looking for engines. Thank you, computer. Look at that. Different sections have engines, but these look like the primary clusters. Where are we now, computer? We need to get down to these engines." And then we were teleported somewhere. Great.
Amy:
Phi's and my husbands were teleported away, leaving me with Neffy and Riddell, and Phi really didn't seem happy about that. She'd gone from Alycea, to Alice, to Sera, to Writer, and now to Phi? Make up your mind, sis! "What happened?"
"Oh, great." We groaned together.
Neffy and Phi started to argue then, about who was taking point, while I stayed walking with the hunter Phina had nearly gutted. "There's clearly more than just two of these creatures." Then he swigged from a hip flask.
"Hey, put that away. I need you sober." I told him, making my sister turn around and snatch it, sniffing and then gagging. Not nice then.
"It's medicinal." Riddell told me. "And I don't take orders from females." To prove a point, Phi poured it all away in front of him, then her hand burnt gold, melting the flask.
"Then learn. Any man who speaks to me that way, I execute, and something tells me this Priestess of the Stars would do so also." The woman, Neffy told him, and I think that they got just a little more friendly at that comment, because yeah, we were feminists. And he was misogynistic.
Riddell bared his teeth in a grim smile. "You're very welcome to try."
"Sorry, what was your name again?" I asked her, moving forwards.
"Lady of the Two Lands, wife of the great King Amenhotep, Queen Nefertiti of Egypt."
"I'll be damned." The Hunter said, and Phi rolled her eyes, still shining her torch, as well as letting her eyes lead. Ooo, someone was jealous. To be fair, she was High Priestess Seraphina Alanah Dark, Last Prophetess of Gallifrey, as well as the Demon, feared Bounty Hunter, Wanted Dead or Alive. She had two long titles.
"Queen Nefertiti? I learned all about you at school. You're awesome. Big fan. High five." She looked at me confused. "Yeah, bit behind on that. You're really famous."
Riddell got our attention then. "Shush. Listen." There was something breathing heavily nearby. Very nearby. We were standing next to a six foot long carnivore lying on its side. There were eggs nearby, too.
Phi had a quick peek. "Okay. At a guess, T Rex, not yet full size. We're in the middle of a dinosaur nest. Who am I kidding, I know that's what it is."
"I propose a retreat." There was a shadow on the wall. "Perhaps forwards."
"Agreed." I muttered, watching him head towards us. "Just don't wake the baby." Riddell had to step over it, making my breathing hitch. "Oh, my god. Who are you, anyway?"
He gave me what he probably thought to be a dashing smile, but my Rory's sweet smile was a lot nicer. "John Riddell, big game hunter on the African plains. I'm sure you've heard of me, too."
I looked at Phina who looked back at me and then shrugged. "No."
"You clearly have some alarming gaps in your education."
"Or men who hunt defenceless creatures just don't impact on history. When I worked as a Hunter, I killed creatures who were posing a threat. Lions and Jaguars, and Panthers? They are all beautiful and innocent creatures who don't deserve what you do to them." Phina snapped, her eyes blazing. "Face it, she's way cooler than you."
Then Neffy turned to me. "And you, Amy. Are you also a Queen, or are you a Priestess of the Stars like your sister, Seraphina?"
Oh, there was something I couldn't pass up. "Yes. Yes, I am." Phi giggled, linking arms with me as we entered a lab type area as the foliage thickened up. "Bit of weed killer wouldn't go amiss in here."
"Whoever was running this vessel left in a hurry."
Neffy turned to look at him. "Maybe a plague came and took them."
"No, there'd be corpses and bones."
"Unless the animals ate them."
"Whoa, Chuckle Brothers. Lighten up, would you?" I joked, and hit a button on another computer, making the lights turn on and my sister grin. God, this was the best I'd seen her in years...
Nefertiti gave me an impressed look. "How'd you know how to do that?"
"Well, I've spent enough time with my big sissy and the Doctor to know whenever you enter somewhere new, press buttons." That warranted a hug from said big sister who gave me a kiss on the cheek, laughing. Oh, I missed this so, so much...
"What else have you learned from him?"
Phi smiled at the woman, taking over. "Don't stop at button pressing." And then a video started playing and she made a thoughtful noise. "Data records."
"The ship's owners?" Riddell asked, while we didn't want to answer, we kinda had to.
"Could be. Come on. Help us out." The picture was really, really fuzzy and staticky, and the sonic was doing nothing to help, so I did what us humans did. I hit the top of the screen. "How about a picture, huh? Come on, for me."
And then it focused, and I exchanged a look with my sister. We'd met these guys before. "Look. Oh, it's beautiful." I agreed with the Queen. Their scales were always amazing, just look at Madam Vastra.
"What is that?"
"Silurian." Phina told them, and then we listened to him talk, saying about how the populations on board were thriving and how they should be able to repopulate. "We're on an Ark. A Silurian Ark." Now there was something you didn't see every day.
Riddell was living up to his narrow minded ways. "Lizard people herding dinosaurs onto a Space Ark? Absolute tommyrot."
"Only an idiot denies the evidence of their own eyes." Neffy and Phina snapped at the same time, and I agreed, I just didn't want to get involved in this oestrogen vs testosterone contest, even if we did out weigh him.
"Egyptian Queen and Celestial Priestess or not, I shall put you across my knee and spank you both."
The image of him trying to do that to my sister and Nefertiti was hilarious, mostly because we would get an almighty wedgie. "Oh lord."
"Try, and I'll snap your neck in a heartbeat, and let the Priestess mutilate your body."
That made him smile at her. "They certainly bred firecrackers in your time."
Seraphina and I groaned. "Oh, no, no, please don't start flirting. We will not have flirting companions." That gave me an idea... Girls weekend in the TARDIS, get Melody, Martha, Rani, Sky, Gwen. I just wish that Sarah Jane could have been there. Either way, it would be epic, we just had to make sure Sky was supervised as the 15 year old wasn't allowed to drink.
"If the Doctor trusts Amy, so do I. Stop doubting her. Besides, there is also the matter of the Doctor's wife, and we all know the wife is more knowledgeable than the husband." Oho, I really liked her, and I could see Phina definitely warming up to her.
"If this ship was built by-" We filled in the blank for him. "Where are they?"
Finally, something useful from this guy. "That's a surprisingly good question. Display life signs for Homo Reptilia." The screen replied saying they were none. "But where have they gone?"
"Perhaps they found another world, left the ship." Neffy suggested.
Phi shook her head. "Why are the dinosaurs still on board, and why is the ship coming back to Earth? It doesn't make sense. What's changed between then and now? Wait. Computer, show me the ship at launch with all life signals. Now show me the ship today with all life signals. Thousands less. But why? Show me both images, then and now, side by side." Her eyes were quickly darting between the images, seeing something that we couldn't
"What are you looking for?"
She looked back at us. "Okay, two images. Spot the difference. What changed? What happened to the Silurians?"
"The centre." Nefertiti got it.
My sister smiled and nodded. "Computer, zoom in to the centre. Hold on."
Riddell was confused. "What is it?"
"Another spacecraft." I realised. "This ship's been boarded before."
The Doctor:
"You're going straight on the naughty step." Tantrum bot number one told us, walking along behind us to stop us running. Oh these two were annoying, but they were also a little funny. Kidnapping Entertainment, that's what they are.
Brian Pond, the lovely guy who looked like Mr Weasley, leaned over to me. "What's the escape plan?"
"Why do we want to escape?"
"They have us hostage." He told me, as though it was obvious. No, we were just going along with that, I could easily get us out.
"They're taking us somewhere. We might learn from it." Rory explained to his father, and I beamed.
I tweaked Rory's cheek. "Oh, you see? He's so clever. I've missed you, Rory."
He wasn't as pleased as I thought he'd be. "Don't do that."
"What if they kill us?" Oh, Mr Pond Sr was really very dim.
"They wouldn't do that." I turned to address the two robots. "You're not going to kill us, are you, Rusty?"
To which they took offence. "Who are you calling Rusty?"
"Have you seen yourselves lately?"
"You try being on this ship for two millennia. See how your paintwork does." That was a good point, I should learn to be nicer.
"Don't listen to him." His buddy said, trying to comfort him. "He's just being mean because we captured him."
And the we all stopped, staring in wonder at the amazing creature coming up to us. "Herbivore. Don't panic. Triceratops. Ha! Beautiful."
"Shall I shoot it?" Robot 2 asked.
"We're not supposed to shoot the creatures, stupid."
"Stop calling me stupid." Oh, it was Jack and Mickey all over again.
Then the amazing creature roared at us. "Roar yourself. Hello, cutie. Good boy. Who's a lovely Tricy then? Yes, you are. Yes, you are."
Who then decided he was very interested in Brian's delicate parts. "What do I do? What do I do? What're you doing? What're you doing?"
"You don't have any vegetable matter in your trousers, do you, Brian?" I asked him, joking but he took me seriously.
"Only my balls." OK, this was getting to be too much.
"I'm sorry?"
He grabbed them out of his pockets. "Golf balls. Grassy residue." Oh thank god. I was really going to have to have a word with my wife about him.
"What are you carrying those around for?" His son asked, thoroughly confused. Something told me it was a little awkward between them. A gardener and a nurse.
And then Tricy licked Brian's face. "Urgh."
"Oh, bless." I smiled, really wanting to do the whole Flintstones thing now.
He was really panicking. "Get it away from me."
"Throw one."
"Really?" A Triceratops was the original dog, so it would hopefully play fetch. "Is this what you want? Is it?" He threw the golf ball and Tricy ran after it.
But he was still holding his breath. "And breath out. Right, take us to your leader."
"Really?" Rory asked, rolling his eyes at me.
"Too good to resist." And then we got to a new area, where music was playing, soft and relaxing. "Love what you've done to the place down here."
"Let him in. Open the gate." I stepped through and then the doors closed behind me again.
"It's fine. It's fine." I told the others as they made to protest. I could handle myself, I wasn't a kid. Well, age wise anyway, so I headed further in, finding a man lying on life support, listening to the music. "Fantasia in F minor for four hands."
He sounded surprised. "You know it."
"Know it? Say hello to the husband of hands three and four. Schubert kept tickling her to try to put her off, and trust me, I got very possessive. Franz the hands. Oh, that takes me back. Well, this is cosy."
He smiled at me, looking very weak. "It's fate you came."
"Is it? I'm the Doctor."
"Yes, I know. I'm Solomon."
A laser dis a quick scan as I crossed the room. "What's that?"
"System malfunction." He answered quickly. "Ignore it."
He was really weak, his leg bandaged up. "What happened to you?"
"I was attacked. Three raptors. They cornered me. The robots rescued me but it was nearly too late." Solomon replied, and I frowned, looking back at them.
"Ah yes, the robots. They're unusual."
The man shrugged as best he could. "I got them cheap from a concession on Alyria Seven. The robots did as best they could with my legs, but you can help me so much more."
"Oh." He misunderstood my name, oh well. "A doctor doctor. I see. Let's have a look."
"They chewed through part of the bone in my legs."
"Yes. Very nasty." I agreed, looking. It was infected, but starting to heal over. It was going to be very tricky.
"But you can repair them."
Probably, but I had a condition. "If you tell me how you came by so many dinosaurs."
"Injure the older one."
"What?" And then a robot shot his shoulder, and I glared at the man as Rory tended to his father. "I don't respond well to violence, Solomon."
"And I don't like questions, Doctor. You boarded without my permission." Did we now, wonder how we managed that. "Now, fix me, or the next bolt will be fatal."
I got to work on his legs, not wanting Brian to get hurt because I refused to help someone. I was always helpful, or at least I tried to be. "How did you get on board, Doctor?"
"Oh, I never talk about myself with a gun pointed at me." I told him, fusing bone back together. "Let's talk about you. Your cosy little craft embedded in a vast old ship."
The old man gave me a twisted, bitter smile. "You're very observant."
"I'm a Sagittarius, probably." Actually, I was Scorpio, but shh.
"I'm transporting it to the Roxborne Peninsula."
I nodded, understanding. "A commerce colony. You're a trader."
"I search out opportunities for profit across nine galaxies."
"Ah, the purple light. That's what it was. An IV system, identifying value. The database of everything across space and time allocated a market value. Argos for the universe. You were trying to find out how much I'm worth." God, please don't find Seraphina... She was more than valuable to me, the Last Prophetess, as well as the Demon.
"Would you like to know?" Oh, I knew what would show up. No identification found. Brilliant. "You don't exist. It's never done that."
"That's me. Worthless." Sort of. "Unlike these creatures you have on board. Very valuable, given they're extinct." I finished repairing the skin and cutting out the infection. "Done. Sit up, very slowly."
"Doctor?" I looked over at Rory. "Phina and Amy."
Ah, at long last. "I need to take this." I took his face, looking forward to hear my wife's voice, and hopefully not to tell me she killed either Riddell or Nefertiti. That would just be awkward. "Princess, Amy."
"This is an Ark built by the Silurians."
"They were looking for another planet." Ah, they were doing the sentence thing again, sweet.
But that was an interesting piece of information. "Where are they now?"
"None on board. I mean, thousands of stasis pods, all empty, Angel. Oh, and please let me kill him. Neffy and I both want to."
Why didn't that surprise me? "No you cannot. I'll see you soon. Love you." Then I hung up and handed the phone back to Rory, muttering, "Be ready."
"The pain in my legs is gone. I can move them. Thank you, Doctor." Solomon told me, but I really wished that I hadn't any longer.
All aspects of my happy attitude was gone now. "What did you do to the Silurians?"
"We ejected them." He answered easily. "The robots woke them from cryosleep a handful at a time and jettisoned them from the airlocks. We must have left a trail of dust and bone."
I gritted my teeth, working out why. "Because you wanted the dinosaurs."
"Their ship crossed my path. I sent out a distress signal, they let me board, and when I saw the cargo things became more complex."
"Piracy and then genocide."
He raised his eye brows. "Very emotive words, Doctor."
"Oh, I'm a very emotive man. And trust me, you meet my wife and she will really not be happy. Her words will be more along the lines of very alliterative non curse words that no one actually understands apart from her." And then some curse words, she liked her words.
Solomon just shrugged. "The lizards wouldn't negotiate. I made them a generous offer."
I gritted my teeth at him. "The creatures on board this ship are not objects to be sold or traded."
"I feel like you're judging me." Good, because that's what I was really doing.
"You said Roxborne Peninsula, so why are you heading to Earth? You're on the wrong course." Then I laughed a little. "Oh, you don't know how. Brilliant. You couldn't change the pre-programmed course without instructions. The ship defaulted, returned home. Oh dear. The Silurians outwitted you even after you'd massacred them, so now you're a prisoner on the ship you hijacked."
"Not now you're here. You going to help me go wherever I want to go, Doctor."
I shook my head a little. "Little bit of news, Solomon. You're being targeted by missiles. Get off this ship while you still can."
"You think I believe that? You just want them for yourself. You won't profit from me, Doctor."
I growled a little, moving away towards the gate again. "Don't ever judge me by your standards." Then it opened and I headed out to Rory and Brian. "Well don't just stand there, Rory." To the tantrum bots. "Hey, he wants to see you."
And then we started heading towards Tricy who was waiting a little way away. "What are we doing?"
"Just do exactly as I do. " Rory tried to stop my, but I shouted Geronimo and leapt onto the creatures back. And then all three of us got on there, and I motioned the dinosaur forwards. "Go, Tricy. Run like the wind!" Nothing, even as lasers whizzed past. "Quick, how do you start a Triceratops? "
"Tricy, fetch." Brian called, bouncing another golf ball of his nose, and he lumbered away, making me laugh.
"Go, Tricy." And I really wished my wife was here to see this, she would love it. "Come on, Tricy, faster, baby!"
Brian laughed behind me. "I'm riding a dinosaur on a spaceship."
"I know! Come on, Tricy. Where are the brakes?" He skidded to a halt and we all fell off. Tricy then decided to hand the ball back to Brian and went off to sleep in a corner. "Good. That worked. Okay. Er, where are we now?" My phone started ringing. "Ooo, incoming message from Earth. Hello, Earth, how's things?"
She didn't sound too impressed. "Doctor, the ship's coming through the atmosphere. I have to start the missile programme."
"No. No, no, no, don't do that. Everything's completely under control here. Turning round any moment. Need a bit of wriggle room on the timings." I pleaded, hoping that she would listen. I was not letting all of these dinosaurs die.
"I can't do that."
"You can. Of course you can." I told her, wanting her to have faith in me. "Tiny bit more time, Indira, please. This ship contains the most precious cargo."
"My only responsibility is the Earth's safety. I'm launching the missiles. Goodbye, Doctor, say the same to Seraphina." Then she hung up. Crap.
DW
"That's very bad indeed. Completely unhelpful." I muttered, trying to find something good in the computer, pacing around the room.
"Doesn't the ship have any defence systems installed?" Rory asked me, and I smiled, turning to look at him.
"Good thinking, Rory." Then I gave him a quick kiss on the mouth, making his face crumple up in disgust. "Computer, show us weapons and defence systems." No systems available. "Oh, well, that was a waste of time, wasn't it? Getting my hopes up like that."
This confused him. "What ship doesn't have weapons?"
"Ah, they're ancient species, Rory. Still full of hope." Restac was a one off, when she shot him, and I really hated that it happened. The race was beautiful.
"What about the control deck?" Brian suggested. "You said we should go to the control deck next."
I sighed. "It's too late. It won't make any difference."
"We could at least try."
"It won't work, Rory. The missiles are locked on." I grumbled, starting to pace again
Rory stopped me, and I looked at him. "So what, we're just giving up?"
"I don't know. I don't know."
A bright flash came then, showing me that the Robots and Solomon had teleported in, the man leaning heavily on a pair of metal crutches. "You were telling the truth, Doctor. Earth has launched missiles. This vessel is too clumsy to outrun them, but I have my own ship."
"You won't get your precious cargo on board, though. Just be you and your metal tantrum machines." I reminded him, looking at the two creatures.
"We do not have tantrums!"
"Shut up." Solomon snapped at them. "You're right, Doctor. I can't keep the dinosaurs and live myself. But I had the IV system scan the entire ship, and it found somethings even more valuable. Both utterly unique. I don't know where you found them, or how you got them here, but I want them."
What was he on about? "I don't know what you're talking about."
He smiled bitterly. "Earth Queen Nefertiti of Egypt. And oh, there was really something interesting. Someone long thought dead. Both the Demon, Sarani Bounty Hunter, and at the same time... High Priestess Seraphina Alanah Dark, Last Prophetess of Gallifrey. The Sentinel of Time and the Girl who see's all. Give them to me, and I'll let the rest of you live."
Oh, there was no way that my wife was going with you. "No. Seraphina is my wife, she stays with me."
"You think I won't punish those who get in my way, whatever they're worth?" And then the robots shot Tricy.
I went over to him, stroking his face softly as he died. "You must be very proud." I snarled, glaring at the man.
"Bring them to me, or the robots will make their way through your corpses. Bring them now."
"No. She is my wife, Solomon! You will not be able to control her because without me she can't control herself." And then Amy, Riddell, Neffy, and Seraphina were beamed in. "What are you doing?"
Nefertiti was the one who answered as Phi ran over to me. "We demanded to be brought here."
"No, no, no, no, no way. Phi, you know what will happen the longer you're away from me. Neither of us want you to go back to that..."
She smiled, just a little. "It isn't your choice, Doctor, it's mine. I love you." Then she looked at Neffy. "Listen to me. If you go with him, I can't guarantee your safety. Because when I'm away from my Doctor I am physically someone else. Solomon, you choose, The Demon and the Writer, or Nefertiti, you cannot have us both."
He looked between them, and then smiled at my wife. "My bounty increases. And what an extraordinary bounty you are. The worlds most deadly creature, and more beautiful than anything."
"Never touch me." She snarled, her eyes flashing gold as he grabbed her arm, but Solomon pinned her against the wall with his crutch.
"I like my possessions to have spirit." He smiled, and I could see her fear and anger. Oh, he tried to touch her and I was going to kill him myself. "It means I can have fun breaking them. And I will break you in with immense pleasure. Thank you, Doctor. Computer, take us back to my ship."
And then they were gone. I was not leaving here without her. "Hostile targeting in progress. Hostile targeting in progress. Hostile targeting in progress. Hostile targeting in progress."
"Bingo." I grinned, coming up with a plan.
"What is it? Doctor."
I teleported us up to the control deck, and grinned. "Okay, control deck."
"So, what's the plan?" Rory asked me, and I rolled my eyes.
"Come on. The missiles are locked onto us. We can't out-run them. We have to save the dinosaurs and get my wife back from Solomon before she guts him. Isn't it obvious?"
He rolled his eyes this time. "It's sort of the opposite of obvious."
"Seventeen minutes before the missiles hit. We need to turn this ship around."
"You said it was too late. That there wasn't any time." He reminded me. Oh, keep up.
"Ah, yes, but I didn't have this plan then, did I?" I sighed, turning the amateur hunter, who would have to do without my wife being with us. "Riddell? Keep an eye out for dinosaurs."
He grinned at me, pumping his rifle. "I was rather hoping you'd say that."
"No killing any. Rory, Brian, get rid of the cobwebs." I told them as I magnetised the clamps on his shuttle in the middle of the ship. But then something went wrong. "No, don't be like that. Really unhelpful."
"What's the matter?"
"Parallel pilot compartments, both configured." I groaned, looking at my sister in law. "Needs two operator of the same gene-chain. And that's why Solomon couldn't change the ship's course and neither can we. Even if we did have Phi, you two aren't blood related any more." Brian raised his hand. "What?"
"We can. Me and Rory. We must be the same gene-thingy you said." Ah! Yes, the male Ponds to the rescue!
"Brian Pond, you are delicious."
He shook his head at me. "I'm not a Pond. And I think that you're a little top hyper for Alice, she's always liked the quiet and the books. You're like a 5 year old on Kendle Mint Cake." That was possibly the most accurate description I'd heard in a while.
"Course you are, and of course am I. Sit down, both of you, licketty split." I told them, pushing them into the seats. "The ship does all the engineering. The controls are straight forward. Even a monkey use them. Oh look, they're going to." Crickets weren't even chirping. "Guys, come on. Comedy gold. Where's a Silurian audience when you need one. Anyway, two eye line screens. Velocity and trajectories. Steer away from the Earth. Try not to bump into the moon otherwise the races who live there will be livid."
"What?"
"Primary controls in the arms of the chairs. Principle's the same as any vehicle. Eight minutes forty five seconds." I sonicked them into life. "Get us as far away as you can. Right, phase two sorted. Now for phase one."
That mad Amy groan. "Oh no, phase two comes after phase one."
"Humans, you are so linear." Well, it was their tiny little brains. "Shine the torch in here."
"What are you doing?"
"Mixing my messages. How's the job?" I asked her, getting to work on my wiring. I needed to have someone to talk to or I would panic and worry about my wife.
She just rolled her eyes. "We're about to be hit by missiles and you're asking me that?"
"I work best when I'm multitasking, in nearly every task. Keep talking. How's the job?"
Amy sighed a little. "I gave it up."
Oh no, not again. "You gave the last one up."
"Yeah, well, I can't settle. Every minute I'm listening out for that stupid TARDIS sound. It was worse when I thought she was dead, because I just wanted her back. She is better, isn't she? Because she scared me so much last time, and not once have I been scared by any part of her."
Nodding, I kept working. "As long as we're together, she should be fine. That's why she didn't let Neffy go, because if she goes, she can't be stopped. But with me, the black eyes are gone. It's my fault, is it? The jobs?"
"I can't not wait for you both, even now." Amy sighed. "And they're getting longer, you know, the gaps between your visits. I think you're weaning us off you. Distancing Phi from me?"
Why would she think that, really, why? "I'm not, I promise. Really promise. The others, yeah, but not you. Rory and you, you have lives, have each other. I thought that's what we agreed. Besides, she can't deal with people in large doses."
"I know, God, I remember her at college. I just worry there'll come a time when you never turn up. That something will have happened to you and I'll still be waiting, never knowing. I don't want to worry about Seraphina, worrying about her really being dead this time."
I smiled at her, stroking her cheek. "No, come on, Pond. You'll be there till the end of us." She already kind of had.
"Or vice versa."
No, I don't want to talk about that. "Don't."
"Doctor? This is a two man job." Amy winked at me, grabbing another stun gun. "What are you doing?"
Amy gave him a big grin. "I'm easily worth two men. You can help too, if you like." Oh, Phina had definitely taught her well. Then I pulled the beeping gubbinses out of the machine. "Doctor, what are you going to do-" I didn't hear the end of the sentence because I teleported away.
Phina:
This guy was a real pig. I was doing my best not to kill him before my husband rescued me, but it was really getting annoying because I had two knifes but no decent chance to get in because the tantrum bots were guarding me.
But then the Doctor appeared. "Hello! Having trouble leaving?" He shorted out the robots, and they drunkenly sang their way into power down. "Ship's still magnetised. Just couldn't bear to lose you."
"Release my ship, Doctor, or I kill this precious little object, your own wife."
And then I kicked his crutch, taking out my knife and holding it to his throat, to the point there was a small trickle of blood going down his neck. "I am not your possession now, nor will I ever be. I am not something to be bough because I can't be controlled! Now, stay there."
"Don't mess with Ancient Prophetesses and Sarani Hunters, Solomon. I hope you've learnt that now." The Doctor smiled, picking me up and twirling me, then messing with something.
"What are you doing?"
The Doctor grinned at the vile man. "Disabling this ship's signal and replacing it with the one from the Silurian ship. I send this craft off emitting the signal they're looking for, the missiles will follow. Hopefully, Siliurian ship safe, dinosaurs safe, everybody safe. Bit tight for time, though. Shouldn't really be chatting. Neffy, let's go. How remiss of me. Almost forgot. The thing about missiles, very literal. This is what they latch on to." He put something down. "Now, one press of this and the ship's demagnetised."
"Doctor, Writer, whatever you want, I can get it for you. Whatever object you desire." He pleaded.
I growled at him, my knife still in my hand. "Did the Silurians beg you to stop? Look, Solomon. The missiles. See them shine? See how valuable they are. And they're all yours."
He turned to my husband instead. "You wouldn't leave me, Doctor. Anything you desire."
The Doctor closed the gate to the main compartment. "There are two things I want, and I have both. One is next to me, and the other is in Storm Cage. Enjoy your bounty. "
And then we left, and I jumped onto his back as we went back up to the Ponds, who were all welcoming us. "So, dinosaur drop off time."
"Actually, we think home for us." Rory said as Phi and her sister hugged tight. Inseparable.
"Oh. Fine. Of course." We nodded, a little hurt.
Amy looked at her sister quickly. "Not for ever, just a couple of months."
"Yes. I'm pretty busy anyway. I mean, I've got to drop everyone back."
"About that." Brian asked quickly, making us all look at him. "Can I ask a favour? There's something I want to see." And that's how we ended the adventure, the TARDIS hanging in space over the big beautiful blue planet that was my home for so long, Brian sitting in the open doorway with a mug of tea and a sandwich. Bliss.