Jennie is sitting on the windowsill and fingering Rose's pills. It's been three days since Eunchae nearly strangled her roommate. Rose decided to take pills every two days, and if possible, then once every three days. They write on the Internet that their reception cannot be stopped abruptly. Jennie has not been able to find more detailed information to find out what exactly is meant: take the pills every few days or just reduce the dose. Rose has forty milligrams of pills, and Jennie is more inclined to think that it is better to reduce the dose rather than skip days. She's not sure. In any case, she, as promised, supports Rose in any decision.
Jennie doesn't know what exactly made her roommate more determined to get off the pills. Eunchae scared her a lot, of course, but that doesn't explain anything. It's just that Rose suddenly changed. One more time. Jennie didn't get anything out of her, as she always did. But she thinks about it while Rose is in the shower. She's been thinking about it since yesterday. It was hard not to notice the changes in Rose's behavior, it was too obvious. She became quiet but sharp. Rose became harsh with everyone except Jennie.
When Rose talked about pills, she was very determined. And it wasn't a forced decision, as if she had to. No. It sounded easy and strict. It's like she's being forced to keep taking pills, and all of a sudden she says, "That's enough." And Jennie should be happy, because if Rose decides something, she will follow it. If Rose has any rules, then she adheres to them. For example, Jennie would definitely not be able not to swear. Especially in stressful situations. Judging by the argument with her friend, Rose used to swear a lot, and if she made it a rule to refuse it, then she follows it. What was alarming, however, was not her roommate's determination, but the consequences.
Jennie flinches when Rose gets out of the shower. She was so lost in her thoughts that she completely forgot that she was not alone in the room.
The brown-haired girl watches the girl who takes off the towel, standing in front of the closet, and then looks for what to wear. Jennie examines her bare back, buttocks, legs. She sighs heavily. The heat in her stomach immediately spreads throughout her body, and it seems to Jennie that the room has become stuffy. She can't breathe, and she gets distracted by opening the window a crack.
Rose is in no hurry to get dressed and is not even distracted by the noise her roommate is making. Not so long ago, Jennie would have looked at this girl's naked body as something that belongs to her. She could have come up and touched it at any moment. But now she is experiencing emotions similar to those that were at the very beginning. Rose is far away and inaccessible. Not her. How is it possible to go through such a range of relationships in a month? From the inaccessible to something close to oneself. From pleasure to crisis. Does this really happen? Are they really going to break up like this?
Rose walks with Jennie herself these days. She pays attention to her. She's nearby. But it didn't get any better. Everything is as it was. Maybe Jennie is creating this atmosphere herself. She had never been able to forget what Rose had said to Jennie. She couldn't forget the way Rose talked to her. And now, when Rose quietly walks around and sometimes seems to fawn like a puppy... Nothing changes.
Jennie can't take a step forward again. Because for her, Rose was a closed book, and remained so. The only thing in her power is to help and pretend that everything is fine. So strange. After all, she was able to figure out Rose at the beginning. She was able to figure it out when she was a stranger. Why then is it impossible to understand what is happening to a loved one?
Kim frowns as Rose freezes with a T-shirt in her hands. The blonde was almost dressed, only a T-shirt remained. Why is she standing there and not moving?
-Is everything okay?- Jennie asks, swinging her legs off the windowsill onto the bed.
Rose stands silently for a while, and then slowly turns around. Her eyes were tear-stained. Was she crying? Did she get shower gel in her eyes? Jennie frowns, not understanding what's going on. All the ease they've been working on for these three days immediately disappears, and the atmosphere in the room instantly heats up. Tension is building up.
Jennie suddenly realizes that she was the only one trying to maintain this ease. This realization acts like a blow, and she stops breathing. She was the only one doing it. She was the only one in this pair who did everything to create an atmosphere as if everything was normal. Of course, this is an illusion, but it seemed to her that Rose was also trying... or it seemed to her that she was helping Rose. No. Rose just endured it.
-Jennie.- The blonde says almost inaudibly, taking an uncertain step forward.
It seemed that Rose should only try to remind her of what happened, and Jennie would immediately go into confrontation, but no. This doesn't happen because she physically cannot look at Rose without a lump in her throat. Jennie really wants this to end. So that Rose doesn't look like that. Let her become bitchy, mean and arrogant again. Let her defend herself with a belligerent look, or let her fold her eyebrows and look plaintively — everything that happened before, but not tears. Jennie can't look at Rose like that. Everything inside her twists painfully, and a lump in her throat grows.
Jennie had only two people whose tears she couldn't look at. But she has known Rose for a little over a month, why is this happening? Why are her own eyes starting to water? Jennie is angry about this. She is angry at her weakness in front of this girl. She's mad at Rose for turning her into something small. Small and weak.
-I want us to separate.- Rose says in a hoarse voice, and Jennie involuntarily puts her hand on her chest, where she immediately squeezes painfully.- You said you could switch rooms with Joy.- Please.
Jennie looks at the blonde standing in the middle of the room in jeans and a bra with tears in her eyes. The whole defense against resentment immediately begins to fall apart in small pieces, and there is only one desire — to ask, to beg Rose to shut the fuck up and not do that. But Jennie is silent. She won't say that. She won't be able to.
-Why?- Kim says, her hands falling lifelessly on the windowsill.
-You know, it was easier for me in the beginning.- Rose rubs, and then squeezes the skin on her forehead. She goes to her bed and sits down with her back to Jennie.- It seemed to me that you were saying everything. I'm only now realizing how much it helped in communicating with you. I even realize that at some points I didn't specifically hide my reaction so that you would understand that you were right. Your guesses... I didn't want to do anything with some of them. When you said something... You claimed that I wanted you too. You stopped doing that. I was sure you were a very straightforward person. You stop doing that, and I find myself in a situation where I can't get anything to you. I can't say anything. Damn.
-So if I pointed out to you that you were angry because I was talking about Europe, then you would just have to keep silent as a sign of confirmation? Okay.- Jennie chuckles, lifting her feet onto the windowsill and hugging them. There is silence, but the girl is not going to be silent for a long time, she just needs to think.- You admitted it yourself, maybe I would have guessed if you had become angry at that particular moment, but you were unhappy all the time. You were rude at first, and then you just drifted away from me. You've made a sycophant out of me. Fuck, I'm exaggerating, but... I don't want to talk about it. Just tell me why I need to move out. And you know, there's a difference. I say what I want because I'm not afraid of the reaction. Whatever it is. It was like that with you only at the very beginning. I couldn't do it right now. I...
-I fell in love with you.- Rose blurts out quietly without letting her finish.
Jennie freezes with her mouth slightly open, and her arms tighten around her knees and press them to her chest. "What?" she almost asks automatically, but stops herself in time. She heard it. Jennie stares at the back of her roommate's head as her heart races. She hadn't even imagined it. She didn't even let herself think about it. Rose couldn't have fallen in love. And if she could? Kim tries to say something, but only moves her lips. What can she say? She has already confessed her love many times. Right now, she can only sit and be shocked. Or should she be happy? What to do?
-I wish you were in the other room before we leave. Jennie, I can't be with you. Please.
Jennie doesn't take her eyes off the eyes opposite.
-Okay.- She answers faintly.- If that's what you want.
-I have volleyball. It's so important to me. I... I need to stop taking the pills. My leg hurts all the time. And all this... And you... I...
-Rose, I get it. I understand. Okay. I'll leave tomorrow. It's already evening, I'm unlikely to be able to solve this now. I'll try, just calm down.- Jennie climbs down from the windowsill. She is kneeling on the bed in front of Rose and touching her shoulders. She doesn't know whether to hug her or just walk away, leave her. It is unclear what to do in such a situation.