Don't let your emotions rule over your conscience, for it may give the power to control minds.
These were the exact words said by Krishna that morning and it had been echoing in Panchali's mind like a broken record since then.
And it felt more like a warning.
She wasn't any fool who would fail to grasp the meaning, because she did get it, but there was a confusion regarding its significance.
Why would Krishna all of a sudden come at the early morning to accompany her to the Ganga shore and give philosophical advice to her.
Panchali already made up her mind that it was just another day of her life, and no Dussehra or her Birthday.
Only if her mind was in her control.
These adjoined dates were dreading her to no end, as her mind was constantly going back to the Past.
It was Dussehra and all the Kingdom of Hastinapur could feel was ecstatic about the most awaited moment.
The air carried high spirits and jubilation just as it carried the emotion of again waiting a whole year to celebrate the ten days.
Well, it had to be mixed emotion.
But there was only one emotion left for their Yuvrani. Dread.
Since that cursed night, she neither celebrated Navratri nor her own Birthday.
And to distract her, she engage herself in her work. She hardly took time to breathe, because what if one single breath led her to recall that Cursed Night?
And this year wasn't any different, just the exact same dates had made it difficult to stay oblivious to her past.
Well, only if she knew what the day held for her.
Typing aggressively on her laptop, she tried to keep herself engaged in work.
Her face had a heavy frown, as she went through the market shares of her company.
A sudden knock on her door resonated in her room, as she permitted in a soft yet stern voice.
"Bhabi, can you please come with me?" Dusshala asked in a soft, keeping her excitement within her.
Well, she was assured by her cousin brothers to get back to normal and whatever happened it was just out of the way, and they too agreed to be at fault for taunting Aryan way too much.
Hence, since the morning Dusshala was helping them with the arrangements in surprising her Bhabi. Not to forget the usual chirpy Dusshala was back.
"I am busy, Dusshala. You can come later." Panchali stated, with her eyes still glued on the laptop.
That was one of the two reasons. The other reason was she didn't want to see the happy go lucky environment of Dussehra outside.
"But Bhabi, it's important please come with me. It won't take much time, after coming back, you can continue your work." Dusshala persuaded her more.
No way the plan could backfire. They were preparing for two days just to see her Bhabi in joy.
Panchali frowned, meeting her sister-in-law's eyes, "Dusshala, I said I am busy."
She huffed and stood against the bed, beside Panchali, "Bhabi please come with me. I swear, it won't take much time."
"But where, Dusshala? I don't like crowd and there would be too many people." Panchali lied through her teeths, making excuse.
"No, no. There would be just our family."
She raised her eyesbrows in a mocking manner, "Just family? The same family which has more than 100 members?"
Dusshala smiled sheepishly, "I meant only Mata Gandhari, Mata Kunti, Bhrata Duryodhan, Bhabishree Bhanumati, Subhadra, Bhrata Krishna, me and Pandavas Bhrata."
Her fingers halted typing, as her cold heart skipped a beat hearing the names. Well, just one.
Pandavas.
"Please Bhabi. I need to show you something. Come with me, na." Dusshala requested again with a small pout, and this time her heart couldn't say no, as she agreed, shutting the laptop.
Or, was it because of them?
Descending the stairs and striding through the lomg corridors, Panchali came across the high spirits and enthusiastic selves of the workers.
They giggled and carried their work efficiently, still bowing the royal duo while passing them.
Panchali didn't realize where was she going until a huge rosewood door greeted her sight.
The door had intricate designs with expensive stones studded on it. Two big golden handles placed proudly in its centre.
"Bhabi, open the door and go inside." She was pulled out from adoring the rosewood door, as she frowned.
But before she could tell anything, Dusshala dashed out to the opposite, leaving her baffled.
She shifted her gaze at the closed door again. Should she go inside?
After having a short inner battle, just because she wasn't finding things right, she nonetheless pushed open the door.
While what greeted her sight was a pitch darkness and silence.
"What the hell of a joke is this?" She muttered slowly taking steps till the middle of the hall.
There was nothing around except darkness. Well, that wasn't a matter of concern to the one whose life is surrounded only with darkness.
But she was baffled thinking it was a prank. Huffing in annoyance, she turned her heels to go out thinking it was just a waste of time.
But just as she took a step forward, she was surrounded by several fireflies.
Her lips parted open as a little joy unfurled in her heart, by watching numerous fireflies illuminating the dark hall.
Her eyes moved across the hall to find just those fireflies. It was ethereally surreal sight to eyes. A total contrast of enchanting fireflies in the dark surrounding.
She lifted her right palm, as a firefly sat on the tip of her forefinger, making her heart jump with joy. Her lips tucked up in an ever rare smile.
Just as she was processing a little moment of joy, she missed an arrow that went to the ceiling.
She gasped lightly as flowers showered over her. She looked up, too see several petals of flowers falling over her.
The smile that adorned her lips had vanished as her hands caught some of the flowers, and its scent was as intoxicating as always.
Lavender.
Her mind shifted her to that stormy night, where she was running through the field of Lavender, which glowed as the lightning struck across the sky and swayed with the harsh wind.
Her hands shook holding lavenders, still being showered with those. Her breath turned heavy.
Out of everything that trigger her, Lavender was an exception though it reminded her of that fateful night.
She never got triggered by Lavenders, instead the soft purple hue and the scent always gave her a soothing feeling.
Gulping the lump, it was a mixed emotion for her. She didn't hate Lavenders but just a small fear always grasped her heart of not being able to save her baby sister.
Lost in her thought she once again didn't notice an arrow passing by her side and illuminating some lights.
Panchali blinked her eyes at the sudden change of events. She looked around to find the hall was lit softly with candles.
The floor had black and white designs of mosaic, which was apparently covered with the petals of Lavenders.
The round pillars were decorated with the strings of Lavenders. She was perplexed.
What was happening? Where was she?
Questions came to her mind, well, until her eyes fell over a stool, which was covered with a sheet of golden cloth and a bowl was kept over it.
She frowned in confusion, as it was kept in a distance and couldn't see what the bowl had in it.
By the time, the shower of lavender stopped just as she forwarded her steps towards the stool.
The bowl was surrounded by the petals of Lavenders.
Like it was all strange that there was only Lavender and no other flower.
Panchali stumbled back in her steps, just as her breath hitched. A knot formed in her stomach, as her eyes widened at the sight.
Kheer?
Her chest rose and fell vigorously as her breath came in short pants.
Her mind played the vision of that night how her father was feeding the poisonous kheer to the Mumma forcefully.
Panchali felt her knees weak,stumbling another step back, as her gaze was fixed on the kheer.
Her hands shook like the same on that night, when she fired a wrong shot at her Mumma, when the fact was she was about to kill her father instead.
"Happy Birthday." There was a chorus wish from the back, she was pulled out of her thoughts.
With heavy breaths, she turned around abruptly frowning, her eyes clashed with certain people that Dusshala had mentioned earlier. All of them were smiling.
"Wish you a very Happy Birthday, dear. May all your wishes come true." Kunti wished her, with a warm smile just as every other one had.
Well except Duryodhan, who didn't care about anything or anyone as he was there just because Bhanumati persuaded him.
Another was Krishna, who knew what was going to happen, and stood there with a smile that carried sorrow.
Taking a prolonged deep breath, Panchali calmed her nerves.
"Who have done this?" She asked directly in a stern voice, making them furrow their eyebrows.
"Why Putri? Didn't you like this?" Gandhari asked.
"I asked a question to get answers in return, Maharani." She snapped back.
"And you cannot talk in that tone with Mata." Duryodhan mentioned, in an offended voice. "She is the Queen of Hastinapur, and talk with due respect to her."
"I just asked a simple question, Rajkumar and hoped for an answer in return. None of you seemed to reply, who have done all these things." Panchali asked, slowly running her patience.
"Calm down, Yuvrani. It's your Birthday-" Subhadra flinched at the sudden interruption.
"I ASKED WHO THE HELL DID THIS?" She shouted, not in anger, but due to the trauma.
There was a sudden silence as everyone turned baffled watching Panchali offended.
"Panchali, it's all of us who helped the Pandavas but why are you reacting like this?" Bhanumati said, frowning after taking a look at the expressionless faces of them.
Pandavas?
Just when she shifted her eyes meeting with them, she watched their perplexed look, with Arjun holding his bow and Nakul having a glass jar in his hands.
Whereas the five brothers were confused by her behaviour. It was all fine till few moments back.
She was okay with the fireflies when Nakul released those from a glass jar. She was alright when Arjun released an arrow towards the packed up Lavenders in the ceiling, making those shower over her.
She was okay when again Arjun lit the candles spreading a soft glow, and when she looked around the decoration.
Then where did things go wrong that all of a sudden she disliked everything.
When she finally noticed their presence, why did her eyes reflected disbelieve and a hint of hurt and betrayal?
"You all did this?" She asked, not believing Bhanumati.
They suddenly felt their words stuck inside their throat. Why couldn't they answer looking at her accusing eyes?
Panchali felt a wave of betrayal and hurt washed over her heart and soul, which was slowly turning alive in the past five to six days.
Her jaw tightened, passing hard glares at them, she didn't know what took over her that she abruptly turned and pushed the stool, making the kheer scatter all over the floor.
There was audible gasp while Panchali breathed heavily, feeling a shortage of breath. A look of hurt etched on the faces of the Pandavas.
However Krishna shut his eyes feeling the whirlpool of emotions same as Panchali.
"What are you doing?" Kunti asked, rather harshly.
Panchali turned, breathing heavily, "Making the things correct that your sons have thought to meddle with."
They hurt eyes met with her accused ones.
"What wrong have they done, putri?" Kunti spoke in defence for her sons. "For two days they have been planning to surprise you. All these things are done by your husbands only. Arjun had gone to temple in the dawn to offer prayers to Mahadev for your good wishes. Nakul and Sahdev had gone to fetch fresh Lavenders for you. Yudhisthir and Bheem had made kheer and other deli-"
"And who told them to do this Rajmata?" Panchali asked, raising her voice. "Have I told them to celebrate my Birthday? Have I?
Kunti stepped two steps forward, "What's my sons fault over here, Panchali? They have done so much just for you, and instead of being grateful that your husbands have presented a surprise, you are throwing tantrums?"
She had had enough of watching her sons going through the same rejection again and again.
As a mother, she noticed and had always insisted her sons to take initiatives in mending their relationship but as if all their hardships went in futile when Panchali came up to insult them than being a little happy.
She knew it was difficult for Panchali to accept her marriage with five of her sons. As a woman, she knew it what the emotions could be.
But as a mother, how much would she witness her sons going through the same hatred, guilt and hurt all over again.
"Tantrums?" Panchali mocked in anger. "Rajmata, tantrums are thrown by them who have high expectations. And when they don't get satisfied by anything, they show tantrums."
"So, tell me when did I say that I want a surprise for my Birthday? Then from where are you getting this high standard word called tantrums?" She added, in a rude sarcastic tone.
"Panchali, I have been supporting you since day one. But I am sorry, now at this point, I can't agree with you." Bhanumati rebuked her.
"All of us have seen how your five husbands are trying to mend your relationship. But can't you even take one step ahead?" She continued, while Panchali once again was hit by a wave of betrayal.
Even Bhanumati?
Her inner voice laughed at her, mocking at the irony of her life. Well, out of everyone she never thought Bhanumati would ever rebuke her for something she didn't even stand at fault.
"Just like a carriage which needs two of its wheels for balance, a relationship also requires balance from both the sides, Panchali. Here only your husbands are giving efforts, whereas from your side it's just nil." Bhanumati criticized more.
"And who the hell told you that I want to carry this marriage?" Panchali snapped back, making Bhanumati frown in displeasure.
"You are happy in your relationship with your husband, and I never commented on that or even eyed. So I would suggest you to do the same. Stop your interruption in my life and the matters that concerns me and not you." She added, insulting her further.
"Just because you are the Yuvrani of Hastinapur, that doesn't give you all the right to insult my wife. Apologize to her right now." Duryodhan stated in anger.
Panchali scoffed in mockery, "Well, then how about you apologize to my husbands first for constantly insulting them at every point of their life? How about you falling on your knees apologizing to the Crown Prince of Hastinapur for trying to send him and his brothers to jail on the basis of absolute fallacy?"
Duryodhan, Bhanumati and Gandhari visibly tensed up as they looked down not knowing what to answer back.
"Oh, did you think that just because I stay inside my room all day, I am oblivious to whatever shit goes around the Palace?" She asked, taunting them.
Kunti and her sons looked at her being perplexed. What was she?
At one point she leaves no stone unturned to show her hatred towards her husbands and the next time she stands for them like none before.
"Now tell me the great Pandava brothers, what made you arrange this oh-so-outstanding surprise for me? And how did you know about this day? I don't remember mentioning anything personal about myself to all of you." Panchali taunted them, making them lower their eyes.
"Bhabhi, Aryan informed us about your Birthday." Dusshala's soft voice reached her, while that name of her best friend felt like thousand arrows piercing her heart.
An ever thin line of tears made its way to her lotus shaped eyes, which she dropped to the floor, not wanting anyone to look at her slight vulnerable eyes.
Her lips parted ever slightly, as she took a shaky breath. Didn't Aryan know how much sensitive the day was for her that she constantly dreaded.
How many more disappointments were awaiting her?
Krishna gulped the lump, watching his strong friend slowly breaking from inside.
It was the most sensitive issue of her life, and the words of everyone were just a salt over her wound.
Only if he could stop the destiny.
Panchali's jaw tightened in anger, as she looked up to her husbands who were apparently hurt and was silent for the entire time.
But nothing could stop her tongue, as emotions finally took over her conscience.
"And what made you brothers think that it would be highly appreciable to celebrate Birthday for me?" She questioned, while a knot formed in their stomach.
"Just because I was going soft on you people, you thought it would be a brilliant idea to meddle with my personal life? Didn't I warn you to stay away from me? Then why have you done all these things?" She rebuked them, harshly not noticing a thin layer of tear pooled in the eyes of those mighty warriors.
"Panchali." Kunti scolded her. "From when celebrating a wife's Birthday become wrong? You should be grateful enough that you are having the fortune to be loved -"
"Everyone's lives are not same to celebrate joy, Rajmata. And I certainly hate how your sons try to do things for me." Panchali mentioned, with a jab of words.
"What's your problem with my sons? How can you behave so insolently? And about joy of life, how much do you know my sons? Do you even have any idea how much of hardships they have faced in their life?" Kunti chided in anger.
"Huh, what? Hardships?" She mocked.
"Chandi ki chammach or sone ke thal leke paida hone wale Rajkumaron, aap k panch putra, kya jaane jeevan k kaate bhare raaste mei chalna kya hota hai." Panchali spat her words, when they looked up at with extreme hurt.
(Princes born with silver spoons and golden plates, what your sons know about walking on the thorns filled roads of life?)
She took a deep breath, noticing a lone tear that slipped from Sahdev's eyes unconsciously.
"You know what Rajmata, for a moment I thought I was doing wrong with your sons, ask them, they're right before your eyes. Hence, I suggested them to remarry." Panchali stated while Kunti had her eyes wide open in shock.
Well, she didn't know the distance between her sons and her daughter-in-law was so miles apart that she suggested them, to marry again?
Which wife would want the co-wives of their husband?
She looked at her sons, who all had their eyes lowered as pure hurt etched their faces. Her heart twisted in pain watching her lovely sons going through the same rejection from the love of their life.
"And who are you to make a decision about my sons' lives?" She asked, rather sternly.
"Just like you, who made a decision of my life by forcing me to marry all of your sons." She snapped back, taking a look at their vulnerable expression.
A knot formed in their stomach once again hearing the same accusation.
"And after hearing their decision, I thought of giving this marriage a chance." Panchali mentioned, when their shocked eyes met hers.
She noticed a glint of hope in their eyes. Hope to be accepted.
But she was far beyond hurt.
"But after the stunt you all pulled today, I hardly believe I can ever give it a chance now." She paused, as they anticipated.
"I feel like it's better I die than spending my life with you all. Because trust me, I feel suffocated and disgusted by your mere presence." She spat the words pointing her fingers at them.
The jar slipped from Nakul's hands, breaking into pieces. They stumbled back, feeling weak in their knees.
Their hearts twisted with a sharp pain. Was they that intolerable that she feels suffocated and disgusted just by their presence?
They gulped the sharpness of hurt and guilt that formed in their throat.
How much more to endure the hatred from her?
Tears blurred their vision, as just standing on their feet seemed to be a difficult task.
"You're heartless, Panchali. You lack the minimum amount of human emotions." Subhadra commented on gritting her teeth, wiping the lone tear that slipped from her eyes watching her cousins.
A lump formed in Panchali's throat hearing Subhadra and getting the meaning well why she rebuked her.
"I thought you were different, Panchali. I thought you just needed some time to adjust. But I was so wrong." Bhanumati chided her.
"Words are sharper than swords, Panchali, and you are nothing but a cold hearted monster who can just throw daggers of words at the people without knowing what effect it can have." She added, criticizing her further.
Panchali was used to such titles, then why all of a sudden it's becoming tough to hear those things all again.
"You're right, Bhanumati. A woman's heart carries affection and softness but here this woman is far from soft." Subhadra taunted, in anger.
"Bhadré, no..." Krishna mumbled knowing what could be the consequences of his sister's words on his Sakhi.
"I wouldn't be surprised if someday Panchali goes out taking the lives of people. Because she lacks the basic organ called heart, after all." She added a jab.
Krishna shut his eyes, feeling a pain in his heart just like Panchali.
The breath stuck inside her throat as she heard Subhadra. Her face turned pale, as her mind replayed the terrible scenes from 15 years back.
Her hands shook slightly, as she felt a shortness of breath. She parted her lips open, trying to take breaths.
The heart that was accused of being cold and cruel, pained with the sharpness of agony.
Staying for a second longer there seemed to be a difficult task, as she forwarded her shaky steps and dashed out of the hall.
Kunti shook her head in disappointment at the retreating figure of her daughter-in-law, just as her heart pained at the emotionless facade of her sons.
"Putra..." She was about to step towards her sons but soon halted.
"Mata, please leave us alone." Yudhisthir requested, in an absolute no emotion filled voice.
Kunti wiped her own tears and went out of the hall, while others followed behind.
"Madhav..." Arjun's soft broken voice reached Krishna, who halted in his steps.
Just the six of them were left in the hall.
The bow finally slipped from his hold, as the simple job seemed to be too difficult.
"Is it true that it's better to die for her than living with us? Are we that unworthy to receive such hatred from her?" Arjun asked, while tears finally streamed out that he bottled up till the entire time.
Krishna shook his head in denial, his eyes glistened with sorrowful tears.
"Do we truly disgust and suffocate her?" He once again asked, taking a shaky breath.
His chest tightened with pain and rejection. He started to doubt himself.
Yudhisthir's eyes dropped to the dagger, that they bought for her. And the blood that laced it.
They planned to give it to her by themselves. But everything went upside down.
With each passing words of her, his hold over the dagger increased as the precious stones attached to its sheath pricked his palms, resulting in heavy bleeding.
"This dagger is the symbol of love, then what went wrong that she didn't even got to receive this. Is our love that weak and false which makes her feel suffocated? Are we binding her?" He asked looking at it, rather to himself, while few drops of blood fell over the floor from his palm.
"Don't doubt your love, Jyest." Krishna tried to assure. "Panchali flowed with her own emotion and things just came out all it itself."
Nakul frowned, "You are trying to say that she didn't mean those words which were sharper than my swords?"
He gulped the knot, licking his dried up lips, he stated, "She hates us."
And soon a tear slipped from the eyes of the Charmer, making his heart bleed with his thoughts and her words.
"Where did the things go wrong, Vasudev?" Bheem asked, genuinely wanted to know the sudden turn of events.
Krishna instead gazed at the youngest Pandava, "What are you thinking, Sahdev?"
He gulped gazing at the scattered Kheer, his mind finally giving a signal of the six months back incident of the Pehli Rasoi.
"W-we made a blunder, Bhratashree." He fumbled in the sudden realization, while his brothers frowned in confusion.
"What do you mean, Sahdev?" Yudhisthir asked cautiously, not getting good vibes.
"Kheer." He replied, when their faces turned into a bucket filled with cold realization.
Their hearts once again twisted with the sharpness of terror as their mind flashed the panic attack that Panchali got at the night of their Pehli Rasoi, six months back.
And yes it was their fault as they did a huge blunder.
Only if the Pandavas knew the results of their mistake.
Greetings Loveliest Readers,
Please don't criticize Kunti much because she wasn't at fault as the mother. Panchali too gave savage answers in return.
Don't be harsh on Bhanumati and Subhadra. They will soon regret their words, that's all the spoiler I can give.
And at last don't abandon me, guys, for making Panchali go through so many things. Maybe the next chapter would be some more traumatizing, but please bear it.
Actually I am used to the love from all of you and suddenly if y'all say that you guys hate me for creating traumatizing plot, then I'm sorry.
My heart won't be able to take that and eventually I would stop writing the story.
By the way, the previous chapter has just a few votes, why? Is it not reaching up to your expectations?
Well, whatever it is I would all again love to see your reviews. So, do the needful.
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Hiya