First, I'd really like to thank you all for your support on last chapter. It was very emotional to write, cause this story is actually based on my own personal story... and last chapter had a lot of what my first day of treatment was like. I really appreciate your comments🫶🏻.
You woke up at the usual hour to go to school and found Taylor beside you. You tried to not wake her up but as soon as you got off your bed, Taylor opened her eyes.
- "Hey baby, how are you feeling?" She said.
- "I'm so tired, my head hurts. I don't even want to look at my eyes, I bet they're so puffy and swollen from crying" you said touching your head.
- "I'll ask mom for some medicine for your headache, and I'll also get some gel ice packs for your eyes while you get ready for school"
You thanked her and hugged her; she was so supportive. You showered and threw your uniform on. You went downstairs and found Taylor and your mom having breakfast at the table, but in your place, instead of seeing your usual yogurt bowl for breakfast, you saw some scrambled eggs and two toasts topped with avocado. You instantly panicked.
- "I'm not having that for breakfast" you said evidently bothered.
- "Yes, you are. You need to start varying the foods you have. Taylor said you have a headache, I'll give you a pill, here" your mom said handing you an acetaminophen pill.
You sat down and Taylor gave you the gel ice mask for you to put under your eyes while you had breakfast. You stared at your plate for five minutes without moving a single muscle, silence filled the room.
- "Come on, darling. I know you can do it" your mom said gently touching your shoulder.
You grabbed your fork and pinched a piece of the eggs, ate it, chewed it, and swallowed it. Tears were building in your eyes, while your mom kept stroking your shoulder. You repeated the action three more times until Taylor said.
- "Take as much time as you need, if you miss the bus, I'll drive you to school. I'll go get ready".
- "Thank you, Tay". You said.
You kept slowly chewing and swallowing until all the egg was gone. You couldn't believe what you have just done, it had been months since you last ate eggs. They were delicious, but you felt so guilty at the same time.
- "I can't eat anymore. I'm really full" you said.
- "You need to eat the toast, darling" your mom said.
With the help of the fork, you held the toast in place while you scraped off the avocado with the knife of one of the toasts, while your mom watched the scene with so much sadness. You scrapped off the toast until it had almost no avocado left on it. You took the napkin and grabbed the toast without touching it, then gave it a small bite. Chewed and swallowed. You repeated it with half of the toast. Then put down the toast and said - "I can't do it anymore". In that moment you realized that Taylor had been standing behind you for who knows how much time.
- "Please mom, let Tay drive me to school now".
Your mom hesitated, but finally agreed. You went upstairs to brush your teeth, came down and grabbed your backpack. Your mother hugged you and said goodbye, but before letting you go, she said "I know this is hard, I'm proud of you for trying scrambled eggs and a bit toast for the first time in a long time. However, last night I ordered the vitamins and the supplement Dr. Sach ordered, I expect them to arrive this afternoon or tomorrow morning. That means that, once they arrive, you will have to make up for what you don't eat with supplements. Alright?". You nodded in silence and left with Taylor.
You were silent during all the ride. Taylor tried to joke around, but you were just not in the mood, you felt like all your control was being taken away from you.
- "I've got some interviews and work stuff to do with Tree today, I'll be home late, but call me if you need to. Okay? I love you" Taylor said.
- "Love you too" you replied.
You arrived at school only 10 minutes later than you would've if you would've been able to catch the bus. Classes went okay, gratefully you had no homework to do yesterday, because you couldn't have done it anyway, as you did nothing but cry yourself to sleep.
At 12 you went to the school's parking lot and your mom was waiting for you. You got into the car and remained silent all the way down the treatment center. Your mom kissed you and you entered that lovely house for the second day of outpatient treatment. Nurse Lily took your vitals and then you sat down at the table to have lunch. You were waiting for the kitchen team to pass you the plates when Mary asked.
- "So, how was your first day?"
- "Horrible. I swore I was not coming back today, but here I am" you said chucking.
- "It'll get easier, I promise" Mary replied.
You smiled at her and received your plate: red beans, white rice, a salad made with lettuce, avocado and tomatoes with olive oil and strawberry juice made in milk. You just took the fork and started to play with the beans: you would grab one, lifted it, and then put it down back.
- "Elizabeth, start eating" Dr. Sach said, she was the therapist in charge of accompanying today's lunch.
- "I don't want to eat this. I don't like it" you replied.
- "It doesn't matter if you don't like it. You must eat" she said.
You started with the salad first: you began by smashing the lettuce to clean the "extra" oil from it. After you felt like you had smashed it enough, you took a small bite, counted the times you chewed until you felt like they were enough and swallowed. You repeated the process with the rest of the lettuce and all the tomatoes.
- "Try to eat the avocado without smashing it" Dr. Sach said from across the table.
You ate a piece of avocado but instantly felt impressively guilty. After about 10 minutes you finished the avocado. It was 1:40, you had 20 minutes left to finish your plate and you had only finished the salad. By 1:55 you had just eaten 1/2 of the beans and the salad. Within 5 minutes all the girls had finished their lunch, except for Mary, Cassie, another girl and you. Dr. Sach asked the kitchen team to take your plates and give you supplement instead. You had to drink one and a half cup of supplement again. You stayed still for a couple of minutes and saw Cassie and the other girl stand up to go to the group therapy room. Then heard Dr. Sach say: - "Elizabeth, honey, you know that you need to drink all of it today".
You took one of the cups and quickly drank all of the half-filled cup but started to cry immediately. Mary comforted you as she finished her half cup of supplement.
- "I can't do this. Please" you said sobbing.
- "Let's take a shot together" Mary said trying to help.
You hesitated, but eventually grabbed your cup and made a toast with Mary. She also had one cup of supplement left too. Within 10 minutes you both finished your supplement while toasting and joking. You both went to group therapy. Time passed by fast and before you knew it was afternoon snack time. You walked inside the dining room and saw the food: a cheese croissant and vanilla flavored supplement. You asked for a knife and a fork and started to cut into tiny pieces the croissant. Took a bite to your mouth and tasted it: it was so delicious. You had the whole croissant within 15 minutes but could feel the croissant's fat going directly to your cheeks.
- "You're doing really good" Dr. Sach said.
- "I'm full" you replied.
- "You're halfway done, drink the supplement and you'll be free to go" Dr Sach said encouraging you.
You drank the supplement quickly, said your goodbyes and went out to look for your mom's car. You were so anxious, you felt like you were going to explode. She was waiting for you, and you quickly jumped inside the car. There was almost no traffic, so within 15 minutes you were home. With Taylor out, as soon as you got home you told your mom you had homework to do, which was true, but before doing your homework, you went to your bathroom, locked the door, and bent over the toilet to throw up. It was too much. Too much supplement, too much food. You could feel how all of it made you instantly bigger. You were glad Taylor was coming late, if she would've been home, she would've probably wanted to talk and be with you all the time, and you wouldn't have been able to do what you did. You did your homework and after a couple of hours, heard your mom calling you for dinner.
She prepared a chicken Caesar salad with croutons. You struggled but managed to eat all of it. You puzzled for half an hour and went to bed, feeling guilty for everything you had eaten that day, hoping for a lighting to strike you. Feeling so sad and anxious about the control being taken away from you.