Rose doesn't just come back into the room, she almost runs in there. There's no one there. Jennie's not here. She's not in the bathroom either. What should I do? Rose, without thinking, quickly goes to Irene. Surely the girl went to a friend. She needs to hurry, her leg is about to hurt. At any moment. What if something worse happens and she can't walk at all, even after taking a pill? What if she has to have surgery? God, no. It's like death. It's better to die than to be left without volleyball for another year. She will not tolerate another year of rehabilitation. She needs that fucking pill! Right now!
Jennie is not in Irene's room. Interrupting the conversation with the girls in the middle of a sentence, Rose runs back to her room. There's no way she's going to let her leg get in trouble. She takes a bottle from the bedside table and greedily drinks the water. Her back hurts too. The girl touches her forehead. She seems to have a high fever. How long has she been off the pill? More than a day. This is already good. What Jennie wanted. But now she just needs the pill.
Rose sits down on the bed. She's exaggerating. Of course, she's exaggerating. It's just that she's irritated, and also this pain, and a high fever. It's not that scary. She'll just wait for Jennie. Wherever she is.
Where is she?! The blonde is looking at the time on her phone again. She unlocks the screen and types a message.
Rose: Where are you?! I need my pill, my leg hurts!
Jennie: I'm in the first-aid post.
Rose: What?! And what do you want me to do?!
Jennie: ?
Rose: I need my fucking pill, Jennie. My leg hurts! And you also gave me a cold. What the hell are you doing there? Can you come back?
Park sends an SMS, and then squeezes the phone so hard that it is about to crack.
Jennie is not responding to the message.
Rose: Hey! You can get mad all you want, that's your business. But I need a pill, my fucking leg hurts! Are you stupid???
Jennie: Take it from my suitcase.
Rose: I don't want to go through your suitcase!
Jennie: You have to. I didn't think drug addicts were so principled.
Rose throws the water bottle to the side, and it falls loudly to the floor.
Rose: What does that have to do with it? My leg hurts! What if my leg gets worse? You're selfish!
Jennie: Rose, you're such a fool.
Roseanne throws the phone on the bed, but does not calculate the force, and it flies away, slipping and falling to the floor. She is standing in front of her roommate's bed. She stands and watches. She was allowed to. There's nothing wrong with that. She will take what belongs to her.
She slowly squats down, carefully holding her leg to stretch it out to the side. Nothing works, and she just sits down on the floor. Her hands are shaking as she pulls out the suitcase. She opens the suitcase uncertainly, but still. She takes out a box of pills, unwraps it, but with more fussy and abrupt movements. She takes only one pill from there. She puts it back away. She needs to take everything. She pulls out the pills again and takes her pills back.
Rose quickly gets up and goes to the bottle. There's some water left. She takes a pill in her mouth and washes it down with water. She goes back to her bed and lies down. She closes her eyes.
Every minute lasts forever. She's waiting for the pain to go away. Does she need twenty minutes or thirty? It's been too long, but Rose no longer thinks that everything will end badly. No, it's okay. The pain in the leg goes away as well as other unpleasant sensations.
Where's Jennie? Is she even coming back soon? She shouldn't have snapped at her. She would have allowed her to get into the suitcase anyway, they had agreed on a gradual refusal. That's just that she could give it herself, and not go somewhere.
She's in the infirmary. So. Rose frowns. She spends some time looking for her phone, which has flown behind the bed.
Rose is rereading the messages. Her body gets hot, and her heart starts beating faster. What the fuck? She was angry, and her leg hurt, but how could she not notice what she typed to Jennie? The girl swallows and slowly lies down on the bed. It's all her bouts of aggression. When she's angry, she doesn't control herself and doesn't think much. It's all about that. Involuntarily, and as if by themselves, her fingers open the browser on her phone and type "Oxycodone addiction" in the search.
No, that's nonsense. She doesn't swallow them in batches, like drug addicts do. Only for medicinal purposes, to relieve the pain. Today there was this pain. So it's okay to drink painkillers.
Her eyes run over the lines of the article she found. She turns off the phone. She hadn't been breathing the whole time. Rose opens her mouth and sighs heavily. It was as if something was pressing down on her chest. She opens her mouth again and slowly draws air into her lungs. It's stuffy in here.
Everything that is typed there is nonsense. Yes, she was angry. She has lost her temper more than once, and it is impossible to reach her at such moments, everything happens by itself. As if in a state of passion.
Thoughts about the leg... So they are reasonable. That's right, she's afraid. Who wants to become incapacitated for a year? Especially when your life is a sport. Real life. These are reasonable fears.
-Damn it.- Rose groans, throwing her head back.- Shit.
She opens the chat. A lump rises in her throat. What can she type to Jennie? Park rubs her forehead with her fingers. How she doesn't give a shit about the girl she dated for a year, and how she's worried right now just for ignoring the fact that Jennie got worse and she's now under the supervision of doctors. Why is that?
Are all lovers like this? Actually, Rose wasn't particularly emotional about those she had connections with anyway.... She knows for sure that if it wasn't for Jennie, she wouldn't have been able to finish everything so easily. Yes, maybe she wouldn't have been tormented by feelings, and it definitely wouldn't have hurt her, but at least she was softer and ready to endure even an unpleasant conversation in order to part as humanely as possible. Or maybe not. Maybe she would also like to end everything without further ado. She was always infuriated by all this chatter with explanations and excuses.
What should she type to Jennie? Maybe she should come and apologize right away. To explain. She probably won't even want to talk. But personally, it will still be easier for her to do this than to type something. And what can she write to her except "I'm sorry"? How many apologies in one day.
She was allowed to visit Jennie. For fifteen minutes. What is fifteen minutes? How can everything be solved and explained in such a short time?
-Excuse me, but can I stay with her until dinner? Please.
-No, she needs peace.- The nurse answers in a soft tone, but seriously.
-It's really important. I promise, if she wants to, I'll leave right away. Only forty minutes. Please.- Rose notices that she looks very pleading. What's wrong with her? What kind of day is this?
-Just today. If she has the same high fever tomorrow, then the visits will not last longer than fifteen minutes.
-You have a visitor. If you feel worse, ask your friend to leave earlier.
-Okay.
Rose swallows, looking at the girl's back. It's hard for her to even approach. "God, Rose, what's wrong with you?! What the fuck?!"- The blonde is angry at her own feelings. It's so unusual for her. Everything is unusual, and this fear in particular.
The door is closing. Rose takes uncertain steps. She freezes a meter away from the bed. She slowly inhales and exhales. There's nothing to breathe with.
-How are you?- Jennie asks without turning around.
-I'm fine.- Rose's voice is hoarse. She clears her throat and comes closer.
-Lie down with me.- Jennie asks.
A lump forms in her throat and her eyes begin to sting. Rose bites her lip quickly. Some kind of shit. She slowly lets out the air again and takes a decisive last step, after which she climbs onto the bed.
-Give me a hug.- Jennie fumbles with her hand behind her, and Rose quickly moves closer, snuggling up from behind, takes the girl's hand, and she pulls her to her stomach. She presses her, and then she presses her back against Rose.
It's hard for the blonde to breathe. She has not been able to breathe normally for more than half an hour. It's all because of this girl.
-What is it?- Jennie turns around, and Rose quickly lowers her head, burying her face in her shoulder.- Hey. Rose? What is it?- Her voice is surprised, hoarse and scared.- It's all right.- Jennie turns and wraps her arms around her face, lifting her up. With her thumbs, she wipes the moisture under the blonde's eyes.
-This is some kind of shit.- Rose whispers, pulling away and hiding her face in Jennie's T-shirt. Kim sighs heavily and raggedly, laying down and hugging her with both hands to herself.- You're too hot. God, I'm such a bitch.
-No.- Jennie whispers.- It's not your fault, it's your pills. Everything is fine. We'll get through this.
Park doesn't speak. She's not entirely sure if it's the pills. She has been unstable and emotional since childhood. She only blames herself. The pills have nothing to do with it.
-I just... My leg hurt.
-I know.- Jennie pats her on the head.
-God, you're so hot. You must feel so bad. How are you?- Rose looks out, and Jennie lowers her head and, freeing one hand, brings it to the girl's face, after which she rubs the pad of her finger under her eyes.
-It's okay. I'm alive. You were right, I'm selfish. I got angry and rude to your girlfriend, yelled at you and at poor Eunchae. I could have saved the situation otherwise.
The blonde jerks her head:
-Eunchae? I'm glad you finally sent that crazy girl to fuck off. Do you even know what she's capable of, she's...
-Rose.- Jennie interrupts her.- I don't care. I told her that to save you. I just did it aggressively. I've already apologized to her. Maybe she's not well, maybe she's weird... whatever. If you treat her like a psycho, then she will become one. To save a person, it is necessary to treat him humanely.
-Jennie, I'm sorry, but you don't look like a saint, why such patronage and pity?
-I have never offended people weaker than me. What do you think of me at all? It's not a pity. It's just not difficult for me. You should try it too.
-Is it because of the way you were treated at school?
-No.- Jennie smiles.- That's because I'm observant. And watching the weak is even interesting. How people change them. I didn't communicate with such people, but I remember one girl who came with me. She was so smooth. Pretty girl. By the end of the year, she was entering the class as an outcast. She stopped smiling after six months.
-I like that you have it in you.... I don't pay attention to such things. I didn't bully anyone, but somehow I don't care about them either. It's just... Eunchae... forget it, I don't mind. Maybe you're right. I broke up with Yerim.- Rose adds quickly and buries her face in Jennie's chest again.
The brown-haired girl is silent for a while.
-Well, okay.- She finally says.- You're not really worried.
-I didn't love her.
-I see. Okay.- Jennie hugs her with both arms, and they lie in silence for the next few minutes.- Actually, she's not bad. She's arrogant, but she's cute. I didn't think people like her were your type.
-Yes. No, she's fine. It's just that the relationship started and didn't seem to bother me. Everything was fine.
-Yes? And what happened?
Rose doesn't know what to say.
-She noticed the hickey.
-Well... I'm sorry.- There's not an ounce of remorse in Jennie's voice.
-I don't care. She would have noticed it anyway. She left on her own.
-Well, you're free now.
-Volleyball is my life. I wasn't interested in relationships. I had a girlfriend, I had a sport. Everything was fine with me. Relationships are not the meaning of life. If it hadn't been there, I would have been alone, because I didn't care about anything at all except volleyball. And then the injury happened, and everything became meaningless there. So, relationships are... their importance is too exaggerated.
-I understand. I'm not fixated on it either. I like to change people. Different emotions all the time. Do I sound like a slut? At least you're there for the sport.
-No.- Rose answers immediately. She doesn't have time to hold back a heavy sigh. "I like to change people".
-Are you still in a relationship with me?
-Well... I prefer exclusivity. Are you tired of me?
-No, I'm happy with you.
-Great.