You were in your room, sitting on your bed, writing your to do list, you missed a day of school and the thought of falling behind was driving you crazy. You had your AirPods on, so you didn't hear Taylor's knocking. Your big sister carefully opened the door and try to catch your attention, you paused the music, took one of the AirPods off and smiled at Taylor. That's when Taylor spoke up:
-"Hey baby, you've got a minute? What are you doing?" Taylor said nervously picking at her nails.
-"Yup. Sit down" you said calling her. "I was about to finish organizing my to do list. Are you okay?"
-"Yeah, I'm fine. I just want to have a word with you. You don't need to say anything you don't want to, I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable" Taylor said while sitting down in front of you in your bed.
-"You're scaring me Tay, what's going on?"
-"I'm worried about you" Taylor held both of your hands in hers. "You are sad, lost in your thoughts and constantly irritated. You are tense around food and at meal times..."
You interrupted -"Tay, I've already told you there's nothing going on. I had everything on my plate today at lunch and I had all of the breakfast you did for me, ask Tree".
-"Actually, Tree said she was worried about you too. So did Blake".
You opened your eyes in surprise, have they been talking about you?: -"What? What did they say? If it's about what Betty said at lunch, she's just a little kid. Kids don't know what they're saying most of the time".
-"I think that Betty knew what she was talking about. Of course it was not okay to do it like that in front of everyone, but she's right. Tree and Blake hadn't seen you in months, so they were surprised and kind of shocked with your attitude and..."
-"And what?" You interrupted.
-"And weight loss, they say you've lost weight and the difference it's obvious. I agree with them".
You stared at Taylor for a few seconds and then looked away, you were about to cry and didn't want Taylor to notice. But she did, her heart broke as she saw you so vulnerable right there. She thought she was getting you to open up. Taylor squeezed your hands, then she continued talking:
-"Lizzie, If you're struggling with body image, food, or an eating disorder. You can trust me, I just want to help you. You know I've dealt with an eating disorder myself. You can talk to me, baby".
For a brief second you thought about telling Taylor everything. You knew that the eating disorder thing was too extreme. Yes, you were feeling kind of anxious around food and your body, but you didn't have an eating disorder, you weren't even thin enough to have one (at least that was what you thought. Disclaimer: I'm portraying what a person with an eating disorder can think. But I'm, in no way, saying that there's a body type for having an eating disorder. You can be struggling at any weight. Your eating disorder is valid at any size). You did feel tired and sad most of the time. For a brief second you remembered that this was not how you've always felt. Maybe Taylor was right, maybe talking to her could make you feel better again. Taylor saw how your eyes watered and hoped for you to open up. You were about to do it but your eyes quickly filled with rage and instead of asking for help you said:
-"I've told you a thousand times I'm fine, Taylor. How many times do I have to tell you for you to believe me? Do you want me to lie and tell you I have an eating disorder so you can feel good about yourself? I'm not in trouble. I'm perfectly fine. You come home for a couple days once every two to three months and you think that you know what's going on inside my head? STOP! Leave me alone" you said as you got your hands off from Taylor's.
Taylor jaw dropped, she really thought she was getting somewhere with you. But was shocked at your reaction, you have never talked to her like that before. There was so much rage in your eyes.
-"I know I haven't been here as much as I used to. But I love you with every piece of me. I just want you to be okay and happy, life's not supposed to feel this heavy, baby" Taylor said trying to touch your shoulder but you pulled away.
-"You're imagining things. You're seeing what you want to. For the last time: I'M PERFECTLY FINE. Get out of my room, Taylor."
-"But baby.."
-"GET OUT. LEAVE ME ALONE!".
Taylor did get up and left your room after giving you a sad look. As soon as she closed the door you felt extremely guilty and started to cry. You've never treated Taylor that way, you loved her so much and loved how much she cared about you. You didn't know why you got so mad at her. You wanted to scream for help, but all you could do was feel rage and when you tried to open your mouth, nothing came out. You started to get really anxious so you changed yourself into workout clothes and decided to go for a run. You went downstairs and saw Taylor sitting down on a couch scrolling on her phone. Her eyes were red and puffy, she had been crying. You ignored her and passed by her.
-"Where are you going, Liz?"
-"I'm going for a run" you snapped back.
-"You are not going out" Taylor said.
-"Yeah, whatever you say" you said as you approached the door.
-"I'm serious. You are not going out to exercise, Elizabeth" Taylor said very seriously.
-"Okay, Taylor. Then I'm exercising here".
You put on your AirPods and started to run up and down the stairs. Taylor was shocked. She couldn't speak. She saw you running frantically upstairs and downstairs. Getting weaker minute by minute. Taylor started to cry. She didn't want to leave you alone, but couldn't stand to keep looking at how you hurt yourself. She decided to go to the backyard and call Blake, cause that way she could keep an eye on you but still get to do something else.
-"Hey Tay! What's up?"
-"I..I... don't know what to do, Blake" Taylor said crying.
-"What happened? Are you okay?" Blake asked with so much worry in her voice.
-"I tried talking to Lizzie but she got so aggressive. She insists she's perfectly fine, but we both know that's not true. She told me to leave her alone and to get out of her room, so I did. But then she wanted to go outside for a run and I told her she was absolutely not doing it, so she got really mad and started to run upstairs and downstairs frantically. It's been 15 minutes and she won't stop".
-"God Tay, I'm so sorry. When are you leaving again?".
-"I'm leaving tomorrow morning. I'm going to be away for another month...what if this gets worse while I'm away?"
-"I think you should talk to your mom before you go. Remember the first intervention I did? You denied everything, you were even angry at me, but the worse part is that after that, your eating disorder got so loud. I guess than once you felt like your secret was out, your efforts to hide it decreased considerably, but it was also obvious that you were not trying to fight it either anymore. You should warn Andrea about this, she needs to take her to the doctors, to get her help as soon as possible". Blake said.
-"You're right. I'm speaking to my mom about this tonight". Taylor replied. It felt weird listening to others talking about when she herself was sick...she hadn't thought about that in a long time.
-"I'll try to keep an eye on Lizzie, If It's okay with you. I can call her, invite her over to play with the kids". Blake offered.
-"That'd be so great. Thank you Blake, she has always seen you like a big cousin or another sister". In that moment Taylor realized she wasn't seeing you anymore. She quickly thanked Blake and hung up. She went inside the house and started looking for you. She found you sitting down in one of the stairs steps with your eyes closed trying to catch your breath.
-"What happened Lizzie?".
-"I felt bad, I got really dizzy. I decided to stop working out".
-"Do you want me to help you get up, bring you some water?" Taylor asked.
-"Yes, please" you answered.
Taylor helped you to get up and guided you to your room. She then went to get you some water and you asked if she could bring you a snack too. You were really hungry, you felt like you were going to faint any minute if you stood up again. She happily agreed and brought you a granola bar with a pear. You ate your snack, thanked her and went off to sleep.
Taylor knew this was serious, she was planning on how to tell your mother about this when she heard the front door opening. It was time.