Morning came painfully slow.
It took me everything not to fall asleep while reading during the night. I think its going to be another coffee and red bull kind of day today.
To avoid looking too suspicious, I decided that I'm going to go downstairs into the great hall for breakfast this morning figuring i haven't been down there for ages.
As i entered the great hall, i could just feel eyes on me. And i know its probably just me being paranoid but i feel as though everyone in that hall knew every little secret and every little thing I've done. The fact that i now didn't actually have anyone to sit with didn't help.
I walked over to the Gryffindor table, grabbed an apple and then walked back out. I would much rather sit out in the sun anyways rather then sit in a hall where no one likes me nor wanted me there.
I could feel Lupins eyes on me as i walked out of the room.
I haven't properly eaten in days, yet i don't feel hungry. The thought of eating food or just the thought of food in general made my stomach churn.
I sat in the courtyard and started to take small bites out of my apple. I only got 4 bites in before i started to feel nauseas so i put the apple in the bin, grabbed my bag and headed to my first class.
I only had potions and charms today so easy to avoid Lupin.
I arrived at my potions class and suddenly realized that I'm still partnered with Harry, Ron and Hermione. SHIT. They're definitely not going to be happy about that...
I reached the table they were sitting at and all three of them looked up. Their glares felt like they were burning through my skin. "Not that I'm happy about this either, but we're still partners on this task. I really don't think Snape would be too happy if we complained about it halfway through our assignment." i stated matter-of-factly. Both Harry and Ron gave Hermione looks as if to say 'she's right' and they both turned back to look at me, "Fine." Hermione said in a displeased voice and she turned her attention onto the text she had to read for the potion.
The potion we were in the process of making was called draught of peace. Its said to relive anxiety. A bit ironic for me. I was in the process of trying to stir the potion after adding the powdered moonstone, when Snape called my name from the front of the class. "Miss Clark" he sneered, "role up your sleeves before they end up as part of your ingredients". Everyone was now turned and looking at me. I could feel a hot flush of embarrassment invade my face. Oh no, i cant roll my sleeves up... "Miss Clark i will not ask again" he repeated, getting more agitated. I couldn't do anything, i was frozen to the spot. Unable to move or even respond to Snape. I could feel myself loose control of my breathing. "Okay, for your inability to answer me back and obey my orders, 20 points are deducted from Gryffindor house". You could hear a chorus of groans from other fellow Gryffindor's and a couple of snickers coming from a select group of Slytherins at the back of the classroom. "That wasn't a suggestion for everyone else to stop working unless youse want point deductions too" Snape bellowed and everyone fell silent and got back on with their work.
I put my head straight back down and tried focusing on the work, but i could still feel everyone's glances at me. Especially Hermione's.
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After class i ran as quickly as possible out of the doors and to the girls bathroom on the next floor. I felt like i was about to break down right there and then. As soon as i got into the girls bathroom, i rush to the first cubicle, lock myself in, grab the piece of glass out of my bag, unwrapped the bandage on my arm, and with no hesitation, i dragged the sharp object along my arm, hard enough for the blood to be produced straight away.
The blood was like a river flowing down my arm. The bleeding wouldn't stop. I grabbed a handful of toilet paper and pressed it against my skin as hard as i could and the blood was soaking right through. After about 2 handfuls of tissue paper, i managed to stop the blood from pouring out my arm, but i felt fairly lightheaded. I don't know the exact amount of blood that came out but i was sure that it was too much.
The metallic scent had filled the air. I grabbed my things and ran straight out the bathroom doors to the dormitory's and into my room, then locked the door.
I could feel that the blood was seeping through onto my robe sleeve. I took my blood soaked robe of, re-wet the rag from out of the bathroom and pressed it hard against my skin.
After about 10 minutes, i took the rag off, took a new roll out of my bathroom cabinet, and re- wrapped my damaged arm. The other three cuts on my arm had already scabbed up.
Because of how lightheaded i felt, i had to sit down on my bathroom floor and at some point i must've passed out from the loss of blood because when i awoke, it was considerably darker outside then it had been this morning.
I stood up, walked over to my alarm clock and read the time, it said that it was 4pm.
I had missed charms class! I mentally scorned myself. If they didn't before, people certainly had a reason now to suspect something. And no doubt this will all get back to Professor Lupin. He will undoubtably have more questions to ask me.
I sighed and turned my attention to my arm. No more blood had seeped through the bandage so that was good.
At least one good thing came out from me passing out. I didn't have a single nightmare. Must've been all the blood loss, i thought to myself.
I took the rest of my Hogwarts uniform off and grabbed a pair of jeans and a shirt to put on.
I definitely didn't want to go down to the hall for food after what transpired in potions, so i grabbed a cardigan and headed out the common rooms to the library.
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Once i had got to the library, i grabbed a book called pride and prejudice and sat down at a secluded table near the back of the library. Most people were getting ready to go down for food so the library was pretty much empty. Which i loved. I much preferred to be on my own when reading, far less interruptions.
For me, reading was an escape from real life. When actual life got too hard, i would always turn to books. They gave me a sense of belonging and a way to leave anything I'm worried about behind just for a bit. They were the only reason i survived back home when my mothers boyfriend decided to get drunk and take his anger out on any innocent bystander, which was always me.
Because i read so much back home, and even here, i was quite fast at it, so i could finish an entire book in once sitting depending on the size of it. By the time i had finished Pride and Prejudice was about the same time that Madame Pince was shooing everyone out of the library because it was shutting. This all left me about two hours before curfew and i did not want to spend those hours sitting in the common room so i went down to the courtyard and decided to sit against a tree and look at the stars. It had started to get darker quicker so the stars where quite visible from the courtyard of Hogwarts. However, the fact that it was dark meant that i probably couldn't be outside for very long.
As i had guessed, within a small time frame of 15 minutes, the door to the courtyard had opened and i hear a voice call my name. "Miss Clark" the voice questioned. I turned my head to see no one else but Professor Remus Lupin standing in the courtyard doorway with two books in his right hand and his left propping the door open. "A bit late to be sitting out here, isn't it?" Lupin queried.
I swiftly stood up and gathered my things from the floor, including the book i had finished that i borrowed from the library. "UH- Yes sir, i was just leaving to go to the dormitories now, goodnight!" I tried to make my way past him but he stopped me by putting his hand on my shoulder. "Jus- just wait a minute Abby, why don't you follow me to my room and we can talk for a little bit" I manage to wriggle out of his grasp and i turn around. "Talk about what? There's nothing to talk about" i exclaim with a quite laugh in my breath. "Well about anything you want or need to talk about..." He hesitated for a moment before he said, "I didn't see you at dinner this evening or lunch and you were in and out of the hall during breakfast this morning." It seems i wasn't being as discreet as i thought. I took a sharp intake of breath and shuffled my feet which i tried to conceal from him picking up on but he seemed to have noticed as well as my lack of response because he tilted his head slightly then said, "I also heard that you didn't turn up to charms after break and there was an incident in potions that i was made aware of". Lupin awaited a response from me but i didn't know what to say, its like any sense of words had left my mind and i was just frozen, again.
Lupin picked up on this, changed the books he was holding to his other hand so that he could put his now free hand across my shoulders. In a soft tone he said, "C'mon, we'll go to my room, I'll make you a nice cup of tea and we can talk".
I know he meant well, but the idea of saying anything about me to anyone sent me into a panic frenzy, so i stopped dead in my tracks and said "you didn't see me at lunch and i didn't turn up to charms because i felt unwell and had to go back to sleep, and after i awoke from that, i wasn't particularly hungry so i didn't go down for dinner, i went to the library to do some reading instead" i raised the book i was holding. "And i just wanted to sit outside to eat for breakfast that's all, nothing to talk about regarding that" i lied. "And potions class?" he asked in a concerned voice, "Snape wanted me to take my robe off and i didn't want to" i shrugged. "And why not?" he questioned, "I just didn't want to, i didn't know i had to have a reason not to want something" i was doing my best to avoid eye contact with him so i stayed staring at my feet. "now can i go to sleep, i am awfully tired, didn't get much sleep last night" which wasn't technically a lie, "Go on then.. we'll talk more about this in the morning" He sighed. I knew he could see right through my facade but i didn't care, i just had to get out of that situation.
Ok so, i don't know how everyone's feeling on the story being more drawn out and getting like a bit more of a story before all the big stuff happens between Abby and lupin. I just read a lot of stories similar to this that was like STRAIGHT to the point of it and i just kind of wanted it to be more of a story story for youse, but lmk what youse think and give me any pointers!!!
Bit of a long chapter this time, hope youse don't mind!
But how are you guys enjoying it so far?? I'm rlly enjoying writing it.
I'm pretty sure all the juicy stuff will be happening next chapter so stayed tuned and ready for me to publish it!!!
don't forget to vote!!
TYY for reading <33
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