THE CHRISTMAS TREE LIT UP THE ROOM. The lights were dimmed and only the light in the kitchen shone brightly. Saiko, Shirazu and then Tooru all left to their rooms, leaving Haise and Hayami alone. They tidy up the living room and kitchen. Hayami wanted to help despite Haise telling her she didn't need to. However, she couldn't just let him do everything by himself.
"The coffee was delicious." Hayami commented as she handed Haise a tray with coffee cups and an empty plate on which cookies once were; now there were only crumbs. "And your team is quite interesting."
Haise took the tray. "Yeah, though they can be a handful sometimes." He said. "But nothing I can't handle."
Haise placed everything in the dishwasher. Hayami took a seat on the barstool and watched him as he worked. She enjoyed seeing him being completely in his world while he did something. But most of all, Aya was happy to see how content he was. He was happy with the life he had. He was as happy as Haise Sasaki. The people that surrounded him, made him happy and the work he had, made him feel like he had a purpose.
Remembering Ken, Aya found herself experiencing sadness. He was such a tragedy. Aya remembered the struggle he was experiencing. Ever since Aogiri Tree kidnapped him and ever since Yamori "killed" the sanity in him, Ken didn't have many happy moments or reasons to enjoy his life. That's not the life he should have – Aya didn't want Haise to remember Ken; she didn't want him to remember how painful and sad his life was.
"Thank you for helping me clean up."
Hayami snapped out of her thoughts and forced a smile before he could see the sadness adoring her face. "No problem." She said – but she was not that good at hiding the overwhelming sadness that took her over with memories of Ken.
Haise looked at her with worry. "Everything okay?" He was concerned.
Hayami shook her head, dismissing his concern. "No, everything okay, it's just that...I don't think Urie likes me that much."
Haise chuckled. "Don't worry about him. He... can be difficult sometimes." He said as he took a seat on the bar stool next to her. "I'll talk to him about it." He reassured her. "I guess, he thinks inviting you to Chateau is a bit too quick since we don't know each other that long."
Hayami agreed with him. "Well, that is true..."
"It's just that..." Haise stared at the floor as he gathered his thoughts and the right words to say. "I can't remember my life from two years ago. And there is something about you... that feels like home."
Haise looked at her and Aya felt herself melting under his gaze. He was truthful and that truth was cutting Aya apart. To hear those words made her happy, as much as it may concern. The plan was to make him remember Ken Kaneki, but seeing how much Haise Sasaki was happy – Aya found executing the plan to the fullest a difficulty.
"So, I have to ask you..." Haise took her silence as an opportunity to continue. "Did we know each other?"
Yes. Aya found herself answering that question in her mind. However, Aya could not answer that question, nor could she lie to him. Who am I kidding – I am already lying – Aya felt guilt taking a large place in her heart.
"No, I don't think so." Hayami answered. Liar – she screamed at herself. "But, you said you don't remember your life from two years ago... What happened?"
Haise shrugged. "I don't know. Investigator Kishou Arima took me under his wing and put me in a rehabilitation program. That's how I became Haise Sasaki, Rank 3 Ghoul Investigator." Haise explained to her, his eyes finding the ground more interesting as he talked to her.
"Are you bothered by it?"
"Huh?" He looked at her.
"From not knowing who you were before."
Haise nodded. "Yeah." He answered. "He is in my head. He wants me to disappear so he can take over my body."
"You are saying he is your enemy." Hayami concluded.
"He feels like one." Haise told her. "But... I want to know who he is. I want to know who I was."
Troubled – that's how Haise looked and it was not something Aya didn't see coming. With so many connections from his past coming forth, it was hard to evade them. Haise had Takizawa call him out about Ken Kaneki and he also took Hinami under his ownership, and she saw Ken like her big brother – that was the only thing Aya knew, but she knew there could be much more that was causing Haise to struggle with his old self.
Hayami nodded. "If there is a way I can help, I want you to know that you can rely on me."
She smiled so warmly that it caused Haise to think – I knew someone like you once and I loved you. He didn't know whether he was the one thinking those thoughts or if it was he who was saying them. But there was something about Hayami that just made him feel like there was once somebody for whom he would do anything.
"Oh, right!" Hayami rose from her seat. "I got you a Christmas present."
"Oh, I have one for you too."
Just like children, they went in opposite directions. Hayami went to her bag that she had left in the hallway by the entrance and Haise went to the cabinet by the Christmas tree where he had hidden the present. He didn't want the others to poke around his present for Hayami – so he decided to hide it from them.
Hayami and Haise met in the middle of the room with gifts wrapped. Hayami handed her a gift that was wrapped in red with Christmas trees all over it and Haise handed Hayami his gift that was wrapped in simple red and a rainbow.
"You first." Haise said.
Without protest, Hayami began to unwrap her gift. She was not so careful with the paper – she unwrapped the box and tore open the paper. Haise stared at her hands, those long nails painted in black had no difficulty tearing open the present. He found himself wondering, however, about the silver ring that she had on her left index finger – a gift from someone or just an accessory?
In a wooden box, she found small packages of coffee that had different flavors. "Coffee with different flavors." Hayami smiled. "Thank you." She said. "Now it's your turn."
Haise unwrapped his gift, ever so not elegantly until a book was in his hands. "Crime and punishment."
"Mm-huh." Hayami nodded. "I have read this book more times than I can count and despite being quite complex, I found it intriguing. The protagonist struggles with his inner demons and at the same time, he's desperately struggling to keep up appearances of normalcy and innocence."
Hayami opened his mouth to speak again – but she zipped her mouth shut as she noticed how Haise stared at the book. You gave me this book – do you remember? Hayami tilted her head to the side to have a better look at his face. Being shorter than him, she managed to see the glistering in his gray eyes.
"And happy late birthday." Haise remembers giving a book to someone – the book had a title: Crime and Punishment. "I promised that I'll bring you a book with a better ending."
The girl, whose face was all blurred out, laughed as she gently took the book from his hand. "You know I actually read this book once." She revealed – her voice distorted. "But, thank you. I'll read it again."
"H-Haise?" Hayami spoke.
"It was her birthday."
Aya felt her heart quickening with its beats. Does he remember? Aya wanted to dig a hole underneath herself and just fall into it. She didn't know what to expect or how to act if suddenly, Haise found out that that girl was actually her.
"I gave her a book like this one." Haise said as he traced his hand over the covers. "Whoever this girl was, I remember clinging to her. I cared for her... so much." A tear fell from his eyes and onto the cover of the book. "I cared... and now, I can't even remember her."
Haise broke down in front of her. He felt overwhelming sadness took over. I left her. He can't remember, but he knows deep down that he has left her. She meant so much to him and he just disappeared. Haise fell onto his knees and he hugged the book close, as if he wished it was her he could cling onto.
"Hey." Hayami came to her knees in front of him and placed her gift aside. "Haise." Her hands, ever so gently, came to his cheeks. "Look at me."
Haise hesitated, but the way her voice called out to him, he couldn't say no. He saw those blue eyes in which he could get lost. Seeing him like this made tears appear in her eyes as well. However, despite the guilt she was experiencing, she smiled. Her thumb gently wiped away the stray tears that trickled down his cheek.
"You will remember her one day." She comforted him. "And you will tell her everything that has happened to you. And she will understand." She already knows.
Hayami drew herself forward and she wrapped her hands tightly around him. She held onto him, because she felt so guilty for provoking memories he had been running from for two years. She wanted him to remember her. But she didn't want him to remember everything else that had happened to him. However, if those things did not happen, he would never have met her.
The book fell to the ground, creating a loud thud followed by the sound of Haise pulling Hayami closer. He wrapped his body around her, gripping gently onto her as if she was a beacon of life. Their bodies were manipulated until she was sitting with his legs underneath her. Haise wanted her like this – close and warm – forever. I will never let you go – Haise promised.
◾
HAISE SASAKI HAD A LITTLE TASK – GIVEN TO HIM BY HIS MENTOR, AKIRA MADO. He went to the CCG archive and searched the shelves under the letter KI. He searched for the name of a ghoul by the name of KITSUNE. It took him a bit of time until he found a book with the name, along with AOGIRI TREE written under it and an SSS rating.
"SSS rating?" Haise repeated. "Strange. I never heard of her." He commented.
Why is Akira interested in this ghoul? Haise pondered as he made his way toward the office that belonged to Akira. He knocked on the door of her office and entered when he heard her voice permitting him to enter. He entered inside and placed the box on her desk. It doesn't seem that heavy... Haise thought as he freed his arms from the box.
"Thank you, Haise."
She barely glanced at him as her eyes were completely on the reports set on her desk. He saw Aogiri files spread on the desk, along with the recent Rose case that has been the primary focus.
"Akira..."
"Mm?"
"If you don't mind me asking, why the sudden interest in Kitsune?" Haise asked. "I never heard about this ghoul."
Akira looked at him, resting her hands on the desk. "That's nothing strange." She said. "She disappeared after the Owl Suppression Operation after she became a Kakuja."
"Kakuja?" A visible shock appeared on Haise's face and Akira nodded to his question. "You think she's back?"
"Investigator Ui believes she is and even I believe so, that's why I want to look into it." Akira said. "Kitsune came from the 24th Ward. Since she first appeared, she was SS-rated. What gave her that rating is the fact the similarities of her kagune traces were 50% identical to a ghoul known as Carnage. Carnage disappeared 22 years ago and no one has heard of her since. Kitsune is possibly her daughter."
Carnage sounded like the name of a very bloodthirsty ghoul that must have been real trouble among ghouls and humans. There was a document on Akira's desk that said Carnage – with notes: dead?; Kitsune's mother? Haise concluded that Akira had done a lot of research regarding Kitsune to come to such conclusions.
"Like mother, like daughter. She was a terror in the 24th Ward. Ryuu Tsukino was hell-bent on hunting her down after she killed his mentor and the rest of the Squad. What made Kitsune stand out from the rest of the ghouls, is that she was always watching. She had her eyes everywhere."
Akira opened the box in which all records regarding a ghoul named Kitsune were being kept. She listened through the papers and took pictures. Haise looked at the pictures. He saw a ghoul that was dressed quite casually. In a black oversized hoodie with a hoodie, black ripped jeans and boots. To hide her face, she used a black medical mask. The way she was dressed seemed as if she was the most harmless ghoul. The pictures Akira gave him, showed the ghoul Kitsune standing on top of buildings and watching events unfold with hands in the pockets of her hoodie.
"When the Aogiri Tree emerged, we found out she is affiliated with them."
Akira gave him more photos, revealing her in a different outfit. Black jumpsuit with her usual combat boots and Aogiri cloak. The black medical mask seemed to be her trademark. There was a photo of her using bikaku kagune which resembled nine tails tainted red and with sharp ends. That's why she's Kitsune.
Kitsune were trickster foxes from traditional Japanese folklore and the more tails a kitsune has (they may have as many as nine) the older, wiser, and more powerful it is. They possess paranormal abilities that increase as they get older and wiser. According to folklore, the kitsune-foxes can bewitch people, and they have the ability to shapeshift into human or other forms, and to trick or fool human beings. While some folktales portray them as faithful guardians, friends, and lovers.
"There are rumors that her Kakuja had devoured her. While I believe..." Akira placed a photo of another ghoul. "This is her."
I saw her. The ghoul was dressed in a skin-tight jumpsuit with a black cloak that flowed around her and fell to her tights. The hood was over their head, hiding their eyes and a mask with sharp edges resembling a fox's muzzle covered her mouth. X. That was the name by which CCG called the ghoul. Looking at X and Kitsune, Haise barely found any resemblance. Kitsune seemed informal, laid-back, almost uninterested in the way she held herself. X seemed serious, without any slouching in the way she stood.
"That's X." Akira said. "You heard of her I believe. Even saw her." Haise nodded. "We are yet to see her in action." Akira added. "Until we don't see what she's capable of, we won't know if this is Kitsune or a completely different ghoul. She has been sighted many times watching ghouls and CCG, especially now with this Rose care. But she never does anything. It is a bit frustrating."
I think I knew her. Haise thought as he watched the pictures of Kitsune. Something in him was saying that he knew her. With those thoughts in mind, Haise went to leave Akira's office, but she stopped him before he could even reach the doorknob. He looked at her – she wore a serious look on her face – a professional one.
"When were you going to tell me?"
Haise felt his blood freeze. "Huh?"
"About Hayami Ikeru."
He did not forget – but he was rather avoiding it. He was certain Akira would not approve of his affections towards Hayami because of his situation and he was not ready to hear her discourage his feelings. He did think of telling her, however, somehow Akira found out about the woman he had been seeing through other sources.
"Uh..." Haise let out a nervous laugh, scratching the back of his head. "I got caught up with work—"
"Haise." Akira interrupted him before he could continue finding excuses. "I expect you to tell me about these things. Though I didn't expect you to be this reckless and invite her to Chateau." Haise had no excuse and to his hopelessness, Akira sighed. "Do you like her?"
Haise raised his head. "Yes." He answered without hesitation.
"Do you trust her?"
"Yes."
"Does she know?"
Haise hesitated. "No." He lowered his head shamefully.
"Do you want her to know?"
"I guess..." Haise answered. "I know we don't know each other long, but I'm happy with her and she means a lot to me. I believe I mean a lot to her as well. If... we ever get serious, I know I will have to tell her who I am."
Looking at him, as he stood there with so many thoughts, Akira could guess he was feeling defensive because he didn't want to be scolded by her. Akira wanted to protect Haise Sasaki because he could be so naïve and mostly, she didn't want him to be emotionally hurt by a woman. Such hurt, she was certain it could influence his work performance.
However, Akira was not without a bit of research. Arima told her about Hayami Ikeru and Akira questioned the rest of the Quinx squad about her without Haise's knowing. Afterwards, she even looked into her. Hayami seemed like a hardworking individual and nothing about her stuck out. She seemed ordinary – that was Akira's conclusion regarding Hayami Ikeru.
"Haise." His gray eyes looked at her, ready for whatever she wanted to say. "I'm happy about you. But don't let your emotions towards Hayami Ikeru affect your job. I still expect only the best."
There was a smile that built on Haise's face and a spark in his eyes before he left her office. Akira leaned on the desk, a bit troubled but she didn't have any right to discourage his emotions towards someone. It was natural for a being to have feelings for another. Treat him like a human – that's what Akira was told and that's what she's trying to do.