After a while, Rose returns. Her mood is spoiled — she is worried and thoughtful. The conversation with Yerim was very strange. Her girlfriend had never been so confident. She was even rude. She's coming. Tomorrow. On Sunday, relatives will come to many, it's such a day. Rose wasn't expecting anyone, she didn't even think about it. It's too far to drive here. But Yerim is not confused by the distance: nothing seems to bother her anymore, except the blonde herself.
She's changed. That's what her girlfriend said. Actually, Rose doesn't agree with this. "You've changed, I understand that you're busy, that you have different things there, but it seems like some kind of excuse. It's like you don't want to talk to me. It's like you don't want me. You've become different." Actually, no. But Rose couldn't say that she had always been like this. She always talked to Yerim without much enthusiasm. There was just a girl, I just had a habit of tolerating that she was often around or often texted. Maybe Yerim is the only one in the whole world that Rose could tolerate. She can't even imagine any other girl she could be with for a year and see several times a week, read messages every day, respond to them. Calls. Calls... No, there was something about Yerim that made it easier. Which didn't make it difficult. This relationship was not a heavy burden. Anyway, this year Rose had something to think about, something to worry about, and she just didn't have time to think about dating an unloved person. Maybe if she didn't feel any passion for anything, and her head wasn't occupied with thoughts of sports or injury, she would think about what she wants a bright, emotional relationship, and her soul would want more than you can get from an unloved person.
To endure is a bad word. Actually, until this week, it had not appeared in the girl's head, she did not perceive it as something that needed to be tolerated. It was because she was answering messages, answering calls. She was walking and paying attention to Yerim. And when she wasn't paying attention, she was busy with school, Lisa or volleyball. Now... it's different somehow. She doesn't answer messages, even when she has free time, doesn't answer calls because... Well, because. Brain-pronouncing phrases immediately appeared. Some kind of whims... Of course, Yerim is right, she felt these changes. And if earlier the phrase "I'm busy" was perceived calmly, now reproaches like: "You're busy all the time, maybe you just don't want to talk to me?" sounded more and more often, and these few days Rose really endured. Yerim became uncomfortable with her demands. But Rose could not have imagined that her girlfriend would not wait for August to talk about it in person. Yerim didn't even ask, she decided.
-Hey!
Rose even flinches. Irene waves her hand in front of her face. It's like a vacuum passes, and the veil falls from the eyes. The sounds get louder and the picture is clearer. Irene is lying in her place next to Jennie. The brown-haired girl has raised herself a little on her elbow, she is staring intently at Rose:
-What is it? Something happened?
-No, Mom called. I was just thinking.
Jennie frowns, turns her head strangely, as if waving an eyebrow. She lies back down on the bed without saying anything. And then Rose realizes that Jennie saw who called her. Damn. She lied to Jennie, and she didn't say anything, clearly realizing it. And how stupid it was.
The blonde's gaze becomes a little guilty, as if she is trying to make it clear that she said that on purpose. Besides, she doesn't want to focus on the fact that she has a girlfriend in front of everyone. On the other hand, she could have just said "friend", but... what difference does it make?
Rose notices that she is not the only one allowed to hug Jennie so intimately. She and Irene do it perfectly. While Seulgi is telling something, and the girls are listening attentively, sometimes nodding, Rose is staring at Jennie's hands lying on Irene's stomach, and at the hands of the brunette, who took Jennie in their arms. Her girlfriend. She's angry.
Park feels a boring gaze on her and turns her head to Eunchae, who is sitting next to her. Is she still here? Eunchae looks like she's grinning. It's like she's telling Rose with her eyes alone: "See, she treats everyone like that. And she will hug me the same way!"
-Shouldn't you be going?- Rose suddenly says loudly, and Seulgi falls silent. Everyone is looking at the blonde who stands up.- We're hospitable and all that, but, Eunchae, the four of us would like to stay.
-Am I interrupting? I'm not sitting with you.- Eunchae looks at Jennie for support.
-Actually, I don't feel well and I'm going to sleep soon. They're going to leave now too.- Jennie says softly, but immediately.
-Don't be silly.- Irene says rudely, rolling her eyes.- Get out of here.
Park smiles involuntarily. She likes Irene more and more. No, not because she's rude or, like Jennie, she doesn't go out of her way to say a word. And the fact that she doesn't care about anything. Maybe it's not true, but twice today, Irene seemed to voice Rose's own thoughts. Both times with Eunchae. There, in the grandstand, and here, in the room.
-People like you are punished.- Eunchae hisses, standing up.
-Who? You?- Irene grins after her.
-No.- Eunchae turns her head sharply in her direction.- God.
The girls, pursing their lips, stand for a while until the door closes behind Eunchae. And then they start laughing.
For the rest of the day, Rose wondered if she should tell Jennie about Yerim. That she was coming. On the one hand, she could meet Yerim and go for a walk with her. I'm free all day tomorrow. They are unlikely to meet Jennie. Surely they won't go to a sick girl's room? That's what she'll do. There's no need to talk about it. It's not that Jennie cares. Rose thinks that she would just shrug her shoulders and that's it. Well, what about it? Jennie is not jealous of her. I would like to, of course. It would be nice, it would be fun... well, it doesn't matter if she's jealous or not. This is just the beginning. It's not bad for Jennie either. Rose is a good option. The best. Jennie should be glad that she got into this position. To be happy and jealous. It's stupid to fight these thoughts. Of course, I would like everything to be mutual: interest, desire, and jealousy.
The girls slept together. Rose had never had to sleep with someone in such a cramped bed before. Cuddling up to someone all night. Anyway, snuggling up to someone for longer than a simple hug would allow. Jennie was very hot. Very restless. She would shudder, and Rose would wake up, hugging the girl tighter. She probably wouldn't have done it if she hadn't been sure Jennie was asleep. It's one thing to hug, and another to cuddle a person, like a mother cat of her kitten, which twitches in her sleep. Caring, soothing, reverent. Rose was confused by her own behavior, her own attitude.
She had never been the one to stick two fingers in her mouth at the sight of something sweet or sweet, but she was also not prone to this kind of tenderness. Neither Yerim nor Lisa were like that. No romance. Everything about them was in moderation, just like Rose, and she was happy with it. Although Yerim often took Rose's hand, it was more to announce or prove something. It wasn't a show of affection or an attempt to make their relationship more sweet. It was unclear to whom and what Yerim wanted to demonstrate, but the blonde knew for sure that if they were being watched, especially in a club or next to friends, she would definitely take Rose's hand or put her hand on her shoulder in a possessive way.
Mom. Exactly. Mom was like that. For a hyper-caring woman, this is normal. She often straightened Rose's hair, not so much because they needed it, but in order to touch her and at the same time tilt her head slightly to one side, touching. She often touched Rose when addressing her. For example, if a girl was doing her homework and her mother was picking up laundry in her room, she would come up, pat her on the head and ask her something. Often, too often, she touched her hand, offering something. When she praised Rose, there had to be physical contact. "You're such a smart girl," Mom said, putting her hand on her forearm and squeezing. Then she could run her thumb stroking."You're the best," and she tilted her head, touched by how beautiful her daughter was. Her mom didn't even need to be told that she loved her. No, parents, of course, can love and not repeat it all the time, but that's not the point. And the fact that she could not talk, but this love was felt in everything: in the look, in the touch, in the voice. Rose knew what it was. And she wouldn't be able to if a girl treated her like that too. If she were constantly babbling, touching her, touching her, looking at her with such eyes. She didn't think she could.
Jennie shudders somehow more strongly, and Rose, squeezing her hand under her head, hugs the girl with both hands, laying her on her collarbone, pressing her to herself, pressing her lips to the top of her head.
-I'm not going anywhere.- Jennie whispers, and the blonde's eyes widen. She stops breathing, and her body suddenly stiffens. She hears her own heart: it is clearly pounding somewhere in her throat and ears. Rose, of course, did this, being sure that the girl was asleep, but now she clearly realized that she was doing it only because Jennie was asleep.
"Did she wake up every time or just now? God, how stupid. Now Jennie will think that I'm a crazy, lovesick fool."
Lovesick fool.
Rose sighs heavily, loosening her grip, and Jennie tilts her head to look at her.
-You're just sleeping restlessly.- Rose decides to answer, making it clear that this is only concern or concern. No more. It would be better for her to be restless and caring in her eyes, rather than add to this everything else that previously came to mind.
-Your heart is pounding so hard.- Kim whispers, lying back on the blonde's collarbone.
Rose doesn't speak. Basically, she doesn't know what to say.