Routine. Something I'd forgotten existed until this week. And suddenly, I've found myself in one, and a great one at that.
Rex drives me into school every day where I meet my friends by the lockers before going about our day together. There are even a couple of new people that we've started hanging out with, and I'm surprised by how easily they've slipped into our tight friendship group.
They're both surgical students too and they met George and Lexi first in their surgical skills lab. April is a very energetic, very hardworking redhead who somehow manages to keep up with Lexi's sarcasm and George's jokes, all whilst acing every test and attending church regularly on the side. Alex is quite the opposite and I often find myself wondering how he ever got a place on the surgical programme. He seems to be more interested in girls than anything else, but he's funny and charming in his own way. George is definitely glad of some male company. He's even tried joining in with Alex's sleazy comments, despite knowing himself that that's not really him at all.
After our last class of the day, I have around 30 minutes to an hour before Rex finishes work, so instead of catching the bus, I make my way to room 201. I've been doing this since Tuesday, and now that it's Thursday, I'm definitely settled into this new regime of mine.
As I always do, I try to listen through the door before I open it just to double check that the coast is clear. I crack open the door expecting to see Robert's face peeking over his computer, but the room is empty. I step inside, the door falling closed behind me as I peer up the steps. Nope. No sign of him.
Weird. Sighing to myself, I turn to open the door again and -thud. He's pushing it open from the other side at the same time, crashing into me as he enters the room.
'Oof- shit, sorry. You okay?' he says, grabbing my shoulders to steady me. I'm fine, but I can't manage to get those words out. That's the other thing. He's been... distant since Monday night's chat. No touching, no kissing... and this is the most contact we've had since then. I hold my breath involuntarily, my palms becoming clammy with the contact.
'Remy?' he snickers, his mouth arching into a smirk. 'You alright?' he asks again, loosening his grip on my shoulders. I nod, still unable to find my voice. He lets go of me, clearing his throat. 'Good,' he smiles, letting his hands drop from me completely and swaggering over to his desk. I roll my eyes in frustration, wondering still why he's holding back.
'So, what joys will you be studying today whilst I pour over your class' assignments?' he asks, dropping into his chair behind the desk. I walk over to him, sitting in the chair on the other side of the desk.
'I have a paper to write for History of Medicine,' I say, pulling a face. He chuckles.
'Sounds riveting,' he jokes, wriggling his eyebrows.
'It is,' I say sarcastically, 'especially when it's due in two days.' He chuckles again, picking up a pen and twirling it between his teeth.
'Better get going, huh?'
And this is how I spend my time - stealing the odd glance in his direction as he scribbles away. I admire how his tongue sticks out a little when he's concentrating, the way he runs his hand through his hair and makes it stand on end in dismay when he reads something stupid.
It's very distracting. I barely get anything done.
'Ya know, you've only written three sentences,' he points out after at least half an hour has passed.
'Yeah... I guess I'm not really in the mood for it today. My mind keeps... wandering,' I add, quirking an eyebrow.
'Oh, does it?' he grins. 'Well, do you want to share with the class?' He extends both arms out, gesturing to the empty room as he leans back in his chair.
'I was just wondering why you suddenly seem so... reluctant with me,' I say, leaning back in my chair nonchalantly, although I'm inwardly cheering myself on for my bolshiness. 'Care to share?' I add, smirking.
He purses his lips, a slight smirk still evident. 'Ah, you noticed,' he says, linking his hands together over his slender stomach. 'Well... I recently told this girl I really like that I have rather a lot of baggage... and although she said she's fine with it, I wanted to allow her a little more time to mull it over. With no... distractions... to sway her decision.' He looks at me pointedly as he says this, and I have to stop myself from laughing.
'Ah... you really like this girl, you say?' I tease, willing the heat in my cheeks not to show.
'I do,' he nods, his gaze never leaving mine. 'She's pretty great. I'm punching way above my league with her, to be honest.'
'I don't know about that...' I say, grin faltering as I know all too well that if anything, it's the opposite way around.
My attention is brought back to him as he rises from his chair, my eyes drawn to his shirt as it pulls a little over his solid torso. 'You see, these past two days haven't been easy.' He speaks confidently as he walks slowly around the desk towards my chair. I'm completely taken with him, unable to move, locked in his gaze. 'But it was only fair to allow you that space, Miss Boden. To really consider what you'd be getting yourself into. So, I ask you,' he rests both hands on either one of my armrests, propping himself up only inches away from my face, still smirking. 'Have you made your decision?' I nod slowly, swallowing thickly.
The closeness of him makes me weak and I'm sure I'd have fallen over had I not already been sitting down. His eyes are intense yet playful as he holds me under his gaze. 'Good,' he whispers as he closes the couple of inches that remain, crashing his lips to mine.
And before I can even think, I'm kissing him back. Lips softly pull on each other as his hands find my jaw, coming to rest on either side of my face. I run my hands up the taut muscles of his arms as I find my way to loop my arms around his neck. Needing more, my fingers grip his hair, pulling him closer and he steadies himself on the chair to stop himself from falling down onto me. That familiar groan vibrates from low in his throat as he obliges, seemingly needing this as much as I do.
I don't know how long we spend there, locked in a make-shift embrace, but when we're finally torn apart by the shrill ringing of my phone, I'm left breathless.
I answer it without thought, Robert still hovering over me, smirking with glazed eyes and wet lips.
'He-hello?' I stammer, mouth twitching up into a smile as I try to control myself under his gaze.
'Hey, sis, I'm in the car. You coming?' It's Rex.
'Uh... yep, I was just on my way,' I lie, holding my phone up with my shoulder as I pick up the bag from beside me with my free hand.
'Alright, see ya in a sec!' He hangs up, Robert standing upright with me as I rise from my chair. We're still so close and it takes everything in me not to pull him into me for round two.
'Well, I'm glad we cleared that up,' he grins playfully, bouncing a little on his feet as his hands return to his pockets.
'Definitely clear... yep,' I reply bashfully, popping the 'p'. I return his grin, fully aware that my whole face is flustered.
I'm falling so hard for him. Damn.
'I, uh... that was Rex so...'
He sighs. 'I know, I know. Leaving me all alone,' he says in mock despair, rolling his eyes playfully. I huff out a laugh, knowing that if I had a choice, I'd never leave.
'Until tomorrow,' I promise.
He nods in response. 'Until tomorrow,' he repeats and he watches as I go.
The next day is a Friday - usually a student's favourite day of the week as it means the weekend is finally within reach. However, it's quickly become my least favourite day as it means I won't see Robert for two whole days.
I've become so used to seeing him every day now, and after last night in particular, I'm left wanting more. I feel like I actually made progress yesterday, that he's fully aware that I'm sure of my choice for the first time since this... thing started. And I'm keen to see him again tonight as soon as my last class finishes.
I sit through my classes, barely paying attention as I watch the clock and wait. Finally, at long last, the final bell rings and I'm free to go.
Walking out with my friends, I think about how pleased I am that my brother works here now. He provides a perfect excuse for my staying back at school an extra hour and my friends never question it. I wave them off as I head towards the library, rerouting to room 201 once they're out of sight.
As I approach the door, I hear a voice coming from inside. I edge closer, unsure of what to do when I hear that it's Robert's voice. He sounds angry and it's an unfamiliar tone coming from him. I listen more intently to try and hear who he's talking to, who's making him so mad.
'I don't care! We had an agreement, did we not? The weekend. No no no, not one day, the weekend... yes it was!' The lack of response from the other party suggests that he's on the phone, but I don't dare to go in just in case. Also, he might not want me to hear this part of his situation yet. I'd understand that.
'No, no, it's fine. I uh... yeah. I'll see you then. Bye.' I hear him sigh heavily, followed by a loud clatter. I push the door open fully and he swivels on his heel to face me, his phone in pieces scattered across the floor behind him.
He sighs defeatedly, his whole body slumping a little, his chestnut eyes full of pain. 'Hey,' I breathe out, downcast. Dropping my bag to the floor, I walk over to him, not needing to speak to make him feel better. He's taken by surprise when I wrap my arms around the back of his neck. I feel him soften as he snakes his arms around my waist and I rub reassuring circles into the back of his head, his short hair needling my fingers.
Somehow, this feels more intimate than any of the kisses we've shared. We're chest to chest, his heartbeat against mine, his face nuzzled in my hair as his breathing steadies.
After a minute, I pull back, hands still at the back of his head as I come face to face with him. 'You alright?' I ask, head tilted as his tired eyes find mine.
'You know those... complications I mentioned? Yeah, they're rearing their ugly heads pretty good at the moment,' he sighs, breaking contact and leaning back against his desk, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. I nod, knowing exactly what that's like.
'Do you want to talk about it?'
He stares at me as if he's trying to read my mind. 'I don't have anywhere to be,' I add, joining him against the desk. 'Honest. I'd... I'm here.' I smile at him sympathetically, reassuring him. Staring at the floor, he sighs, blowing out his cheeks.
'Okay, so the whole reason I moved here was for Avery. And the whole reason she was moved here was because of Jen's new man.' He sucks air in through his teeth before continuing. 'I've never met the guy beyond seeing him when I pick Avery up, but for some reason he's formed this huge dislike for me, to put it politely. He's been saying some pretty shitty things about me to the point where Jen has actually started to believe him. And for the past couple months, they've been... withholding her from me. Cancelling last minute, picking her up early, that sorta thing. He's controlling the whole situation completely. And then last week-' he breaks off, voice cracking with emotion.
Instinctively, my hand reaches out and grabs his arm, giving it a reassuring squeeze. 'They... they're talking about full custody. Taking her from me completely and moving out of state. And I... I just...' he gulps and his eyes glass over. 'I can't lose her, Rem.' He looks so broken as his eyes brim with tears and it kills me to know that another human being could ever want to hurt him like this.
'Hey, hey,' I whisper, one hand rising to his face, stroking his cheek as a tear falls. He grabs my hand and holds it to his face as he breathes shakily, walls visibly coming down. 'It's not fair. I-I did everything for her. I gave up everything to be here...'
'I know, I know,' I say, thumb still skirting across his cheek in reassuring strokes. 'Hey, this could all just blow over ya know? Could just be words, threats from a weak, jealous idiot. But if it's not, there are things we can do, yeah? I can't tell you it'll all be fine but I can be here. I can help in whichever way you need me. Always.'
His lip quivers slightly and it breaks my heart to see him so broken. I lean in, pressing a soft, barely there kiss on his full lips. I can taste the salt from his tears.
I go to pull away but I feel the hand that's holding mine stiffen as he stops me from moving. We're so close, only a centimetre or two from his mouth as his eyes dart around my face, a mixture of emotions flashing across his expression. And then he's kissing me.
It's desperate and passionate and like nothing else I've ever experienced before. He's changing direction quickly with his head, sending sparks up my spine every time he breaks away and crashes his lips back onto mine again. My hands rake through his hair, cheeks flushing red when he groans in response.
In the midst of it all, I instinctively flick out my tongue, swiping his bottom lip, taking us both by surprise. He flinches away, panting as his eyes search mine, mouth slightly open. A mixture of confusion and seeking assurance and desire that I'm finding hard to read.
Embarrassingly, I think I've probably gone a step too far. I was lost in the moment. 'I- I'm sorry... I-'
'Do that again,' he interrupts, voice husky and low as his dark eyes stare into mine. Heat pools in my core as I lean in again, doing as I'm told. This time, he meets me halfway.
The kiss is slower, more measured, but still extremely intense. My hands are around his neck, his on my waist and it's him who strokes my bottom lip with his tongue this time, asking for entrance.
My breath catches as I oblige, opening my mouth and allowing his tongue to meet mine. A moan rumbles in his chest and I have to stop myself from crumbling right there in front of him.
Tongues twist together, the pace steady and gentle as we explore this new feeling. His minty taste is magnified as our tongues swirl before lips tangle with each other again. I feel like I'm finally seeing in colour, like I've been missing this perfect experience my whole life and now I have it, I never want it to end.
Much to my disappointment, eventually, I have to pull away for air. We're both panting as we look into each other's eyes. His hand pushes a strand of hair behind my ear, head lilting as a content smile appears on his lips.
'That was...' he shakes his head, unable to finish the sentence. 'Thank you. For just being here. Today was really rough but you just... make it better,' he says. I could just melt right there in front of him.
'It's usually you saving me,' I say. 'About time I give a little back, dontcha think?'
He huffs out a half laugh. 'I should get upset more often,' he jokes lightly, his hand dropping as he remembers. I wish I could read what he's thinking. 'It'll be okay, right?' he asks after a minute, big eyes crinkled with worry.
'I'm almost certain that everything will be just fine,' I reply, hoping to a God I no longer believe in that it will.