Don't forget to vote and comment
Thank you 💕💕
March 6th, Thursday 2024
Beyoncé Knowles
9:00 am
I'm curled into a ball, gripping the comforter. My family is out for breakfast and I'm at the house, crying. I can't believe this is happening to me. I sigh softly then I slowly get out of bed. I walk out of the room and I walk past a mirror, I slowly back up and I look into the mirror. My eyes are red and puffy and my nose is red while my skin is flushed.
"Fuck, I look a mess." I whisper as I wipe away my tears
As I exit the bedroom I feel my feet touch the cold marble floor and all I can think about is when I was a child. Around Christmas time the floors of our house would be freezing, Solange and I would run down the hall to wake our parents up. Daddy would pick both of us up and carry us downstairs to the living room so we could open our gifts.
Daddy got me my first karaoke set for Christmas and I swear to god I would sing all day long, and he would listen to every song I sung. He told me I had a gift and he wanted me to showcase that gift so he put me in dance lessons.
After I got famous he wanted to be our manager because he "didn't trust anyone with his babygirl" I know he was shitty at times but he loved me so fucking much and he wanted what was best for me at that time.
I snap out of my thoughts and I realize I'm standing at the middle part of the stairs. I sigh softly then I walk downstairs and I go into the kitchen. Once I open the fridge I see some sort of Tupperware with a note on it.
I take the box out of the fridge then I place it on the counter before taking the note off of it to read it.
"Feed yourself baby it's your favorite :) -Meg"
I smile softly before sticking the note to the fridge. My wife is so sweet, and attentive with me even when she's not here. I open up the box then I place the top on the counter. I look inside and I notice it's my favorite, a hash brown omelette and a banana nut muffin.
I stand on my tippy toes and I open the microwave before putting the box inside then I put it on two minutes. If there wasn't food in here I probably wouldn't have eaten at all, I literally didn't leave the house yesterday so I've been inside for basically two days. I didn't eat yesterday so this'll be my first time eating.
I feel so nauseous whenever I even think about my father, and I feel myself getting back into that headspace so I'm trying my hardest not to think about him.
It was Megan's idea for us to buy a house in Japan, because she really loves to be here so of course we did it. I'm glad we did because I can't imagine sleeping in a hotel right now. I stand on my tippy toes and I go into the cabinet where the alcohol is located. It's only 9:15 am but I don't give a fuck.
I grab the Dussé then I grab a glass before putting both of them on the counter. I pour the Dussé into the glass until the alcohol reaches the top. I pick up the glass then I drink the whole thing so quickly, but I feel nothing.
I pour another drink as I wait for my food to stop. Once I finish pouring the drink I hear the microwave beep. I place the bottle down then I open the microwave and I take my food out before placing it next to my drink.
I lean against the counter while drinking my second drink. I hear the front door open.
"I'll be right back y'all." I hear Megan's voice
Megan walks into the kitchen looking so gorgeous. She's wearing a very short black leather shirt that barely covers her breasts and some cute jeans that I'm definitely gonna steal. Her hair and makeup looks so amazing, I'm so obsessed with her.
"Good morning baby." She tells me once she walks inside
"Morning." I weakly reply before taking a sip of my drink
"You're drinking.." she trails off as she looks at my cup
"Yeah. Is that a problem?" I ask
"No..but it's like nine.." she mutters
"So?" I reply in a defensive tone
"Never mind." She drops it
"Me and the kids are going to universal studios, do you want to come?" She asks me
"No.." I whisper
"Okay." She replies
"You got the food I left for you..you're about to eat right?" She asks with a smile on her face
"Yeah baby I'm about to eat." I reply
I feel myself zoning out all I can hear or feel is myself gripping the hell out of this empty glass. Next thing I know the glass breaks and I have glass all over my hands and on the floor.
Megan's eyes widen before she looks at me then at the glass that's on the floor.
"I..fuck." I rasp out before bursting into tears
Megan immediately rushes over to me and she takes my non bloody hand and walks me over to the other side of the kitchen where there is no glass. She lifts me up and she places me on the counter.
"I'm sorry.." I whisper
"It was an accident you didn't mean to." She replies before grabbing the first aid kit
"Baby.." I rasp out
"This might hurt a little bit princess." She whispers
She grabs some tweezers then she plucks the glass out of my hand. I flinch as she continuously plucks it out of my hand.
"Ow.." I whine softly as she uses her freehand to push my hair out of my face
"I'm sorry baby." She apologizes before grabbing the rubbing alcohol
She uses a cotton ball to clean the cuts on my hand. I feel tears roll down my eyes as I watch her wrap my hand up. I think this might be one of my lowest moments right now.
"My sweet girl." She mutters before kissing my hand
"I'm so sorry..I'll clean up the broken glass." I mutter while resting my freehand on the back of her head
"I got it baby." She says
"No, go be with our kids..go have fun baby." I tell her
"I got it." I add on
She rests her hand on my waist then she kisses me softly.
"Are you sure?" She mutters between kisses
"Yes baby. I'm sure, the kids are definitely ready to go have fun." I reply as I rest my hand on the back of her neck as she continues to kiss me
"Please..be more careful okay?" She asks
"I will my love." I reply
She looks down at my chest and I realize my breast are spilling out of my bra. She fixes my bra then she grabs a blanket from the sofa that's in the living room. She wraps the blanket around me then she helps me off the counter.
I sit down on the sofa and Megan places my food on the table that's in front of me.
"Eat babygirl." She says in a stern tone before sliding the food closer to me
"Okay." I respond as she kisses my temple
She kisses my lips once more before grabbing something out of the fridge and leaving the house. Nothing feels real right now, I feel like I'm gonna wake up from this terrible nightmare any second now.
I push the food away from me then I get up from the sofa. I walk into the kitchen and I grab the broom and a dust pan. I begin to sweep up all the glass until there's no visible pieces. I walk over to the IRobot vacuum then I turn it on so it can get up the rest of the non visible pieces of glass.
I sigh softly then I grab the Dussé bottle before walking upstairs and into our bedroom. I sit down at the edge of the bed. I grab my phone and I go to my mama's contact, I hit call and I wait patiently as the phone rings.
"Hey Baby." I hear my mamas voice and it immediately brings me comfort
"Hi.." I whisper
"How are you holding up princess?" She asks me
"Not great..I'm not great at all." I reply honestly
"Me too I'm just looking at your daddy's pictures with you and your sister." She replies in a soft tone
"Can you send it to me?" I ask
"This is a picture of you and your dad after your show a few years ago." She tells me
My phone dings and I realize the message sent. I go into the text messages and I see the picture of me next to my daddy with flowers in my hand. I remember this day, I was in Houston and I gave birth to my twins a year prior to this. He told me he was so fucking proud of me, and he told me they'll never be another me.
"Mommy it hurts..so much." I burst into tears
"I know baby, god I wish I was there to hold you.." Mama replies
I feel like I'm losing my entire mind I feel so out of it and so dissociated. I can't believe this is my life, I just can't.
"Mommy.." I cry softly while rest my forehead against my knees as I wrap my arms around my legs
My inner child is literally coming out because I rarely call my mama "mommy" unless I'm really fucking hurt about something.
"Your dad loved you and your sister so much and I want you to know that." She tells me
"I know I just..I haven't talked to him since December and..when we did talk I cursed at him, I just hope he didn't die mad at me." I whisper
"He forgives you, he loved you so much nothing you've ever done or said would've changed that." She says
"I hope so." I mutter
"Where's Megan and my beautiful grand babies?" Mama asks me
"They are out..they went to universal studios." I explain
"Beyoncé, you sound a little tipsy." Mama says
"I'm not..I've only had two drinks." I reply
"It's like what..10:30 am?" Mama replies
"Mhm." I mutter
I hear her let out a soft sigh.
"Just..be careful Beyoncé." she responds
"I'm always careful mommy." I playfully reply
"Solange is here. I have to go Beyoncé I love you." Mama tells me
"I love you more mommy, goodnight." I respond
"Goodnight." She replies before hanging up
Once I hang up I look at the slightly full Dussé bottle then I grab the bottle and I open it. I put my lips to the bottle before drinking it straight. I close my eyes as I feel the alcohol burning my throat. Once I open my eyes I realize I drank the whole bottle. Now I'm normally not much of a drinker so I can feel the alcohol rushing through my body already.
I slowly stand up then I walk around the room thinking of what to do. I look at the table underneath our flatscreen TV and I see Megan's gun. I bite my lip then I slowly walk towards it. I've never held a gun a day in my life other than the time I took it out of Megan's hands.
Megan told me she wanted to teach me how to shoot a gun but I've always been scared to do that. I slowly pick up the gun, it's so heavy I don't remember it being heavy. I don't know much about guns however I believe this a Glock-20 because it looks like the guns that police carry around.
Once I pick up the gun I just stare at it for a while. I make sure my finger is off the trigger so I don't accidentally shoot. I don't think I'm suicidal but recently I've been wondering what happens after you die.
I can't do anything stupid.
I take a deep breath before placing the gun back in its original placement. I have children, and a wife who really loves me so I just..I can't. I've just been feeling so helpless recently and my daddy dying was the icing on the fucking cake.
I begin to feel nauseous and dizzy as I walk back to the bed. I guess those drinks are finally catching up with me, atleast I won't feel anything for a while.
Megan Knowles
1:30 pm
The kids and I are on our way out again but I just wanted to come back to check on my wife. She's going through so much right now I just wanted to come back home and give her the tightest hug.
Once I enter the house I notice our IRobot vacuum is hitting against the counter so I lean down and I turn it off. Once I walk through the living room I notice Beyoncé never ate her food.
I begin to get an uneasy feeling as I slowly walk out of the living room and up our stairs. I notice that our bedroom door is cracked so I slowly push it open. Once I push it open I walk inside and I see Beyoncé laying on the bed.
I decide to get a little closer to her, once I get closer I notice there's vomit literally all over the floor and in a trash can. She laying on her side so she's not choking on her vomit and I can see her breathing but she's clearly unconscious.
"Beyonce." I whisper while shaking her softly
"No.." she mutters
Holy shit her breath reeks of alcohol. I've never seen her this incapacitated before, ever.
My ankle is killing me right now but I don't give a fuck about that right now. I pick her up bridal style then I carry her to the bathroom before taking off her vomit covered shirt. I slowly place her into the bathtub then I turn on the cold water.
She doesn't even fucking budge. She leans her head over the side of the tub and she vomits on the floor. My eyes widen then I quickly back up before pushing her hair out of the way.
"Mama I.." Blue trails off as she walks into the bathroom
"Mommy?" Blue exclaims as she looks at Beyoncé
"Blue I need you to..go into the kitchen drawer and get the black thing that looks like an inhaler." I tell her
"What's wrong with mommy?" She quickly asks with wide eyes
"Blue Blue please." I say in a more stern tone snapping her out of the daze she's in while staring at her mother
"Okay..sorry." She quickly replies before leaving the bathroom
After a few seconds Blue comes back with the breathalyzer in her hand. Yes we do own a breathalyzer because we have a preteen and a teenager as our children. She hands me the breathalyzer and a bottle of water then she backs up so her back is hitting against the wall.
"Blue go downstairs." I tell her
"But mommy.." she trails off while pointing at a clearly intoxicated Beyoncé
"I know babygirl..just go downstairs with your siblings please." I whisper
She sighs softly before hesitantly leaving our bedroom. I divert my attention back to Beyoncé while sitting on the edge of the tub.
"Babygirl open your mouth." I tell her
I need to see how fucked up she is so I can know what to do.
"Hmm." She mutters as I put the breathalyzer in her mouth
"Blow." I tell her
She slowly opens her eyes then she slightly blows before giving it. She closes her eyes then she slowly dozes off.
"No babygirl wake up." I say in a stern tone before patting her face softly to wake her up
I can't understand a word she's muttering right now. Her hazel eyes look so dark I can't even see her pupils, they are extremely dilated.
"Look at me Beyoncé." I tell her before putting the water bottle to her lips allow her to drink
She looks me in the eyes as she drinks the water. Once she finished drinking I put the breathalyzer back into her mouth.
"Blow." I say sternly
Her eyes roll slightly as she blows into the breathalyzer. The thing beeps and I take it out of her mouth, her blood alcohol levels are .25 which is literally insane.
"What the hell Beyoncé, I shouldn't have left you I'm sorry." I mutter
"Baby. Wake up." I say again before patting her face again but a little harder
I can tell she's awake but she's just not opening her eyes. I sigh softly as make sure she stays above the water so she doesn't like drown or whatever.
"Baby, please wake up Blue Blue is so scared." I whisper
I guess that works because she slowly opens her eyes. No matter how fucked up she is she'll always think about her children so I knew that would work.
"There you go, get up my sweet girl." I whisper
"Ugh fuck.." she mutters
"What's going on?" She asks
"You drank a lot then I found you passed out in our bed with vomit everywhere." I explain
"I'm so sorry baby." She slurs her words heavily
I sigh softly then I begin to clean her off. She just whimpers and moves from side to side like a cat who doesn't want to be in water.
I carry her out of the tub before placing her down, I put her feet above a towel so she doesn't slip. I allow her to wrap her arm around me and to put all of her weight on me.
"can you walk?" I ask her
"Mhm." She mutters then she begins to walk
After a few seconds she quite literally walks into a wall, I sigh softly then I pick her up and I walk into the bedroom. Once I get to the bedroom I lay her on the bed and I look down at her.
"Please.." she whimpers
"Please what babygirl?" I ask
"Kiss me." She mutters
I nod then I lean down and I peck her lips.
"No." She adds on before gripping my shirt to pull me down then she kisses me more aggressively
She swirls her tongue around my mouth until it hits mine, she begins to suck on my tongue making my eyes widen a little. It's rare that she's drunk but when she's drunk she's always so sloppy and aggressive with our kisses and I can't lie I do like that. I slowly pull away while breathing heavily.
"Come here.." Beyoncé mutters
I sigh softly before doing as she asks, I lay down next to her so she can have more access to me without having to sit up and grab me.
"Did you drink most of that bottle by yourself?" I ask her as I hold up the halfway empty bottle
"Yes." She whispers
I'd like to say Beyoncé is quite petite. She's only like 140lbs and she's 5'6, she doesn't drink that much so she can't handle her alcohol that well and she hasn't eaten at all today.
"Why'd you do that?" I question in a soft tone
"I was upset." She replies
"Can I have more kisses please?" She asks
I think she's slowly sobering up because she sounds a little bit more coherent than she did before however she's still fucked up. I nod before leaning my head down a bit to press my lips against hers.
I feel her hand travel to the button of my jeans. I quickly move her hand away, I don't want to get her started. She pulls away then she looks at me with a pout.
"You don't want me baby?" She asks
"I do..but you're so drunk right now." I explain
"This body is all for you, come fuck the drunkness out of me." She tells me with a smirk on her face
"I can't. I don't want to take advantage of you." I respond
"I want you to take advantage of me, use me for your pleasure baby." She slurs in my ear before nibbling at it
"No I don't want to..not when you're like this." I say softly
She sighs softly then she leans back and lays back on the bed.
"Fine.. I'll just get someone else to fuck me." She slurs her speech before crossing her arms
I immediately look at her then I scoff before getting off the bed.
"Fuck outta here with that." I say while standing up
I'm trying not to take it personal because I know she's drunk so she's not in her right state of mind but that kinda hurt a little bit.
"No fuck you!" She exclaims before standing up
I notice when she stands up she's all wobbly and stuff. She slowly stumbles over towards me and she gets in my face, she's not intimidating at all because I literally have to look down at her.
"Lay down Beyoncé." I say sternly before trying to help her back to the bed
"No get the fuck off of me! You don't want to touch me, so don't touch me at all!" She slurs her words while snatching away from me
"Beyoncé, look at me." I say as I harshly grip her face to get her attention
She groans softly while looking in my eyes. She's so drunk her eyes are barely open like I said I've never seen her like this before so it's scaring me so bad.
"That's what I like." She teases while resting the tip of tongue on her front teeth
I suck my teeth then I grip her face a little harder, I don't want to hurt her I just want her to look at me.
"Hurt me, I like that shit baby." She adds on in a seductive whisper
"I'd never do that, I'd never hurt you." I tell her
"Fuck. you." She breaks down the words in a harsh tone
"Beyoncé listen to me. I know you're in so much pain right now but this isn't going to bring your daddy back, you're acting so fucking childish right now. Our daughter is terrified from what she saw, and you're acting like a teenager right now. I need you to grow the fuck up right now." I say harshly while making her look at me
Her lip begins to quiver and her eyes get teary and doe-ish as she looks up at me. It immediately breaks my heart, I know what I said was mean but it was the only way I could get my point across.
"Get out." She says blankly
"Bey-" I was about to speak but she cuts me off
"Get the fuck out of my house!" She yells at me as she tries pushing me away from her but I don't budge
"No I'm not going anywhere. Lay down." I say softly before softly laying her down on the bed
"Get off of me!" She squirms around as I pull the comforter over her
"Lay down." I reply in a more stern tone
After a few minutes she stops fighting me and she finally lays down on her side.
"I love you with my entire heart, okay?" I say before kissing her temple
"Leave me alone." She slurs as tears roll down her face
I sigh softly before leaving the bedroom, I leave the door wide open just in case she needs me. I pull my phone out and I call Alana.
"Hello?" She answers
"Alana I know I said I needed you to pick up our kids at 5 but can you come get them now? Please." I ask
"Oh..yes of course." She replies
"Thank you Lana, you're the best." I reply before hanging up
Alana has been Beyoncé's assistant since Bey and I were eighteen, she started to become our nanny once Beyoncé gave birth to Blue. Alana is only two years older than us so we've all always been close.
I walk downstairs to see all of the kids sitting in the living room watching Tv. Once I enter the living room they all look at me.
"Is mommy okay?" Blue asks
"Yeah, we heard her yelling and stuff." Nydia adds on
"Mommy is fine, she just has a bad stomach bug." I tell her
"Um..Alana is coming to pick you guys up, so.." I trail off as I open my wallet
I give them each 800 dollars, Blue looks at the money in her hand then she looks back at me.
"So when Alana picks you guys up, she'll take you guys to the bank so y'all can exchange it for Yen, okay?" I tell them
"What's a yen?" Rumi curiously asks
"It's money dummy!" Sir replies
"Sir don't be mean to your sister. But your brother is right, it's money princess." I tell her
"Oh cool!" Rumi exclaims happily
I smile widely before kissing her forehead.
"Are you sure mommy is okay?" Sir asks
"Yes babyboy I'm sure, when you guys come back we'll all go out to eat okay?" I tell him
"Okay." He replies with a wide smile on his face
After a few minutes there is a knock on the door. I get off of the sofa then I walk to the front door before opening it. Once I open the door I see Alana and Julius standing at the door.
"Hi guys." I reply before hugging both of them
"Hey Megan." Julius replies while resting his hand on the back of my head as we hug
"Can you guys take them out..and bring them back at like seven please?" I ask softly
"What's going on?" Julius asks me
"Beyoncé is so..drunk" I whisper the end so my children cannot hear me
"Oh." Alana says before walking inside the house
"Alright kiddos let's go!" Alana exclaims happily
"Lana!" Sir and Rumi squeal before running to her
"Hi my sweet angels." Alana says before kissing their foreheads
Blue and Nydia grab their purses before walking to the door.
"I love you mama." Blue replies then she hugs me
"I love you more my little princess." I say as I wrap my arm around her
"Yeah..I love you." Nydia says before hugging my other side
"And I love more as well sweet girl." I reply as I hug both of them
After a few seconds they pull away then they leave the house and go to the car that's parked outside.
"I love you my angels." I tell the twins before kissing both of them
"We love you too mama!" Sir says
"Yeah we love you sooooo much!" Rumi squeals before kissing me back
After a few seconds of holding them we let go of each other and they walk out of the house.
"Thank you guys so much." I say softly
"Please, you know we'd do anything for you and Bey." Julius tells me and Alana nods in agreement making me smile widely
"Likewise. I'll see you guys later, thank you again." I respond to them as they walk away
Once I watch them get into the car and drive off I close the door behind me. I sigh softly then I go into the kitchen and I begin to look for some food to give her. I grab a banana then I grab some crackers and water before walking back upstairs.
Once I walk into the bedroom I see Beyoncé laying down in bed with her eyes closed. I can tell she's not asleep because I can see tears rolling from her eyes, it breaks my heart to see my babygirl like this.
I slowly tiptoe towards the bed then I place the food on the nightstand next to her before slowly walking out of the bedroom so I don't disturb her.
"I love you." I mutter while I'm at the doorframe before leaving the door slightly cracked
4:30 pm
As I sit on the sofa doing some work for my tour I hear little footsteps coming down the stairs and based on how soft the footsteps I can tell it's Beyoncé, also we're the only two people in this house.
Once she comes down the stairs I notice she's wearing one of my large oversized velvet hoodies, a black thong, and the ROC chain that I got for her a while ago. The hoodie is my merch so I think she looks so good in it.
She doesn't say anything to me she just goes into the kitchen then after a few minutes she walks into the living room. She looks hurt and embarrassed, I open my arms widely for her to let her know that I'm not mad at her.
She nibbles at her bottom lip then she sits down on my lap while hugging me tightly.
"I'm really sorry..I'm so so sorry baby." She repeatedly apologizes
"I know..I know babygirl, it's okay." I say softly while playing with the ends of her box braids
"I didn't many any of what I said..I'm so sorry..I didn't mean to.." she apologizes again
I'm surprised she even remembers what she said, she was literally so drunk that she couldn't even walk properly.
"I know you didn't..I'm not mad at you baby." I reassure her
I see a little mark on her face when she pulls away but she quickly turns her head so I can't even see what it was.
"Wait baby look at me." I tell her and she immediately does as I ask
It's a little finger mark on the side of her cheek from where I gripped her face, Beyoncé bruises easily but I begin to feel very upset with myself that I even left that mark on her. I was trying to calm her down not trying to hurt her, I would never hurt her purposefully I love her with my entire soul.
"I'm sorry baby I didn't mean to do that." I whisper before kissing where I left the mark
"Fuck, I know. It's alright my love." She replies while resting her hand on the back of my head
"I would never have sex with anyone else. That was so fucked up of me to say I'm really sorry. I love you and only you." She adds on while resting her pointer finger on my chin so I'm looking up at her as she sits on my lap
"I know. You're not like that." I reply
"Please never drink like that ever again..you really scared me Beyoncé, more important you scared..Blue." I whisper
"Fuck..I didn't..I didn't mean to I was just so hurt and..upset." She explains
"I know baby, I understand. Drinking until you pass out isn't gonna help you though, it just makes it worse. You need to take a deep breath." I tell her
She looks in my eyes before closing them and taking a loud deep breath.
"It's hard dealing with a loss of a parent, trust me I know. But things will get better baby." I assure her
"Can I tell you something?" She asks me
"You can tell me everything." I reply as I push her hair out of her face
"Before I passed out, I picked up your gun." She rasps out
"My gun? I thought you were scared of guns." I whisper while resting my hand on her waist
"I am..but I was thinking about y'know..killing myself." She whispers the end and my heart immediately plummets to my ass
Beyoncé is literally the sweetest angel you could ever meet she's so shy yet so fucking respectful, she wouldn't hurt a fly so it hurts to know how much pain she must be going through to get to that point.
If I could take all her pain away and give it to myself I would, she doesn't deserve to feel any more pain.
"Oh my sweet girl.." I whisper before holding her tightly
"I couldn't do it because all I could think about is you and our babies." She cries softly as I rest my hand on the back of her head
Beyoncé wears her heart on her sleeve she's so emotional and empathetic, our son definitely inherited that from her.
"I'm so sorry that you're going through so much right now baby, lord I wish I could just take all this pain away from you." I whisper as I kiss all over her face
"I'm going to be alright, I think I'll be better once my album comes out because I will be busy. You know I'm happy when I'm busy." She replies
"I know baby." I respond
"We're going out to eat tonight." I tell her
"Baby I don't want to I'm not really hungry.." she whispers
"It wasn't a question. You're coming with us babygirl." I reply making her sigh
"Okay." She whispers
"You need to get out of the house." I say before pecking her lips
"You're right.." she mutters
"Like always." I joke
"Oh shut up" She replies while laughing softly
"Do you like my chain?" She playfully asks while fiddling with the ROC chain
"You look so good wearing my shit." I say referring to her chain and my merch that she's wearing
"I love wearing your shit, gotta support my baby all the time." She responds
"Is that so?" I ask before kissing her
All I can taste is liquor when I kiss her I guess it's because she hasn't eaten anything today.
"Yup, that is so." She playfully responds making me chuckle
"Come on let's get you some food in that stomach." I tell her
"No I just want you to hold me." She whines while nuzzling her head in my neck
"But I thought I treat you like a baby?" I joke making her giggle
God her laugh makes me go so soft. I just want to put her in my pocket and love and protect her forever.
"You do, but I love it so much." She rasps out as I rest my hand on her ass
"Did I make you uncomfortable earlier? Because I would never want to make you uncomfortable." She adds on
"When?" I ask while running my hand up and down her lower back
"When I wanted to have sex." She replies
"No babygirl you didn't make me uncomfortable, I just didn't want to use you like that when you were intoxicated. I hope you aren't mad at me for saying no." I explain
"Good. I don't ever want to make you uncomfortable in a situation like that, I'm sorry. You can always say no to me I'm not mad at you for that, I just wasn't in my right mind." She replies
"I know baby, I love you so much." I whisper while resting my chin on the top of her head
I move my hand away from her lower back and back to her ass. She looks me in my eyes as I softly squeeze her ass.
"Did you get a new tattoo?" She asks as she tilts my head over so she can look at my shoulder
"Remember I told you I was gonna get another tattoo yesterday? I was gonna show you it today." I respond
"I had Sir, Rumi, Blue, and Nydia draw hearts so I could get it tattooed on me. Do you like it?" I ask
"I love it. You need to add one extra heart though." She replies with a wide smile on her face
"Oh I do?" I reply
"Yup, I might have to add one extra heart. I'm gonna get something similar as well." She says
"We can go get it together then." I respond and she nods
I have seven tattoos all together, Beyoncé only has four and all of hers are matching tattoos with me.
"You're my world you know that?" She asks
"I know mama, you're my world as well." I reply
"Alright get up babygirl, let's make you some food." I say as I softly tap her ass
Beyoncé Knowles
8:30 pm
"Mommy are you seriously okay?" Blue asks me
"Yes baby I'm fine.." I rasp out as I rip open the paper to a straw for Sir
"Why were you throwing up? That really scared me mommy." She replies as I put the straw in Sir's lemonade
"I was just really sad babygirl." I explain
"I need to be honest with you guys." I add on before clearing my throat and looking at Megan
"Okay.." Blue whispers before taking a bite of her sushi
"Your grandpa he.." I trail off before looking at Megan
I feel a lump in my throat and my eyes are starting to burn. We eating dinner right now and I don't know if this the right time but I don't know when else to say it. However, we decided to stay in and eat so at least we aren't in public.
"It's okay baby." Megan whispers before resting her hand on my thigh
"I don't..fuck. Grandpa passed away." I say bluntly before looking down at my lap
"Passed away?" Rumi asks in a confused tone
"Dead. Grandpa is dead." Blue says in a shaky tone then I hear her cry softly
All I can hear is crying coming from Rumi and Blue. I look up to see Nydia holding Blue in her arms as she rests her head on Nydia's shoulder.
"I'm sorry about your father.." Nydia tells me in a soft voice
"Thank you Ny.." I reply
"Mommy..grandpa is really dead?" Sir asks in a sad tone
"Yes baby." I respond to him
Next thing I know I feel him rest his head on my chest and he begins to cry. I look over at Megan trying to control my emotions in front of my children, I don't want to cry in front of them especially when they are already sad.
"It's okay baby.." I tell him as I feel my voice shake
"But grandpa can't be dead, I just saw him a few days ago." He cries louder
I haven't talked to my father since December but my children go see their grandparents every other weekend. My messed up relationship with my father has nothing to do with my children so I wanted them to know how amazing of a man their Grandpa is.
"I know baby but he is.." I whisper before kissing his forehead
"But..but he can't be.." he stammers while crying loudly
I don't know what to do..my chest hurts so bad. I feel like I'm going to be fucking sick.
"Sir, come here my sweet baby." Megan tells him before pulling him off of me and onto her lap
Thank god.
I was getting so overwhelmed and I didn't know what else to say. I'm not good at comforting anyone if I'm still processing it myself.
"I need to go to the bathroom." I say to Megan before standing up and leaving the dinner table
I walk upstairs to our bedroom then I go into our bathroom that's connected. I run to the toilet room then I begin to violently projectile vomit. I feel so fucking sick, I can't believe my daddy is dead. My stomach is literally churning.
I push my hair back as I continue to projectile vomit. I literally cannot stop vomiting. I feel so gross right now, I rest my head against the wall of the bathroom and I just sob.
March 11th, Tuesday 2024
9:30 am
It's been a few days since my father and I'm doing a little better than I was a few days ago.
"You look happier today." Megan tells me as I sit on top of her
"I am, I feel a little better today." I say softly with a smile on my face
"I'm glad you're happy babygirl." She replies
"Thank you my love." I reply as I begin to brush her hair
"I'm getting my cast removed today." She tells me
"That's amazing you healed so quickly, you're so strong I'm very proud of you." I rasp out as I look down at her ankle
"Thank you babygirl, I'm just excited to get back to dancing." She replies
"And I'm excited to see you having fun in your natural habitat." I reply before brushing her natural hair into a puffball
"God I love you, you're my world." She whispers
"And you're mine." I respons
"Don't move." I add on once I notice she has a booger in her nose
"What?" She asks
I lean down and I clean her nose with the tip of my acrylic nail. She squirms around while scrunching up her face.
"Babyyy." She complains
"Stop moving I've cleaned your nose before." I say softly
Once I finish I wipe my hands off with a paper towel then I use hand sanitizer.
"You're such a mom." She jokes making me laugh
"So are you" I playfully reply
She tilts her head up and I lean down so I can kiss her as I'm sitting on her lap. She rests her hand on my waist and we begin to make out aggressively.
"I love you." Megan mutters between kisses
"I love you more baby." I reply before pulling away to take off my shirt
Once I take off my shirt I throw it on the floor. I'm not wearing a bra so my double d's are just sitting at attention. She just looks at my body in complete awe, it's like she's still shocked about my body even though she's seen me naked millions of times.
"You like my body baby?" I rasp out
"You know I do. I love everything about you." She replies
"Well I'm all yours. My body is all for you, and only you." I state as I look in her eyes
"All mine?" She asks while innocently looking at me
"Yes, you can do whatever you want to me. I like that shit." I vulgarly tell her
I have such a dirty mouth but Megan loves that shit. A lot of people who talk dirty don't really mean what they say. Megan loves when I talk dirty to her because I mean every single word I say.
Without another word Megan flips us over so she's hovering over me. She makes me look in her eyes as she trails her finger down my cheek and into my mouth.
"My bitch is so sexy." She says aloud while observing my face
I feel my heart flutter at the way she's talking about me. I love when Megan degrades me in bed it genuinely turns me on.
"Am I?" I ask her as I continue to suck on her thumb
"Absolutely." She rasps out
"I love when you call me your bitch." I admit making her chuckle
"Is that so?" She asks in her sexy ass raspy voice
She leans down and she kisses me softly. Once she pulls away I take off her shorts before throwing it on the floor. She slowly slides her hand inside my panties then she touches my clit with her cold fingers making me squirm around.
"Fuck baby." I whimper
She looks me in my eyes as she rubs my clips with her middle finger. I gasp loudly then I immediately grip her hair.
"My pretty girl, look at you squirming around just for me." She tells me in my ear as she rubs my clit faster
"Ahh shit baby please.." I moan softly
"Please what?" She asks
"Finger..I need your fingers." I beg
"You have my fingers baby, feel that?" She playfully teases as she presses down on my clit a little bit before rubbing faster than before
I let out a loud moan before slamming our lips against each other. I'm literally dripping I can feel it on my thigh and my panties. Next thing I know I feel her slide two fingers inside of me.
My eyes widen then I look in her eyes as she thrusts her fingers inside of me. She curls her fingers so she's literally pressing against my g-spot, I grip her wrist then I push it deeper and I hold it there while she wiggles her fingers around.
"Oh fuck you, I can't take it.." I whimper as she chuckles softly
"Your whimpers and moans are like music to my ears." She whispers in my ear before adding another finger
The sounds that's coming from my pussy as she fingers me should be criminal, I'm so wet so it's really fucking loud. I arch my back as I begin to reach my breaking point.
"You're close, I can feel you tightening around my fingers. Hold it in for a few more minutes I got you baby." She tells me
"Baby I can't.." I whine
"I know you can, you're doing so good for me just hold it in baby." She replies
After a few more minutes of her fingering me I literally reach my breaking point. I close my eyes tightly as my back arches and my body begins to convulse.
"Goddamn." She mutters
I slowly open my eyes to see that her t-shirt is wet, I realize I squirted all over her. I haven't squirted in a while, my pussy is so sensitive right now I definitely can't do anything else for a few minutes.
"Good girl." She says before tapping my clit making me squirm
"Stopp it's too sensitive." I whimper before softly pushing her away with my foot
"Sorry babygirl." She replies before kissing the top of my foot
I breathe heavily as she kisses all over my body. I can't believe I just had an orgasm like that just from being fingered, Megan sluts me out so bad sometimes.
"What time is it?" I weakly ask
"10:30 am" she replies
"Can you make me breakfast please?" I politely questions
"Of course, I'd do anything for you." She replies before kissing me softly
"Damn you want me to let you fuck later, huh?" I jokingly ask
"Well yes." She jokes while standing up to change her shirt
I laugh softly as I watch her change.
"No but seriously I'd do anything for you without anything in return, you know that." She says in a serious tone making me smile
"I know baby, you're my world." I reply as I pull the comforter over my lower half before closing my eyes
"And you're mine." She says then she kisses me softly and walking out of our bedroom
Once Megan leaves I'm left with my own thoughts, which is never good especially in recent times. Whenever I'm alone my thoughts get so dark super quick. I've been thinking about death a lot.
I've been wondering if William is still alive, and if those other men are still alive. I'm scared that one day William might come back like he did when I was pregnant with Sir and Rumi. That was such a scary experience because my little princess was in the house at the time.
I'm just so scared and hurt right now and I don't know how to fix it.