BACK ON THE BULLSHIT TRAIN CHOO CHOO BASTARDS ALL A FUCKIN BOARD
this is a really bizarre niche that i think needs more attention. the star trek universe works with like everything and i love writing crossovers with it
THIS ONES CROSSOVER IS STAR TREK: TNG AND METAL MASCOTS!
ps--in this one i imagine the reader's like 25-30ish
The last thing you remember before getting knocked out was seeing your away team party dragged away by some pissed off Ferengi and Kardassians.
As you slowly come back to consciousness, your head starts brutally aching and you do your best to get up. The process from laying on your back to getting on your hands and knees is embarrassingly slow. The room you're in slowly comes into focus, and you see Wesley knocked out on the other side of the room.
"Wes!" you mutter to yourself as you stagger towards him and press two fingers under his jaw to feel his pulse. It's slow, but there. "Wesley, come on, wake up."
It takes a little bit of shaking him for Wesley to stir and slowly open his eyes. He looks up at you and immediately grabs your arm.
"Hn, where are we?" he whispers. You help him sit up and continue scanning his body for injuries.
"I'm not sure. I just woke up, too. I guess we're in a prison? That seems about right."
Wesley wipes his hands on his uniform and looks around. "I mean, we are in a dusty room with bars, so I'll agree with you."
"There's a lot of weird shit in here, too," you motion to a pile of junk on the other side of the room. A lot of it is really old computer and appliance parts. "None of it's got any worth."
"Guess it came with the prisoners," Wesley shrugs. "I guess everyone else is in a cell, too."
You help him stand up, and he immediately stalks over to the bars, peeking out into the hallway. "No one in our away team is around, at least that I can see."
"Hm," you walk over next to him, noting that your cell is in a loop at the end of the hallway, like a prison cul-de-sac. Directly across from your cell, a dirty figure in a ripped white shirt shuffles and rearranges a deck of cards while humming. The tune they hum sounds vaguely familiar, but your head is still killing you, and trying to recognize a song is the least of your worries.
"Eddie, will you shut the hell up? If I hear you shuffle those cards one more time, I'm going to throw one of these circuit boards at you," a nasally, coarse voice says from the cell next to yours.
"Eddie," you mumble to yourself.
"Ah, can it, Vic. Like yer bony ass could do shit ta' me," the figure in white calls back bitterly, looking across the hallway. In the dull orange light, you can make out that his body is either very wrinkled or very decayed. And his voice is very british.
"Eddie," you repeat again. You can now remember lyrics from the song he hummed earlier.
"What are you lookin' at, lassie?" he glares at you.
"Eddie the Head?" it clicks for you.
"Huh?" Wesley raises an eyebrow.
"Eddie the Head! He's the mascot for Iron Maiden...right?" you look over at the zombie again as he stands up and approaches his cell bars, his decaying zombie body coming into full light. He's got his classic white shirt, messy gray hair, and jeans, tattered from years of mischief.
"Who's askin'?"
"Uh, I'm Lieutenant L/n, Y/n L/n. This is Ensign Wesley Crusher."
"Yeah, tha's all right," he nods. "Tha's Vic ova' there."
"From Megadeth," you nod. "But..how? Aren't you fake? I mean...I've got posters of you in my quarters."
"We're real, alright. Murray's down there, somewhere. And imagine yer surprise when I tell ya' we got the Painkilla' 'ere, too," Eddie adds. "An' the Nightcrawla', but he don't talk much."
"You should take notes from that," Vic snickers from his cell.
"The day I get outta 'ere, yer fucke-"
"How did you get here?" you ask. "How long have you been here?"
"Dunno. I was on tour one day, an' then here the next."
"What is going on?" Wesley nudges your elbow.
"We're in a Kardassian/Ferengi prison that doubles as a shit storage unit and also holds mascots to iconic earth metal bands. Eddie was the mascot for the band Iron Maiden, Vic for Megadeth, Murray for Dio, and the Painkiller and Nightcrawler both featured in famous Judas Priest songs," you explain.
"Uh, Eddie?" Wesley calls after a moment of consideration.
"Yea?"
"When do the guards come each day?"
"I dunno. The clock I've got in 'ere's been broken fer ages. But I've not seen a guard down here in a while," Eddie shrugs as he leans on his elbows on the bars.
Wesley reaches around the threshold, trying to find where the lock is. You join him and study the bar door.
"I think the lock's right here, Y/n," he runs his hand over a subtly lighter gray circle in the outside of the sixth bar up from the ground. "Seems like a really old Kardassian lock...I watched someone break one in a movie once."
"And that's the most credible source ever," you smirk. Eddie gives a small chuckle across the hall.
"It's no use gettin' the locks, kid," he calls.
"I don't think so," Wesley disagrees with a bit of a smile. You turn back and look through the junk pile to see if there's any tools you can find to take the lock apart. What you end up finding is something way cooler.
"Hey, Wes, look at this!" you pace over to him and show him an old, beat up 2260's communicator. The metal mesh top had long been ripped off, but everything else was intact.
"Oh my god," he mutters, taking the communicator and turning the knobs to try to tune it. Muted, cracked chirps come as the machine wakes up and searches for a signal.
You look around the hall in search of Murray and the Painkiller's cell, when you also notice speakers suspended where the wall meets the ceiling.
"And," you crouch back down next to Wesley and grab his shoulder, pointing up to the speakers. "What do you see up there?"
Wesley doesn't answer for a few seconds.
"Because to me, those look like speakers to a PA system. Which means--"
"Radio signals," Wesley finishes for you, then immediately looks down at the communicator. "And Kardassian locks are monitored using the flow of radio waves."
"Do you think we can change the signals the communicator emits-"
"To interrupt the radio signals? I think so," Wesley again finishes for you and flashes a smile.
"Hell yeah, baby," you grin. "And, if I remember anything from my training correctly, we can use it to make a map of this place."
"Whot?" Eddie asks, one eyebrow raised as he watches you and Wesley.
"We're figuring out an escape plan," you explain.
"Ya sure? At least when yer' in 'ere, they don't kill ya. Them nasty fuckers are pretty ruthless. There was someone like ya' in the cell next ta' Vic's once, real bright and shit, an' they shot 'im on the spot when he escaped!"
You chuckle. "Oh, they won't kill us. We're Starfleet. We're more valuable alive than dead."
"Fuck's that mean?" Vic pokes his skeleton head out between the bars.
"I'm surprised you can still talk with that metal on your jaw," you comment as you join Wesley back at the pile of junk to look for tools and good parts. You grab a circuit board, some rusty tools, spare wire, and an old graphing calculator that would help with mapping the prison and locating the rest of the away team. "And, we're part of a space exploration organization called Starfleet. We work on a spaceship called the Enterprise. We go through training that gives us extensive knowledge of the galaxy, deep understandings about physics, engineering, and multiple cultures throughout the galaxy. If we die, our knowledge--and important Starfleet intel--dies with us. And access to that kind of intel is worth millions of credits. Imagine being able to get it for free with just a bit of torture!"
"Hm...," Eddie runs a hand through his hair as he thinks. "So...if I were with ya', they might not kill me?"
"I can't guarantee you won't get hurt, but they'd certainly be more amiable to sparing you," you reply and start assembling some parts.
"I hate these old communicators," Wesley huffs. "But something's happening. I'd be on guard in case they get pissed off."
"Noted. You hear that, everyone?"
Everyone replies in the affirmative.
Wesley gets the communicator to jam the radio signals successfully, allowing you to pull the lock out and open your door. All the other doors in your hallway open, but an unexpected consequence was an alarm being triggered by the open doors.
"Fuck," you mutter as the sirens sound. You and Wesley grab your phasers before you run to the junk pile to grab some important items you noticed from before: Eddie's hatchet and Vic's pistol.
"Eddie!" you call and toss the hatchet to the zombie. You throw the pistol to Vic as well.
Right on cue, four Kardassian guards come running down the hall, turning into your cul-de-sac. The Painkiller, without any hesitation, punches one guard and sends that guy flying until he hits the hallway behind him. Another punch knocks out two guards. The Nightcrawler pounces on the last one.
"There's more coming," the Painkiller calls.
"Alright, what now, Starfleet?" Eddie smirks.
You and Wesley exchange a glance before you grab the graphing calculator. "There's a large open area near here. We should be able to contact the Enterprise from there."
"Sounds good," Eddie and Vic nod.
"Wait, giving one suggestion did it for you?" you raise an eyebrow.
"I trust your judgement more'n mine," Vic says. "Which way?"
"Right."
"Off we go," Eddie hums.
Every once in a while as you get to the large room, your group encounters clusters of guards. The Painkiller and Nightcrawler are more than happy to take care of them, and destroy the lock on the door that leads to the large room. It looks like a huge warehouse, piles of junk and parts strewn about. The only notable thing is a large platform right in the middle of the room.
"Hold on..." Murray approaches a pile. He reaches for an exposed chain link and pulls at it, the trash falling down as he pulls his chain out and loops it around his forearm.
"The Metal Monster is here, too," the Painkiller approaches his motorcycle. The animal head's eyes glow red at its owner's presence. "Hello, old friend."
You and Wesley try to reach the Enterprise, to no avail.
"I think I can rewire this to track communicator signals, but it'll probably take a while," Wesley messes with the knobs on the communicator.
"Do it. We'll buy you some time," you nod. The sirens are still continuing as you gather the group close to a corner. "Wesley needs time to figure out how to track the rest of our original away team, and we need to find a way to kill the surveillance system and the alarm."
"If we divide and conquer, we could destroy the security systems pretty fast," the Painkiller suggests.
"I'm gonna be honest, I'm not letting any of you out of my sight, and I'm not leaving him alone," you nod toward Wesley. "He's a minor and his mom will disembowel me if he gets hurt."
"Only for like, six more months," Wesley mutters.
"Still, I don't want to risk disembowelment. I think we passed a control room, and considering how many dead bodies we've generated, I'd bet it's empty. Think you can work with the shit in there, Wes?"
"I'll figure it out."
The group makes its way to the control room, when the PA system kicks online again to make an announcement through its rough, ancient speakers:
"Attention all inmates and officers, there has been a security breech in section 4C. The entire facility will now be on full lockdown until further notice or until the breech has been fixed."
A metal sheet immediately falls over the door, locking you, Wesley, the Painkiller, the Nightcrawler, Eddie, Vic, and Murray in the control room. Its layout is oddly like a ship's bridge, with a main desk in the very center and more consoles surrounding the back of the room. Strips of moderately dim orange light illuminate the room, making it almost comfortable.
"Y'know, if it didn't smell like piss in here, it'd be nice in here," you comment.
"I know, right?" Wesley agrees. "Help me figure these computers out."
"An', uh, what are we supposed to be doin'?" Eddie leans against the console as you and Wesley power it on and start entering basic commands.
"The first thing I'm on doing is going about disabling the surveillance and PA systems so we can get our other officers out quietly. If shit hits the fan, I'll need you guys to help with damage control. For now, watch the vents or something, I guess. Seal off any exits and check for weapons systems, too."
"Arright," Eddie shrugs and pushes himself off the console.
The next 45 or so minutes are spent anxiously typing and figuring out the computers until Wesley gets a lead on the communicator signals. He locates everyone else in different halls, 2 to a cell.
"I can try to manually command their locks to open..," you muse.
"Don't do that," Murray approaches you. "They station at least 4 guards at the end of each hallway during lockdowns. You'd be better off picking them up."
"Hm...," you consider. "Picking them up isn't a bad idea. I can turn off the alarms and hijack the PAs..."
"Y/n, look!" Wesley taps your arm and points at the screen. The dots indicating where the communicators are move slowly through the prison map.
"The fuck?" you hum. Soon, the 4 dots meet and line up through the hall. You feel a pit form in your stomach as you watch them move around the map toward the large open room.
"We have to get down there," you mutter.
"But the guards-" Wesley starts.
"I need a good fight, anyway," Murray shrugs. "We all do."
With your phaser, you melt the door down so the rest of the group can leave the control room and get promptly ambushed by guards. The Painkiller, ever one for drama, hops onto the Metal Monster and starts mowing people down, carving a smooth path through the halls to the warehouse room.
At some point on the way there, another cluster of guards attacks and separates you, Wesley, and Eddie from the others. They push on into the warehouse, but your group is cornered.
You exchange a glance with Eddie before he throws his hatchet, skillfully lodging itself into one of the guards' chests. His attack gives you the clearance to shoot a phaser blast at another one before leaping onto the last one while Eddie retrieves his hatchet. You neutralize the guard you're on pretty successfully. With the guards down, you, Wesley, and Eddie get your way back on the right way toward the warehouse. In your peripheral vision, you see some movement among the pile of guards from before, as the one you had fought raises his gun and aims at Wesley.
"Wes, watch out!" you grab him and switch your positions, just in time for the blast to hit your upper shoulder blade and right by the joint, searing the flesh and burning your uniform. "Fuck..." you groan in pain.
"Are you okay?" Wesley grabs your arm and other shoulder as you stagger forward from the impact.
"Keep goin'!" Eddie commands, gripping his hatchet. With his free hand, he pushes you and Wesley forward. "Damnit, lass."
"Mmh, shit," you huff. "I don't think I've ever been called lass before."
As you keep going down the halls, the Nightcrawler meets you.
"There ya are! We weren't sure where you had gone, so the Painkiller sent me. Come on, grab my hand," he commands, outstretching his hands.
Wesley gives you a hesitant look, still not letting go of your shoulder. You nod and place your hand on the Nightcrawler's forearm. Once Wesley rests his hand in the black, shadowy one, you're pulled into a shadow and then teleported into the warehouse.
Murray, Vic, and the Painkiller are attacking the guards surrounding the line of kneeling Starfleet officers on the platform.
"Oh my god," you mutter. "Come on."
Wesley turns the communicator back on to jam the radio signals as you and Eddie climb onto the platform to grab the rest of the landing party. You signal to Wesley the moment you're ready and he calls for 11 to be beamed up.
11?
When you open your eyes, you're on the Enterprise, clutching Counselor Troi and Dr. Crusher close to you and surrounded by Riker, Picard, Wesley, Eddie, Murray, Vic, the Painkiller, and the Nightcrawler.
"Oh, jesus christ," you stumble forward as the shock from your would wears off and the pain comes on in waves.
"Ah! Lass, I gotcha," Eddie grabs you and supports you. "Ya' lightheaded?"
"Mh-hm, a bit" you rub your temple.
"Let's get them to sick bay," Dr. Crusher says as she gives her son a hug.
"Lead the way," Eddie nods.
...
A day later, you've recovered enough that you can wave goodbye to the metal mascots.
In the transporter room, you and Wesley say your goodbyes and beam them out to wherever they want to go. You and your friend return to the Bridge right as Worf calls out, "Captain, scanners detecting a foreign presence outside the ship."
"On screen," Picard replies.
The viewer switches to right in front of the ship, where the Painkiller on the metal monster comes into frame. He pivots around to face the Bridge.
"Sound on," you request.
"-f ever you should need us, Y/n L/n and Wesley Crusher, do not hesitate to call on us," the Painkiller's voice comes through. He gives a final nod and salute before steering away and riding off into space.
...
hooly shit this ones long. i'm pretty sure it's the longest one i've written for this book at 2991 words, but don't quote me on that.
bye guys!