Hailey's POV
Its only once I am inside my hotel rool, when I allow myself to let it all out. Everything that's been building up inside of me in the course of the last few days.
Once the shock and disbelief have finally washed out, I feel this wave of sadness rush throughout my entire body, making my eyes water and my legs shake as I stumble onto the floor, my back reasting against the door. Salt streams rush down my cheeks as I pant uncontrollably, not able to breathe normally.
It cant be true... it cant be her...anyone but Leah.
Leah with her stupid cocky attitude and with those stupid green eyes.
Even the image of her makes my stomach twist, my eyes pinching harder together as if that will get her face out of my head.
A thousand thoughts go through my mind, my heart racing, spinning, thinking, trying to figure it all out.
How did she manage to fool me? Were there any signs I didn't see?
It all made perfect sense. Why wouldn't it? We were enemies for god's sake. Since the beginning, she had only shown hatred for me. Why did she switch up so fast? Why was she suddenly playing nice? And the worst part it, I thought she was being genuine.
I was a fool for trusting her, for letting my walls down, for giving myself to her.
'You just don't seem to get you're not wanted here'
The words Leah once told me invade my head, repeating over and over again. Taunting me. I shake my head, trying to get her voice out of my head.
'Nothing is more important to me than winning'
Nothing. That's exactly what I am to her. And I was stupid for believing her when she said otherwise.
My nails dig into my palms and suddenly, the sadness inside of me slowly turns into anger, as if a fire inside of me was just lit.
She never wanted me here. She wanted to beat me... be better than me. She wanted me gone. Out of the way. Nothing standing between her and her great victory. And she managed to get what she wanted since the beginning, to destroy everything I had worked for, with only a piece of paper.
There's just one thing that doesn't add up. And if she was planning on getting me off the pitch then why not do it right away? Why accept Jonas' deal?
Why play with my heart just to rip it out of my chest in the end?
Or was that all part of her cruel and twisted game... make me fall for her? Make me suffer?
If I knew that this had been her plan all along, I would have begged her to twist the knife she had plunged into my back a bit sooner, so it would have hurt a little less right now.
Though I doubt It would have hurt any less.
Thousands of questions linger in the air, all going unanswered as I taste the metal taste of blood in my mouth, not having realised that I was biting my inner cheeks. No. Its not the taste of blood in my mouth. It's the taste of betrayal.
Leah Williamson you fucking coward.
I tug at my hair, my line of vision blurry because of all the tears that seem to be falling.
All along, she had me wrapped around her little finger. All along, I was at her mercy. Everything was all a lie. All of her words, all of the things she said- a big messy lie.
Leah had ruined me and the worst part is... I let her. I fell right into her trap and I let her shatter me, piece by piece. And yet, I still prayed that it was me and her in the end.
Now my blood lies on her hands and I hope it stains her forever. I hope those stains never wash out. I hope it kills her just the same.
I wince in pain because it feels like my entire soul is being torn apart and a sob escapes my mouth before im able to trap it. That's when the realisation hits me right in the face.
Because nothing makes you feel like your soul is being torn apart if you don't love someone with your entire heart.
And I love her. Despite everything, I love Leah Williamson with my entire heart. And I hate myself for it.
A knock at my door startles me and makes me jump.
"Hailey?" I hear someone call my name from the other side and I immediately start wiping my tears away, "we need you on the coach in 5!"
"I'll be right there" I shout back, hoping that my voice didn't sound too broken,
I get up from the floor, taking a deep breath which I will need to face the storm out there. With slow steps, I walk towards my table, about to grab my game bag when I catch something out of the side of my eye.
There, at the end of the table, lies a bouquet of red roses, a few of the petals scattered around. I reach towards it, as I take it in my hands a note falls to the floor. With shaky hands, I pick it up, a beautiful handwritten note scribbled on it.
Baby,
Thank you for holding me and always being there for me. There's nothing that calms me more than having you in my arms. Today im happy and im hopeful, because I'm rooting for you. I want to see you win... I want to see you win today and everyday. I want to see you absolutely smash every single dream you have. I want to see you overcome all of the barriers you face, and I want to see you succeed. I cant wait to look on at you today and scream 'that's my girl!'
I'm your biggest fan, your top supporter, and im grateful everyday that you allow me to share that with you every single step of the way. You're destined for greatness.
Your Leah x
I clung the paper to my chest, biting my lower lip and hoping that no more tears fall down. After taking a few seconds to gather myself, I tear the note apart, letting the pieces that now match my broken heart fall into the trash bin.
No more tears. Not over her.
I push the door open, walking out of the room, my eyes red, my breathing quickened, but my mind is clear. I've never seen more clearly before. The door behind my back closes, leaving behind a version of me that no longer exists.
I make towards the coach when I hear the sound of laughter ring in my ears, stopping me in place. Jonas had just walked to the front of the coach, and now he's got my full attention. He greets a few other players, who probably still don't know that this is my last day here, before he makes his way to me.
"Hailey!" Jonas claps his hands together before inhaling and giving me half a smile, "its been an absolute pleasure" he stares at me, waiting for me to reply with a sweet comment.
"I don't think so" I coldly reply, making his eyebrows raise, his smile fades a little.
He probably was waiting for a kiss on the cheek and a huge speech of my amazing time as an arsenal player.
"Pardon me?" Jonas asks with a high pitched voice, trying to laugh it out.
"You heard me" I say, satisfaction running through my entire body.
Im done playing nice. He doesn't deserve my kindness. I don't need him to succeed and I never did. I made it this far and I made it on my own. If anything, he's the one that needs me.
"You know I tried my best to-"
"I know you tried your best Jonas" I pat him sarcastically on the shoulder, "and you probably were expecting a 'coach of the year' award and I on the other hand was expecting to be treated equally fair and not lied to" I scoff, shaking my head before exhaling dramatically, "and yet here we are"
Jonas swallows and in feel his body tense before I retract my hand back.
"You're lucky I have no interest in a writing a long letter addressed to the FA" I smile, but he doesn't return the favour.
He knows I have too much dirt on him and on the way he manages his team so if I wanted to, I could burn it all to the ground.
"I can find you a spot" Jonas quickly starts saying and I can see the droplets starting to form on his forehead, "obviously not this season, but the spot will be yours next season"
I laugh. Unbelievable.
He's not only saying it because he feels threatened, but because he knows he wont find another player like me. I can already see the headlines, 'Arsenal losing the young talent that helped them win most of their wins of the season'.
I don't do anything to hide my smile.
"Don't stress yourself out, you know why?" I take a step closer, looking at him right in the eye, not intimidated one bit, "because this is my last game and not because I'm being kicked out of the team... because I quit"
Jonas remains there speechless, his face unreadable.
"Now if you'll excuse me" I say adjusting my bag over my shoulder, "I've got a game to go and win"
I leave the chaos behind me as I head onto the coach and take a seat, pulling my hood up and putting my headphones in.
One last game in this painfully beautiful experience.
I look up at the sky, its colours changing into this dark orange, almost scarlet and when I lower my vision... I see her.