Hailey's POV
Her words linger in the air and they repeat a thousand times over and over in my head.
'Then you still have me'
Will I? Will I still have you when you're not even mine to begin with?
The other end of the line goes quiet for a while as we both stand there, listening to each others breathing, finding comfort in each others silence more than ever, a thousand words being transferred to one another without having to say a thing out lous.
"You got this" she says "I know you do"
Leah's voice calms me down and makes me more sure about myself.
"Even if I feel like I'm about to pass out?"
"Don't die on me yet" she whines, "we've got a date later so I'm holding you accountable for it"
I giggle a little.
"Leah?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you" I say genuinely, because lately she's been my only emotional supporter.
"I'll see you later, yeah?" Leah says and I hang up after we both say goodbye, right on time because the café door swings open with a woman walking inside.
My hands become sweaty and I find it difficult to breathe as I watch the middle aged woman walk flawlessly inside, making everyone's attention shift to her.
Yeah, that's definitely my mother.
She spots me sitting at a corner in the back and slowly makes her way towards me. I get up from my chair and once she's standing in front of me, I suddenly forget how to act or speak.
What do I even do? Do I hug her?
She interrupts my thoughts by wrapping her arms around me, pulling me in to her embrace. My lungs fill with her sweet scent and a feeling of nostalgia engulfs my entire body.
All the hatred that had gathered up over the year immediately turns to dust, immediately forgotten and I lean in a bit to her motherly touch that I had missed so much.
"Hello my daring"
I turn soft because of her words and I hate myself for it. I hate that she suddenly decides to show up and I greet her with a smile and open arms.
We pull away from the hug and she reaches for my face, taking a good look at me, her eyes becoming a little watery and the look on her face mirroring my own.
"Can we sit?" she asks and we both take a seat across from each other. My mum reaches for my hand, holding it tightly while she wipes the corner of her eye, "its good to see you"
I take a minute to look at her as well. She hasn't changed at all other than a few fresh wrinkles plastered on her forehead. She looks a little worn out but still has that radiant aura around her.
"I saw your big goal on the news" my mum suddenly says.
"Yeah, it was a difficult game but I got my first goal"
"I know, I saw the entire game actually" she says softly, taking me by surprise.
"You watched the game?" I ask in disbelief and she nods.
She never watched any of my games. Not a single one of them. Not after my brother died.
"You made me and your dad really proud" she says and I retract my hand putting it in my pocket.
"Why are you here?" I ask, wanting to get straight to the point and quit playing this game of a loving mother and daughter. Because we are far from that.
"I missed you... I came to see you but I'm sorry that your father wasn't able to make it" she says softly.
Did she really travel all this way for me?
"That's a bit hard to believe" I say honestly.
"I know and you have every right to be mad at me and your dad but I hope that a part of you understands-"
"Oh I think I understand perfectly. You gave up on yourselves and you gave up on me"
"Hailey... when everything went downhill last year, you were old enough to take care of yourself and-"
"I never asked you to take care of me, I only asked for your support" my voice raises a little, "I was a woman paving my way into a predominantly male sport, do you even know what that means? What that feels like?" I ask, my voice shaking a bit and my mother sighs, "When I signed for arsenal I was being eaten alive by the press, by everybody and you wouldn't even pick up the phone when I would call you"
"I tried my best to be there for you, we both did"
"I was alone, no shoulder to cry on, no where to turn to, no place to call home so don't sit there and tell me that you tried your best because that's not good enough"
My mums face goes blank and it looks like my words have hit a nerve. A part of me feels extremely guilty about what I said and I start regretting my words. The other part of me wanted to make her hurt like she and my dad did and if that is cruel, then I'm cruel.
Our conversation is interrupted by the waiter who comes to take our order, even him being about to sense the tension lingering in the air.
'I'm sorry" my mum says when we're both left alone, "there's nothing I can say to make this better, to make up for what I did to you. I failed you" her voice breaks, "I was so caught up in the fact that I lost my boy that I forgot that I have two children... had"
"After Jonah's crash" my mum begins to say and I flinch at hearing my brothers name, not having heard it for so long, "I just couldn't support your football anymore, I just couldn't. I couldn't sit and watch you living out Jonah's dream of playing for arsenal"
I close my eyes, allowing myself to think and see the situation from her point of view. I don't even want to think of what she had to go through as well, how hard it must have been for her because I continued doing the one thing that Jonah had always worked towards. He was so close to being signed for the senior mens team and I wonder if any part of her hates me for it.
"Jonah loved playing with everything in him" I say with tears forming "If anything he made me sign for arsenal even more than I already wanted to, I wanted to live that dream for both of us"
My mum slowly nods as she just came to the realisation and then a sweet smile creeps on her face.
'I might not have supported what you do in the past, but I have decided that I want to try... that is if you will give me a second chance at a fresh start. I want to do it right this time"
I sit there conflicted on what to do. In a parallel universe, I walked out of that door without looking back and in another one I sat at this table, my mum by my side while we worked on our differences.
I lean back in my chair, my answer im about to give clear like a day because if theres one thing that I have learned on this journey is that some people are worth a second chance... sometimes you need a second chance just because you weren't fully ready in the first one.
"Im playing this weekend and if you'd like, theres a free spot in the friends and family section"
My mum smiles.
"I'd really like that"
The waiter returns with our drinks and I see my mother mouth 'thank you' as he's placing them on the table.
"So, tell me about Leah" she leans in and takes a sip of her coffee.
My cheeks grow red without even realising it and my mum tilts her head while she is looking at me.
"Im your mother, I know everything" she says and I take a sip of my own drink to avoid answering the question, "even if I didn't, you're all everyone talks about nowadays anyway"
"Yeah I guess we really took everyone by surprise"
"How did you even get here? You went from younger you not being able to shut up about her" she chuckles.
"Mum!" I drop my head down embarrassed by being reminded of the days where I would sit in front of the TV and watch a young Leah Williamson as she fought her want into one of the best teams in the womens game.
"What? It's the truth"
"You know it wasn't like that. I just admired her skills. I still do. I really think Leah is one of the best players out there but don't tell her I said that. It would do no good for her ego. But anyway, not its different"
"Different?"
"I used to admire her as a fan but no..."
"Now you love her" my mum says and I let her words sink in.
I only nod my head, unsure of how much of it is actually true, scared to admit anything because I'd rather stay in denial.
"Does she treat you well?"
"She does" I smile and my mum shakes her head, happy with my answer, "good, I'd love to meet her"
"You can meet her this Sunday, just don't show her that picture of me wearing that red shirt with her name on it"
"No promises"
We continue talking for hours; I tell her about my games and what its like playing for arsenal and she tells me about everything that she's done all this time we've been apart. After a while, it starts feeling like we have never had a fallout, it starts feeling like what it used to be like.
Hours later, when its time for us both to leave, we hug again and my mum promises me that she'll come to the game. I feel a lot more at ease as I watch her walk the other direction because this time I know that I'll be seeing her again.
"Oh sorry!" I apologise as I bump into someone.
"Its alright" the girl in front of me says and I help her pick up her bag that had fallen to the ground.
"Wait... I know you!" she suddenly says and I softly smile at her, "you're Hailey!"
I wait for her to ask me for a picture or an autograph or something like most people do but she just stares at me.
"Oh forgive me, where are my manners?" she chuckles and offers me her hand, "im Hannah, its so nice to finally meet you!"
"Hmm... sorry but have we met before?" I ask because of the way she's approaching me which makes me believe I should know who she is.
"We haven't met but since I first hear about you I've been dying to meet you" Hannah says and smiles at me.
"I'm Katie's girlfriend"