Last Time: Finally, when the last note faded away, Banni opened her eyes. There was a new determination in her gaze, a new resolve. She turned slightly, her voice just whispered as she spoke, "Yuvaan... I got your message."
She paused, her grip on Kabir's hand tightening. "And I promise you," she continued, her voice steady, "I won't give up. Not again. Not ever."
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March 1st, 2023, 2:00 pm, Banni Chow Home Delivery Kitchen, Jodhpur
Banni sat in her office at the Banni Chow Home Delivery Kitchen, surrounded by piles of recipe cards, order forms, and a half-eaten plate of pakoras. The small room was filled with the comforting aroma of spices and the soft sound of Kanha's giggles from his playpen. He was busily engaged in his own world, trying to stack colourful blocks into precarious towers only to knock them down and start all over again.
Her eyes lingered on her son, her heart filled with warmth. Amidst all the turmoil, he was her constant, her beacon of hope. But as she watched him, her mind drifted to the recent past.
Following her breakdown after confronting her past self, Dr Shobha insisted that Banni pause her investigation to reorient herself and learn how to manage her guilt. Banni could almost hear Dr Shobha's gentle but firm voice, "Banni, you need some time to breathe, to gather yourself before the next wave of revelations. You can't help anyone if you're drowning yourself."
Banni sighed, her gaze drifting from Kanha to the window, where the bustling streets of Jodhpur unfolded. She had to admit that Dr Shobha was right. Her guilt and uncertainty had been consuming her, rendering her incapable of providing the help that Yuvaan or Kabir desperately needed. Instead, she had become a burden, and Kabir was forced to comfort her instead of focusing on his demons.
So, she took Dr. Shobha's advice and put her investigation into Yuvaan's mental health on hold. Her therapy sessions with Dr. Shobha focused on managing her guilt, with Dr. Shobha providing various coping techniques. This break was necessary not only for her but also for Kanha and Kabir.
Instead, she'd put all her energy into perfecting recipes and ensuring her customers got the best from the Banni Chow Home Delivery Kitchen. It was taxing, yes, but it was also healing. It reminded her of her strengths, of the woman who'd built this business from scratch.
Banni also began spending more time with Kanha. Previously, Kabir's flexible work schedule and safer workplace allowed him to spend much of his day with their son. However, his new schedule of daily music therapy sessions left him with less time for Kanha. Consequently, Banni and Kanha spent more time together, a circumstance Banni cherished. Kanha's smiles, laughter, and curiosity were her comfort and solace. She found her peace and the strength to persevere in his moments of innocent joy.
She remembered Dr. Shobha's words, her voice a soothing balm to her troubled mind. "Banni, whenever guilt overwhelms you and makes you question your capabilities, remind yourself of the good you've done. Look around you - your business is a testament to your strength and dedication. And Kanha, he's the embodiment of your love and resilience," she had said.
Banni looked around her bustling kitchen, her employees working diligently, the delicious smells wafting from the stoves, the satisfied customers' feedback - this was all her doing. She had built this from the ground up. She was not a failure.
A soft giggle brought her gaze back to Kanha. His eyes sparkled with joy as he knocked over another tower of blocks, clapping his chubby hands together. He was a beacon of light in her life, a constant reminder of her capacity for love and nurturing.
She wasn't a failure. She had made a mistake, yes, but she was also a person who had accomplished so much. Kabir's words from Kanha's birthday echoed in her mind, reinforcing Dr. Shobha's message, "If it wasn't for you, I would have been shut up in an asylum as soon as my DID was revealed. In fact, I would still be 'Baawla Yuvaan', still being drugged by my father and abused and ridiculed by my family. You are responsible for all the good things in my life too. Yes, you made a mistake, but that doesn't make you a bad person. It just makes you human."
Her thoughts inevitably drifted to Kabir, who had been an unwavering pillar of strength for her as she navigated the stormy seas of her guilt. He was her anchor in the storm, always there to ground her when her emotions threatened to whisk her away.
Every time she succumbed to her guilt-induced hysteria, Kabir was there, holding her, reassuring her that he loved her, that Yuvaan was okay. He constantly reminded her that Yuvaan was improving daily and that Yuvaan would soon come to her. And he didn't just use words to assure her...
When Kabir returned home from his music therapy session every evening, he would be excited to share the day's progress. He would sit her down and eagerly demonstrate the melody that he and Yuvaan had composed together that day. Banni knew that these tunes were not just ordinary compositions. They were a testament to the increasing cooperation between Kabir and Yuvaan, a crucial part of their DID treatment.
These melodies were a constant reminder that progress was being made, that the man she loved was bravely navigating his inner battles and was, slowly but surely, finding his path to recovery. Each note of their compositions was a testament to Yuvaan's determination, Kabir's resilience, and a beacon of hope in their shared journey.
And every night, Kabir made sure to remind her of his love. His kisses were soft and filled with tenderness, his caresses a soothing balm to her troubled soul. Every touch and look reassured her that their love remained strong and unbroken despite the challenges and obstacles.
But there were hints of Kabir's emotional turmoil underneath all this progress and love. It showed itself in the subtlest of ways. When he played with Kanha, his eyes sometimes clouded with uncertainty, as if he were unsure if he was doing it right. Occasionally, he would fall into pensive silences, his mind seemingly miles away. At night, he would fidget restlessly as if trying to escape from unseen nightmares.
Kabir had tried to hide his turmoil and shield Banni and Kanha from his inner conflicts. He had always put them first and prioritized their needs over his own. But last night, he had finally shared at least some of his doubts with her.
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February 28th, 2023, 11:30 pm, Rathore Bhavan, Jodhpur
Banni could feel Kabir's heartbeat under her touch in the quiet of their bedroom. His skin was warm from their intimacy, but she sensed a restlessness within him. He had been reticent throughout the evening, his thoughts appearing distant and troubled.
His music therapy session with Yuvaan had resulted in a beautiful yet oddly melancholic melody. The tune, while soothing, carried an undercurrent of pensiveness that was hard to ignore. It was like the melody reflected Kabir's mood, a mirror reflecting an unusual blend of hope and apprehension.
Breaking the quietness, Banni traced patterns on Kabir's bare chest and asked softly, "Are you okay, Kabir?" Her voice, filled with concern, echoed in the room's stillness. Kabir nodded silently in response, his eyes staring at the ceiling, lost in his thoughts.
Minutes passed in silence before Kabir found his voice. When it came, his question was barely audible, a whisper carrying the weight of his insecurities, "Banni Chow, do you think I am... a good husband?" His words hung in the air, a silent plea for assurance from the woman he loved.
Banni was taken aback by his question. She propped herself up on one elbow, looking down at him. His face was a pool of vulnerability under the dim light filtering through the curtains. She reached out, cupping his face gently, her thumb stroking his cheek in a soothing rhythm.
"Kabir," she said gently, her eyes filled with affection, "you are a great husband. You're loving, understanding, and supportive. I couldn't ask for anyone better." She paused, her gaze searching his face, "Why are you asking this?"
Kabir swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing with the effort. "I know I've messed up in the past, Banni," he began, his voice raw with emotion. "I've failed again and again. But I don't want to fail now. I want to be a good husband to you, a good father to Atharva." He reached out, his hand finding hers, fingers entwining in a tight grip.
"I want you to be happy, Banni," Kabir continued, his voice desperate, "I want Atharva to be happy. Very, very happy." He paused, drawing a shaky breath, "And if I'm lacking in any way, I want you to tell me. I'll work harder then. I'll change myself, I'll do anything..."
Banni's heart clenched at his words, feeling the raw desperation in his voice. She knew Kabir was haunted by his past and the fear of failing again. But she also knew the depth of his love and commitment. Before he could say another word, Banni leaned in and silenced him with a gentle, loving kiss. It was a kiss filled with promise and reassurance, a testament to their unshakeable bond.
Pulling away from their kiss, Banni held Kabir's face in her hands, forcing him to look into her eyes. His gaze was filled with longing and uncertainty, and she knew she needed to quell his doubts. "Kabir, listen to me," she said firmly, her voice steady despite the tremble in her heart.
"You're not lacking in any way. You are an amazing husband, an amazing father," Banni reassured him, her words ringing with sincerity. "Not because you never make a mistake, but because you love us with all that you have."
She moved her hand from his face to his chest, gently touching his heart. His heartbeat was steady under her touch, matching her rhythm. "Every beat of your heart, Kabir," she said, barely above a whisper, "is for me and Kanha. Every step you take, every decision you make, is motivated by our betterment."
Her gaze was unwavering as she continued, "That's what makes you a brilliant father and husband, Kabir. Not your ability to avoid mistakes, but your willingness to learn from them. Your determination to be better for us. Your love that knows no bounds."
Tears welled up in Kabir's eyes as Banni spoke, her voice's raw love and honesty stirring something profound within him. He was often at odds with his emotions, but now, he struggled to keep them in check.
"S-so, I make you... I make you happy?" He stammered, his voice thick with emotion. He needed to hear her say it; he needed that verbal affirmation of what her eyes were already telling him.
In response, Banni leaned in and kissed him again, a gentle brush of lips that held a world of affection. "Yes, Kabir," she whispered against his lips, her voice warm and full of love. "Ever since you became my husband, you have made me very, very happy."
She then climbed over him, her body resting on top of his. His heartbeat synced with hers in a soothing rhythm, a comforting reminder of their love and devotion. "You make me feel beautiful," she murmured, kissing him softly on his forehead. "And strong," she continued, her lips brushing against his cheek. "And loved," she finished, her words sealed with a kiss on his lips. "And I love you, Kabir. I'm happy that I am your wife."
"I love you too, Banni Chow," Kabir confessed, pulling her into another passionate kiss. Yet, even lost within the sweet oblivion of their kiss, Banni could sense that Kabir's insecurities had not completely vanished.
Realizing that her words, however sincere, could not completely erase the haunting shadows of his past, Banni decided to let their bodies communicate. She started moving against him, each touch and kiss radiating the love and trust she held for him.
Her hands roamed across his skin, every stroke a silent promise of her unwavering support. Their bodies entwined, moving in tandem, creating a rhythm that spoke volumes more than mere words. As they lost themselves in each other, the world outside ceased to exist, leaving only their shared comfort and understanding.
Through their intimate connection, Banni hoped that Kabir would find solace from his lingering doubts. Maybe she wasn't able to remove his insecurities altogether, but she hoped that she managed to provide him with some respite, a sanctuary, from the demons that often haunted him. She wished their shared love and passion would serve as a beacon of hope for Kabir, a reminder that he was loved, valued, and more than good enough.
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March 1st, 2023, 2:00 pm, Banni Chow Home Delivery Kitchen, Jodhpur
Banni's mind was in turmoil as she watched her son play, still reeling from the revelation of Kabir's self-doubt. It had been a shock to discover that the man who had been her constant rock was dealing with his insecurities.
She had always known Kabir to be solid and resilient, always putting on a brave face despite his challenges. But now, she realized that behind his positivity and unwavering support for her, Kabir was also dealing with his own struggles. He pushed his doubts and fears aside, focusing on answering her questions and prioritizing Yuvaan's needs above his own.
She felt a pang of guilt at this realization. Had she been so consumed by her guilt and fears that she failed to notice the signs of Kabir's struggle? Despite sharing a close and intimate relationship, had she missed the silent cries for help that Kabir had been sending out?
Banni's heart weighed heavy as the realization dawned on her. She had been so consumed with her guilt and her investigation into Yuvaan's mental health that she had inadvertently neglected Kabir's struggles. She had taken his strength for granted, assuming that he was unaffected by the revelations of the past. But how could he not have been?
She remembered the look in his eyes when he had asked her if he was a good husband. There had been uncertainty, a vulnerability she hadn't seen in him for a long time. She had tried to reassure him, to let him know that she thought he was the best husband and father she could have asked for, but now she wondered if her words had been enough.
She realized now that Kabir, just like her, needed reassurance. He needed to know that she was there for him, that she understood his struggles and appreciated his efforts. He needed to feel loved and valued, just like she did.
A wave of guilt washed over Banni. She had been so focused on her guilt and regret that she had failed to consider Kabir's feelings. She had been so wrapped up in her pain that she had failed to see his. She had failed him.
But she wouldn't let her guilt consume her this time. She wouldn't allow it to prevent her from doing what needed to be done. She would make things right with Kabir, just like she was trying to do for Yuvaan.
Taking a deep breath, Banni closed her eyes, focusing on the rhythm of her breathing. She could almost hear Dr. Shobha's voice guiding her, reminding her of the importance of letting go of guilt, of learning to forgive herself. She tried to release a fraction of her guilt with each exhale, letting it float away with her breath.
When she opened her eyes, there was a new determination in them. She couldn't change the past but could influence the present and future. And she was going to do just that.
Banni, feeling a renewed sense of purpose, turned her attention back to the paperwork scattered across her desk. She thought of the Serenity Prayer that Dr. Shobha had taught her: "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference." Right now, she couldn't do anything for Kabir, but she could focus on her work and the business she had built from the ground up. So she decided to do just that: put her energy into something productive.
Suddenly, a small voice piped up from the playpen. "Mumma!" Kanha called out in his high-pitched baby voice. Banni looked up from her work to see her son staring at her with big, innocent eyes. "Papa come to play," he announced with a toothy grin, his short arms reaching towards her.
Banni couldn't help the twinge of sadness that tugged at her heart. Kanha's innocent words were a stark reminder of the changes thrust upon their little family. Kabir's therapy sessions had not only affected him and Banni but also their son. Kanha was still adjusting to the new routine, still missing the time he used to spend with his father during the day.
Smiling, Banni met her son's gaze and replied, "Kanha, Papa is at work right now, but he'll play with you in the evening, okay?"
Kanha looked up at his mother, his big eyes filled with confusion. Not quite understanding, he tilted his head to the side, his brow furrowed in adorable concentration.
"However," Banni continued, her voice soft and reassuring, "Mumma will play with Kanha now. How does that sound?"
However, before Kanha could respond, another voice echoed from behind Banni. An extremely familiar voice that never failed to make her heart flutter. "That sounds like a wonderful idea," the voice agreed, "But if Mumma doesn't mind, Papa would like to play with them too."
Banni's heart fluttered at the sound of that voice, which was as familiar to her as her own. She turned around to see Kabir leaning against the door frame. There was a twinkle in his eyes and a smug smirk on his lips. "Kabir!" she exclaimed, surprise and joy flooding her voice.
She rushed to him, throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him tightly. Behind her, she could hear Kanha clapping his hands and exclaiming, "Papa come to play!" with pure delight. It suddenly clicked in her mind that Kanha had seen Kabir before she did and was trying to tell her that his father was there.
Still hugging Kabir, she buried her face in the crook of his neck, breathing in his familiar scent. "I thought you were heading for your recording immediately after the session," she said, her voice muffled against his skin.
"Actually, I..." Kabir hesitated, his voice faltering as he chose his words carefully. "I rescheduled the recording. I just... I needed to be here. With you and Atharva." His voice was soft, a whisper barely audible over Kanha's excited giggles. Yet, an edge to his tone made Banni pull away slightly to look up at him.
His gaze was steady as he met her eyes, but she noticed the slight tension in his jaw, and his hands tightened around her. Kabir was always careful to keep his emotions in check, but Banni could see the strain in his eyes, a silent testament to his inner turmoil. A pang of worry shot through her, and she opened her mouth, ready to press him for more details.
Before she could say anything, however, they were interrupted by Kanha's loud, excited yell from the playpen. "Papa! Papa!" He was bouncing up and down, clapping his tiny hands together and grinning widely at them. His enthusiasm was infectious, and Banni smiled back at him despite her concerns.
Kabir's face also lit up with an indulgent smile. He crossed the room and scooped Kanha into his arms in one fluid motion. "Yes, Atharva, Papa is here," he assured the child, his voice filled with warmth. "Would you give Papa a kissy?"
Without hesitation, Kanha planted a sloppy kiss on Kabir's cheek, his babyish voice cheerfully exclaiming, "Love you, Papa!"
Banni watched as Kabir's eyes shone with unshed tears. His arms tightened around their son, hugging him close to his chest. "I love you too, Atharva," he murmured, his voice choked with emotion. His kisses rained down on Kanha's head as he continued whispering, "You are the light of my life, my precious boy."
Banni watched them, her heart swelling with love for both her boys. But along with the love, a sense of worry gnawed at her. She noticed that Kabir's eyes, shining from the joy of being with their son, were also slightly puffy. It wasn't due to exhaustion, as she initially thought, but because he had probably cried during his session.
Her heart ached at the realization. What was haunting Kabir so much that it brought him to tears? More importantly, what could she do to help him feel better and assure him that he was not alone in his battle? And what if she couldn't do anything for him?
With these thoughts swirling in her mind, Banni took a deep breath. She remembered Kabir's words from a recent conversation, his voice echoing in her mind: "Banni Chow. My strong, fierce warrior princess. When will you realize that you don't have to do everything on your own?" Reflecting on these words, she realized how right he was.
She couldn't help Kabir the way a professional could. No matter how much she wanted to alleviate his pain, she didn't have the knowledge or tools to do so. But she could ensure that he found the help he needed.
With a renewed sense of purpose, Banni quickly pulled out her phone, her fingers dancing across the screen as she composed a detailed message to Dr Sandeep. She meticulously outlined Kabir's recent shifts in mood, his lingering self-doubts, and the subtle signs of his internal struggle that she had noticed. She voiced her concerns about Kabir's well-being and hoped Dr. Sandeep could provide guidance. She respected Dr. Sandeep's professional expertise and trusted that he would be able to delve deeper into Kabir's emotional turmoil and help him confront and address his demons more effectively than she could.
However, as she hit send, a wave of helplessness washed over her. Even though she knew that reaching out to Dr. Sandeep was the right step, she yearned to do something more, something tangible, to comfort and support Kabir. She was his partner, confidante, and sounding board, and she wanted to be there for him, just as he had been for her countless times. But she was at a loss. She wasn't sure how best to approach Kabir's situation, how to help alleviate his self-doubt and reassure him of his worth. She desperately wanted to support him, but she didn't know what she could do.
Banni was pulled out of her thoughts when Kabir's voice echoed through the room, "Does Mumma want to join us in a group hug too?" He shifted his gaze towards her, his face lighting up with a warm, inviting smile.
Banni glanced up from her phone, her heart melting at the sight of her boys. Kanha looked at her with his big, innocent eyes, his tiny hands reaching out towards her. On the other hand, Kabir watched her with an expectant look, his eyes sparkling with love and anticipation.
As she nodded and walked towards them, she couldn't help but notice the way their faces brightened even further. It was as if her agreement was the best thing they had heard all day. Her heart swelled with love for her family; her worries were momentarily pushed to the back of her mind.
Joining them, she wrapped her arms around Kabir and Kanha, pulling them into a tight hug. She felt Kabir's arm tighten around her, pulling her closer, while Kanha giggled between them, squirming in his father's arms.
With her family in her arms at that moment, Banni made a vow to herself. While the doctors would handle Kabir's demons, she would ensure he smiles in the present. She will be his solace, his sanctuary, and his strength, just like he had been hers.
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A/N: And that's all for this part, folks! I am sorry for making you wait for so long and I hope some of you are still hanging in there. Do tell me what you think about this chapter. Can you guess why Kabir is bothered? Were you able to see Banni's unseen battles in this chapter? Drop your thoughts in the comments.
Love, Ashley.