My fingers skim across the variety of books that is neatly arranged on the shelf, every one of them I pass catching my interest. A grin pulls up on my lips at the sight of a particular book I have been yearning to read.
I take it out from its position on the shelf and brush my hand against the cover; The Canon of medicine by Ibn Sina. It's divided into five books, two of which I've read so far. The third book covers the function and diseases of each organ, as well as the etiology, symptoms, diagnosis, prognosis, and treatment for each disease discussed.
Such wonderful books.
Today, I decided to explore Aran’s mansion and in the process, I stumbled upon a huge library housing dozens of books ranging from historical fiction, thriller and suspense, action and adventure, biographical novel, romance and so much more. I was quite surprised to see a couple of medical books as well.
I don’t read novels but I was impressed.
This definitely has to be my favorite place in the whole of this mansion.
I make my way to the comfy chairs at the far end of the library, my footsteps faltering when I see Kamol seated by the large round table with headphones on, his head bobbing back and forth from the music he’s listening to while drawing something on a notebook.
I drop the books I picked up earlier on the table and sit across from him. “Hey.”
His eyes darts to mine before it drops back to whatever he’s drawing. “Hey.” He responds drily. “What are you doing here?” He seemed a bit curious as to why I was in the library of all places.
“I just wanted to read a few books.” I say with a small smile, flipping open the first book so I could read it. “Been bored out of my mind lately. What about you? You don’t seem like the type to read a novel or a book entirely, no offence.”
“You’re not wrong.” He hums, lowering the headphone to hang around his neck, his eyebrows furrowing in concentration as his pen moves slowly across a page of the notebook. “I only read to find peace within myself and I draw sometimes to take my mind off certain issues. The library is sort of my comfort zone.”
I suddenly feel out of place, my stomach twisting in guilt. I shouldn’t have come here. “Well, I’m sorry for intruding. I didn’t know you were here.”
“No, it’s okay. I don’t really mind for your company.”
I crack a smile and divert my attention to whatever got him so hooked. He’s drawing some kind of ancient symbol; which I’ve never seen before, while being careful not to mess it up. “What are you drawing?”
“Kaizen.” He answers without taking his eyes off the symbol. He takes my sudden silence as a cue to explain further. “It’s a Japanese symbol and the philosophy of constant improvement. Kaizen is not about being invincible but rather unstoppable. Everyday you have the choice to improve, even if it’s just by 1%.” He taps his pen on the top symbol. “The first symbol 'Kai' means self whip. It refers to the discipline we need to have in order to change who we are. It’s about starting with ourselves to make a change while the other ‘Zen’ means good.”
“Does it have any significance to you?” I tread carefully not wanting him to get upset just like his father does anytime I ask him a personal question.
He doesn’t answer for a while but when he does, his face is devoid of any emotion almost like he’s an expert at hiding whatever he’s feeling. “Yes, it does. It’s just a reminder for me to become a better person and start taking responsibilities for my actions despite the shitty actions of my parents.” He says. “I have it tattooed on my back.”
“What makes you say that?” I ask but when he hesitates to answer, I knew I had gone too far. “You don’t have to —”
He cuts me off. “I don’t really have a good relationship with my dad. He expects too much from me and my brother. I understand why he disowned us before, we were a menace and did everything possible to land our ass in jail but that was after my parents got divorced. We may act like we don't care at times but we do. My brother was much more affected than I was and did a lot of horrible things, I guess, as some sort of coping mechanism. I covered up most of it so he didn't get punished." A pause before he continues in a monotonous tone. "My father could have understood us but he didn't. He just raged on and on about how big of a disapointment we were to him and some other bullshit I couldn't care less about. I know he loves us, I'm not a fool, but he never shows it. It's like that love is buried deep down inside of him waiting to be thawed out."
I don't say a word or utter any sound as I listen to him tell me all the things he must have bottled up inside.
"And my mother, she doesn't know that word even if it hits her in the face. That woman is quite foolish. She cares about us but can be stupid most times. That's why I take it upon myself to pull my shit together and be there for my little brother. My parents are the worst but as their kids, we can't help but love them unconditionally."
I ponder on his words with a heavy heart, thinking of my own daughter and how much she despises me for things I've apologized countlessly for.
And in a way, Kamol's right. I know Nellie loves me but she's got this hardened heart that's indifferent to all my effort and tears to ensure her wellbeing. It's obvious she didn't get it from me. She most likely got it from her father, whoever and wherever that piece of shit was.
"I also don't have a good relationship with my daughter." I tell him. "It's all my fault anyway but I'm trying to make amends. She loathes me to the extent that she had to move out of the house to avoid being in the same room as me. I don't blame her, though, but she takes it too far sometimes and I just can't help but wonder if I'm a bad mother."
"No offence but she sounds like an ungrateful brat." He says with a chuckle, trying to lighten up the tension locked up in the air and I smile.
We talk about other things and get to know each other better. I find out that he's a tattooist despite his father's disapproval about it, he's gone to prison a couple times, he was born in Korea while his brother was born in the US; it just so happens that his parents travelled a lot for business purposes.
His favourite food is Kimchi, samgyeopsal; whatever that was, and Pizza, he loves drawing and playing video games.
"Seriously?" I let out a loud laugh and he smirks leaning back on the chair while chewing on a piece of gum he took out from the pocket of his cargo pants.
"Yes. I've dated six girls. Each relationship lasted a month. I can barely count how many girls I've hooked up with." He casually says like it's an everyday routine for him.
I stare at him, flabbergasted. "And I'm guessing your dad didn't approve of your sexual rendezvous."
"He did not but never cared enough to show it. As long as I didn't bring any of the girls to his house, he doesn't really give a damn and I just had to make sure that I don't knock up one of them and become a daddy overnight. Now that is what he won't tolerate." He says with a small laugh and picks up his phone when it rings.
I came to this library to read up on my favorite medical books and didn't expect to run into Aran's son who happened to be the direct opposite of him.
Honestly, I enjoyed our conversation. It's been a while since I had a good laugh. I can barely remember the last time my daughter and I actually had a conversation minus the anger, the hate and the argument.
I hope the time comes when we eventually put all the bad times behind us and salvage what's left of our mother-daughter relationship.
"Don't mess with me, bro." Kamol's voice breaks me out of my thoughts. "I'm going to ask my dad first. Sure I have to, dude. Remember the last time I didn't request his permission? Yeah. I do not want to get punished again so I'm going to ask him. Alright, later." He hangs up the phone and rises to his feet, tucking the notebook under his arm.
"I have to go. I got something important to deal with." He says. "But thanks for listening to all my crap."
"It's no problem at all. Feel free to talk to me about anything next time while I'm still here." I say with a smile and he returns it with a grin before exiting the library.
*****
What is all that noise?
I place the book I'm reading down on the counter and set my mug of coffee aside. Rising to my feet, I walk in the direction the noise seemed to be coming from; which was outside.
I swing the front door open and stepped out, watching in confusion as two huge trucks drove out of the compound. Immediately sighting Aran who's conversing with a few men by the garden, I make my way over to him.
"What's going on?" I ask the minute I got to where he's standing.
He excuses himself and walks down the cobbled path, gesturing for me to follow him. I let out a deep sigh and fall in step next to him. I tuck both hands into the pocket of my hoodie as we venture further past the parking area, the garden and a couple of soldiers scattered across the compound, doing the jobs their boss assigned to them.
"I arranged for Ninja and Bone to be brought here." He eventually speaks when we get to a particular area in his compound with dense cover, forest-like and a stream nearby.
"Your—your tigers?" I ask with wide eyes.
He doesn't turn to look at me but I could see him fighting back a smirk. The man is dressed in a suit and his hair—which I've grown to be fond of—is tied back in a low man bun. Though he has on his contact lense, I could still see the bright oceanic blue beneath the black.
Damn! He looked handsome.
"So you're afraid of tigers? That's unrealistic." He muses. We come to a stop in front of a huge gate that led to the forest-like area. A soft look washes over his expression at the sight of his two beloved tigers sleeping amongst the dense vegetation.
I roll my eyes. "What's unrealistic about being terrified of a wild carnivorous animal who obviously eats humans for breakfast and probably lunch or dinner; whatever their eating habits are."
"If I had the capabilities of expressing crappy human emotions, I would commend you for making a valid point." He says. "There's nothing to be afraid of."
I stare at the side of his face and like he could feel my gaze on him, he turned to look at me, eyes expressing nothing but untamed desire the longer they stay fixated on me.
My gaze darts down to his lips and I find my throat running dry at the reminders of them kissing mine so desperately and hungrily. Honestly, the kiss we shared last night did things to me, it broke down something inside of me that I've spent years safeguarding.
I know it was different for him as well.
And since then, the air around us changed. It's now charged with electricity and a distinct desire to succumb to the wild lust that ravaged within us.
We still haven't talked about the things that transpired between us last night. Not like there's anything to talk about but I just wanted to be certain that he didn't regret what happened.
God! Is it so bad that I want him to fuck me right now?
I blink away the outrageous thoughts rampaging through my head and divert my attention back to the sleeping tigers. "There is always something to be afraid of. Everyone has their fears, including you."
We turn right back and begin to walk back to the mansion.
"I fear nothing, Rayne. Nothing in this damn world can make me tremble in fear, not even death itself." He responds, sounding quite sure of himself on the issue.
"That's not true." A frown creeps onto my lips. Everyone is afraid of something whether the fears are rational or a product of some long-buried trauma, but the main goal is not to let that fear define who you are.
"That is nothing but the truth, Rayne. I have no reason to lie to you." He says in a serious tone that forces my gaze back to him. I study the expression on his face and find not a single trace of deceit. "What are your fears?"
I open the front door to his mansion and enter. He follows right behind me and shuts the door gently.
"Well—apart from the physical aspect of it, what I fear the most is not being enough for my loved ones and loosing my daughter for good." I whisper and head straight to the kitchen to get a glass of water to calm down the emotions stirring inside of me.
He doesn't say anything. Aran is a novice when it comes to offering word of comfort but his silence spoke what words could never describe.
The slight change in him frightened me a little probably because of the horrors I've been through in his hands. But, I wasn't going to let it jeopardize the little progress we've made.
I finish drinking the water and return the glass back to its position.
Aran watches me intently as I slowly make my way over to him. His hands ball into tight fists at his side, his jaw hardens and the lust that shimmers in his eyes causes a certain pulse to throb between my legs. When I get to him, I wrap my hand around his tie and lean in closer to whisper into his ear, “Do you regret what transpired between us last night?”
His pulse quickens and his chest rises and falls. He suppresses the growl that rumbles deep in his chest as I stick my tongue out and slowly drag it along his bottom lip, taking it between my teeth and sucking it delicately.
“I have no desire in answering such questions from you.” He grits out. I brush my hand over his bulge and the low moan that leaves his mouth makes a searing heat to flood through me. The ache between my legs becomes more and more unbearable. “You’re acting quite bold regardless of our not so good history.
I smirk, wrapping his tie around my fist. “I don’t cower, Aran. When I want something, I take it.”
I press my lips to his awaiting ones, kissing the top lip first then the bottom lip before kissing him fully, slowly this time, so I could savor the taste of him. Despite his desperation to kiss me senseless, he responds to the slow and gentle demand of my lips.
It’s quite obvious that he wasn’t familiar with being gentle when it comes to anything related to sex in general but he was going to have to learn one way or another.
His hands find their way to my ass and gives it a hard squeeze. I smile into the kiss and plunge my tongue into his mouth, eager for some sort of contact.
He’s quite obsessed with my ass. Hey, I’m not complaining. I love his hands there.
“Don’t be ridiculous, love. I may be many things but a coward isn’t one of them.” There’s a mere distance between our lips when he speaks. “I’m not easily persuaded into….things.” He joins our lips once again and kisses me with much fervor. My heart thunders in my chest, my stomach fluttering with desire. He strokes my tongue with his and sucks it, earning a soft moan from me. “You made me loose control, Rayne, and I never loose control.”
“Are you mad?” I whisper against his lips.
“No, I’m not.” He says and then his voice becomes a tad deeper. “I’m bloody livid.” His fingers dig into the flesh of my ass through my jeans. “I should punish you and make you regret it in so many ways that your brain won’t be able to comprehend.”
“Then punish me.” I challenge with a smirk.
“Don’t tempt me.” He grinds out and reluctantly pulls away from me, much to my disappointment and the expression on his face turns serious. “I’ve transferred the money to your account.”
“What money?” I ask, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
“We signed a contract, Rayne.” He reminds me with a frown. “You’ve started doing your part and now it’s time for me to do mine. The money is your payment.”
Before I can respond or react, he walks away and I’m left, utterly speechless and a little bit horny.
God! What is wrong with me?
*****
I pace back and forth in my room with my hands on my hips, trying so desperately but miserably failing to stop thinking about Aran.
My heart kept hammering in my chest every time an image of him flashes in my mind. I shouldn’t want him like this too much, but here I was, imagining what it would be like for me to get fucked by him.
I sit on the bed and run my fingers through my hair, squeezing my eyes shut to rid myself of these inappropriate thoughts.
What I couldn’t shake off though was the fact that he said I couldn’t handle him if we ever fucked. What is that suppose to mean, exactly? Was he trying to be smug or something? I know he’s holding back and I also know that it’s just a matter of time before he breaks and gives in to his desire. But until when?
Yeah, we did things last night but it wasn’t enough. I needed more. I wanted him much more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my pathetic life.
Goddammit! When did I become this greedy?
Sighing, I rise up from the bed and stride out of my room, heading in the direction of Aran’s room. I knocked on the door several times but there was no response. I even tried opening the door but it was locked.
I decide to take the long flight of stairs this time and while doing so, I take the opportunity to coach myself on what to say to him when I see him. We both wanted each other—that was pretty much obvious. I didn’t mind dealing with that hunger but he just had to ruin everything when he kissed me for the first time. And now he’s trying to back off? No way. Not happening. He’s gonna have to deal with me.
When I get to the living room, I quickly locate Aran’s office. I knocked on the door as well but silence greeted me on the other end. My hand finds their way to the door knob and by the time I twisted it, it opened.
I step in, eyes glancing around for any of sign of him but there’s none. I walk over to the window behind the huge desk and looked down at the vast expanse of land to see if he was anywhere in the compound but he wasn’t.
Just as I decide to give up and just wait for him to come back from wherever he went to, something catches my eye. The frown on my face broadens as I pick up the document at the edge of his desk and peruse through it.
My hands shook vigorously and a small dreadful sound leaves my lips at the words written in the document.
God! What have I done? I have made a very grave mistake.
Dropping the document back on his desk, I take a moment to reflect on the past few days that was based on nothing but deception.
Aran paid off my rent—he paid double of what I was owing and insisted for my landlord to lie to me that the rent had been increased without a prior notice and gave me such little time to pay it.
He was just using me all along and came up with this silly contract as an excuse to lure me in. Deep down I knew it but at this point in time, it hurt just thinking about it. I dug my own grave by getting intimate with the freaking devil. I was going to be drowned in regret for the rest of my life.
How can I be so foolish?
I wipe the tears that rolled down my cheek and yank open one of the drawers, at the sight of the gun that sits carelessly in it, I quicky sobered up and take it in my grip. Swiping his keys from the drawer as well, I dart out of the office and hurried over to the front door.
"Open the gates." I say to the multiple guards standing by as I quickly made my way over to Aran's beloved car.
"I'm sorry, ma'am, but we can't let you go." One of the guard speaks up. "Our boss made it very clear that you are not to step out of the compound."
"Open the gates or I kill myself." I insist, pressing the gun to my temple and resting my finger on the trigger.
When they made no move to do as I say, I point the gun towards the slightly dark sky and pulled the trigger. The sound causes them to stiffen and falter. I press the gun back to my temple. "I'm not a fool. I know your boss needs me for something important and I don't think he will be too happy when he learns that his precious cargo is dead. Oh, I do pity all of you when that happens."
They hesitate for a while before doing as they're told.
I get into the driver's seat and with the gun still in my shaky hands, I turn on the engine and drive out of the compound.
I can't believe I just pulled that off.
During the entire ride, I couldn't stop thinking about all that I've learned so far. I don't let the tears fall this time because I'm so angry with myself for falling for his foolish tricks.
I'm so stupid.
By the time I get to my apartment, I park further away from the building inorder not to arouse suspicion from Aran's men. I get out of the car, leaving the gun behind and put on my hood.
I walk the short distance over to my apartment and successfully make it inside. With the way some of them stared at me, I know I have been recognized and it's only a matter of time before they inform Aran.
To hell with them all.
Stepping out of the elevator, I head over to the familiar door and knocked on it. It only took a few seconds before the door swings open and the sight of my grandmother with an apron tied around her waist greets me.
"Rayne." She whispers, looking quite surprised but happy to see me.
"Grandma." I choke out and throw my arms around her in a tight hug that I didn't know I needed up until now. Taking in her familiar homely scent, I let the tears fall freely.
"How have you been, my dear? Are you okay?" She asks, concerned, when the sound of my cries reaches her ears.
I nod and tighten my arms around her. God! I've missed her so much. "I'm fine, grandma. I just—I just missed you that's all."
"It's okay, dear. You're home now." She says and ushers me inside.
——————
AUTHOR'S NOTE
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How will Aran react?
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See you next update ❤️❤️