Even though I was looking forward to seeing my nieces dressed up for Halloween, I felt apprehensive about going to my parents.
The discomfort that I felt at their home had grown even more since I started dating Riley. I could be my true self everywhere but with my family.
I called Riley as I drove to their home.
"How are you feeling, not too hungover I hope?" I asked her.
"I still feel pretty damn hungover," Riley said, "Tonight is Brooklyn's first night back at work since my mom passed though, and she wants me to come visit her. I'll be sticking strictly to iced tea."
"Good idea," I chuckled, "That's sweet of you to visit her tonight."
"She needs the support," Riley said, "I'm glad to give it to her. How are you feeling about going to your parents right now?"
"Not great, as always," I said back, "At least Kristen won't be there."
"It's a shame, from what you've told me, your brother seems like a really nice guy. Why did he have to go and marry her?"
"Believe me, I ask myself that all the time," I sighed, "He deserves better. But he's stuck now, their baby will be born in December. I just know that after my brother's child is born, my mother is going to start making subtle comments to me about having a kid."
"That might be a bit more difficult than she anticipates," Riley laughed.
"What she doesn't know won't hurt her," I said, with a laugh as well.
There was a pause for a moment, and then Riley asked me, "Do you think that's something you'd want one day?"
"Children?"
"Yes," Riley said back, "Don't get me wrong, I don't want kids now! But it's something I would want one day. Obviously if you didn't feel the same, I would be okay with it. It's something that we would both have to want. Sorry, it might have been weird for me to ask you if you want kids right now considering-"
"Riley," I said, knowing she was babbling because she was nervous, "It's not weird of you to ask. We're dating, it's something to think about one day. The answer to that is yes, I do want kids one day. It's not something I want in the near future, but one day I would. Though I know it won't be the easiest process."
"It's definitely something that we can worry about in the future. But it's great to know that's something you would want as well. You'd be a great mom, Jenny."
I felt myself smile, "You'd be an amazing mom, Riley. No doubt about it."
Riley's comment meant a lot to me. Having kids wasn't something that was ever at the forefront of my mind, even when I was hoping to wind up with a man, but knowing that Riley thought I would be a good mom one day made me feel good.
I could genuinely see myself starting a family with her one day. Not anytime soon...but maybe one day.
When I got to my parent's home, more people were there than expected. A few of my mom's friends were there, and Colton's mom, Wendy, was there as well. Even though her son, Brittany's ex-husband, wasn't there, she and my parents got along well.
My dad gave me a hug when he saw me, "Good to see you. I wish you'd come around more."
I suspect that in the future I may not come around at all.
Violet and Carson looked adorable dressed up as Elsa and Anna from Frozen. My mom's friends thought it was just about the cutest thing in the world, and everyone wouldn't stop snapping photos of them.
Three of my mom's friends were there. I knew two of them, Cindy and Kathy. She introduced me to the third woman, who was short with long, shiny dark hair.
"Jenny, this is my friend Lila. She runs the book club that I'm part of, and we became close. Lila, this is my youngest, my daughter Jenny."
Lila smiled at me brightly and said, "It's so nice to meet you, Jenny! Your mother has told me a lot about you and your siblings- all good things!"
"Nice to meet you as well," I said to Lila, and smiled back.
"You have such beautiful hair," Lila said to me, "Is your color natural?"
"It is," I nodded, "I've never dyed my hair. Even though I got made fun of for being a redhead when I was younger."
"Oh, kids are just awful!" Lila said, "Your hair is stunning."
My mom looked at Lila and said, "I'll bet Leo would think so as well."
Lila nodded, "He absolutely would."
"Who is Leo?" I asked politely.
"Leo is Lila's son. He's a year younger than you, Jenny. He's a really nice guy, and he has a great job as a Physician's Assistant."
Fuck. I know where this is headed.
"That's great," I said, forcing a smile.
"No pressure, of course," Lila said, "But your mother mentioned to me that you're single as well. Would you be interested in possibly meeting Leo?"
"He's a handsome guy as well. Show her a picture," my mom said to Lila before I could answer.
Lila showed me her phone, the background was a photo of three young adults, one man, and two women.
"These are my kids," Lila said, "Leo is there in the middle."
My mom wasn't lying. Leo was a nice-looking guy. He had thick, dark, hair and a nice smile. However, I didn't care. Not one bit. I had Riley.
"He is good-looking," I said to Lila politely, "I appreciate you showing me him and telling me about him. But I'm not really looking for anything at the moment, and I wouldn't want to let him down."
"That's perfectly fine, honey!" Lila said, however, my mom was giving me daggers.
A moment later, I stepped aside to grab a water bottle from the kitchen, and my mom followed me.
"Jennifer, what is your problem?" she asked me, "You couldn't have just agreed to meet up with Leo once?"
"Why are you mad?" I asked my mom, "Lila didn't seem to have an issue with my answer."
"She might not have, but I do," my mom said, "Why are you so against having a relationship? You're going to be 26 in less than a month. You need to get real."
"It's just not something that I'm interested in right now," I said to my mom, "Please respect that."
Telling her that I was actually in a relationship with Riley was on the tip of my tongue. I wanted to say it so badly.
But I knew I couldn't. Not now.
My mom shook her head angrily, "I'll never understand. Don't expect me to try and introduce you to someone again."
Thank god.
I avoided my mom as my family walked around the neighborhood with my nieces for them to trick-or-treat, and when we got back to my parent's house, I wanted to leave as soon as possible.
My dad, however, wanted me to sit down in the living room with him to catch up.
"How is work going?" he asked me, "Still liking your job?"
"I like it overall," I said, "Of course, there are parts of it I don't enjoy. But overall, it's good."
Colton's mother was sitting nearby, and she leaned over and asked me, "What do you do for work, Jenny? I couldn't help but to hear."
"I'm an account manager," I said to Wendy.
"Oh, that's what my sister does!" Wendy said, "She actually leads a team of account managers."
"Very nice," I said, "Maybe I'll do that one day."
My mom, who was sitting next to Brittany on the couch across from us asked Wendy, "How is your sister doing? She got divorced recently, right?"
Wendy nodded, "A year ago. I'm actually not speaking to her right now, though."
"Oh, why is that?" my mom asked, "Everytime I met Sandra, she was nice."
Wendy shook her head and said, "She's perfectly nice. She's just ruining her life right now and I can't watch it happen."
"Did she rob a bank or something?" my dad joked.
Wendy chuckled and then said, "She's dating a woman. Out of nowhere, she told me a couple of months ago that she's now with a woman. After being married to a man for over 20 years. It's a disgrace."
I always knew that Colton and his family were ultra-conservative, but this was already making my blood boil.
"I guess her ex-husband turned her gay, huh?" my dad joked again.
My mom shot him a stern look and said, "Oh, Wendy. That must've been so hard for you to hear."
Wendy nodded, her sandy blonde bob moving as she did so, "It was. Listen, I love my sister. But if she's leading this kind of lifestyle, I want nothing to do with her."
I'm going to have to leave.
To my surprise, Brittany, who was sitting next to my mom with Carson on her lap, asked, "You would really cut your sister off for dating a woman?"
My mom shot her a stern look as well.
"Of course," Wendy said, "I want no parts of that."
"Listen, I get it," my dad said, "It would make me uncomfortable as well. Hopefully she comes to her senses."
Comes to her senses? Are you serious?
My mom shook her head, "At least she didn't say she was changing her gender or something ridiculous like that. That seems to be the thing to do now."
Wendy shook her head, "It's god awful. What is happening to this country? What happened to men and women marrying each other only, and there only being two genders?"
With that, I stood up. I had to get out of there.
I couldn't listen to this any longer.
Brittany looked at me, surprised at how quickly I got up, "Everything okay, Jenny?"
My mom rolled her eyes, "Let me guess, Jenny. You're leaving because you don't agree with what we are saying?"
Heart pounding, I said, "No. I don't agree with any of it."
Wendy looked at me, surprised, and my dad just shrugged.
"I'll pray for you," Wendy said to me.
I looked at her and said, "Not necessary."
"Jennifer!" my mom said, "I know your friend Riley is gay or whatever, so this means something to you, but you don't have to be rude."
I took a deep breath before I said anything else.
"I'm heading out," I finally said, "Thank you for having me. Have a good night."
Without looking at anyone, I grabbed my purse and made my way to the front door.
My hand was shaking as I opened the door and closed it shut.
I could already feel tears spring to my eyes as I walked to my car and got inside.
As I drove, I called Riley and told her about what happened. She seemed surprised at how openly homophobic and transphobic everyone was being.
"I find it funny that your mom thinks I am the sole reason why you accept gay people," Riley said, "But anyway, that's fucking terrible. I'm proud of you though, Jenny. You stood up for what was right, and didn't let them walk all over you."
"Thank you," I said to Riley, "I hate that I'm crying right now. You're right. I did stand up for what I felt was right. What I know was right."
To my surprise, I was receiving a call on the other end of the line- and it was my sister.
"Riley, can I call you back? My sister is calling me for some reason."
"Of course," Riley said, "Talk to you later."
I ended the call with Riley, and answered the call from Brittany.
"Hi," I said to Brittany, "Is everything alright?"
"I'm fine," she said, "I wanted to make sure you were okay."
"I'm okay," I said, "Thank you for asking. Are you still at mom and dads?"
"I am, but I'm outside. Listen, I'm sorry about Wendy. She was out of line."
"It wasn't just her," I said, "It was mom and dad as well."
"I know," Brittany said, "They have a very...backwards way of thinking."
"I'm surprised you're saying that," I responded.
"Since Colton and I got divorced, I've been opening my eyes to the world around me, and not just the little conservative bubble I was in as the wife of a cop. I've made some friends at work that are gay...and I've realized how ignorant I've been in the past. It wasn't right of me. I've learned to accept people how they are, no matter what. I also don't want my daughters to grow up judging people just for who they are."
Brittany's answer shocked me.
"Wow," I said, "I'm really glad to hear you say all of that, Britt."
"I was not happy with that mom, dad, and Wendy were saying tonight. I know you weren't either, of course. I was wondering though, if it's more...personal to you?"
I felt a chill go down my spine, "Are you asking what I think you're asking?"
"Yes," Brittany said, "I am."
My heart was pounding as I said, "I like women. And I have a girlfriend."
"Is it Riley, who I met?"
"Yes."
"I'm happy for you, Jenny. I genuinely am. And I am here for you, and accept you."
"You don't know how glad I am to hear you say that."
"I promise I won't tell a soul."
"I appreciate that," I said, "Just so you know though, Kristen knows."
"What? How the hell does she know?" Brittany asked.
"She met a mutual friend of a girl in college that I used to hookup with, who asked her if I was still with the girl at all."
"So this has been going on for some time now?"
"It has been, yes," I said to Brittany.
"Just know I love you. Even if our whole family doesn't accept it, I do."
"I love you too," I said to my sister, "Thank you."
Even though I still felt a weight on my shoulders of my family not knowing about me, in that moment, the weight felt a bit lighter.
At least I had someone on my side.