— ✧ Arsalaan's pov :
It started raining cats and dogs, with one last heart wrenching eye contact minahil faded away from my life ? probably yes.
her teary blood shot red eyes flashed into my mind, the way she looked at me when I asked her to choose between me and her past makes shivers run down my spine.
my jaw clenched and my grip on the steering wheel tightened, my knuckles turned white due to the powerful grip. I felt the urge to burn down the whole world. i would do it, for her.
I would burn down the world for her, I would bring the whole world to her feet. I would bring the moon the stars the galaxies & the whole universe under her feet, only for her to crush and crumble me in the end.
the whole world might love you accept the one you want to be loved from. I've heard a quote or something like that and now I'm experiencing it.
i wanted to be loved, by her. Just the way I love her. Immensely, deeply, extremely and intensely.
she stormed into her car and dashed away and I was so frustrated to even look back for once, I mirrored her, I did the same and I now I fucking hate it and regret it.
I lost her ? did I ? or did she lose me ?
a blanket of pain was suddenly wrapped around me and my eyes started glistening with tears. Everyone I love, I lose.
Hear me out ! this is my story. I lost my most precious grandpa who loved me when I didn't receive the love from my father. he was my comfort person. He was killed. I lost him.
I lost the love of my life, my begum jaan. My mina, she is my solace, serenity & the only warmth I crave for. she is everything I need.
I lost her. Maybe I'll never get her back.
I'm love sick & she's my medicine, my cure.
her presence, her warmth, her eyes and her touch is enough to heal me, she is my pill.
My happy pill.
I parked my car at the corner of the highway and stepped out into the pouring rain. I made my way towards the bridge on the left side of the main road. It was already dark, and when I checked my phone, it read 8 pm.
I gazed at the wallpaper which had my and minahil's selfie. My heart clenched looking at the picture. It was when we clicked the picture at the canvas date while eating donuts.
I wanted to cry, to pour my heart, to let out all the pain but also I didn't want to talk to anyone. I don't know how I'm feeling right now. But what I feel, feels like dying.
I stood near the bridge gazing at the sky and then back to my Lock Screen. I pointed at minahil's picture with my index finger and tears started streaming down my face. I started to speak my heart out with whom you ask ? with her picture !
my outfit was already damned with the pouring rain but I could care less about it because my mind was already occupied with her thoughts. My heart was already consumed with agony.
"you hurt me, even tho I trusted you, trusted you with my everything. Even tho you lied to me a hundredth time. My foolish heart still trusted you. Only if I knew that you would break me, only if my heart knew that it would get scattered by the love of it's life." I talk with her picture while bawling my eyes out. My voice shaky and my hands trembling.
I didn't even shiver a little due to heavy rain hitting me let alone feel cold.
"ugh such a softie that I'm !! the way I'm fooled into love, it makes me feel so miserable." I say with a sad smile, I started caressing my finger on minahil's picture on my phone. Water droplets were all over my phone but that didn't matter as it was waterproof.
Just like how the water doesn't have any effect on the phone because it's waterproof, I wish Minahil didn't have any effect on my heart. It should have been 'hurt-proof'
My hair wet and jacket drenched with water.
but all this things didn't interrupt me as I was too invested with my clicked mind and throbbing heart explaining my pain.
rain water started hitting my face, making it unable to differ between the tears & water. I choked on my own tears still talking to her picture. The pain wasn't leaving.
such a stubborn pain that it is.
I was not acting really normal because the hurt has badly affected me mentally not allowing me to understand my state.
" let me tell you one thing mina" I say deeply looking into her picture.
" l o v e do you even know how that feels ? I bet sure you won't ! Because you've never fell in love, the way I did." i felt like someone is hammering my heart & breaking it into pieces as I let this words out of me.
" so let me do the honour and explain you how love feels like" I said while clutching my other hand to my chest.
"Love is nothing but misery, a misery you'd willingly fall for. It's a misery that would scatter you, a misery that would destroy you. Yet, love is the most beautiful feeling, even if it doesn't last in the end. But I must say, if this misery I'm feeling right now is love, then I love being miserable." only truth came out from the depths of my heart, I felt like someone snatched away my share of oxygen from me.
warm tears streamed down my cheeks, my lips trembling, my chin wobbling and legs shaking. I yelled angrily letting out all the frustration that life throws at me. I growled, grumbled and lashed out harshly to no one but the wind. Me and the sky above.
Nothing helped as I had hoped & expected. Not even a bit of pain decreased. I let out a soft sigh, and sadness enveloped me. I wiped my tears with my wet hands and walked back to my car, drenched from head to toe, with water droplets falling from my body, clothes and hair.
i drove off to the Hussain mansion.
which is no more home.
My home is gone.
breathing in and out trying to calm my racing heartbeats I entered the mansion. Everyone's gaze darted on me as soon as I stepped inside.
my mom came rushing towards me with a frowning face, which suddenly changed into a concerned one. " ya khuda ! beta you're all drenched and are soaking in water, why did you have to get wet ?!" My mom said touching her forehead in concern.
"Mom, I'm sorry for getting all drenched and soaking in water. I had to get wet because I was caught in heavy rain. Don't worry, I'll change into dry clothes soon." I replied in a cold and tired voice.
" yes okay change up soon & get freshened the dinner will be served in a while" she informs and I nod.
As I was about to walk upstairs to my room my mom interrupted me by calling my name I snapped my head back towards where she was standing. " Jee ?" I asked calmly.
" beta ji, where is minahil ? didn't she return with you ? I have not seen her since breakfast today !" my mom asks with a frown on her face and her lips formed into a thin line.
I have no words, I don't know what to say.
" mom !" I say while walking towards her holding her shoulder and she tensed up even more.
" she won't return I guess, your daughter in law is gone, she left me" she chose something else over me I only say that to myself in my head of course.
" what do you mean ?" My mom gasped and everyone's head snapped towards us and I didn't feel any comfortable standing for long.
" I'm tired & I need to rest mom, let's talk about it tomorrow" I say in a lowest tone.
my mom's expression showed me a lot of concern and curiosity along with sadness.
i don't even know if she will understand me. Just like the love of my life didn't even try.
i squeezed my moms hands gently assuring her that everything's alright and I'm fine, along with I'll explain things to her. Her eyes became teary as it was as if she understood the tension and the things that is happening.
I walked upstairs towards 'our room'. As soon as I stepped inside, it felt like someone had shot me with a gun. My body went numb as I gazed at the empty room. Her presence used to fill this room, and now that she's gone, it feels strange. It doesn't feel like home, it doesn't feel serene.
Ignoring the thoughts about her, I stepped into the shower and turned on the tap, allowing the cold water to cascade down my body.
Gradually, my stiff and numb body began to relax, and I could feel the physical pain fading away as the water flowed down every inch of my skin.
After cleansing myself, I emerged wearing a pair of gray sweatpants and a black hoodie. As I approached the dressing table, I couldn't help but gaze at my reflection. Despite being freshly bathed, my face appeared worn out and fatigued. My eyes remained swollen, and my lips had turned red from crying.
my eyes darted over the stuffs placed on the dresser and I glanced at the skin care products minahil bought for me. I had the urge to grab them my hands shaking as they were moving towards the moisturiser placed there.
i grabbed it in my palms and I was about to open it when some thoughts intruded making me throw the product down on the ground making the substance fall on the floor.
No ! I don't want to use it ! It will just remind me of her and I don't want to remember her. She hurt me and constantly thinking about her would hurt me and break me more.
" I will try, I'll try to stop thinking about her" I say to myself prolly assuring my own self because I'm still unsure of what I just said. Cause it's more than impossible of mr gym guy to stop thinking about his witch.
my heart clenched at my own thoughts
Mr gym guy and his witch
my lips curved into a small smile but it faded away when her blood shot red eyes when she was choosing between me & her past flashed into my mind. I gulped and a tear escaped my cheek.
i walked towards the bed and laid on my side of the bed covering myself with the duvet I was about sleep. I turned towards the side table on my left side to turn off the lamp when my eyes fell on a box and a folded note kept on top of it.
I scrutinised the things placed on my table and before having a clear look at them I let out a deep sigh. I grabbed the small note and started reading it. It was her handwriting as I could remember the time when she wrote me a thank you letter long before.
to my mr gym guy :
Remember the time when me, you, Hamdan and mehran played truth or dare and the question was asked " what's your precious treasure? " and I didn't really had a reply to it. Because at that time I didn't had any precious treasure that I wanna keep safe. A treasure that I wanna cherish and place it close to my heart. I didn't have any significant thing with any deep meaning. But I guess I've found one. I've found 'my precious treasure' it's something I never wanna lose, it's something I would never wanna share, it's something I want to protect and keep safe from the world, it's the most important part of me, a part of me that I don't want to forget, a part of me which is just mine, only mine. Here, take a look at it <3 it's in the little box.
I gritted my teeth angrily while reading her letter, tears streamed down my face. My breathing stiffen. I felt a lot of emotions but the worst one in all of those was emptiness. I feel like someone had made a hole inside my chest and I'm bleeding, constantly with each passing second I breathe.
I closed my eyes and let more warm tears escape, I tried not think about her but she was all occupied in my mind.
If I close my eyes or open,
the only thing I see is her.
i crumbled the paper harshly and was about to throw it away but my dumb heart didn't allow me to do it. I kept the now crumbled paper beside me on the bed. And growled whilst raking my hair in utter frustration.
my soul crushed and I felt like I was dying. Why did all that have to happen ? why does she had to leave ? why does she have to do this to me ? to my poor heart ? why did she have to use me and throw me away like this ? My mind started asking questions to my heart, whereas the heart was in so much agony that it was at lost of words due to the pain constricting it.
and at the end of the day, she chose her past over me. She chose the mafia world over me.
As I gazed at the box resting on the table, I felt an intense sensation, as if someone was squeezing my heart tightly, causing blood to seep out. The curiosity was overwhelming, and I couldn't resist the urge to open the box. I was eager to discover what precious treasure of hers lay inside.
but why do I want to know ? i don't want to see it !! Let it be whatsoever it is. Why does she have to tell me about it ? I'm not at all interested in knowing what her precious treasure is, I swiftly looked away from it.
I just looked away trying to resist taking a look at it but the urge was growing faster. I couldn't help but grab the box in my palms.
It was a small white box with a peach coloured bow on top of it which added a festive look to it. It was aesthetic and pretty. I opened the box excited to see what her precious treasure might be.
as soon as I opened the box my heart stopped. I couldn't breath. My eyes widened and a wave of emotions washed over me. My stomach churned and I felt multiple butterflies dancing in my stomach. I blinked and tears welled up in my eyes.
There was a small glass mirror decorated with pink designs in one corner placed inside the box. I could see my reflection in the mirror, and my heart started racing like a marathon.
The mirror, the reflection of mine. My heart skipped beats, and I forgot how to breathe. Her precious treasure is not the mirror; it indicates the reflection of a person. The reflection of me in the mirror.
am I her precious treasure?
I don't believe it !! I didn't believe it until I saw a tiny sticky note attached at the back of the mirror when I took it out and held it in my palms. There were a few words written on them. And those words were enough to kill me.
i felt overwhelmed, I felt like dying. Why does she have to do this to me ? she drives me insane. She rules over this dumb heart of mine.
It follows only her orders, when she wants to break it, it breaks. when she wants to flutter it it flutters. And at this point my heart felt both.
it broke, it healed and the same process repeated.
The note :
It's you ! You're my most precious treasure Arsalaan. someone I love, someone I want to treasure forever. I love you Arsalaan, I really do !
"no you don't minahil !! no you don't ! you don't love me minahil. Please don't give me hopes I'm already shattered. Please don't break me more." I cried holding the note in my palm.
" you know what minahil !! I will try... I will try to live without you" i said to myself with my voice cracked and shaky, my chin wobbling.
🌷
How was the chapter ?
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what will happen next ? 😔
will Arsalaan be able to live without his Mina ? 🥹
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