he was five when the water fountain stopped working.
every day, after school he would walk past it, stop for a minute and stare at the water spraying out of the trumpet held by the little cherub at the top of the statue. it all felt so big and imposing, and that feeling fascinated him. he'd go up to the fountain, grab a handful of coins out of the water, and throw them back into the fountain, making wishes with money that had already been used. he liked the sound they made, and the feeling of the copper in his little hand was cold, and smooth, and nice.
one day, it was dry. the coins were gone.
he ran home crying to his mother. she held him in consolation, reassuring him they'd only temporarily stopped the fountain to collect the coins, and that it would be back to normal the next day.
"look what i got you though." she said with a mischevious smile. barrel sniffled.
"what." he said, still weepy. his mother reached behind his ear and a chocolate coin wrapped in gold foil appeared magically in her hand. little barrel giggled through tears. his mother kissed his temple.
"all okay?" she asked softly. barrel nodded.
"all okay."
the next day, on his way home from school, the fountain was not, in fact, operational, and the only thing present was the very faint smell of urine, and the awful things that lay on the horizon.
-
he was ten when his mother died.
there had been no water for five years.
barrel went kicking and screaming. his mom lay in bed, emaciated and unresponsive, and a police officer he'd never seen before was pulling him out of the house. his father stood in the doorway, stoic and silent. they managed to pry barrel out of the front door and the boy did everything in his ten-year-old power to stop them. he hit at the officer, punching as hard as his little fists could, until they stuck his arms behind his back so hard that it hurt.
then he started kicking. the world was blurry with tears. barrel kicked the officer in the shin and he felt himself be released. he fell on the ground, wiped his face and started backing up towards the house again.
looking around, he saw his neighbors had come out to see what all the commotion was about. clinging to the porch steps, he made eye contact with the neighbors kid, harry. small and frail, younger than barrel by about two or three years, and born into a world where it cost an arm and a leg to buy a glass of water. barrel sniffled, and wished that they were sword fighting with sticks, and not whatever horrible thing was going on right now.
he snapped out of it when out of the blue, his father tore him off the stairs and held him so aggressively close their noses touched.
"get in the fucking car. stop whining. do as i say." his dad growled, dangerously soft. the tone was jarring and caught barrel off guard. his dad let him go and barrel stood silent for a moment.
suddenly there was the sound of a slap, and barrel made contact with the ground again. there was a ringing in his ear, and his cheek began to sting. badly.
"i said, get in the car!" his father shouted at him, before hauling the child up again by the collar of his shirt. barrel flinched, and let himself be pushed towards the vehicle. it was black, and shiny, and big. he sat in the back seat and drew his knees up to his chin, watching his neighbor through tinted glass.
next door, harry watched them leave. he'd never seen a car before. only rich people drove cars. he didn't understand what barrel was so upset about. the guy got to drive around in a cool, rich car, and he was crying about it? harry decided the world was a funny place. a funny place, with funny smells, and funny people.
harry looked up at the sky, and wondered why it didn't look blue anymore.
-
he was fifteen when he realized he liked men.
barrel didn't even know the guy's name, just that he was gay, and now they were kissing in the bathroom on the third floor of the science building. it was weirdly liberating, and for the first time in his life, barrel felt a modicum of normalcy. maybe he wasn't broken...maybe...
the bathroom door opened and someone walked in on them. immediately, the guy barrel was with shoved him off.
"ew, what the fuck is wrong with you?" he said. barrel frowned, taken aback by the abrupt change in tone.
"what...?"
he looked to the guy, then to the one who'd walked in on the whole mess. barrel didn't really know either of them, just that they were both a year ahead of him and that they threw parties barrel was never invited to.
"dude were you making out with him?" the second guy asked the first.
"no man, he just came onto me."
"are you gay?" the second guy inquired, looking at barrel.
barrel, face burning with shame, started for the door.
"excuse me." he said, only to be met with a hand square on his chest, pushing him back into the bathroom. it was the second guy, who locked the door at the first opportunity. suddenly, everything felt tainted, and barrel felt sick.
"you set me up." he said to the first guy, anger burning in his stomach.
"you fell for it." the first guy replied, snorting.
there was a hand gripping his shoulder and suddenly barrel saw stars. this wasn't happening. please god, no.
it was the knee to the stomach that got him down on the ground.
like a feral animal, he fought back, kicking and clawing at the two guys. he refused to be beat, he refused...and yet...
there was a sickening crack when the second boy kicked him in the ribs.
it felt like it went on forever, like it would never stop. pain blossomed across his body like a fucked up flower garden coming to life. he missed his mom. he missed their little home. maybe it was his fault. maybe it was his fault that he was gay. maybe he was broken.
curled up into a bloody ball, all he could taste was iron. somewhere in the distance he heard the bathroom door close, and he was finally left alone. the floor of the bathroom on the third floor of the science building was cold and barrel let his head lay against it, letting the cool tile sooth the cuts on his face.
never again, he vowed. this would never happen again.
-
when he was twenty it happened again.
he'd shut down that part of himself a long time ago. a scar on his eyebrow served as a constant reminder never to engage with it, not that it mattered anyways. he had a girl now, like normal people did.
barrel met senator fipp when he graduated from the police academy into further training to become a UGC executive.
senator fipp was like a shining star in the eyes of the legislature. witty and convincing, but humbled by a bumbling disposition. barrel found his presence enamoring, entranced by the ability of a man to be so powerful, yet so deceptively charming.
the young man found himself in the senators office a handful of times, usually to drop off "research" files, and folders filled with information he wasn't allowed to look at. every time, fipp would offer him coffee, and barrel, tired from running around town all day, would accept. the senator had a tendency to sit very close to him, sitting on the edge of his desk in front of barrel's chair, looking down at the younger man.
barrel had been working as an executive member for two years when everything came crashing down around him.
"how's work?" fipp asking him. barrel nodded.
"good. they've got me working security shifts in the lobby now, so it's not all bad. saturday's i get to-"
"what happened here?" fipp asked, unexpectedly lifting barrel's face up and running his thumb along the scar on his eyebrow. barrel felt his stomach flip, and he moved his face away.
"just work." he lied.
"just work?" fipp inquired, setting his cup down and turning back to barrel.
"just work." barrel confirmed.
"let me see." fipp said, and lifted the young mans chin up again. it was eerily silent in the senators office, and fipp got very, very close to barrel's face.
for the first time in a while, barrel felt scared. it came out as anger.
"what are you doing? are you queer? that stuff's illegal." he snapped, abruptly getting out of the chair, scraping it back across the hardwood floor.
"for now..." fipp said, dangerously quiet. barrel swallowed, his mouth dry like sandpaper.
"really?"
"what am i, if not an honest man? don't be so tense. let me help you,"
fipp circled around barrel and started rubbing his shoulders.
"just relax. take a break. besides...no one needs to know."
.
twenty minutes later, the door opened and barrel's worst nightmare came true. caldwell b. cladwell waltzed in on them. fipp backed off almost immediately.
"good god, cladwell, please forgive me, the boy-" he stuttered. cladwell watched the both of them closely for several minutes.
"of course, senator. young men like officer barrel just cant keep it in their pants nowadays." cladwell said smoothly.
"what?" barrel shouted, rage surging through him. he didn't curl up into a ball this time. "he came on to me!"
"easy, officer, we don't want to cause a fuss."
"what do you mean, cause a fuss! your senators are corrupt! there are liars in your own government!" barrel screamed, rushing cladwell. he shoved the man against the wall so hard a frame came crashing off the wall. fipp held the young man back, thrashing and fighting against the senator.
"don't touch me! let me go!"
"security!" cladwell yelled, "i'm sorry, officer barrel. we don't allow your kind here."
"my kind!? i didn't do anything! what about him?" barrel said, gesturing towards fipp.
"senator fipp was doing the best he could in a sticky situation. he never did trust you."
two security guards, much bigger and stronger than barrel arrived, holding him back.
"what are you going to do, huh? send me to urinetown?" barrel sneered.
"oh no, my boy. no, that would be hypocritical," cladwell mused. "gosh, and your father would never forgive us. not his son, no, no, no. no, i think you'll be quite comfortable several blocks down the road, though. we're going to demote you to the Urinetown Police Department. have fun shoveling the scraps of those who got there before you did. i hope you learn your lesson."
barrel went blank. everything burned around him. he felt nothing when he gave up his badge, he felt nothing when he forfeited his passcodes, and he felt nothing on the drive down to the UPD station. they brought him to a small, white and sterile interrogation room and locked him in there for several hours. only then, did barrel let himself feel something remotely close to the level of pain he was experiencing. he cried until his head hurt, and his throat was sore.
it was nearing ten o'clock at night when the door finally unlocked. barrel was in the corner, still in his suit from earlier, stained with tears. he was starving, and thirsty, and guilt wracked his entire conscious. his nose was still pink from crying.
"hello, i apologize that took so long." the officer said. his voice was jarringly reassuring. "okay, lets get through this quickly then, i'm sure we both would love to go home as soon as possible. do you need anything? food? water?"
the offer for water in particular was enough to make barrel's chin quiver. why was this man so kind? he sniffed and shook his head no.
"perfect. let's speed through this then. i'm officer lockstock. we'll be working together."
-
he was twenty-five when he stopped feeling.
he knew that urinetown meant you were to be killed. he'd known that for a while. that didn't make it any easier to send people there.
not in the beginning, at least. after a while it got easier. and then, after a longer while, it became cathartic.
every night, barrel watched himself die over, and over, and over. like he was killing off all the parts of himself that he hated, and not sending innocent people to their death. eventually, there was nothing left to kill, and the only thing he was throwing over the edge of the roof was the empty shell of a man.
he brutalized the people, terrorizing them at every opportunity. the crack of joseph strong's hip under his boot was the most satisfying noise he'd heard in a long time, and he knew that justice had been served.
strong writhed in agony on the ground, whimpering and pushing himself back with his good leg, shaking with pain.
"you knew i would be here. you knew," strong cried, "you set me up,"
officer barrel snickered.
"yeah, but, you fell for it."