"What the fuck is it with you people and not using the fucking door?!!!"
I yelled at the two of them as the fought in the middle of my living room.
"Do you know how long I saved up for that, that was the newest model of the PS5 you fucksticks!!!"
The snake lady then turned to me and hissed as she spoke in Spanish.
In Spanish:
"How about you stay quiet before I cut you tongue out!"
She screamed as she contorted her body in a way that made it seem like she wasn't human before throwing Batman across the room.
She goes in to charge him but I threw myself into her path before rolling onto my back as she collided with me.
"How about you take this outside?!!"
I say as I felt my ribs shift when she was sent back out the window.
In English:
"Fucking Christ!!"
I cried out as I clutched my sides in pain.
"Hold still."
Batman then pulls out a syringe and sticks me with it.
"More sedative, seriously?!"
I exclaimed as he helped me up.
"What I injected you with will temporarily calcify your bones and allow you to move without to much discomfort."
He said before making his way over to the window.
"She got away..."
"Who was that?"
I asked.
"When I met her she was one of 8 Assassins trying to kill me. Originally she was listed as Jane Doe as she had so many aliases that it was hard to narrow it down. But eventually it was found out that her real name is Larissa Diaz, AKA Copperhead."
Batman then looked around and saw the paint left behind by Joker's men on top of the damage that was just caused.
"Sorry about all this."
I simply shrugged as I hoveled over to the couch and tipped it back on all four of its legs.
"It's kind of funny in the sense that I'm starting to get used to it and I haven't even been back in Gotham for a week."
When I looked over to where he "was", he was no longer standing there.
"Fuck you too then."
I grumbled before I layed back down on the couch.
About an hour later Blackfire and Harley walked or flew back through the door.
"Oh Bumgorf you should have been there!! Everything on earth is so..."
"Mista D what happened?!"
She exclaimed as she rushed over to my side.
"Oh you know how it is. One minute you're trying to take a nap after introducing someone new to our planet Earth, and then the next you wake up to see Dracula in the corner. Only to have him interrogate you about your new guest before some Snake Assassin Lady comes crashing through your window, smashes your PS5 into pieces and gives you more clean up."
Blackfire's eyes started to glow with purple energy as well as her clenched fists while she ground her teeth together.
"Whomsoever be foolish enough to hurt my Bumgorf or cause him distress shall pay that price with their blood!!!!"
She screamed as Harley and I did our best to calm her the fuck down.
"Blackfire I'm okay, really I am!!"
I exclaimed to her as Harley waved her hands in the air.
"Hey hey hey, if ya go ballistic then there won't be anything left!!"
She yelled and after a moment or two of this she finally began to calm down and touch back down to the floor.
"My apologies, when raised as warrior like I was you tend to have more distain for those who attack another when they are not at their best or if they be foolish enough to attack you within your own home."
She says with a different kind of tone I hadn't heard come from her yet.
"It's alright, we just have to clean this mess and bundle up for the night. Even when it's not winter it still gets cold at night in Gotham."
I say as I grabbed her gently by her hands.
After that I went about calling the maintenance crew for my building and leaving a message telling them that Batman busted in through my window fighting someone as to the reason behind the damage while Harley helped Blackfire learn how to use a brook and dust pan. Once that was all taken care of I switched out my busted PlayStation for my Xbox One Series X so that we could watch Game of Thrones on HBO Max. We also taught Blackfire how to use a microwave so that she could make Popcorn. We had gotten to the point where Bran finds Cersei and Jaime Lannister fucking in the Tower. Blackfire was glued to the screen as her and Harley shared a bowl of Extra Buttery Popcorn. And despite the embarrassing moments and the surprise visitors that I had it wasn't a bad way to end the night.
3 Days Later.....
A couple days had passed since Blackfire showed up on Earth, Batman payed me a visit, and just before Copperhead decided to jack up my security deposit. I was also able to finally walk without limping around so much. Blackfire was an absolute machine as she was constantly up late into the night watching documentary after documentary pertaining to more than just history, pop culture and what not.
"Bumgorf, didn't you say you can play this "guitar" contraption?'
She asked as I deep fried some battered lemon zest and black peppercorn salmon.
"Yes I did say that, want me to play you something?"
I asked as she nodded profusely, which I couldn't help but laugh at.
"Alright haha, give me a few minutes okay?"
Once I was done making lunch I went to my room and grabbed my acoustic guitar.
"Now I haven't tuned her up in a while so give me a second... there we go."
Blackfire clapped as she even learned how to whistle at some point the past couple of days.
"Bravo, you're quite talented; Cooking, Musician, and you're even a...uhhhh..."
"Mechanic."
I said finishing her thought.
"I knew there was something else."
She snapped her fingers as she pointed back to me.
"Have you ever thought of performing professionally?"
She asked.
"Eh, I just like to work with my hands. Which is one of the main reasons why I learned how to do all the things I can do."
Blackfire gave me a lustful smile.
"And I bet that you can do a lot more with those hands of yours."
She teased as she tilted her head from side to side.
"Speaking of which would you mind massaging my neck and shoulders for me Bumgorf? I know that you've been working hard but I would still greatly appreciate the gesture."
I shrugged in reply and made my way over to her.
"Why not, but if this is some kind of scheme so that you can pop my cherry then you can forget it. Until I'm ready that is."
Blackfire pretended to be disappointed and sighed as I started massaging her neck.
"Fine, I suppose that'll have to do for now."
As she began to relax her body, I couldn't help but look down her shirt at her Triple D's that seemed to jiggle with just the slightest movement.
"Mmmm, seems that I was right about you being able to use those hands."
"I aim to please."
I said as she looks up at me.
"I bet you do."
She says as she continued to flirt with me. After I was done giving her a massage my phone started to ring.
"What is that song?"
"Pretty Little Psycho by Black Porcelain. It's the song that I set as my ringtone for Harley."
I said as I answered.
"Hey Harley what's going on?"
As I expected to hear Harley's voice on the other end, I instead heard a hiss.
In Spanish:
"If you want to see you dearest love again, then you'll do exactly what I say. And don't you dare bring that other girl that you have with you. I know that she was the one who was in that space craft that crashed a few days ago."
Blackfire immediately knew that something was wrong.
"And you can forget about bringing that witch Señora Ivy either."
As she went to get up I made a gesture that told her no.
"What do you want Larissa?"
I asked as she hissed in reply.
"Come alone to the abandoned Sionis Steel Mill in the Industrial District after dark. And await further instructions."
She said as I clenched my fist.
"At least let me hear her voice so that I know she's okay...hello? Mother fucking snake in the grass cuntbag!!!"
I shouted.
In English:
"Call Ivy and tell her what's going on."
I said as I tossed Blackfire my phone.
"Do you know how to use one of these yet?"
"I'm coming with you."
She argued as I shook my head.
"From what little Batman told me about her Copperhead is a dangerous assassin that almost nearly killed him and that doesn't include what happened the other day. I'm not going to risk Harley's life like that."
I said to her as she flew in front of me to block my path.
"Please get out of my way."
Blackfire crossed her arms and shook her head.
"No, you haven't even recovered from your last battle. It would be foolish to go alone in the state that your in."
"Well as Shia LeBouf once said, no sacrifice no victory."
I quickly kissed her on the cheek and weaved past her.
"I'll be back later."
Abandoned Sionis Steel Mill: Several Hours Later.....
Once the sun had set was when I had pulled up to the abandoned Steel Mill. When I looked this place up I read that it was once a legitimate business owned by Roman Sionis AKA Black Mask. Not only that but according to a panel written by Vicky Vale, this is where Batman had fought Copperhead when they first and last met. That night was the night when he had also met the Joker, The Serial Arsonist Firefly, and several others even Jim Gordon. After I stuck a piece of rebar in the chains and broke it I made my way inside.
"Alright I'm here, now where the fuck are you at huh and where's Harley?!"
I called out to the open air.
"I'm not here to play games bruja so come on out already!"
As I made my way deeper into the Mill I was met by the sounds Copperhead laughing.
"About time you showed up, I was starting to get bored hahaha!"
Immediately after she said this I was met with a sharp pain shooting through my back.
"Argh!! It's me you want right, let Harley go and just take me!"
I called out to her as I turned around in every which direction trying to find her. But then as soon as I felt it, my body started going numb.
"The fuck did you...3...5...8...do to me?"
"Hahaha, it's a special hallucinogenic neurotoxin of my own design!"
She says as one of her copies kicks me in the face.
"How noble of you, coming to save the damsel in distress yet again!"
Another one of her copies then flipped around and twisted in a way that would have given the girl from the original Exorcist a run for her money before slamming me into the ground.
"Too bad you won't be seeing her again!!"
When the thought of that crossed my mind I ignored the pain shooting through my body as I picked up one of her copies, only for her to swing around me like how Harley herself imitated Black Widow from Avengers and put me in an arm bar.
"You must be pretty stupid if you think I'm going to believe you!!"
I grunted as I tried to swing her off of me but was then shit whipped into the ground as I also took a knee to my solar plexus, knocking wind out of me and making me gasp for air.
As I was trying to suck down as much oxygen as I could, the taste of copper filled my mouth as Copperhead swung one of her legs over me and straddled my waist as her copies rubbed me up and down.
"And you are just my type!"
She smiled before biting my lip.
But just as she started running her hands up my chest, the glass ceiling above shattered as Batman comes swooping down. Without warning he threw out several batarangs as Copperhead dodged them all before they went at it for Round 2.
"Your going back to Arkham Copperhead!"
He scowled while they went blow for blow.
"Not until after the clown has payed for what he did to me!!!"
She roared before delivering a drop kick which sent Batman flying back towards me as she backflipped away and turned into green mist.
"You know I'm getting real sick and tired of this shit already!"
I exclaimed before he injected me with something.
"This is to counteract her neurotoxin, you'll be fine within the hour. Just stay here and try not to get into anymore trouble."
He says as he goes to run after Copperhead.
"Wait!"
I called out as I reached for him.
"She's got Harley in here somewhere!"
"Ivy filled me in, if she's in here I'll find her."
He replied as I propped myself up against the wall.
"And what if she's not?"
I asked.
"I'll find her anyway."
And with that he ran off into the Mill in search of Copperhead and Harley.
'Fat fucking chance I'm gonna be sitting here on my ass.'
I thought as I struggled to me feet.
"Harley, can you hear me?! Where are you?!"
I continued to call out to her as I used the wall as my crutch.
"Can you hear me?!"
"I'm over here Mista D!"
I heard her say from behind me as I saw Joker standing behind her with a gun.
"Why couldn't ya save me?!"
*BANG*
"Hehehehehahahahaha, looks like this one has expired!"
Joker laughed as I charged him.
"You monster!!!!!"
I roared as I charged him, but when I swung on him he turned into green mist.
'It was only an illusion brought on by the toxin. I can't believe that everything I see is real, but I still have to find her!'
"Harley, talk to me!!"
I continued calling out.
"Son, is that you?"
I froze dead in my tracks when I saw her standing out in front of me.
"Mom...no it's...it can't be."
I muttered to myself.
"Why were you always so weak? You could have stopped him, you could have kept him from hurting us!"
She yelled to me as I grit me teeth.
"That was your fucking job not mine! It was your own damn choice to not leave him when you could have, none of that was my fault!!"
I argued as I picked up a pipe and threw it, only to see that she wasn't in front of me but behind me.
"How dare you raise your voice at me I am your mother!!!"
She screamed.
"You stopped being my mother along time ago..."
I replied as she turned into green mist and faded away. But as this happened I realized that I was crying.
I was brought back when I heard what sounded like Batman and Copperhead fighting up ahead. Sure enough when I went through the next set of doors I found them going at it like they hadn't even stopped. Harley was sitting off to the side, unrestrained but still unconscious. When I went over to her I noticed that she didn't have any fresh injuries. Which meant that Copperhead probably gave her something that put her to sleep.
"We're not in your apartment anymore, so you can't tell me not to tell you what to do!!"
"Your not my dad!!"
I shot back.
"And even if you were I still wouldn't listen to you!!"
"Eye forward Batman!!!"
Copperhead hissed as she went to deliver a tornado kick, only to get thrown to the side like a ragdoll. But as she was in the midst of recovering I stood between them.
"Out of my way!!"
"You said that the clown did something to you, what did he do that made you come back to Gotham after all this time?!!"
Batman and her reluctantly stood down even as I was still tripping balls and seeing quadruple.
"Back when he had out the bounty on Batman's head he impersonated Roman Sionis. He promised 50,000,000 to kill Batman but even when I escaped and went looking for the money I found that it was all burned to ash. I need that money so that I could pay for my Abuelã's heart surgery and pay for her expenses on top of set her up with a house and everything that she would need until she passed away. But she was dead by the time I had even gotten back to Mexico!"
Batman was actually surprised to hear all this as his expression softened.
"The records I found of your past had been redacted all except for you name and other aliases."
He said as he took a step forward.
"That doesn't mean that I agree or condone anything that you've done."
"But if she really wanted to kill anyone here she very well could have come up with a sound strategy to do so."
I say as I stepped in his path.
"When was the last time you killed someone?"
I asked her.
"Two years ago, a pedophile that molested his niece in Tijuana."
She said.
"Let that be the last time."
I said as Batman grabbed my arm.
"You're not serious."
He grimaced as I pulled away from him.
"She still has outstanding warrants in several countries around the world. What are you going to do should one of those governments decide to send a hit squad or an assassin of their own after her? You'll be putting Harley, Ivy, and Blackfire in danger."
After he said all that I stood nose to nose with him as he and I found ourselves in the midst of a staring contest.
"Name one of your sidekicks that wasn't in danger when they signed on, name one of them that hadn't suffered in the most horrific way possible!!"
He didn't say a damn word.
"Thought so, she's coming with me. Either stop me or don't it's up to you. But I'm not going to let someone who hasn't a chance to heal stay broken."
I then went over to Harley and slung her arm over my shoulder.
"I didn't ask for you to save me!!"
Copperhead hissed.
"Shut the fuck up and get your snake ass in the car, I'm still pissed with you so you don't get to bitch, Larissa!"
When I called her by her name she muttered and cursed in Spanish all the way out to the car and all the way up until we got back to my place.
'Fuck me for whatever happens next.'
I thought as I ended up thinking about how Ivy and Blackfire are going to react.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Wassup everyone, hope you enjoyed part 3 of 5 as we progress into part 4.
If you have any questions or comments, hit me up and don't forget to smash that like button and follow!!
Catch you all on the flip side, deuces!!