Chapter Sixty-Five: You're Cruel
The cheerleaders went all out.
And the strangest thing about all of it was, even though Kate stayed in the middle, she was kind of overshadowed a bit by Vanessa's charm. I'm sure it had nothing to do with her appearance but the way she moved made me want to know what Vanessa really used to do.
The entire field was filled with drums now, the cheerleaders stopped from dancing and resting on the front of the bleachers. Lights were strewn across the field, and in that, there were crowds.
All over.
If it wasn't for the drums, the audience could've taken the role of the drums themselves- with the way how everyone was completely enamored with the thrill of the match. I couldn't blame them and hopefully they were about to go home with smiles on their faces.
And right now, the subject of my photo was kind of overlooked which was a relief because I could sit among a bunch of people and not get looks of any kind. Yet, it was safe to stay hidden, I thought, because be it that my subject was sandwiched between the news of Blake getting kicked out and the entire game basically- I was still in a sandwich.
All that was left was watch the team win.
We all sat in one row, watching the empty field when the spectator screamed excitedly (more like a thousands of dead racoons) and started speaking.
"Welcome everyone- to the year end match of Northern High against Ridgeview- the ultimate, the most awaited game of all year... CAN WE HEAR SOME NOISE?"
The entire field erupted with screams and crying of the audience. Even with tension in our stomach, we couldn't help but do the same. The entirety of the field was fizzling with a bright and colorful buzz, you could almost see the magical energy seeping out of them.
It was an exciting night.
My parents must be around somewhere, I thought, as I turned my head around to catch a glimpse of them but failed due to the lack of space among so many cheery, bright faces.
What would they think once they find out that Blake was kicked out of the game?
"People even painted their face?" Jayden loudly said in disgust, looking over to the bleacher to point at a group of parents who were among the ones that seemed to be on a par with some really loud goats but I laughed, thinking that they deserved to cheer for their kids too.
For a second, I even forget our miseries.
"Will you give your judgements a rest?" I rolled my eyes. "They're just happy to be there for their kid."
He energetically waved the banner that Mia half-assedly made him, then groaned at me. "You should judge people too, it's fun sometime."
"Well why should I?"
Jayden shrugged. "To see the perspective of yourself? Judging is the only way you can do that you know."
I watched his side profile screaming like a nincompoop at the field as the players walked out, and along with him, the field burst out with emotion.
My heart lurched for my poor parents.
But hey, it's sort of okay, they've been to all of his game, one where he isn't playing won't make any difference.
I suddenly realized that Blake was sort of on the risk list with me to get expelled. I was probably going to, but knowing that Blake was with me gave me some sort of confidence. At least I won't go down alone.
Right now, when the players of Northern High waved around the field dispiritedly, I thought about how fair it was that Blake wasn't with them. But Blake not being with them meant that they've lost an important ally and moral support.
Northern High was supposed to lose today, which meant Ridgeview probably fell back on the practicing part. So if suddenly they realize Northern High is playing offense against them, they won't have anything to fight with.
So in a way, I had to thank Blake for having that video threat against Raymond, the captain of Ridgeview.
But I shook the thought away. He'll get his punishment for it once everything was settled.
"You know the way that we know that our school is going to win today, makes the whole thing a bit boring," Jayden informed me when he was finally done with supporting our school.
"But we should stay till quarter." I told him. "After that, we'll have to go to Newt. I need to take care of Rose first."
"She came, right?"
"Yes, actually."
"Was it awkward? Talking to her I mean?"
I sighed, leaning my back on the seat. "I mean she apologized so I guess it's okay. In fact, if you can believe it, I feel bad for getting mad at her in the first place."
Jayden scratched his chin. "You said she was practically held captive by Newt and the Charlies Angels."
"You heard Kate."
"Why?"
"So that I can be on edge until they reveal the photo of me, knowing that if my friend had the chance, she'd tell me." I remembered the day I heard the teammates talking about the photos. It gave me chills to know that they were talking about me, and I had no idea. "Now that they did, Rose is free too."
We were quiet for a moment, as quiet as one can be with over 1000 people screaming, crying around us with excitement.
"I should've asked you this earlier, Queen, but," Jayden threw a quick glance at me before settling his eyes on the dusty field, the Ridgeview students confidently entering and waving around the place. "Are you really okay?"
I chuckled. "I told you. I could've been better."
He stared at me for a couple of seconds before suddenly howling along with the crowd and standing up as a wave started in the field, pulling me up along with it. I couldn't help but smile and scream loudly, laughing like a madman as we had to sit down immediately for the wave to go on.
We had to continue the cycle several time before the spectator began announcing that the game is going to begin shortly. The crowd fell into another round of unnecessary applaud. Music blared somewhere around and no sooner had the players line up carefully than the cheerleaders started prancing: red for our school, and black for the other.
"There's Vanessa." I excitedly told Jayden, holding his arm as I raised myself a bit to see her. Two rows behind us, Sam, Austin and Mia was screaming their loudest for her more than the football team. I thought Austin even haphazardly put red stripes on his face but through the haze of the crowd, I couldn't see well, it was just their voices.
After the guys have ran around the place for a while, they all lined up and the captains walked forward, shaking hands and saying something to each other.
"Blake did it right?" Jayden told me, now quietly watching the two players talking among them.
In the midst of the doubtful encourage of people towards the teams, I thought.
"There's no doubt," I said, although I wasn't sure myself. "There's only one reason we need this match to win, and I'm pretty sure he would. He wouldn't want me expelled under no circumstances."
"You don't know that."
I shrugged. "I know this much."
After a few minutes of breathtaking tension, the match finally starts and the audience, though fired up, fell a little bit quiet- fully immersing themselves in the game this time.
With a loud whistle, the players start moving.
We lean back on our seat, but I sort of knew that we were both watching the game, not exactly drowning in it like others were. We were too busy to counting the time to actually enjoy it properly. And Jayden was right. The fact we knew that Northern High was going to win made the game a little paranoia free... which is the exact opposite point of games.
However, the pitch was a literal battlefield.
I don't suppose Ridgeview knew that there was a... slight change of plans about who was going to win today, so when Northern High goaled the first goal, instead of looking angry about it- they looked confused.
"So Blake did do it," Jayden told me, gripping his knees. "You know, I never thought I'd admit it, but I feel pretty nauseous, sitting here and waiting for something to happen, you know."
"Why?"
Jayden shook his head, looking incredulous. "I don't know, what if something goes wrong?"
I shrugged. "I mean the chances are high but just... let's not think the worst, okay?"
He leaned back, rubbing a hand over his face. "I'm trying not to, Queen."
We watched the game with held breaths for a couple of more minutes before Jayden whined and slid down on his seat.
"That's it, I can't watch it anymore."
It was then I suddenly had an idea that was risky as hell but for the time being, it would do good to de-stress us. And being in the condition we were in, we needed it a lot.
"Hey," I called. "Get up."
He peeked through his fingers on his face. "What?"
"Getup. It's making me claustrophobic." I then grinned, getting up from my seat. Several audience behind me threw profanities which I ignored and held my hands out. "You don't wanna have an asthma here, do you?"
Jayden blinked to my direction for a few seconds before sighing and taking my hands.
"You're cruel."
I yanked him up and took us through the crowd which was almost civilized now since the game started and I thought, I'm so sorry mom and dad.
I looked around, Jayden in one hand and trying to escape my parents as I frantically searched to see whether I was being watched by them or not. In the end, I sort of gave up and just pulled him closer and finally, walked out of the gallery, into the hallway again, the door closing behind us with a loud thunk.
And something in us just sort of... stops.
Dark and empty. Laughter at the end of the tunnel. One light flickering.
It's nighttime. The music seemed to be coming from miles away.
Two kids. Alone.
I gulped.
Jayden breathed.
It was new... coming in school at nighttime.
Hand in hand, we started walking. I think we both were scared of.. something, but we chose to hide it and I was the first to break the tension.
"So, what do you think about the-"
Thump.
"T-The game?" Jayden stammered out, gripping my hands a little too tightly. "The game's going great, don't you think?"
"Yeah," I nodded. "Really cool."
"I really thought Raymond was going to..."
Thwack.
"Do you wanna..." I whispered, "Go to the rooftop?"
Jayden swallowed. "So you heard it?"
"The noises?"
"Yeah."
"I did."
"Okay, let's go to the rooftop."
We didn't speak at all until we were at the rooftop and found it, thankfully, not locked. Without wasting a second, we got in and as quickly as one can, locked it.
It was a whole few seconds later that I realized that Jayden was panting and laughing like crazy.
I hit his arm. "That was so scary!"
"Not scarier than your face when those noises started, Queen!"
"Stop," I punched his arm again which just made him laugh harder, "laughing you idiotic piece of shit!"
He kept laughing, scooting away from me and when we finally stopped, I sighed, looking aback at the door. 'Well what was it anyway?"
Jayden let out a chuckle again. "C'mon Queen."
I look back at him. "What is it?"
"It was obviously the band. We were beside the music room."
I dumbly blink at him. "We were?"
He shook his head, disappearing behind the water tank and a second later, his voice was heard. "Sometimes, Queen, you should use your brain. If not, eyes works too."
I stalked behind huffing, and when I reached there, I had a heart attack to see Jayden halfway up to the tank. "You- What are you doing?!"
He stops climbing, and it looked like it was easier for him to climb 10 feet rather than walking on the ground. "The top has a killer view of the field. Wanna come up?"
"Of course not!"
Jayden stares at me for a couple of seconds, the look of silent judgement on his face then shrugged, continuing his climb. "Suit yourself."
"Hey!"
He stops, shoulders slumping. "What?"
I looked back, watching- what I don't know, but I looked up to see him still looking at me then gave out a frustrated huff.
This guy makes me do the most impossible stuffs.
"Wait up, I'm coming."
I hold the bars of the ladder that was cold, freezing my already frozen hand. Carefully placing one feet on the first step, I hoist myself up, then start climbing up, following Jayden. I look up and see him disappearing on the roof of the tank.
"Isn't it," I yell, looking down at me. "Like, unsafe?"
His reply was immediate. "Wouldn't have come here if I was playing it safe, Ms. Joan."
I look down, watching myself properly situating myself on the ladder before climbing slowly again.
"And that's supposed to make me feel better?"
"Just shut up and come up here, the game's on."
I grumble, nearing toward the roof, shaking in cold, "Yeah, you and your stupid game. Was supposed to be here for a break. It was sorta my idea you k-"
I stopped talking, pushing my head up to the edge of the tank and watching the silhouette of Jayden sitting there with his arms stretched backward and legs forward and panting- and silhouette because in front of him illuminated the light of the gallery.
Pushing my body into the roof, Jayden turning around and helping me come in, I collapsed next to him and...
We had the perfect view of the field- from high above the place we were in. And the best part?
We could watch everyone, but no one could watch us.
"Woah," I admitted, never seeing it despite coming here for more than a few years.
I guess I was playing it safe all this time.
Jayden grinned beside me. "Don't you think it's becoming a habit between us for me to take you to everywhere?"
I rubbed my hands together, letting out a shaky laugh. "Make it your job, pretty boy."
I could feel him staring at me through my peripheral but decided to ignore it because, well- I was used to Jayden's randomness but then again, life was full of surprises.
Instead of staring at me this time, he took of the extravagant red jacket he'd been wearing since the game started and slid the sleeves over my shoulder, tying it to the front while my eyes widened and I stopped moving, letting him do what he wanted. After a few second, he backed off- and I felt a lot less cold.
I glanced at his sharp side-profile, smiling like an idiot. "Thank you."
He gave a satirical dignified half-bow. "Anything for you, my lady."
My eyes went back to the game that seemed to be happening far away, and I had a distinct feeling of watching it from the moon- which was stuupid because the moon was above me but it was a beautiful spot. I couldn't believe I've had to miss this.
"If I knew about this place," I told him, dragging my legs to my chest and wrapping them with my arms. "I wouldn't even want to stay in class."
Jayden started drawing patterns on the cold surface. "Oh crap, did I just pushed you out of your graduation?"
I rolled my eyes. "You're so lame."
Northern High goaled the second one as we watched. Then I opened my mouth. "I'm sorry."
I didn't look at him to know he was taken aback by the words but I couldn't blame him for it.
After a few seconds of contemplation, he rubbed his knees. "For what?"
"Well, I talked about your asthma as if it was nothing," I bounced my legs. "I shouldn't have done it."
I looked up at the sky and at first, there was nothing unusual about it but as I stared at it more, my night vision clearing up second by second, I watched that there was a bright star at the south, then another one, another one, until I realized the entire sky was filled with stars.
They reminded me of the time we went into that field at night.
"Well, making comedy out of tragedies isn't a bad thing sometimes, you know," Jayden's voice said, bringing me down from my wonder. "Makes you stay rooted on the ground."
"Were you soaring?'
He grinned. "Too high sometimes."
I watched the green field, watching the ant-like players running around. "But isn't it evil too to make comedies out of tragedies?"
"It really isn't." He watched the field with me. "It's like talking about an ex lover, the more you suppress what you think you miss about them, the more it makes you heavy. But you joke about it to people, you make it something like accidentally killing a harmless spider- it won't be there anymore."
"What if I don't mean the joke?" I said, frowning. "At the end of the day, you're still alone anyway, joking about it makes you forget it for a while but what happens when you are alone and the loss of that person suddenly comes back?"
"It all comes back to time," Jayden scrunched his nose, sniffing. "There's no guarantee when we're gonna die but we're going to grow up. We're going to live actual lives and people are going to be there- lots of them. The life we're living right now isn't exactly everything. So you let time pass, and you'll realize everything will go back to normal."
I was a pathetic fool.
"I'm sorry anyway," I said. "I shouldn't have told you that."
He waved his hands. "Oh shut up, Queen. Don't make it awkward."
I punched his arm. "This one time I try to be nice and you ruin it."
He giggled. "But you still love me."
Well about that.
I wanted to say that I didn't like him, I wanted to say that I hated the fact that he makes me so weak but of course I couldn't.
I wouldn't. I'd hate it if I ruined our friendship.
I looked at him and realized I wanted to tell him how bad I wanted him but I can't.
I just... can't.
"Go to hell," is all I said.
"Hey I mean," Jayden sighed, leaning back and then half lying on the tank roof, his elbows supporting his weight. "You shouldn't even worry about it you know. You were making a point and it's fine. Besides, I'd rather be here with you than there with all those people."
Were you saying all these so I get hurt when you leave?
I clenched my teeth then unclenched them again, knowing it wasn't worth it.
"What are you... doing after you graduate?"
He chuckled loudly. "Me? Can you imagine me doing anything else other than being awesome, Queen?"
I stared at him.
"Okay sorry, but I'm like... I don't know to be honest." Finally, he lets go and lies down on his back entirely. "I'm good at memorizing stuffs but that's until high school, you can't use that stuff in real life. But I'm definitely leaving here..."
My heart clenched around nothing so bad that it was painful.
"Nobody's gonna stay here anyway," I heard him say. "Everyone talks about how they wanna leave. I want to leave too, to live somewhere away I guess."
I dropped my chin on my knee. "Like where?"
This time, his laugh sounded like something faraway. "Don't know but I really want to live in Paris. In one of those houses with big old libraries and you can watch the insides from a building, and they have these windows that can't be opened but it's okay because it's that way it's the most beautiful. Oh those balconies? With potted plants? Like the one from Marinette's home? Chefs kiss."
He talked about Paris and I closed my eyes, imagining a dreary afternoon, wearing nothing but a white shirt and my hair tucked in a bun as I stared ahead of me at the sight of the Eiffel Tower. I didn't imagine the Eiffel Tower, but I imagined myself watching it from a third-person perspective, from a cornered angle.
It was so nice.
I imagined reading my stupid rom-coms or Shakespeare beside the same window. I imagined walking up then, pinning some needles on a beautiful gown I'd been working on in the living room. Around me scattered scissors, buttons, laces...
Nobody to tell me that I'm stupid. Nobody to force me into doing something I hated doing.
How nice would that be?
"How amazing would that be?" Jayden finished, staring above him.
With a jerk, he rises himself up and then like a really concentrated puppy, asked me, "What are you going to do once you graduate?"
My visions were scattered. I came back from a lazy Monday in Paris to the spiky cold of our small town, watching a football game.
I chuckled. "I suppose I'll study in a state college."
He stared at me. "But you'd hate it."
I clasped the lose fringes of hair behind my ear. "It'll be small, just how I want it..."
"But you don't." He finished for me, finished what I really wanted to say instead of what I actually said. "You don't want to live an ordinary life with ordinary people, living by doing ordinary things."
My jaws tightened.
"I know you want to make it big, Queen."
I stared at the field, squinting at the lights and the crowd moving like ants but not exactly seeing them at all. His words echoed through my head.
"Do I?" I chuckle, not sure what I should say in the situation.
"You do," He nodded. "You want to be famous for what you do. You don't want to do things that you don't want to do, do you?"
Please, please don't make me weaker.
I wanted to say.
I don't want to cry when you leave and I'll be the one that stays here.
"Everyone has dreams, Flynn," I said instead. "Some make it, some don't."
"Maybe you'll be the former-"
"You can't be mediocre." I snapped, clenching my jaw and fixatedly staring at the field. "Mediocrity brings you nowhere. And I am mediocre. Trust me, I want to believe that what I do is probably worth something but it isn't. It really isn't and if it isn't, then I have no chance being in a field that's filled with competence, it's impossible."
Jayden's eyes shot holes through my face and for a minute straight he doesn't say anything. I felt the air thickening around us, and I wanted to apologize for snapping at him but then, he spoke.
"But that's your dream."
I said nothing.
"Would you really give up on your dream because you were mediocre at what you loved doing?"
"Face it, it's November and application season is all over, some even got their letters. You'll apply to one of the Ivy Leagues and you have chances of getting in. Me? I have no extra curriculars, no grades, no essays, nothing that makes me stand out. What kind of college would take me in?"
"Answer me first."
I looked around and stared at his face that was set and stern, looking right into my eyes.
What do you want me to say?
"That's the..." My voice was heavy. "That's the only thing I've got. I can't give up on it."
Jayden hoisted himself up from the ground and sat crossed-leg this time, right beside me, my hip and his knees touching.
"There you go then. You have your answer."
Music played down there and suddenly, I had the craziest idea right then. I thought something so stupid that I wanted to throw myself out of the water tank.
I thought, maybe he's the one.
I thought maybe I was the one who needed brain surgery. Of course I did. Why did I think of that, if I don't need one?
"Sometimes, you just have to admit to some stuff, you know?" I faintly heard him talk, too lost in my own thoughts.
"I guess," I mumbled.
I was so confused right now.
I wished for many things right now too.
I wished he knew that I liked him.
I wished he would like me back too.
I wished I was confident enough to know that it was a matter of time before he fell for me.
I wished I wasn't insecure in myself.
I wished I could leave with him.
At that moment it was all those thoughts that consumed me and I hated it. I hated to feel like this just because someone was nice enough to be friends with me. I know even though he might've flirted with me from time to time, he didn't like me. It was simply how he acted.
That was who I was to him. Just a friend.
"With the way Northern High is playing," Jayden said, sighing, "Ridgeview has no chance really."
"Obviously," I disconnectedly mumbled. "Up until 15 minutes ago, they knew they were winning. Now they aren't."
"You can clearly see the way they are playing is just dumb." He laughed.
"Yeah." I said.
Jayden suddenly froze, snapped his head towards my direction and cocked his head to a side. "You okay?"
No. "Yeah, why?"
He squinted his eyes. "You don't seem fine. Wanna tell me what happened?"
I ponder over my decision. I couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't...
"I'm," I clear my throat, gripping the inside of the jacket he's given me. "I just..."
He patiently kept staring at me and when I was on the verge of giving up trying to make him understand what I was feeling, he quietly said, "Is it hard?"
I clenched my eyes shut, sighing. "I don't know."
There was an uncomfortable silence that passed between us before Jayden, all of a sudden, turned to look at the game.
"Well," he said, blinking at the gallery light, "I guess I get where you're coming from."
I put my forehead on my knee and scoffed. "What? Not like you want to say something important right now..."
Jayden was paused for a moment. Then he slowly said, "What would you say if I said I did?"
I freeze a little. "Do you?"
His blue eyes that was now black, looked at mine. "...Yes."
I sit up straight, smiling and brushing off dusts from my pants. "Sure go ahead."
Turning to the game, I watched the miniscule players running around. Seemed like Ridgeview was stuck after the two goals Northern High made and like Jayden said, they were making a fool of themselves in the field.
We needed to go soon too.
"So?" I said, looking over at him but my breath got caught midway.
Because he was looking at me in a strange way, something I have seen in his eyes that day when I took my shirt off in front of him.
The air thickens when his answer was silence. I feel my stomach pull into a twist before releasing and my heart thundering inside my chest in a sickening pace, almost making me lose my breath.
Something was flickering between us.
A click of a lighter.
I swallow hard, having no idea what was coming next. I did have one- but I was scared to admit it to myself.
Jayden gulps down too. I could feel the gripped tension around, and it was hard to breath, hard to think, hard to move.
One more click, the fire gets caught.
"What is it?" I helplessly ask again for the third time, no idea what I was hoping for and feeling everything getting hot as seconds went by.
Jayden's eyes looked back and forth between mine and then, for one second, it dropped on my lips, to come back up again.
And I felt everything around me stand still when I heard him say, "Can I show you instead, please?"
And the next time, I thought, that I'd find myself thinking back in this moment, I decided to blame gravity for the way my head bobbed up and down, signaling an affirmative.
He gives me time to think. He gives me time to think it over before I can change my mind but I don't, instead I stare at his eyes straight ahead, not wanting to back down from whatever that was going to happen.
And as though time had slowed down, he slowly leaned down, stopping in the end to look at my eyes that fluttered closed along with him- and caught my lips in a tentative kiss.
The fire finally crackles around us.
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finally.