The month of October proved to be a tough one.
Riley's mom was officially on hospice, and for about a week she stayed at the hospital until she decided she wanted to go home- back to the apartment, and a hospice nurse would come each day.
Riley took FMLA from work. On the days that I went into the office, it was weird without her there. Everyone in the office felt it, her presence was missed.
My main concern was being there for Riley. Riley was the rock that was there for everyone else- and I had to be that for her.
She came over to my apartment as much as she could, when the hospice nurse was at her apartment, taking care of her mom.
I knew Riley was exhausted, and most of the time when she came over, we would stay in the apartment. I would order us food, whether Riley wanted to eat it or not.
One night I ordered us Thai food, and she barely touched it.
"I'm sorry," she said, "When I am extremely anxious, I have a hard time eating, always have."
I didn't point it out of course, but I had noticed that it looked like Riley lost a bit of weight- and I knew it was from stress and anxiety.
"Riley, you don't have to apologize," I said to her, "But have you eaten anything today?"
"About half of a protein bar this morning."
"Riley...I know that taking care of yourself is probably the last thing on your mind right now," I said gently, "But that doesn't mean it's the last thing on mine. Eat something, even if it's just a few bites."
"You're right," Riley said, "I'm not taking care of myself at all. I haven't really been eating or sleeping. I haven't gone to the gym in weeks. I'm just consumed by what is happening to my mom, and it's even worse with her being at the apartment. Plus, I have to deal with Brooklyn being upset and uncomfortable all the time. It's just...so fucked."
"I know it is," I said to Riley, and gave her a kiss on the forehead, "I love you, and I'm here for you. Whatever you need."
"You've been the only thing getting me through this," Riley said, giving me a weak smile.
She wound up eating some of her food, which I was grateful for.
Riley expressed how grateful she was for her mom's hospice nurse, Olivia, and wanted to make a gift basket for her. On October 20th, Riley and I went to Target after I had work that day, and I helped her pick out some goodies for a gift basket for Olivia.
"She's been so helpful, and my mom loves her," Riley said, "She's made these past few weeks as enjoyable as possible for my mom. Which is saying a lot."
I had gone to Riley's apartment once during this and met Olivia. She was a woman in her early thirties, and she was lovely when I met her. She turned the atmosphere from what could have been very depressing, to a welcoming, warm atmosphere with even some laughter.
"Hospice nurses are truly angels," I said to Riley, and then my phone started vibrating in my pocket.
I took out my phone and saw it was my mom calling.
I sighed, "Do you mind if I take this? It's my mom."
"Of course," Riley nodded.
I answered my phone, "Hi, mom."
"Hi honey," my mom said, "Are you home? I'm not too far from your apartment, I figured I could stop by."
"I'm sorry, I'm not home," I said to my mom, "I'm at Target."
"How much longer will you be?" my mom asked, "I can hang around at my friend's house for a bit longer and wait for you to come home."
"I'm going to be a little while longer...and I'm not alone," I said to my mom, and I saw Riley glance at me.
"Oh, are you with Stephanie? I don't mind waiting for the both of you."
She is being relentless.
"I'm not with Stephanie, I'm with Riley," I said to my mom.
I knew that would make her not come to my apartment. Sure, I'd have to face backlash, but I didn't really care at that moment.
"Oh," my mom said, "Well, I don't want to impose, then. Tell Riley I said 'hello'."
"I will," I said to my mom, "I'll call you later."
"I would like that," my mom said, "Bye, Jenny."
Riley looked at me amused, "That shut her up real quick, right?"
"It did," I said to Riley, "She says 'hello', though."
Riley rolled her eyes but smiled, "How nice of her."
I helped Riley put together the gift basket for Olivia, and it turned out really nice. We filled it with sweet treats and beauty products, as Riley said Olivia was very into lotions, body scrubs, and hair care.
"Thank you for helping me with this," Riley said to me, and she took my hand in hers, "It means the world to me. You mean the world to me, Jenny."
"I love you," I said, and leaned over to give Riley a kiss on the cheek.
I wished she could have spent the night, but she had to go home to her mom, as Olivia was leaving for the night. It was a Tuesday night, and the next day I had to go to the office for work.
On the days that I have to go into the office, I get up at 8 AM, since I have to be in the office at 9. I'll make myself some coffee, and get ready for work.
I was awoken the next morning not by my alarm, but by my phone ringing.
Who is calling me?
I looked at my phone and immediately answered when I saw it was Riley calling me. That woke me up right away.
I answered, "Riley, is everything okay?"
There was a pause before Riley said, "She's gone. My mom passed away this morning, about an hour ago."
Her voice was shaky, like she was crying, but trying to hold it together.
I felt my heart sink. Even though Riley's mom was on hospice, it still hit me hard, and took my breath away.
"Riley, I am so sorry," I said, "Do you want me to come over? I will leave right now."
I got up out of bed, ready to go brush my teeth and change quickly.
"If you could?" Riley asked, "I would really appreciate that. I need you here, Jenny. I just feel bad making you miss work"
"Who cares about work? I'll be there as soon as possible," I said to Riley.
I brushed my teeth and got changed at record speed- and as I was in the car, I texted Hailey to let her know I wouldn't be coming into the office today. I didn't want to be the one to tell her about Riley's mom, so I told Hailey that I had a personal matter I needed to take care of. She didn't question me.
As I drove to Riley's, I couldn't help but wonder- is her mom going to be there?
Even if she was still there, I was going to have to keep it together. I had to keep it together for Riley.
When I got to the apartment, Riley let me in, and right away, I pulled her into a hug. She wrapped her arms around me, and I could feel her shaking. She was crying. After a few moments, she gently pulled away and looked at me. I looked back at her and saw in that moment how broken she looked. Her eyes were red and she had bags underneath them. Her skin was pale, and her lips were dry.
I leaned in and gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek, and I saw her eyes close as I did so.
"Thank you," she whispered, as I pulled away. She then said, "I found her. I went to her bed, to ask her if she wanted anything, and she just wasn't breathing. I immediately knew, but I called 911, and Olivia. When the paramedics got here, they pronounced it- and took her away."
Riley's voice shook as she said, "I cannot believe that was the last time I'm ever going to see her."
That hit me hard, hearing her say that. I could feel tears spring to my eyes, but I immediately blinked them back.
Riley led me to the kitchen, where Brooklyn and Olivia were. I could hear Brooklyn sobbing from the living room, and when she saw me, she got up and hugged me. Like Riley, she practically melted into my arms.
"I'm so sorry," I said softly to Brooklyn as I hugged her.
When Brooklyn and I pulled away, Olivia said to Riley, "I'm here to help you figure out all of the arrangements. Me and my company can help with that."
"My mom didn't have much of anything," Riley said, "And I know exactly what she wanted, to be cremated, and have her ashes spread in the ocean. She did not want a funeral, at all. She told me in the hospital, multiple times."
"That's exactly what we will do, then," Olivia said gently.
And that's exactly what we did on October 28th. Riley's mom's sister, her Aunt Jill, also flew in from California, with her son, Riley's 18-year-old cousin, Travis. Both of Riley's grandparents were deceased, and she didn't have any other family.
Along with her Aunt Jill and Travis, Riley, Brooklyn, Olivia, and I drove down to the beach at night. It was a bit of a drive down to Cape May, but we made it there. Riley drove Brooklyn, Olivia, and I, and her Aunt and Cousin drove separately.
When we got to the beach, it was quiet and extremely peaceful. We weren't even sure if we were allowed to be on the beach at night, but we went anyway.
"Tess and I would always come down to the Jersey Shore in the summers when we were younger," Riley's Aunt Jill said, her eyes teary, "Those are some of the best memories I have with her."
Riley was the one to let go of the ashes. She closed her eyes for a moment before she did so, and afterward she held onto my hand.
We stood there, in the dark, by the ocean, together.
And in that moment, I didn't want to let go of her. Ever.
A/N: I know the last chapters have been a bit...depressing. I promise the story won't stay this sad! There is much more to come as well. Thank you x1000 for reading <3 means the world, truly!