** the beginning of the end**
"Won't you stay 'til the a.m.? All my favorite conversations always made in the a.m."
Everything about today was peaceful. We didn't have many run-ins with walkers, the weather was nice and warm, birds were chirping. Best of all, I was with Daryl. Sure, we've been together all the time, probably a bit too much, but every day I could spend with him was always a blessing. We were fairly close to Alexandria but still had a ways to go before getting back home.
We were quiet as we made our trip back, finding the silence comfortable. The air felt extra breathable. It was blissful. Serene.
My footsteps slowed and eventually stopped when a sharp and burning pain erupted in my stomach. Glancing down, I was horrified. I felt all the warmth leave my body. Where did it come from? Who did it? Why didn't I hear it? I placed my hand over the damp cloth of my shirt, staining my skin, soaking into my pores. I got shot.
"Daryl," I called, my voice frail, wavering, just plain sad.
When he turned around, the look in his eyes broke me even more. There was no better word to describe his expression than shock. I mean pure shock. We had absolutely no clue who was out here, but they must have had a silencer. There was absolutely no sound. It was peaceful a minute ago.
I fell to my knees, pressing my hand tightly to my stomach. Daryl dropped his bow and immediately was at my side, holding me tightly. He helped me lay over his lap. His hands were shaking, his breathing sporadic. This is the first time I've ever seen Daryl panic.
"What the hell happened?" he asked angrily. I knew he wasn't angry at me. He was scared, which is something he doesn't experience often.
"I don't...I don't know," I replied.
Fear was something I learned to grow accustomed to. It was primarily the fear of walkers, although it shifted to fear of other groups once we hit Terminus. But, through this, the fear never scared me. I'd come close to death before and I wasn't scared. This, however, terrified the shit out of me.
"We...we need to get you back. We aren't far. We can make it," Daryl rambled. His eyes were roaming the woods around us. He needed to know who did this. I knew he wouldn't find closure until he did.
"We're still an hour away, Daryl."
"We can make it," he repeated. It hit me then; he needed to keep saying it for reassurance because we had no idea if I would. I shook my head.
"We're too far, D."
"No...no, don't say that." Tears began forming in his eyes, an occurrence I can count the times I've seen on one hand. "Please. Can you walk at all?"
"I'll just slow you down."
"Then I'll carry you for God's sake!"
"Daryl--"
"Please, Belle. We can make it."
"Goddammit, Daryl, it hurts," I whimpered. My body twitched and jolted in pain, the burning sensation has spread throughout my entire stomach. I was losing blood fast and we both knew it.
"Please," he pleaded again, repeating the only phrase he could hold onto, "we can make it."
"If I go, I'm doing more physical activity which raises my heart rate, causing more blood to be pumped through my system. I could lose it faster."
Daryl was growing frustrated. He needed security. He needed to be sure I would be okay.
"I'm not letting you die here. We can make it to Alexandria. I don't care what I have to do to get you there. We're going home, Belle. I won't let you die. We are making it out of this damn world together so will you please just shut up and let me do this?!" He was shouting by now. I stared up at him through tears, he did the same down at me. "Please," he continued. "I won't lose my wife, the one woman I love. I can't. I can't."
I wasn't going to make it. I knew that. I don't know if Daryl knew. Maybe he had hope. I wasn't making it home. I was going to die out here. So with a sigh, I nodded.
"Grab your bow and let's go," I said.
"Nah, we gotta get you home. I'll come back for it."
"Daryl Dixon, I swear to fucking God, grab your fucking crossbow before I shoot you in the goddamn foot and we both die out here." With a huff, he complied, shucking the weapon across his shoulder and picking me up. The movements caused sharp pains the shoot throughout my torso and I cried out and grunted. By now, blood was seeping through my fingers and running down my arm.
Daryl was going as fast as he could with my dead weight in his arms. It didn't help that he was an emotional mess, but it seemed to also give him motivation. I could feel myself growing weaker, the simple task of keeping pressure on my stomach becoming more of a challenge.
"I'm sorry," I muttered through tears. It was an apology for what happened, even though neither of us could have prevented it. An apology for leaving this world before him.
"Don't say that," he grunted, the same emotion in his tone. "We're gonna make it."
"You know I love you."
"Stop. We're gonna make it."
It hurt me to see him so dead-set on something I knew wasn't going to happen. I didn't want him to be in denial, it was going to make his grieving process that much harder.
"D, we aren't gonna make it," I forced out. My breaths were starting to become more shallow.
"We're gonna make it," he repeated. His motivational mantra.
"Daryl--"
"Stop!" he shouted, keeping his determined gaze in front of us. "I'm not leaving you. We're gonna make it. Now no matter what, don't you fall asleep on me, you understand?"
He knew. He knew I wasn't gonna make it back to Alexandria. My strength was diminishing by the minute. I'm sure he could feel it.
"I love you, Daryl."
"Belle, stop it."
"Please, just say it. Tell me you love me," I pleaded. "I'm scared, Daryl. Please, just...talk to me." He was trying his best to keep it together but his walls were slowly crumbling. "Please, just stop."
"I need to get you home. We're almost there."
"Daryl," I said, reaching my bloodied hand out to brush his cheek, "stop. Please...just hold me."
His feet slowly stopped and his head hung heavy as his tears flowed freely. Daryl sank to his knees, holding me just like he did after I was shot.
Dying in my husband's arms was something I wished to never experience. I've always wanted to die peacefully so neither of us could hurt. But I was bleeding out in my thirties, no children to bare my name and keep my legacy alive. The most I could count on was that I wasn't going to become a walking corpse nor would I be eaten by one.
"I love you, Daryl," I forced through the pain and sadness in my voice. My breaths were extremely heavy.
"I love you, too, Belle. More than anything."
My lips twitched into a smile. Well, the best one I could muster. I took a few more labored breaths before asking, "You know, don't you?"
"We're almost there. You're gonna make it." He didn't want to admit it.
"Daryl...do you know?"
"Yes, Belle, I know," he replied, completely spent and frustrated. Not admitting to it meant it may not happen. He knows you can't fight the inevitable.
"It needs to be you," I muttered. He shook his head.
"Belle...I...I-I can't," Daryl protested.
"Please. Please, it needs to be you." My chest was tightening, eyelids becoming heavy. It was time. "Remember, baby, in the brain," I referenced the first time we learned how to put down walkers. "I love you."
That was the last of my strength. I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore and it pained me to have to do it. He admitted that he knew, and that was just half the battle. He's accepted it. I knew the rest was going to take a lot more time.
"No, no, no," I heard Daryl chant and he got back up to his feet. "We're almost there, Belle, we're gonna make it." There was more time between each intake of air. My heart was giving out. "Dammit, Belle, I told you not to close your eyes." I tried to fill my lungs again. It wasn't enough. No effort I could ever put in was enough. My arm fell off my stomach. "I love you."
I watched as Daryl passed me and ran down the road to the gates of Alexandria. It took me a moment to get a grip on what I just saw. He passed me...with me in his arms...? I'd always been a bit superstitious, but this was just beyond me. Although it wouldn't take an idiot to know that, with the circumstances, what I was witnessing.
"Open the damn gates!" he shouted. "Get Siddiq! Belle's been shot!"
I ran as fast as I could to catch up with him, watching as the gates of the place I called home opened. He ran straight for the infirmary as I watched my body flail with his movements. Daryl placed my body on the bed while Siddiq asked a couple of questions like "what happened?", and "how long ago was she shot?".
Siddiq placed his fingers below my jaw while Daryl fiddled with the necklace I made him, my blood soaking his hands. The anticipation killed me. I knew the outcome, but it was Daryl who I worried about. Tears pricked my eyes as Siddiq looked up at Daryl.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled. "She's gone."
The door flew open next to me as Rick entered the infirmary. He was about to ask what happened but he knew from the atmosphere. Daryl was scarily silent. To be honest, though, I didn't know what I expected from him. He doesn't normally publicly show emotion, and if he did he was with me. Regardless, the aura of the small space caused tears to stream down my face.
Daryl grabbed a small tray with medical equipment and threw it off the small table it was on. That's the reaction I was waiting for. He completely broke down. He was screaming and crying, mumbling things that didn't even make sense. Rick was quick to rush over and hold him. Daryl held onto him so desperately. The whole thing was hard to watch, incredibly hard, but I just couldn't look away.
I was dead.
I felt a hand rest gently on my shoulder. As I turned, I was met with the one person I needed besides Daryl.
"Carl," I croaked before falling into his chest as I sobbed. He held me tightly, something I never thought I'd feel again. It was strange to be around him again, especially in another situation where he needed to comfort me. Regardless, it was beyond amazing to be able to be with my best friend once again.
"What happened?" he asked somberly.
"I got shot."
"By who?" I shrugged.
"I don't know. Happened in the woods." At this, Carl nodded. He pulled away and held my shoulders.
"I'm sorry, Belle." I sniffled and wiped my cheeks with a small shrug. How do I deal with this? How does Daryl deal with this? Who's gonna tell Negan? Carl sighed before continuing. "Come with me. I want to show you something."
Carl walked me out of the infirmary back into the streets of Alexandria. It was just as I remembered it, just how it always was; peaceful. Everything looked the same, though. People were out working, same as always.
"What is this?" I asked, unsure of the difference between the Alexandria I saw before leaving the infirmary.
"This," he explained, "is my dream world. Everything I wanted us to be, I have it all right here."
"It's beautiful," I muttered. And it was.
"If this is your dream world, why am I here?" I asked curiously.
"Just to help you get everything done before you settle in here."
"What does that mean?"
"Belle?" another voice called to me. As I turned, I was hit with a new wave of tears.
"Glenn," I cried as we hugged each other tightly. It's been years. Too many years. "My God, Glenn, I missed you so much."
"What happened? Why are you here?"
"Got shot, don't know by who. I was out with Daryl." Glenn's face dropped at the news.
"Oh, Belle, I'm so sorry." I sniffled again, wiping the freshly-fallen tears from my cheeks.
"What's done is done," I said. "I can't change it." Glenn frowned but nodded.
"Well, despite the circumstances, I'm glad to have you here."
Glenn and I shared another hug before he walked away, leaving me with Carl. I turned to face the young boy, pushing his shoulder-length hair behind his ear.
"Thank you," I muttered. "Thank you for bringing me here." Carl smiled humbly.
"Don't mention it. Once I saw you running, I knew. I just..." he sighed, "--I didn't want you to be scared or have to do it alone."
Even after death, he's still the most sensible and thoughtful kid I know. I kissed his cheek before hugging him tightly once again. Of all my friends who I've seen pass in the apocalypse, I'm glad Carl is the one to help me through this.
"Carl," I started, "you said that you're here to help me tie up loose ends before I settle in here. What do you mean?"
"Well, I'm sure you want to make sure Daryl's okay, right?" I nodded. "And you want Negan to know."
"How did you--"
"I've followed you around. I know you used to visit him," he clarified. I blushed bashfully. "But you want to tell him, yes?"
"Uh-huh," I agreed.
"Well, then you've got a lot to learn."