Later that day, Hyunjin lies on a bed and looks at a ceiling. He smiles remembering Felix's notebook. He's finally able to connect the content of the book with the author, and the discovery is just too good.
"I can't get him out of my head. This never happens to me, why is this guy so special? It looked like he was flirting, and I know he wants a little love affair, he wrote about it. How bad would it be to get to know him better?"
He gets all flustered just thinking about it. Felix is not shy. He just looks innocent, like you should protect him. But he's actually strong and fierce.
He moved to another country, alone, just like that. He found a job, and started a new life - all by himself.
And the voice... wow... it felt like that voice woke up some long lost feelings.
Someone walks in the room and lies down next to Hyunjin:
- Hey, are you staying for the night? Should I order some food?
- No, I have to get up early. I'll leave soon. - Hyunjin answers, and takes a cigarette from person's lips to take a drag.
Hyunjin doesn't smoke. After all, he needs strong lungs for all the dancing and singing on a stage. But a cigarette after sex is a whole other story. It's like licking a plate after a good meal. It's satisfying, and sometimes even inspiring for another round.
Except that there was no sex tonight.
He inhales and blows the smoke out, looking at the guy next to him.
The guy is handsome, painfully handsome. His body is long, strong and muscular, and his face is soft and sexy at the same time.
The guy leans closer to Hyunjin and breaths out a whisper:
- My love... you're so beautiful...
Hyunjin moves one last piece of sheet that was modestly covering their bodies and reaches out for a nightstand. In a plate, sitting by two glasses of wine, he turns off the cigarette.
The guy underneath him extends his long body, and very carefully, gently slides his hand down Hyunjin's back.
- I miss you so much, Jinnie... I really want to feel you again. All of you.
Hyunjin knows where these whispers lead to, but he acts like he didn't get the message. He pensively looks away.
Outside of the warm bedroom, the city sleeps. Only rain is awake and keeps tapping on their window.
Just as Hyunjin feels a gentle touch on his waist, he gets up and quickly walks to the bathroom.
He closes the door behind him, then presses both hands at the bathroom vanity, wincing in anger and pain.
He hates the person he had become, hates that he can't love any more.
Is he ever going to love again?
He stares at his reflection in the mirror, at that disappointed, angry face.
"Who are you lying to, Hyunjin? Who?You didn't forget it, you're just acting like you did! And he knows you're pretending. There's no use."
With a lump in his throat, he splashes cold water on his face to wash away his new reality. He hates these cold, uncomfortable nights. Life was so much easier when he had Felix's book to keep him company, to tell him little stories about his day, to distract him from dark thoughts.
He misses that book. He misses the author. Why does he miss someone he met only once? It was just one short encounter, but somehow it feels like Felix knew him forever.
"Am I just imagining, or is Felix really someone special to me? Am I just desperately trying to feel something again?"
*****
Yeah, well... there's that.
Life is never a straight line,
there are complications too.
Things will get more clear soon,
I promise.
******