Felix's POV
After a little talk with Chris, I decided to take the initiative. Our leader implied that the situation between Hyunjin and I was affecting the group more than it should. So, in an attempt to break the tension I went to Hyunjin myself. I found him sitting alone in his room. He was sketching in his notebook. The door was wide open but I knocked anyway. "Jinnie? Can I come in?" I asked timidly. He lifted his head for a second and just moved a little to make room for me on the bed. He turned to his sketching without saying anything. I sat beside him silent.
"What are you sketching?" I broke the silence that hung uncomfortably between us. "Nothing particular." He was still focused on his drawing, not looking at me. Before, he would talk to me excitedly about the inspiration he got and the ideas in his head and how he tried his hand to put them on paper. Now, it was just curt replies and avoiding looking at me. "Ok..." I sniffled. I didn't mean to sound hurt but I did. He sighed and put down his notebook and pen. Finally he turned his gaze on me. I know I looked pitiful, I could feel my eyes watering. His expression softened. "You know that this isn't just about us." His voice was gentle. I remained silent. "I care deeply for you. You are my band mate, my friend, my soulmate." My heart fluttered at this: 'his soulmate'. "I cannot take a step in the direction you want me to, carelessly." He hung his head. "I know I acted rush Yongbok-ah... and I hurt you. I feel ashamed for my behaviour." I cringed slightly. "Don't feel ashamed Jinnie!" I almost wanted to cry out in despair. "Don't say that!" I was tearing up again. How could he feel ashamed when I craved more. The memory of that night in my room, of his intense kisses and his hands on my body was still haunting me. I was still burning, reeling in delight and desire from that little taste I got. His words right now made me think that indeed the feeling was not mutual, at least not to the extent I wanted - wished it - to be.
"I should be more careful and considerate of your feelings." He continued to stare at his hands, sitting idly on his lap. "I should be looking out for you." He added and his voice was sad. "Please don't make it sound like you took advantage of me." I almost begged. "It is rather the other way around." I added in a much lower voice, hanging my head, more or less admitting that I trapped him then. I did, it is true. I felt his gaze on me and lifted my eyes to meet his. His expression was pained. I wanted to put my fingertips on his forehead and smooth those worry lines, to erase the sadness from his face. I wanted to tell him that what happened between us that night was okay, no, it was right, it was perfect! I wanted so badly to tell him that I am in love with him truly, madly, deeply but I was afraid he would run away from me again.
He took a deep breath. "We need to be mindful, not rush things. I know it is not what you want Yongbok. It is probably a lot to ask but, please, let's do this at my pace and see where it takes us." "Ok..." I reluctantly agreed. I reached out for his hand and he didn't pull away. That was a relief... "I don't really know what I want to do yet." He confessed in a whisper, afraid that his words would hurt me with their uncertainty. "But I do care for you Yongbok-ah." He gazed at me with sincerity, his voice steady and warm. "Never doubt that. I really do care deeply for you." His eyes were now teary. He blinked several times, taking another deep breath. "Please, give some time." He repeated softly, finally taking my hand and squeezing it lightly.
I sighed. I've waited so long. I can wait a little longer.