I tied my hair in a bun after blow drying it. Pupunta kami ngayon ni El sa hospital at magpapacheck up. I felt giddy inside and it's probably because this is the first time that he'll be with me.
He is already outside at kausap sina Joaquin at Ervine at hinintay na lamang ako.
I wore my bag and got my phone when it buzzed right away. Kaagad kong nakita ang isang unknown number na nagtext sa akin. I opened the message and my body turned cold after reading the message.
It was Dad…and he wanted to talk to me.
My insides trembled as I read it once again, pero wala pang ilang segundo ang nakalipas ng bigla naman itong tumunog. He's calling me.
I felt the hesitation inside me, but I need to know the reason. Hindi siya kailanman tumawag sa akin noong nasa Paris ako at minsanan lang rin siyang tumawag ng nandito pa ako sa Pilipinas. This must be important.
My hands trembled as I slid the answer button.
"Hello?" I cleared my throat when I felt it trembled.
"Nikah...anak." I gasped for air when I heard his familiar tone and words.
"Nikah, this is your father. I just wanna talk to you...personally." Sa sobrang lumanay ng pananalita niya ay halos hindi na ako pamilyar.
He sounded so different, and he never talked to me this way.
"Just please, anak. Just give me a little bit of your time, I just wanna say sorry for all the things that I have done...that we have done, gusto ka rin makita at makausap ng Mama mo."
Napasapo ako ng bibig ng maramdaman ko ang biglaang pagragasa ng mga luha ko. This is unexpected but...this is real, he is talking to me!
I wiped away all my tears and tried forming my thoughts.
"Pa...sumuko na lang kayo at umamin, please." I pleaded. Napaupo ako sa kama at napasapo ng noo.
"I will, anak, I will. Just let me talk and see you one more time, kahit panghuli na nak, I just wanna see you, please."
Oh God. I can't believe that he is uttering those words. Maybe they already have realized the things that they have done and the pains that they inflicted. I've been wishing for this moment for a very long time and to hear him this way made my insides lighter.
Parang nawala ang malaking bagay na matagal ng nagpapabigat sa akin.
“K-kailan niyo po gustong magkita?”
I heard him sigh deeply on the other line. “But don’t tell our meeting to anyone else, lalo na kay El.”
Kaagad na kumunot ang noo ko.
“I am sure they won’t let you talk to me, so this will be between us only, naintindihan mo ba, Nikah? Malaki ang galit nila sa akin lalo na ng pamilya niya.”
El even forbids me to talk about the case so I am sure he will forbid talking to my father too.
I nodded my head. “Sige po…I badly wanted to talk to you as well, Pa.” Naiiyak ko pa ring sambit.
“I know, anak. So let’s meet each other, okay? Huwag na huwag mong sasabihin kahit kanino. It’s only between us.”
I smiled and wiped away my tears. This is the chance that I have been waiting for, for them to finally realize their mistakes and surrender. And of course, as their daughter, this has been my dream from the very start, for them to finally acknowledge me, and maybe I could let them meet my daughter too in the future.
We ended the call and he said that he will just inform me of our meeting place. Malaking bagay ito para sa akin. I can finally give my daughter a complete family, with her grandfather and grandmother.
Huminga ako ng malalim at napangiti.
I got ready again and made sure that there was no trace of me crying. El drove his car and he was also the one who scheduled our appointment for today.
He didn’t speculate anything kung bakit medyo nagtagal ako sa kwarto at hindi rin naman halata na galing ako sa pag-iyak.
We both sat in the waiting area at may nauna lang na mag-asawa rin sa amin. I looked at them and they had their daughter with them too. They looked so happy and I can't help but imagine if ever I will have a second baby.
Bumaling ako kay El na kanina pa nakadikit sa akin. He is too close ‘cause he kept on lightly kissing my cheeks and my bare shoulders, pero wala naman akong reklamo. I needed him close to me.
He attentively looked at me.
“I wanna have a son in the future, El.” I mean, everything is fine with me but I kinda wanna see a version of him.
Ngumisi siya sa akin. “We can have as many as we want as long as it is a healthy pregnancy, Nikah.”
I bit my lips and nodded. Right, healthy pregnancy is a must.
Muling bumalik sa isipan ko ang pag-uusap namin ni Papa. El is not mistaken that I am stressed regarding the case and I understand that he doesn't want me to even talk to my father. I am pregnant and I am in a very vulnerable situation.
But this is my chance and I won’t let it slide that easily. Especially that he said that he will confess after our meeting.
Our names were called after we waited pero nagulat ako ng ibang pangalan ang tinawag sa akin.
“Next, Mr. and Mrs. Esquivel.” The nurse assistant got out of the office and called us.
El stood up and held my hand, tumingin ako sa kanya ng masama but he acted he didn't do anything.
We walked to the office, and he leaned onto me, whispering.
“We’re gonna get married anyway.” He reasoned and smirked at me.
I scoffed at him and he smirked more. He opened the door for us at kaagad na sumalubong sa akin ang nakangiting doktora.
She quickly asked basic questions about my pregnancy since I had no previous record here, but El was the one who answered almost all of it. Hindi ko mapigilan na tingnan siya, namamangha sa mga sagot niya.
How did he know about those information? I talked about it but I guessed I didn't just expect that he would answer this accurately. As if he was there with me for the last four months.
Pigil ang hininga ko habang nakatingin sa monitor ng ultrasound ko habang mahigpit naman ang hawak ng kamay ko kay El.
His other hand was on my shoulder while the other one was holding my hand tightly. So this is how it feels to be with him during my cheks-ups? Ramdam ko ang pagragasa ng init sa akin, the warmth of a family could provide.
My eyes got teary eyed as I looked at my baby on the monitor and that is when I felt him kissing my forehead.
“Everything's gonna be fine.” He sweetly whipshers at me.
I smiled at him and nodded my head.
“Okay, healthy naman si baby, as we can see from the monitor, everything seems normal but you said kanina na may tinatake ka pang vitamins?”
“Yes, she is Doc.” Akmang sasagot ako pero muli akong naunahan ni El.
The doctor chuckled and I can’t help but feel flustered. I playfully punched his chest and smiled at him. Tsk. Bakit ba ako kinikilig?
“Hay…I hope all my client's fathers were as detailed as you, Mr. Esquivel. I am sure the baby and your wife will be more than fine.” Nakangiti nitong saad.
Mas lalo kong naramdaman ang pamumula sa sinabi nito.
“For now, just continue taking your vitamins, stay away from stress and always eat healthy. And by the way, you can also have some simple exercise for pregnant women, and don’t forget your check-ups next month.”
Kaagad naman akong tumango sa mga payo nito.
“How about sex, Doc? Until can we have sex?”
Nanlaki ang mga mata kong napatingin kay El. I slapped his arms as my cheeks turned crimson red.
“Yes, there is actually no restriction for a pregnant woman to have sex, as long as she is comfortable, not experiencing any sort of different pain but I suggest that you stop if she turns eight months. Sex is actually beneficial especially for pregnant woman, still you need to be cautious.”
I tried straightening my expression as possible and put no malice in the conversation with the way my obgyn entertained the questions. Wala naman talagang masama pero hindi ko pa rin maiwasang makaramdam ng hiya.
“And Mrs. Esquivel have you felt like you are always in need, or in heat?”
My mouth dropped open with her question but I closed it right away. There is no malice with her questions so I should stop putting meaning on it.
“Y-es, Doc…it is normal, right?” Nahihiya kong amin.
“Yes, it is. So don’t be confused if suddenly you feel like there is a need for you to…” Then she looked the both of us back and forth.
Mas lalo akong namula.
“Is there any concern?” Nakangiti nitong tanong.
I cleared my throat. “Wala na po.”
We exited the hospital at ng makasaky na kami sa kotse niya ay kaagad ko siyang sinamaan ng tingin.
He just raised his brows at me and started manoeuvring the car while his other hand was on my exposed lap, casually holding it gently.
“You are too straightforward with the question, El.” Nakasimangot kong reklamo.
“With what?” He glanced at me and back on the road.
Ramdam ko ang pamumula ng pisngi ko sa susunod na sasabihin.
“With the sex question?!” Medyo irita ko ng sumbat.
“Did you hear what she said? Sex is beneficial for pregnant women.” He glanced at me again but this time with a smirk on his face.
“And you are always in heat, so don’t forget to call me. I’ll be there anytime of the day.” He said it so casually like it's just a normal thing.
It is a normal thing but I won’t accept it. I am sure that he is enjoying this.
We went home that day at hindi na siya muling umalis sa tabi ko. He claimed that he has no work so I didn’t question him anymore. Hindi ko rin alam pero nagkaroon na lamang rin siya ng mga gamit sa silid ko.
I am sure that his clothes weren't here the other day but here they are, looking so organized with my other clothes. Naramdaman ko ang pagpulupot ng kamay niya sa akin mula sa likod, habang nakatingin pa rin ako sa organisado niyang gamit sa sarili kong closet.
I turned around and he quickly gave me a peck, humawak naman ako sa magkabilaan niyang braso.
Akmang magtatanong ako kung bakit meron na siyang gamit dito pero bigla niya akong inatake ng halik. It was just a simple kiss but I still can’t help but kiss him back. He has always been very physical even when we were in college but he just had a great control of himself back then. Pero ngayon, halos ang hirap niyang pigilan.
We stopped after a moment but we remained close to each other. He licked his lips and I mimicked his movement right away. Kaagad na sinundan ng mga mata niya ang galaw ko.
I am pregnant, and getting horny is normal.
Muling siyang humalik at kaagad akong napapikit muli, but before I could even kissed him back, his phone rang away. Kaagad ko siyang naitulak sa gulat.
“Fuck!” He cursed and I looked at him wide eyed.
“Answer it, El.” Mariin kong utos and the disappointment on his face was very evident.
He sulkily answered it while I got my own phone from my bag. I opened it and saw again a message, from a very familiar number.
I looked about at him as he talked over the phone and sneakily entered the comfort room, with the phone in my hand.
Unknown number:
Nikah, meet me at this condo, we’re gonna see you with your Mom. See you tonight.
Napahigpit ang kapit ko sa cellphone ko. Finally, I’m gonna be meeting my parents tonight. And after all of this, he will voluntarily surrender himself. Magiging maayos na rin ang lahat sa wakas.
“Nikah…” I heard El knock on the bathroom door and I quickly deleted my father’s message.
Naghugas ako ng kamay at lumabas. Muli niya akong inakay palapit sa kanya.
He breathed in deeply, looking disappointed with something.
“I’m gonna be meeting Grayson tonight, and I might come home late.”
Okay, good. Perfect timing. I nodded my head at him.
“It’s about the case so I hope you won’t overthink. Sleep early and I’m gonna be sleeping here with you.” He strictly instructed.
Muli akong tumango. I guessed this is my chance, and I will take it as my chance. Faith is already making the way for me.
We had our dinner together at home and narrated the result of my consultation to Lola. And after which, I watched El as he entered his car with his driver.
I caressed my tummy as I watched the car disappear. And as I thought, I hope everything will be settled by tomorrow.