chapter thirty-four
OCTAVIA STAYED HOME WHILE FINNICK ATTENDED DISTRICT FOUR'S STOP. Seeder and Chaff had gone back to Eleven after a few days. Octavia told them that she understood, and she did, truly. The fear of what Eleven had become, though, terrorized her.
The loss of her mother replays in her head like a broken tape. She remembers the feeling in her gut as she walked away from her mother for the last time.
"I'm so proud of you, Octavia."
Rhea's last words to her play on repeat. She can't help but wonder how things could have gone so wrong, so quickly.
It had been a week. Octavia's attempts to sleep were rejected by visions of those she'd lost—a list that kept increasing.
Augustus tells her that she didn't deserve to win, and reminds her that he died for her.
Rhea tells her that she should've known that something was going on.
Consus says nothing, which is even more terrifying than if he did talk.
Rue and Thresh tell her that she should have done more for them.
She even sees Lionia, sometimes; Alena, too.
Octavia thought that after the games, she wouldn't have to suffer anymore. She thought that being a Victor meant living in peace. It was almost laughable, just how mistaken she was.
Finnick did his best to keep her from completely losing her mind. Octavia was pushing him away against everything she wanted. She kept catching herself wondering if he'd be better without her.
Octavia sits on the floor, rocking herself back and forth slightly. Soon enough, it would be time for the reaping. She would have to pull herself together by then, she knows that.
The thought of having to mentor this year worries her. She wasn't sure how much more loss she could handle. What if this year it was one of Seeder's kids? Or one of Rue's siblings?
The question of fate is not what, but whom.
Whose name gets drawn this time? Which unlucky twenty-three die before they know what it means to live?
Octavia begins to lose track of her thoughts as pictures of her games begin to play in her head. Augustus' death would never fade from her memory. Octavia imagines what the lives were like of the people that she and her brother slaughtered. Was it selfish of her to grieve her family when those she killed were someone's grievance?
The front door opening startled her from her thoughts. Octavia gets off the floor quickly, gathering herself before walking toward the noise.
Finnick holds the door open as Annie and Mags enter. Octavia catches Finnick's eye.
"Hey, I wanted to have Annie and Mags for tea. They wanted to see you," He says. Octavia gives a smile and a nod. Mags walks up to the girl slowly, placing her wrinkled hands on Octavia's cheek. Her sympathetic eyes roam the face of the younger woman before she places a kiss on her cheek. Annie follows in suit, giving Octavia a short hug.
She'd become familiar with the two Victors. After Annie's games, Finnick had told Octavia about how the girl had gone mad. Octavia remembers that year clearly, it was one year before Johanna's games. The beheaded corpse of the District Four tribute shook everyone up. Octavia and Finnick were both in a common room in the Capitol watching when it happened. Octavia remembers Finnick's face vividly.
If Octavia had seen it in real life, she'd have gone mad just like Annie.
Finnick walks into the kitchen, gesturing for the women to follow him. Octavia stands back for a moment, breathing in deeply to try and relax herself. Grief couldn't consume her life, she couldn't let it.
She wouldn't let it.
───
Katniss and Peeta were being celebrated in the Capitol following their final stop in District One. Snow requested the presence of many Victors—Finnick and Octavia included.
The couple had been given new outfits, designed by Cinna, though he was too busy with Katniss and Peeta to give them the clothes in person.
Octavia wore a silk, golden dress that fell to her knees and cowled at her chest. Finnick wore a black suit with gold detail.
Octavia stood awkwardly next to a table filled with copious amounts of food while Finnick worked the room. She wasn't sure how long she'd been standing there before someone approached her.
"Little star," the voice says. She turns her head slightly. The nickname didn't come sweetly as it did when Finnick said it.
She is met with a pair of blue eyes that she has to look up to see. She recognized him quickly.
"Gloss," she greets with a polite nod. He flashes a smile. He was handsome, sure, but no one could turn Octavia's head from Finnick, no matter how hard they tried.
"You look pretty bored over here. Maybe you need a dance?" He cocks an eyebrow. Octavia opens her mouth to respond before she's cut off.
"Sorry, I believe she promised me a dance," a different voice chimes in from behind Gloss. Peeta Mellark's kind eyes greet her before sizing up Gloss.
"That's right. What kind of Victor would I be without congratulating our newest counterpart?" Octavia asks rhetorically, giving Gloss a snarky smile. She takes Peeta's hand before they begin walking to the dance floor.
"Another time then?" Gloss calls out to her, and Octavia pretends she doesn't hear. When they reach the dance floor, Peeta carefully places his hands on her hips as her arms wrap around his shoulders.
"You didn't look too interested in dancing with him. I hope you don't mind." He says, a small smile on his face.
"No, thank you. Finnick would have had his head, I'm afraid," Octavia smiles at him.
"He won't have mine, though, will he?" Peeta asks. Octavia laughs.
"No, honey, you're about five years too young for me," she replies. Peeta chuckles.
They sway to the music for a few moments. Peeta seems to be looking around.
"Where's your girlfriend?" Octavia asks, with an emphasis on the last word. The ongoing question of what was real and what wasn't plagued the Victors.
"Uh, she's dancing with Plutarch, he's the—"
"The head game maker, yeah," she nods.
"He seems alright," Peeta says. Octavia lets out a breathy laugh.
"If they're willing to take the job, I wouldn't consider them alright," she says. Peeta nods. The music begins to fade out. Octavia feels a pair of eyes on her, which she can only assume belongs to Finnick. Peeta clears his throat.
"Thank you for the dance, Octavia," he says politely, taking her hand and placing a kiss on it. Octavia smiles.
"Thank you, good luck with all of this," she tells him as she drops her hands from his shoulders. She walks off the dance floor and Peeta goes in the other direction, presumably looking for Katniss.
"Octavia," Finnick's voice calls out from her side. Octavia's eyes relax as she sees him.
"Hey," she says as she reaches him, placing a kiss on his cheek. He has a disapproving look in his eyes.
"That kid better not be taking my spot," he says, jealousy in his voice. Octavia rolls her eyes.
"Peeta was saving me from Gloss. If anything, you owe him a thank you," she tells him. Everyone's attention is drawn to the balcony of the Presidential palace, where Snow enters. Applause floods the audience as Snow gestures out to the crowd. Finnick and Octavia give each other a side eye before returning their attention forward.
The President gives a speech about Katniss and Peeta, as he always does. The speech goes smoothly and after he finishes, he takes a drink from his cup. Finnick and Octavia watch as he spits blood back into the glass, but they're much too far away to see it clearly.
The music resumes playing and people begin to dance again. Octavia zones out staring up at the balcony, where Snow's eyes focus on Katniss, shifting to Octavia, and back to Katniss.
"We'd ought to get home, really," Finnick tells the people around him, laughing. The Capitol citizens can't get enough of him. Octavia snaps out of her thoughts when Finnick asks:
"We've got to enjoy our time before we go back to mentoring, right, love?"
Octavia nods, plastering a smile on her face for the people who surround the couple.
"Exactly, we just hate being apart for so long. It's so hard to find time to be together when we're both so busy with our tributes." She feels sick, talking about the tributes like burdens to her relationship. She was good at lying, but she hated it.
Finnick takes the conversation back over, telling them goodbye. He asks an Avox to call a train for them. Octavia's eyes roam across the crowd. She briefly catches gray eyes that hold an indifferent look, but it doesn't seem to be toward her. Katniss looks at her, knowing that Octavia feels the same way toward all of the Capitol's absurd fanatics. They hold eye contact for a moment before Finnick gently pulls Octavia toward the train station.
She ponders on Rue's words, that Katniss reminded her of Octavia. For a while, she didn't understand, or she chose not to. Now, she wonders if Rue had seen something that Octavia hadn't.
The thoughts leave her mind once she and Finnick are on the train, finally alone. Finnick fixes her a cocktail, handing it to her before he loosens his tie. She can't help but admire him.
"I wasn't too fond of Peeta's hands on you tonight," Finnick says. Octavia begins to smirk.
"Oh, really? Why's that?" She takes a sip of her drink, watching his eyes roam her body. She crosses her legs, letting her dress slightly move to show her smooth skin. Finnick clenches his jaw. He moves toward her, taking the cup out of her hand before leaning directly over her. Octavia stares into his green eyes, which look more loving and lustful by the second. He moves his head down to her neck, kissing gently.
He sucks on her tender skin, creating a small bruise, grinning against it as Octavia moans. His hand moves up her body, cupping her breast over the thin material of her silk dress.
He moves his head back over hers, leaning in. He stops just before his lips meet hers and says,
"Because you're mine."
END OF CHAPTER
a/n
peeta is just so cute ugh i love him
thoughts on this chapter??
one more chapter until the reaping..
thanks for reading!