Rhea
It's odd, reading the thoughts of someone else. Seeing how they word their experiences and emotions onto paper.
Especially of an eleven year old girl who barely lived life at all. Her last few entries make me feel empty and sick.
Each word my eyes race over shocks me in her maturity. The way she had to think, how she had to live, and what was considered important to her at such a young age.
Kinsley wasn't immature. She was hardly what you consider to be a child. Instead she was a girl who had too many responsibilities at a young age. She was kind, but unbelievably strict in her lifestyle.
She had a heart too big, too curious for the life of others.
She wanted more in life, things so simple to me, but impossible to her.
It hurts reading her journals. Reading her struggles and what she considered to be an adventure.
Her life, their life at a young age was drastically different from mine.
I didn't have to worry about when my next mission was. How many years I had left before I could finally leave a compound unit and live in an actual home. How many days I had left until I could finally call a room mine, and mine only. How many hours until my next meal.
I didn't have those worries.
I had a strange stability in knowing what my future was. I had a bedroom that could fit at least ten of the children Kinsley encountered.
I had too many clothes than I cared to count.
Food wasn't even considered a problem.
But for her, it was. For Elijah, and Dal, it was.
July 20, 2017-
Dear diary, it's me, again. Guess what? I'm eleven years old today! The day has finally come! I only have two more years until I can officially become a teenager.
Which is crazy to think about since Eli is thirteen, but he'll be fourteen soon.
Dal has to wait the longest out of both Eli and me, since his birthday is in November. I feel bad for him.
Eli has been begging Mr. Miller for extra missions lately, and I don't know why. He's been too busy as it is.
The only time we really see each other is when we wake up and go to sleep, but as long as I get to see them, it's fine with me.
Since today is my birthday, I'm going to go on another adventure. It's been pretty hot out lately, and I want to get an ice cream before Mr. Miller gives me a mission today.
He doesn't seem to care that I've turned eleven, but he has too many kids here, so it probably all mashes together.
Right now, Eli and Dal are completely passed out. So are all the other kids. I don't really talk to them, and they don't talk to me. We all just sleep here, it isn't meant to be a place to make friends. I only know the boy who sleeps in bed six. He's a year younger than me and I found out his name is Tim.
One of the older kids was picking on him because he couldn't throw a dagger straight, and I felt bad, so I've been teaching him how to hold the dagger better.
The only reason I know how is because of Eli and Dal.
But Eli has been so busy, so it's mainly Dal who's been training me lately.
It's currently 5:09 am, everyone usually gets up at 6:00 am but I like to get up earlier.
I'm not a creeper, I don't watch people sleep, but it is funny to see some of the kids drool on their mattress.
I have about 31 minutes before I'll sneak into the cafeteria and find something to pack Eli and Dal for breakfast. They're usually so tired that they forget to eat, they just put their uniforms on, grab their weapons and leave.
Which is why I'm here.
I don't have... more intense missions like them, mine are easier like sneaking in and out to get information or doing tasks around the building.
So I have more time to make sure we all eat, even if it's small.
I miss when Eli had more time for me. He checks in with me, makes sure I'm alright and safe, but we never see each other anymore.
It kind of feels like we're those people who pass by each other at school and they barely speak to each other, but they know they mean something to each other.
Most of the kids here do go to reading lessons and basic math lessons just so that we aren't completely useless in the academic knowledge area.
I'm lucky that Eli is smart, and made sure that I am too, or else I probably wouldn't be able to write in here.
Anyways, happy birthday to me! I'm going to sneak to the bathroom down the hall, I drank too much water.
August 3, 2017-
Dear diary, wow. It's been a while. Well, the last time I wrote in here, I turned eleven. Now, I've been eleven for 14 days.
Not much has changed. It's still the same routine as always. Except Eli has been having more missions now. I think Mr. Miller agreed.
He sucks.
He's always mean to Dal, and Eli. I get freaked out every time I go to his office. One time, when Eli got back from a mission, he got in so much trouble, and everyone heard him screaming from the office. It was terrible.
When he came out, he had tears running down his face, and marks all over his face. Mr. Miller had beat him up bad.
It was scary seeing my brother like that.
Dal was so mad that day, he wanted to go straight into Mr. Miller's office and beat him up just as much as he did to Eli. But Eli stopped him and I was crying, so he didn't.
Right now Eli is on a mission, but Dal is training in the training room. Dal has good aim, sometimes it's better than Eli's.
Sometimes I just watch Dal train because I learn new tricks and techniques.
I think Dal was made for combat. He's one of the fastest recruits here. Usually, the other kids here don't even get a hit on him during training because he gets them first.
Eli isn't too shabby either. He handles a knife well, and his aiming is good too, but he doesn't like holding them for too long.
Even when he trains, he prefers hand to hand combat, instead of focusing on handling weapons.
I think he's trying to get used to it but, still, I know he's scared of knives and guns.
Dal doesn't seem to have a problem, but sometimes, it's too much even for him.
But for me, I don't really mind holding a knife, I can't use guns yet, I have to wait until I get older, but it kind of excites me to train with daggers.
The first time I hit the center of the training targets, I was so happy because I trained all day. Eli was there when it happened, and he cheered me on.
I'm going to go now, I've been in the bathroom stall too long, we're usually timed, and I can't write out in the open since I shouldn't be doing this at all.
Plus, I want to see what Dal does today. Maybe he has a new trick.
August 15, 2017-
Dear diary, I think I've matured now that I am eleven. Even my aim has gotten better when I throw my daggers. I can't wait to show Tim what I've learned, I hope he'll show off to the older kids.
Dal is going to train with me today since he has time. Eli is on another mission. I think this one scares him today. He seemed really nervous and uncomfortable. Ever since he got back from Mr. Miller's office he's been acting weird.
I asked him about it but he didn't say much except for how he had to use weapons for different reasons today.
I think he thinks he has to be tough for me but it's no use.
We're all scared here. We all hate how we live but we can't do anything about it. If we disobey, we get beaten, if we try to eat over the amount given and provided, we're considered disrespectful.
Nobody here wants to train or go on missions. But even if we left, where would we go? Everyone here was abandoned by their parents. Everyone here is from an orphanage.
Some of the kids are from orphanages from a few towns over. Everyone here has a tracker in them. Plus, there are soldiers with guns at every exit, Eli told me that when you leave on missions, you have to show proof of it with a file given from Mr. Miller.
I wanted to find my parents once. But, honestly it doesn't seem to be a goal of mine anymore. If I could, I would live with Eli and Dal in a house big enough for us, with a black labrador named Nala.
Dal is here now, so I'm going to leave.
I'll write later, bye.
August 20, 2017-
Dear diary, guess what? I've made more discoveries. I haven't been able to visit the M.A. building in a while because I've been busy. Plus my brothers haven't let me out of their site since the last time they caught me leaving.
Thankfully, I'm pretty sure Eli and Dal don't read my journals, they respect my privacy.
Anyways, like I said, I've got a new clue.
I visited the M.A. building today, I had to stay a bit away from the field because there were too many soldiers around the area.
But I saw shipments being loaded into a back door, and the crates had the Aepresean crest on it. Which means that it comes from the Campbell family AKA the king and queen.
Why in the world would the king and queen send shipments to the biggest system harming their citizens?
What if they're a part of it? I mean it isn't too crazy. The books I've read have stories like this, where the bad guys are the ones in control of everyone. What if we're living in a world like that?
The soldiers carrying them in had M.A. badges but they looked similar to the royal guards I've seen in newspapers.
I can't know for sure yet. They could be stealing crates.
But I want to know more for sure!
I'll write more later!
P.S. Eli looks funny when he sleeps. His nose is smashed into his mattress.
September 6, 2017-
Dear diary, today is Eli's birthday!!! He's fourteen! I have a surprise for him and Dal. I've been collecting charms from my adventures, and I finally have enough supplies to make charm bracelets for them. Which I just finished.
They have an E and a D charm too, so that it'll be specialized for them! I already have mine, but I want us to all match.
Eli and Dal wake up at 6:00 am, so I'm just waiting for them to wake up so I can give them their gift.
There are only 6 minutes left.
Once it hits 6, every morning a loud alarm sounds throughout the building. Everyone is required to wake up at 6. If you don't then you get in trouble for being useless and late to training.
Anyways, I'm going to finish packing their breakfast.
Bye.
October 19, 2017-
Dear diary, OMG! It's been a really long time but I have news!
I've been to the M.A. grounds a lot recently! I couldn't find much evidence lately except for more crates.
But right now, I'm actually at the building! I saw the king AKA Alexander Campbell! He went into the building and I followed him in.
Right now I'm hiding and he's inside a room with a bunch of men. They look older and they're talking about recruits.
He keeps asking how many recruits they have and the missions they've done.
Apparently he's trying to keep track of someone and he needs the missions to be carried out perfectly.
Hold on. Okay, I'm closer. I'm right next to the door.
Omg! He told them he doesn't care if the 'rookies' sacrifice themselves and to make sure that 'A1' (I think that's who he's looking for) continues to go after the rookies.
Melody Eldridge.
He told them to find her and take her out.
Wait
He just left. I had to run into a storage room.
I have to leave, I don't know this place well and if I get caught, I'm dead.
November 11, 2017-
Dear diary, today I'm going back to the M.A. building. I haven't been able to go back because I've been too busy.
But the boys are off my back and they're busy with their own missions. Plus, I've already trained enough today.
I'm bringing my daggers too. Just in case I have to protect myself. Last time I went inside the building, something I've never done before and it scared me.
I was so close to them and the king.
He's crazy, the king I mean.
I want to figure out who he's looking for. Who even is 'A1'? Who is Melody Eldridge? Hopefully she's still alive, I hope they didn't take her out.
Anyways I've got to go! Eli should be back in about two hours. I plan to be back by then, if he found out that I've been going to the M.A. grounds, he would never let me out of his sight. I'd be in so much trouble.
I'll write later if I find anything else out! Bye!
Her last entry.
The last time she wrote anything in her journals. It's sickening to read, to know she didn't get to write about what she found out.
She didn't get to come back to Elijah within those two hours.
I look over at Elijah, his eyes are glistening, forcing himself to keep the tears from falling.
Elijah and Dal couldn't read the journals. They couldn't read what she wrote, it was too much for them.
I volunteered to read it to them, and I did. From her first journal to the last.
It's been hours.
Most of her visits to the M.A. concluded with her observing the back doors seeing if there was anything suspicious.
She originally wanted to find out why their boss, 'Mr. Miller' had them tracking the M.A. members so much.
Instead she found links from the M.A. to the Campbell's.
I hear Elijah clear his throat, "That's how I found her, by her last entry."
Dal wipes his cheek, staying silent as Nala comforts him while he pets her.
"Did you ever find anything out on Melody Eldridge? Or this A1 person?" I ask.
Elijah blinks, "No, anything about her was completely wiped, and she wasn't even in the database we use for missions. There were no files in the M.A. building on A1 either. I've looked too many times."
I nod.
"Okay, well, Aperesean crates, anything on that?"
He sighs, "Just supplies from the Campbell's. Weapons, vests, combat shit, things like that."
Dal speaks up, "I've heard of an Eldridge before, but it was a man. I can see if that brings me to a Melody."
Elijah nods, "Thanks."
Dal looks at the alarm clock sitting on the nightstand, "I've got to get going, I have a meeting with Miller."
Elijah's brows furrow, "Right now? At this time?"
Dal sighs, "Mission details."
Elijah nods, getting up to say goodbye.
They hug, patting each other on the back, "Thank you for bringing my stuff, and Nala."
Dal nods, "Always," he turns to Nala, petting her, "Bye princess, I have to go now."
His attention turns to me, "Keep this one in check, will you?"
I laugh, "I don't know, I might just leave again."
He grins, "wouldn't blame you." I get up to hug him goodbye.
Elijah walks Dal to the door, getting ready to shut the door. "Wait," Dal shrieks.
"What?" Elijah huffs.
I analyze Elijah's back as he covers Dal.
"Dal, what the fuck?"
"Thank me later," Dal chants.
The door clicks behind him, and Elijah locks the door.
He lets out a loud huff, wiping his face in exhaustion. When he opens his eyes, they land on me. "Thank you," he breathes.
"For what?"
"For reading everything for us. For helping."
My heart tightens in pity.
"Of course."
He walks over to Kinsley's box, putting everything back inside. He goes into his duffel bag and grabs a tank top and sweatpants, tossing them to me. "I asked Dal to bring extra clothes for you," he mentions.
"Thank you."
I walk into the bathroom, changing my clothes and feeling somewhat refreshed to be in something different.
When I walk out, I watch Elijah as he makes his way over to the right side of the bed, lowering himself onto the floor. "Good night, Rhea."
My brows crease, "Good night."
Nala's nails clack against the wooden boards while she walks over to him.
I look over at the lamp sitting in the corner of the room, deciding to turn it off, hearing a faint click.
Once I crawl into bed I lift the covers over me, sighing in satisfaction.
I peak over the bed and see Elijah curled up with Nala, his blanket barely covering him.
Guilt seeps into me, and impulse takes the lead.
"Elijah," I whisper.
"Hm," he hums.
"Are you awake?"
"Always," he mumbles.
I watch as his back shifts up and down, with each breath he takes. "Come up here," I whisper, watching him still in an instant.
"What?"
I inhale shakily, "There's enough room for both of us, and it's cold."
Hesitantly, he turns over, his eyes locked on mine. "You want me up there?"
I gulp, nodding.
"Are you sure?"
"Get up here," I lower my voice.
In seconds he's up and crawling into bed next to me.
I lift the covers enough to let him in.
The blanket isn't as big as I thought, forcing him to be close to me. Almost too close. Our arms touch, sending shivers up and down my spine. He shifts himself over, away from me.
"Sorry," he whispers so gently, terrified of my reaction.
"It's okay," I relax my body into the bed.
Silence echoes throughout the room. I feel like I should say something. But my throat is closed up and goosebumps are spreading like wildfire across my skin.
Minutes go by and neither of us say anything. I'm sure he's asleep and eventually, I begin to drown out the world, entering unconscious dreams when his voice sounds.
"You never told me what happened," he whispers into the dark.
"Tell you what?' I whisper back.
"You sure as hell didn't have those bruises and scars all over your body when I last saw it," he breathes.
I still in place, tension restricting my body from freedom.
Hungry memories of that night flood back to my mind, reminding me how good I felt. How desirable I felt.
I feel the bed dip and his body shift beside me. His eyes burn into the side of mine. It's odd how comfortable I am with having his attention on me. I actually want it.
I want his eyes to wander all over me. I want him to analyze me and know every little detail on me. I want his hands to cover my scars, and hold me.
It terrifies me just how badly I've wanted him, and I didn't even know it.
I turn over and face him, a faint glow from the curtains is all I have to be able to look at him. I take advantage of his stillness, his hesitation to say anything to me while I'm inches from his body.
I stare into his eyes, taking note of each tone of blue. I make invisible lines on every feature, analyzing every inch.
He seems to do the same, his eyes gazing over every feature of mine. We sit in silence, memorizing each other.
I exhale, finding courage to speak, "I pissed Gabriel off."
His brows furrow, any warmness he had in his eyes before vanishes and his tone is sharp, "What did he do?"
"I told you that Liam gave me a file, remember?"
He nods.
"Well Gabriel found out. He strapped me down, and tortured me to get information out of me. Being the asshole he is, he even sewed my lips together as a joke," I scoff.
His body goes completely stiff and alert. Burning hate and disgust drips from his eyes. I watch a muscle tick along his jaw as he sits up.
"Gabriel Norman," he mumbles. I watch as his mind swirls in angry desperation.
Gently, I clasp my hand around his arm, bringing him back to me. "What are you going to do? It's one in the morning, and he's in the Campbell estate."
"He's a piece of shit," he hisses. I sigh, "Agreed, but we're not there anymore."
He lowers himself to me, letting his hand caress my cheek while his thumb gently swipes over my lips. "Does it hurt?"
I shake my head, "Not anymore."
We become unwillingly aware of the distance between us. His eyes trained on my lips and his thumb resting against my skin. I keep my hand on him, slowly traveling my way to his back.
His breath disappears and his head dips just a bit more, letting a few short blonde pieces of hair fall forward. I lift my hand to move the strands out of his eyes, but his hand takes hold of my wrist. He keeps his eyes trained on mine, never letting them leave my gaze as he lowers himself to kiss the tips of my fingers.
Electric shivers jolt into my fingers, all the way into my body. I feel nothing but intensifying chills.
He takes his time, giving loving kisses into each finger, making his way to my palm. He pulls my arm closer to him, leaving a trail of kisses all the way up to my shoulder. "Do you want me to stop?"
I inhale shakily, "No."
"Mm, good," he murmurs into my skin.
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I hope you enjoyed this chapter!
I wanted to let you guys into Kinsley's mind a bit, and give you guys an understanding of how she thinks.
Stay tuned for next chapter! ;) It will be posted an hour apart from this chapter! I hope you enjoy having two chapters this friday!
Love ya as always!
-hc <3