we sit in silence as the two of us stare up at the sky. the stars are bright.
i rest my chin on my hand, my hair falling over one of my shoulders.
i can slightly feel franks shoulder touching the top of my head.
"wanna talk about it?" he whispers.
i shake my head. "not really."
"thats okay." he reassures me. his girlfriend is lucky to have him.
its silent for a few more minutes.
"so what are your plans after high school?" i look at him and hes still staring at the sky.
"i mean i wanna go to college. my sister got into yale, and i kindve wanna follow after her."
"so yale?"
"maybe not yale exactly. princeton doesnt sound so bad." he shrugs and looks down at me.
"i never knew you had a sister. you seem like the only child type." i glance down at his lips for a second.
he shakes his head softly, "nope."
"so are you passionate about college?" i ask.
"i mean theres no other choice. id rather go to college then get a job, and itd probably be hard with just a high school degree." hes right about that.
"but i dont really mind going to college. ive already applied to a few but still have yet to hear back from them since i applied over the summer."
"a little late, hm?" i tilt my head.
"kindve. so you have already?" he asks me.
"im still looking into the colleges i wanna go to. i mean i wanted to go to nyu because new york, but honestly i dont think id get in."
"why not?"
"i just.. dont think i have what it takes." i shrug.
"thats stupid. from what ive seen i know you do."
"what have you seen?" i cross my arms to keep heat in.
"i mean.. personality wise i know youve got what it takes. youre sweet and empathetic. i mean you were a little cold at first but you warmed up to me." he compliments.
"yeah maybe personality wise but grade wise.."
"whatre youre grades?"
"straight As and occasional B+s."
"so what are you so worried about?" he rolls his eyes.
"i mean i dont know.." my gaze falls towards the floor of the porch and i begin to outline the lines.
"i just.. i wanna go to college and i know im smart enough to get in anywhere i want, and im flexible enough to make new friends but theres just doubt wandering around my mind." i lean back a bit.
"why would you ever doubt yourself? i mean you get straight As, from what you said.. im sure that means your GPA is high as fuck and thats all colleges really care about."
"i guess youre right. i just dont know why i feel some doubt, or like guilt? i dont know." i sigh.
"its normal to feel that way. but you said it yourself, you could get into any college you want."
i nod slowly.
"what do you wanna be?" i look back up at him.
he sighs deeply. "that.. i really dont know. i mean i know ive had all of highschool to think but im not sure what i wanna spend the rest of my life doing. what about you?" he meets my gaze again.
"i mean ive always wanted to be a marine biologist. sometimes my mind has wandered off and into stupid shit but i always go back to wanting to be that."
we both look back up at the sky.
more silence.
i wanna ask about his girlfriend but i already did, in the car, at the game, and at hoco. if i ask again id be making it obvious i want him.
"y/n you never talk about your love life. hows that?"
i can feel him looking at me but i keep my eyes on the sky.
"im gonna be honest, ive never really dated anybody. i mean yeah ive gone through talking stages but i can never go further." i use my hand to hold up my chin once more, "Its like im pretty enough to flirt with and to talk with but not pretty enough to get into a committed relationship with." the words start to sink into my brain as soon as their out.
"thats.." his voice dies out as if hes thinking.
"is it you backing out or the people you talk to?" he retaliates.
"sometimes its them, sometimes its me." i sigh. "i mean its like i know i cant see them in the future with me. you know? long term relationship, kids, marriage, that shit." i finally look at him.
"so you havent found the right one?" he smiles because of how corny it sounds.
i elbow him and he giggles. "dont put it like that."
"but it is that!" he throws his hands up slightly.
"okay yeah it is.. but the guys in this generation are so gross! i mean seriously whats the point in talking stages when friendships exist?" I feel the annoyance running through my blood.
"yeah. i get you." i can hear him smiling.
"what about you?" i sigh. i mean, technically he asked first.
"well you know maddy. but before her it was just a bunch of flirting with girls and just on and off talking stages."
ah.
"so youre like the guys I've talked to?" i smile.
"i used to be that kinda guy. but i know ive changed. the thing is nobody wants to look past that and realize im not the same anymore."
i think back to when f/n first told me about how frank slept with half the grade.
"i mean yeah but if you have a reputation like that nobody is gonna let it go."
he nods. "i mean i got myself into it and now i cant get out."
"i feel that way in certain things too." i lean back on the porch and use my arms to hold me up, keeping the blanket on me at the same time.
he looks back at me.
our legs are basically hanging off the porch and onto the stairs, and thats when i notice small drops of rain hitting the ground.
"oh," i mumble and he follows my gaze.
"its raining." he looks up at the sky looking for any clouds.
i look up too, "what the fuck? the sky was clear just a second ago??" I sit back up.
"i know.." he goes quiet as it starts raining a bit harder.
i hold my hand out and feel the drops.
"God, i love the rain." I smile.
a small puddle forms in my palms and i feel a bit mischievous..!
i quickly throw the water at frank, making his entire face wet.
he covers his face too slow, and i start laughing.
"y/n." he groans and i start to laugh.
i stand up and walk off the porch, into the rain.
the drops immediately start to hit my hair, clothes, and face.
i run out to the driveway, doing random shit and spinning and just getting drenched.
i run back to frank and grab his hand. "frank cmonnn!!" i plead as my pulling doesn't do shit.
his hand is warm while mines is cold and wet.
"y/n, youre fucking drenched." he giggles.
i successfully drag him into the rain with me and he gasps. i didnt realize how cold it actually was.
"you look like youre drowing!!" i start to laugh hardly and he pushes me.
i let my jaw drop as i gain my composure and i push him back.
we fight back and fourth, laughing as hard as we both can.
the rain starts to come down harder and it doesnt even feel real. i cant feel the rain hitting me anymore although it is.
frank is laughing, looking stupid as we start wrestling.
i know my ring camera Is catching all this.
we're laughing and he eventually ends up on top of me.
we're both breathing heavy and his hands are holding mine down on the concrete, i can feel the rocks piercing into my skin but i cant at the same time.
his hair is dripping water onto my head, and the rain is falling even heavier.
"y/n.." he lets out in a breathy tone. i lowkey feel turned on...!
"mm?" i basically groan.
i catch his eyes widening for a second.
"I..." he groans back.
fuck fuck fuck.
holy shit.
fuck.
i swiftly get on top of him, holding his hands down now. our chests are basically pressed together and i can feel his moving up and down.
its quiet besides the rain hitting hard and our labored breaths. i can imagine us fucking, and god...
we both glance at each others lips and i feel our faces inching closer. i swear im not fucking crazy.
"Dont come to me when youre crying." starts to repeat in my mind, the voice getting louder and louder.
i get off of him and sit down, he sits up immediately after.
i laugh awkwardly and my throat feels dry. i feel like i cant breathe.
my breathing quickens and my heart beat feels like its racing.
"are you okay?" he puts his hand on my shoulder and i feel myself relax again.
my breath quickly goes back to normal and so does my heart.
"im good, thanks." i whisper.
"you sure?" he looks around.
i look around too. its raining so hard i cant see 5 feet away.
"yeah." i nod fast.
"we should go back in." i suggest, standing up and putting my hand out so he can take it.
he nods and takes my hand, standing up.
i look up at him and i start to breathe out my mouth.
my lips are begging to be on his, and i can tell by the look in his eyes that he feels the same way.
i smile and push him, giggling.
"hey what the fuck??" he smiles.
"cmonnnn." i take his hand as i begin to lead him back inside.
"wait we probably missed the whole movie.."
"oh shit!"