Eddie Munson - A Collection of One-Shots!

036. You're a Ghost.

** Trigger Warning **

• Child Loss
• Grief
• Toxicity

*********************************************
"How are we gonna move past this Ev?" He asked, running a towel through his hair.

"You can start by getting out of the bathroom whilst I piss." I answered, rolling my eyes.

"I'm sorry?" He queried.

"You heard me. Take yourself and your vest, and get out of here. The days of this level of intimacy have long gone." I said, as he stared down at me.

That's how it is then, huh?" He asked, as I sighed with frustration.

"Can you just get the fuck out?" I asked, impatiently.

"You pee loud." He remarked, with an almost amused look on his face.

"And you're a fucking asshole." I answered.

He did as I instructed through, and he wandered into the bedroom, sighing with the same kind of frustration.

I followed him in there not long after, wondering how we'd gotten to this point, how we'd become this hostile and cold towards each other.

"Gonna answer me now?" He asked.

"I don't know how we move past this. I really don't. Why do I have to have all of the answers? Why don't you tell me how we move past this?" I asked.

"I can't take it back, Ev." He said.

"I know you can't." I answered.

"And it's the fact that you did what you did, that I can't see past right now." I added.

"You could talk to her about all of our problems, but you couldn't talk to me could you? Told her every little issue we were having. Couldn't talk to me." I continued.

"You shut down on me." He remarked.

"You shut down on me too." I barked back.

"We both lost him." He said, as I felt myself unraveling, the air leaving my chest.

"He was my boy." I said, my bottom lip trembling.

"He was mine too." He said, with emphasis.

"This is who we are now. I pee loud, and you talk to your work colleague about us, in seedy bars where she fawns over you, holds you tight and tells you she cares about you." I said, wiping my eyes roughly.

"And I want you to leave." I added.

"Ev......" He started to say.

"We're living under this roof as total strangers, who make asshole digs at each other. This is how we communicate with each other now. Through digs, snide comments and not quite being able to look into each other's eyes. I cannot live my life like this, I can't. I might have shut down on you, but you didn't try to find your way back in. You never attempted it. You turned to someone else, and it just had to be her, didn't it." I said.

"You wanted her to comfort you, you wanted her to tell you it would all be okay. You didn't believe I could do that for you anymore." I added.

"Because when he died, you did too." He said, with unfiltered and raw honesty.

"Every day, I've been looking at and living with a ghost." He continued.

"You've not lived here with me for a while. You've just haunted this house." He finished.

******************************************
"Tell me what happened, with your son."

"He was three. Beautiful little thing. Dark curls, brown eyes, the world's biggest smile. One smile, and I'd be happy all day. He lit up my world. He died. Can't explain it. No one to this day can. He just went to bed, I read him a story, kissed him goodnight, and when I went into his room the next morning...... he was gone." I said.

"And that's when my entire world changed. It might even have ended." I added.

"And your relationship with his father, after he passed?" She asked.

"Strong. We were grieving, of course we were. After the first anniversary, we started to drift, we shut down on each other, we didn't communicate. He communicated with another woman about our relationship struggles, our grief, he talked about my boy...." I said, a sob leaving my throat.

She leaned forward, a tissue in her hand, and I took it gratefully.

"Why do you think you can't talk to him about it?" She asked.

"Any problem I've ever had..... he's always known just how to fix it. This? He couldn't fix. He couldn't fix it. He couldn't fix me." I answered.

"And he can't bring my son back to me." I added.

"Evelyn, why do you think you say your son, and not our son?" She asked.

"He came from me. I can't explain why but I find it hard to say he's ours. He was ours when he was alive, but for the time he's been gone, I can only seem to say that he's mine. Every part of me aches for him, I feel empty without him." I explained.

"I feel like I have this void inside of me, where he grew. And I feel like it gets bigger every single day." I continued.

"And whilst that eats me whole, the fact that he turned to who he turned to, just speeds that process up." I added, as the therapist nodded.

"Who did he turn to? What's the significance of this other woman?" She asked.

"His work colleague. She's always liked him, it's always been fairly obvious. It was always platonic for him, and she accepted it. But she never changed her behaviour. Always laughed a little louder than everyone else at his jokes, overly tactile..... it never caused a problem in our relationship, I'm not that type of person. I'm not a jealous person. Territorial maybe. But I think woman to woman, she saw the opportunity and she seized it. And he fessed all. Didn't paint me in a very good light at all." I said.

"What light did he paint you in?" She asked.

"He always describes me as a ghost. I don't live in our home with him, he lives there, and I haunt the house." I explained.

"And why do you think he says that?" She asked.

"Because he's right. The day Theo died, I died too." I answered, with certainty.

"Do you feel alive?" She asked.

"I feel that I exist." I answered.

"I just exist. That's it." I added.

"Okay, are you currently taking any medication? Any time off from your employment?" She asked.

"No, and yes." I said.

"I took time off at the beginning..... I went back last year but it was too much. I work from home now." I added.

"What is your relationship like with your parents? I noticed that neither are your next of kin on your forms." She said.

"Non existent. Uhm, long standing family feud, I made a choice a long time ago that they didn't agree with." I said.

"Theres no chance of reconciliation?" She asked.

"None that I want." I answered, honestly.

"Any friends?" She asked.

"I had three wonderful best friends. They were the best, honestly. But the moment I lost Theo, I pushed them away. They couldn't help." I said.

"Could you reconcile with them?" She asked.

"In time maybe. I hope." I said.

"Okay." She said.

"I'm going to prescribe anti depressants. 100mg dose. I'm also going to schedule weekly sessions with myself, for the foreseeable. How does that sound?" She asked.

"I can work with that." I answered, taking a deep breath.

"How old would Theo be, today?" She asked me suddenly.

"Four and a half." I answered.

"I have a project for you. Every month, I want you to do something, something for yourself, that will allow you to remember Theo in a positive way. Something that allows you to begin your healing journey. You're never going to forget him, and you're going to grieve for possibly forever. But there's a window for you still, to move forward." She said.

"And perhaps consider including Theo's father for at least one or two of those things. Eventually." She added.

I couldn't mistake the swell in my heart.

We didn't work in the same room as each other anymore.

How would we do this?

****************************************
Eddie's POV.

"I appreciate you letting me crash here, man." I said, as Jeff nodded.

"Things finally got real bad then?" He asked.

"They're over, man." I said, completely defeated.

"You've never said why you talked to Angela about it all. Why did you turn to her?" Jeff asked, catching me off guard.

"Ev died when Theo did. I lost him, and I lost her too. I've lived with a ghost for eighteen months. A silent, small ghost with a monumental wall up, keeping me firmly out. I had nowhere to voice or put my feelings. That's why I spoke to Angela that night, and every other night." I admitted, looking down at my feet, as I sat on his sofa.

"I cannot imagine how it feels to lose a child. I can't imagine what it's been like for Ev as his mom, or you as his dad. But it kills us all that you're so apart with it." Jeff said.

"She's depressed. Real depressed. She started therapy this week." I said.

"And what about you?" Jeff asked.

"I'm back to square one. I have no one to talk to again." I said, with a heavy sigh.

I pressed my thumb and index finger into the corners of my eyes, and my body lurched forward as the heartbroken sob left my mouth.

"I want our boy back, and I want my girl back." I said, devastated.

I felt Jeff squeeze my shoulder in sympathy, and I heard him sigh with extreme sadness.

"Okay. Let's put this all into perspective and try to formulate some kind of game plan for moving forward." He said.

"Ev's been waiting for this grief counselling for as long as Theo has been gone. The medical services are really stretched, and there's not been anyone spare to help her in the meantime. As his mom, her grief is going to be different to yours, and in her own way, she's tried to tell you that. She put him to bed that night, she read him his favourite bedtime story, kissed him goodnight whilst you watched from the doorway, and she tucked him in like she did every night. She went into his room the next day to wake him, and tragically and inexplicably, Theo had gone. Ev has blamed herself ever since. Was it something she'd done the night before? Had she tucked him in too tight? Not kissed him goodnight properly? Not kissed him goodnight enough? She grew him inside of her for nine months, kept him safe." Jeff said.

"And then there's you. You've watched the mother of your child fall apart, alongside yourself. You've watched yourselves grow further and further apart and you've felt alone. You were his dad, you were grieving too. You still are. You're strangers to each other, who do nothing but pick each other apart. There's nothing left of either of you, Ed. You're asking yourself the same questions Ev is. Should you have tucked him in, should you have also kissed him goodnight, was it because you didn't?" Jeff continued.

"How is it you've just explained both sides perfectly?" I asked.

"Because I know you both. And it's also a huge hint that you had someone you could talk to." He said.

"You didn't have to go to Angela." He added.

"I didn't want you to feel as though you had to pick a side." I said.

"There's no side to pick. You're both in the same boat. You both lost Theo. You're both still grieving." Jeff explained.

"You ought to see a grievance counsellor yourself." He added.

"Both of you need to work on your grief together, instead of prioritising one over the other. Both are equally valid." He finished.

*******************************************
"Okay, Eddie. Tell me about Theo."

Jeff as it happened, knew of another grievance counsellor who'd had some cancellations and had managed to wrangle me an appointment.

At this point I was willing to try anything, and was sitting on the cliche sofa, trying to keep my mind open.

"God, he was the most beautiful little thing. Dark curls, chocolate brown eyes, with a smile that lit up every room. And my life. He died, when he was three. He went to sleep one night, healthy and happy, and the next day, he never woke up. No doctor has ever determined the cause, it just is and remains a mystery. Which just makes it harder to cope with, and navigate through. I don't know where to place the blame if there is any, I don't know where to and who to grieve to. My partner.... Theo's mom..... is shut off from me. She doesn't live anymore, I feel like she haunts my life, haunts the home we live in." I said.

"You're describing her as a ghost?" He asked.

"Yeah." I said, bowing my head.

"It's not the first time I've heard that, and it won't be the last." He said, which strangely, made me feel instant relief.

"I feel like I subconsciously judge her by saying she's like a ghost." I said.

"I don't think you judge. I think that's how you rationalise her emotions, her mental state. You both lost a child." He said.

"It's painful when she'll say that she lost her boy, and not ours." I said.

"Why do you think she says that?" He asked.

"I think I understand why she says it. She grew him inside of her, cooked him to perfection for the whole nine months, kept him real safe in there. She birthed him, and she was amazing in delivery, real calm, determined, she amazed me with her sheer strength. I remember thinking, what a woman. And that's my woman. I don't think I'll ever be more proud of her than I was the day our son was born." I said.

"So, for the most part, as much as it's painful to hear her say it, I've almost let her reserve that right to say it too. Because he was her boy. I just want the fact that he was also my boy, to be acknowledged too." I continued.

"What was your relationship like, when Theo died?" He asked.

"We were strong, united, heartbroken, but heartbroken together. And then one day, I started to see her slipping away from me, probably around the first anniversary. I tried to keep her with me, but I watched her leave me, watched her disappear from me. She shut down, and I did too." I said.

"What's your relationship like with your partner now?" He asked.

"We're living separately at the moment." I said.

"Why do you think that the communication suddenly broke down?" He asked.

"I've always been a fixer, good at fixing things. Whenever she'd turn to me with a problem, I'd be able to fix it for her, make her feel better. She could do the same for me too. But this? I couldn't fix this. I couldn't fix it at all. And she couldn't fix it for me. We looked to each other, I think...... and the realisation that neither of us could alleviate any of the pain, the grief..... we stopped looking to each other. I spoke to a colleague at work, who perhaps had romantic feelings towards me, and Ev discovered us at a bar." I explained.

"What happened at the bar?" He asked.

"I was just offloading, venting my spleen. She was listening, but the listening turned to her holding me, embracing me, and I should have stopped her, but I hadn't felt heard or seen in over a year, and I was intoxicated. Ev walked in as my colleague was kissing my face, and the issue is that Ev never witnessed me stop my colleague." I said.

"Who did your partner turn to?" He asked.

"No one. She's seeing a grievance counsellor now. But she didn't turn to anyone." I said.

"She has family?" He asked.

"Yeah she has parents and a sibling. But there's no relationship with any of them." I said.

"None of them speak. Which is partly why she didn't turn to anyone besides me." I added.

"And you feel guilty that you did?" He asked.

"Every day. It's just something else I can't change or fix." I said.

"When a relationship breaks down, communication is the most important and the key stage in repairing the fractures. Instead of focusing on fixing the relationship, take some of that pressure off, and look at potentially taking small steps to try and repair it." He suggested.

"How?" I asked.

"I'm going to recommend ongoing sessions with myself first, and then potentially a joint session where you attend together. You both could either see myself, or see your partners counsellor." He said.

"Or potentially, both of us." He added.

"But for the meantime, there are things that you can do, to try and navigate through your grief independently, alongside your sessions with myself. They're in this leaflet here." He said, sliding it across the table to me.

I would try anything at this stage.

******************************************
"Hey, Mama's little tater tot." I said, crouching down to place a bunch of fresh flowers against his headstone.

"I'm sorry I haven't been as much this month..... mama's trying to work on herself." I explained, as I wiped his headstone with a damp cloth.

"Hopefully daddy's been keeping you company when I haven't been able to." I continued, removing the withered flowers and laying them by my side.

"I have." Someone said from behind me.

Eddie.

I turned to look over my shoulder and he smiled weakly.

"Hey." He said.

"Hey." I replied, as he seemed nervous.

He came to crouch down beside me, a clear plastic display box in his hand. Inside, was a toy car.

A yellow Camero.
Bumblebee.

Theo's favourite transformer.

He placed it next to the flowers, and placed his hand on the ground.

"My little dude." He whispered.

"How are you?" He asked, turning to me.

"I'm alright. You?" I asked.

"I'm getting there." He said.

"Where are you staying?" I asked.

"With Jeff." He said, as I nodded, moving some leaves off the foot of Theo's headstone.

"I'm also talking to a grief counsellor." He added.

"How's that going?" I asked.

"I've had one session so far. It's different." He said.

"You couldn't talk to me? You talked to Angela, you're talking to a counsellor. Just not me, huh?" I asked, a little offended.

"I'm talking to the counsellor, to learn to talk to you in the healthiest way possible. To talk about Theo, talk about how I feel, to eventually be able to work through it, with you, together. You hold that fact over my head, every single time we talk. I need you to remember that you shut me out, you wouldn't talk to me. You didn't turn to me either. And when I shut down on you, you didn't try to find your way back to me either." He said, as I softened slightly.

He wasn't wrong.
And he had been surprisingly gentle with his response.

"I didn't turn to anyone." I reasoned.

"No, you didn't. There was a time when you turned to me. And then you closed off from me. I closed off from you." He said.

"You had friends. We have friends, who want to be there for me, for you, for us." He urged, referencing Steve, Robin and Nancy.

"I didn't want to talk to Angela. But I felt that I had no choice." He added.

"How did we get here, Ev?" He asked, when I didn't answer.

There was a desperation to his voice, and sadness.

It hurt my heart.

"Because we lost the little person we made. And my heart, my mind..... my soul.... Doesn't know what to do with how it makes me feel, or where to put the blame." I said, the most honest I'd been with him for a while.

"No one is or was to blame." Eddie said.

"That's what my soul can't accept." I said.

"So the pain stays where it is." I added.

"And it's eating me alive." I continued.

"I'm sorry that I can't fix it." He said, sniffing back tears.

"I just want to come home and make it better." He continued.

"We're toxic when we're under the same roof. You call me your ghost. Tell me that I haunt the house. And I can't forget that you didn't stop her at any point." I said.

"I don't know how else to explain it. You're a shadow, Ev. You're a shadow of the girl I fell in love with. And I can't take back what happened."He said.

"I think that we both have things we need to work on. We're both speaking to professionals. I think we need to do what they advise. And then..... and then maybe, we can talk." I offered, as he bowed his head slightly.

"No, that's fair." He said, albeit sadly.

"Can I walk you to your car?" He added, as I nodded.

I turned back to our son's grave, kissed my fingertips before placing them down onto the top of his headstone.

"See you soon, baby boy." I whispered.

"See you soon buddy." Eddie said, from behind me.

He walked me to my car, and it was a silent walk.
He watched me get inside, standing back as I started the engine, and like strangers, he gave me a small, polite wave, before I drove away.

*************************************
"Can I get you anything else?"

I turned to the assistant as I was sitting at a bench with a clay bowl and mug, and shook my head.

"No, I'm fine. Thank you." I said, with a weak smile.

I picked up several paintbrushes and laid them on the table to my right, before picking up a bottle of black, and yellow paint.

After Theo had been born, for his first three, short years, I'd come here and I'd painted a mug and a bowl, for him.

I was a little late with the fourth, but here I was now, painting another set for him, that would go in the cabinet next to his first three.

This year, I was painting a bumblebee theme.
Black and yellow stripes for his mug, and I wrote his name in black and yellow letters in the middle of his bowl.

"Is Theo your son?" The assistant asked, as I nodded.

I took the opportunity to talk about it.
One day I was going to be comfortable talking about him, but I had to make a start to that, somewhere.

"Yeah. He passed away a year and a half ago. I've made a set every year." I said, both my bottom lip and my voice trembling.

"I'm sorry." She said, apologetically, as I shook my head.

"Don't be. I have to learn to talk about him, and talk about him comfortably." I said.

"I lost my daughter, five years ago now." She said, which shocked me.

And I said only what I could say.

"I'm sorry." I said.

"Don't be. I'm comfortable talking about her." She said, as I realised that we sounded like each other.

"She was a feisty little thing." She continued.

"Girls always are. Theo, he was very laidback. But goofy, like his dad." I said, as she smiled.

"Theo. Such a lovely name." She commented.

"How do you cope?" I asked her, a little forwardly.

"At first, I didn't. I lost myself, completely. Didn't talk to anyone, shut myself off from everyone around me. But as time went on, and still goes on, little pieces of myself come back together again. She'd want that. She'd want me to be happy and whole. I tell myself that every day." She said.

"I'm at the lost stage. I shut down on his dad, I'm still closed off. We're separated, right now. He can't fix any of it. And I guess for a while now, I've hated him for it." I said.

"Whatever you feel, no one's grief is the same. Remember that. Don't feel guilty if you feel angry, cheated...... you have to take it, deal with it and move past it. There's stages to it, I learned that. And when you get past one, you move onto another." She said.

"Thank you." I said, sincerely.

"Take your time. Listen, whilst I glaze these and pop them in the oven, could I get you a cup of tea?" She asked.

"I'd really like that. Please." I said, as she led me through to the oven.

She led me to a small table, and she popped the kettle on, as she glazed Theo's bowl and mug.

"He liked transformers?" She asked.

"Yeah. Bumblebee was his favourite." I said, as she chuckled softly.

She set a mug of tea down infront of me, before placing the bowl and mug in the oven, both shiny from the glaze.

"I have a cabinet, I display his others in there. I aimed to do a set every year, until he was ten. Or until there wasn't any more room." I said, surprising chuckling softly.

"He was the best, wasn't he?" She asked, as I held onto the mug in front of me for dear life.

"Yeah. He really was. A beautiful little thing. I wish I'd had more time with him." I said, as she sat opposite me.

"Time is a healer, even if it doesn't feel like it is right now. It is. I was like you, once. I felt I needed to be in a good place, all the time. Felt like I had to be there, like there was a deadline. So I'd find myself rushing to be mentally better about all of it. But I was so focused on being okay, or being as okay as I felt everyone around me would expect me to be, and that made it worse. It made everything worse. Theres no time limit. There isn't. And most importantly, you need to give yourself as much time as you need." She said.

"What's your name?" She asked, with a sincere smile.

"Evelyn." I said.

"I'm Jessica." She said, as I wiped my eyes delicately.

"Are you seeing a counsellor?" She asked.

"Yeah. Once a week at the moment." I said.

"Dr Fisher?" She asked.

"How did you know?" I asked, in awe.

"She's wonderful. And I got the sense that you were doing something that made you happy but also reminded you of him. Something she typically suggests. Something she told me to do, once." She said.

"She did." I confirmed.

"Is your husband seeing a counsellor too?" She asked.

I didn't correct her on his title.
I chose to just roll with it and answer the main question.

I had said we were separated, after all.
That's what it felt like, with or without that formal piece of paper.

"He is." I said.

"I think once you've both had some sessions on your own, a good way to then communicate to each other, is to attend a session together." She said.

"I don't know about that. We're not the greatest to each other in the same room, these days." I said, unsure.

"After a few sessions, you'll be surprised." She assured me.

"Did it work for you?" I asked.

"It did. We're together, have been for just over two years. At one point, that seemed like a whisper of a dream, a whisper of a hope. But after sitting together, communicating healthily, we realised that the love was still very much there." She said.

"Just like I think it clearly is for you too." She added.

"You still smile a little, when you talk about him. When you mentioned that Theo was goofy like his dad, there was a small coy smile." She continued.

"You'll find it." She said, when I opened my mouth to say something.

"There's glimmers of it still. But you'll find it all eventually." She added.

"Thank you." I said, sincerely.

"Sit. Drink your tea, stay as long as you like." She said, just as sincerely.

********************************************
"Have you been working on my suggestions?"

"Yeah. I went to a pottery class last week. Made Theo a bowl and cup set, like I had done for him before. Yesterday, I went to the beach and flew a kite. He loved seeing the kites."

"I loved to see the wonder and the excitement on his face. Warmed me in a way that no one or nothing else ever has." I added.

"Have you had any contact with his father?" She asked.

"He came to the cemetery recently, the same day I was there. We sat together, talked to Theo for a while. He wanted to come home, I communicated that it wasn't a good idea right now, and he accepted it." I explained.

"So your communication has improved a little?" She asked.

"For the few times we've spoken, yeah." I answered.

"I'm just nowhere near ready to live together again. I'm scared of things going back to how they were if we force it." I added.

"He's seeing a counsellor too." I continued.

"How do you feel about that?" She asked.

"Like he wants to get better too. For him, and maybe for us." I said.

"Why are you trying to get better?" She asked.

"So that I can be the mom Theo would have seen, growing up. To be the mom he wants, when he's looking down on me." I admitted.

"And not for Eddie?" She asked.

"Yeah. But I want to be the person he recognises. To be the girl he fell for. If she's still in me." I said.

"How are you finding your medication?" She asked, as I shrugged.

"They're doing what they're supposed to." I said.

"Good. I think that's us for today. See you again next week." She said, closing her notepad.

*******************************************
"How have you been since your first session, Eddie?"

"Up and down. I'm still staying with a friend. I'm trying to give myself time, not rush myself into feeling better. Trying not to see this whole thing like there's a target or a deadline I have to reach." I explained.

"No, that's a good philosophy." He said.

"I saw Evelyn as well. We both went to see Theo at the cemetery." I said.

"Ah. How did that go?" He asked.

"We didn't argue. We spoke about a few things, but I felt as though we talked healthily about it. I told her I was seeing a counsellor, told her why. She seemed to be receptive of it." I said.

"What did you tell her?" He asked.

"That I was coming here so I could learn to accept my feelings, work through them and learn to communicate with her in a healthy way." I said.

"And is that why you're here?" He asked.

"Yeah. And hopefully process everything." I said.

"Ed, you lost a child, and it's a pain no parent ever wishes to experience. We all want our children to grow up healthy, and never be hurt. Some of us? We're fortunate to have that luxury. But you didn't get to, and that's incredibly difficult and painful. You need to ensure that you're doing this mostly for yourself. And what I mean by that is, both you and Evelyn need to firstly be selfish, work on yourselves and then work together afterwards. You both need to heal, before your relationship can." He said.

"You can think about her, her feelings, her progress, of course you can. But you need to put your healing journey first, for the meantime." He added.

"What are you saying?" I asked.

"You'll likely think I'm talking crazy, you might even say that it's a controversial thing to advise....... But I'm actually going to recommend a rehabilitation centre." He said.

"For me to go to? Why?" I asked, confused.

"Just for two weeks. The shortest programme there is." He said.

"Okay. But why?" I asked.

"You're putting her grief before yours. You've said that you're coming here to accept your feelings and learn to communicate with her in a healthy way. I understand why, and I'm not paid to judge, and I don't judge, ever. But you haven't entirely said that you're here for yourself. And so, there's something else you need to work on, alongside communication with your partner." He explained.

"What?" He asked.

"Your grief, Eddie." He said, with emphasis.

"Yours. And whilst you're still looking out for her, whilst you still have the means to do so, you're going to. At the facility I'm recommending, there's zero contact with anyone on the outside. It'll be a difficult regime, a difficult programme, but I do firmly believe that you'll benefit from it. It's time to be selfish." He said.

"Okay." I answered.

********************************************
"You're going away?" Jeff asked, as I packed a bag.

"Yeah, I'm going to a treatment facility." I said.

"You're not an addict." Jeff said.

"Not that kind of treatment facility. It's a specific programme. For grief." I said, as he sighed.

"You're finally doing it, aren't you?" He asked.

"Doing what?" I asked.

"Being selfish. Going to do this for yourself." He said.

"Have you been talking to Dr Beckman?" I asked, trying to be playful.

"No. But I like the sound of him." Jeff said.

"It's about time, too." He added.

"You don't have to say it. I know. But what I will say is, she hasn't meant to." I said, reading his mind.

"No, I know that. I know. And it's the kind of person you are. I know it's different for a mother than a father, but it still doesn't change the fact that you both lost Theo." He said.

"And she can have that. You can let her have that." I said.

"I want you to." I added.

"When do you go?" He asked.

"Tonight." I said.

"Are you going to tell her?" He asked.

"No, I'm just gonna go." I said, with a heavy sigh.

********************************************
"He's not here, Ev. He's gone away." Jeff said, when I knocked on his house.

"Gone? Away? Where?" I asked.

"To a treatment facility. His counsellor recommended it and arranged it for him." Jeff said.

"I just wanted to drop these off." I said, handing him a plate and a mug set that I'd worked on that week.

"I'll be sure to pass them on, when he comes back." Jeff said, sincerely.

"Did he not want to tell me?" I asked him, taking him by surprise.

"No he did. He just felt that it was better if he just went." Jeff said.

"Oh." I answered.

"Ev, he has to do this. And to do this, he has to purely focus on himself." Jeff said, with a heavy sigh.

"That's what we're both doing." I said.

"No, that's not what you've both been doing. He's been focused on you too. Probably a little too much." Jeff said.

"That's not on me, Jeff." I said.

"Yes it is. Listen, I cannot and will not ever be able to imagine what this has been like for either of you. But you've used terminology like my boy, my son, my tater tot.... It hasn't been our boy, our son, our tater tot for quite some time. And I might be completely out of turn here, because you've both behaved in some extreme ways and no one is judging either of you for that, not even me, but that terminology has seen him put your grief, before his own. He's not fully aware that he has been doing that, but whilst he's tried to move on, he's almost reserved the right for you to use that terminology, as Theo's mother. The key thing here Ev, is that he had a father too. He has a father too. One that is hanging on by a thread." Jeff said, his tone stern, fatherly.

"You've been selfish Ev. More than this circumstance grants you to be." He continued.

"So don't sound so surprised that Eddie has gone away to heal, completely off his own back, and for himself." He added.

"Because we all know that's what you've been doing." He continued, rendering me speechless.

I didn't know what to say.

"He'll never feel quite how you do. You were the body that grew that little boy, you were the body that pushed him into this world, nursed him, nurtured him. Eddie would never be able to do that, and that's why you grieve in one way, and he grieves in another. But here's the crux, your grief is not paramount to his in any other way, except for that." Jeff said.

"You tucked him in that night, you read him a story, and you kissed him goodnight. I know you blame yourself, I know you wonder if it was something you did. But you know something Ev, Eddie has asked himself those same questions for eighteen months. Should he have tucked him in, should he have kissed him goodnight, should he have read him the bedtime story?" Jeff continued.

"You both blame yourselves. You have more in common in all of this, than you realise. So whatever you're feeling about the fact that he omitted to tell you he was going away, swallow it. Swallow it Ev, accept it. Let him do it. You should focus on yourself too, because the opportunity is in front of you." He added.

Wordlessly, I nodded, before turning on my heel and walking down the driveway.

I drove down the street, and when I knew I was out of sight, I pulled into a nearby empty space and broke down against the steering wheel.

Jeff, in his unfiltered, raw honesty, had struck a massive nerve. And he had been right.

My grief had consumed me, and it was all I ever talked about. I'd never talked about Eddie's grief, or our grief, as a collective.

Just my own.
And I'd been too blinkered to see it.

*******************************************
Two weeks later.

I'd returned to Jeff's after the treatment facility, and there was a newfound calm inside of me.
It was only small, but it was there when it hadn't been before.

It had been intensive, it had been wholly difficult and at times almost unbearable, but the various strategies and the various sessions had meant that I acknowledged my own behaviour as well as Evelyn's.

I'd always put her above myself, that's just how I was. I'd done it with everyone, my entire life.

With Ev, it was simple.
I loved her. Irrevocably, I loved her.

She was my better half.
Nothing was okay for me, when she wasn't.
But this time, I'd focused on saving her, all the while drowning, myself.

I'd called her when I'd gotten back, and I'd asked if I was okay to call around; she'd said it was okay.

But when I opened the door, I could see the glimmer of betrayal on her face.

"I know what he said, he told me." I said, as I stepped inside.

"He's not altogether proud of the delivery." I added.

"I needed to hear it." She said, sounding small.

"Okay, so it's not Jeff you're mad at." I determined, as she turned around, folding her arms across her chest, as she shook her head.

"You didn't want to tell me you were going away?" She asked.

"That would defeat the object of me being selfish, and focusing on myself. I wasn't even going to tell Jeff, he happened to be home early that day, when I was packing to go." I said.

"I wanted to tell you. I was just following my therapists advice." I added.

"Oh so he thinks I'm selfish too?" She asked.

"Everyone is selfish when they're grieving, in their own way." I said.

"That's what you and your therapist talk about then huh? How selfish I am? How I froze you out and shut down on you?" She asked, argumentative.

"Not exactly to that effect, but yes." I said, as her jaw dropped from my crystal clear honesty.

And then her face creased with rage and sadness, and she lunged for me.

I let her, having already seen it coming.
Evelyn was sometimes an open book.

She was hurt that I hadn't told her I was going away.

When she reached me, she was already sobbing, heavy tears of frustration cascading down her face as I tensed my legs, remaining steady and upright for her to vent, for her to do what she felt she needed to.

She rained punches down on my chest and I continued to stand steadfast, letting her. She was sobbing, saying one thing over and over.

"I know I've been selfish. I know I have! I just want the pain to go away and I don't care how! I just want someone to take it away from me!" She cried:

And when the pain from her fists started to match the pain that strangulated my heart every day, I grabbed her hands forcefully, her breath hitching in her chest as I tugged her to me by her wrists, and crushed her into me.

"I don't have that power. I'm sorry." I whispered, repeatedly.

I sank to my knees, taking her with me, cradling her in my arms, kissing the top of her head.

"I'm sorry, Ev." I said, as she clung to me.

"I'm sorry." I continued, as her hands gripped my shoulders, her sobs muffled by my shirt.

"I'm sorry....." I said, as she lifted her head, her crying eyes looking into mine.

"I'm sorry." I said, with emphasis.

"I miss him too. I want him back too. I want this to stop as much as you do. I want to fix this. I want to fix you, and every problem you have. Like I've always done. But this one? It's too big. The hole he's left inside of you, and inside of me, it's too big. The pain is too big." I continued, tears rolling down my cheeks.

"I can't fix it by myself. For you or for me. But we're talking to people who can help us." I said.

She gripped my onto my shoulders, climbing into my lap, and I took her into my arms, one hand weaving into her long, thick, fire red hair, as her hands cradled my face.

I didn't want to let go.
This was the closest we'd been in months, the most we'd said to each other.

For a moment, we just stared into each other's eyes, our breath mixing together, as our faces slowly inched forward.

And like we used to do, we came together like the moon to the tide, lips meeting for the first of a series of tentative kisses.

Kisses that turned deeper in minutes, hands in each other's hair, bodies grazing together, the dormant heat rising between us.

She peeled me out of my clothes and I did the same to her, lying her down onto the living room floor, burying my face in between her legs with a desperation for her as I tasted her, that I hadn't felt for a long while.

She was receptive, which turned me on in a way she'd only ever seemed to know how.

Reluctantly, I restrained myself, and I lay my body along the length of hers, pushing inside of her, as I kissed her neck deeply. Her back arched, a soft moan leaving her mouth, as I thrust gently against her.

God, had I missed her.
I'd missed her touch, I'd missed how she felt, I'd missed burying myself inside of her, and never wanting to leave.

I'd missed hearing her sounds, the soft moans I always heard, whenever I made love to her.

I kissed her deeply and a little clumsily, breathing a deep moan into her open mouth, as she wrapped her legs around my waist, her nails burying into the skin of my back.

And much like she used to, she signalled that she wanted more from me, her feet crossed as they pressed against the small of my back, and she pushed against me, wanting more, wanting it harder.

I delivered, our mouths rocking together, and there was a glimmer of a thought that this potentially wasn't a good idea.

But I wanted it, I wanted to.
I bucked my hips hard against her and she cried out a higher pitched moan. I pushed off of my elbows, coming to arch over her and I bucked my hips again, the same kind of moan leaving her mouth. I shuddered, the jarring shiver rippling down my spine, and I picked up the pace.

I nuzzled my nose against hers, searching desperately for her lips, which she granted to me, and her back arched crudely as I heard her slip over the edge to the sexual oblivion I too, was aiming for.

I felt her walls clench tightly around me and I swallowed her moans and her breath with my mouth as it rocked over hers, and I felt my thrusts grow sloppy.

It was here, it was coming.
A furrow creased my sweating brow, and her hands cradled my face as her lips broke from mine to hover against them, and she breathed my climax in, as I expelled a series of deep, gruff, strained moans.

We collapsed together, breathless, and I willed for reality to give us time, before it truly sank in.

I just wanted us to be like we used to, before we inevitably parted again.

Just for a moment, we'd been Eddie and Evelyn.
Just for a moment. Just for this moment.

"Eddie...." She whispered, as I nuzzled my nose against hers.

"I know..... just a minute longer." I pleaded.

Her arms wrapped around me, and she held me to her tightly, as our lips met in a soft, tender kiss.

"I still love you, Ev." I whispered against her lips.

"I still love you." I continued.

"Come back to me....." I begged.

******************************************
One Week Later.

It had been one week. One week since we'd come together, and I felt as though my body had just woken up from a dormant sleep.

Ontop of the grief and the despair, there was an ache. An ache for him. For him to be inside of me, making me feel that familiar pleasure that only he'd ever been able to.

He knew what I liked, what I enjoyed.
He always had. He'd always been so receptive of me, my wants, my needs.

He'd always seemed to know.
I'd lost my virginity to him when I was sixteen, he'd had a little experience, being a year older, but even then, once the awkwardness and the usual, expected discomfort had passed, it had felt wonderful.

It always did. Every, single time.

And so, here I was now, at 3am.
About to booty call him, hit him up with a propositioning text.

Because I needed him.
I needed to be with him, needed him to be inside of me.

It wasn't to distract me from the pain.
I'd just realised how much I'd missed his touch, his lips, his kisses, his hands.

His wonderfully calloused hands, from years of playing guitar. How they were soft and rough in places, and how they felt on my skin.

I'd tried to ignore the ache, I'd tried to ignore the fact that every time I thought about him in that way, that ache turned into a flutter of pleasure, but I just couldn't.

I reached for my phone, unable to deny it any longer and drafted a short, to the point text.

'I want you, Eddie. Doors open.'

I hoped that he'd see it, hopefully answer it, but by 3:30am, there'd been no reply.

I was restless, and I'd almost given up hope, when the front door opened, and I spun around in surprise.

He was here. He'd come.

"Booty calling me, huh?" He asked, seemingly a little restless himself, as his chest heaved with deep breaths.

I swallowed hard, a little intimidated but in all the best ways.

"Such a needy little princess." He said, his voice husky.

"Shit....." I whispered, my own chest heaving now, with breaths of desire, lust, love and anticipation.

I backed towards the sliding doors of the kitchen, and I inched myself through the gap in them, watching him follow me.

"Tell me what you want, Ev." He said, as we both stepped further into the kitchen.

I felt the backs of my legs hit the dining table behind me, and I gripped the edge of the table to steady myself, riddled with arousal and the heat I'd been longing for.

"I'm gonna need your words, baby girl." He said, coming to stand infront of me.

His hands clasped the edge of the table, coming to rest either side of mine as he caged me in, his face close to mine.

His nose nuzzled against mine gently, his eyes boring into mine.

"Tell me exactly what you want." He whispered, as I felt myself become immediately drunk on him.

His eyes left mine as he sank to his knees, his hands running up my thighs, the warmth of his hands penetrating the silk of the short, green dressing down I was wearing.

His favourite.

I stared down at him, as he planted a soft kiss between my legs, through the silk, and his eyes met mine.

"Words." He demanded.

And somehow, I found both my voice and the confidence to tell him completely unabashedly, just what I wanted from him.

"I want you to eat me within an inch of my life, and then I want you to fuck me, Eddie. I just want you." I said, as a coy smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

His deft hand reached up to loosen the tie of my dressing gown, and it fell open with ease, revealing to him that I was wearing his favourite bra, underneath.

No panties though.

He admired my breasts for the longest time, before leaning up off of his knees to bury his face into them.

"They just get sweeter every time I see them." He said, his voice muffled.

I stifled a giggle that I knew would sound like a girlish teenager, before biting down on my bottom lip when I felt his hands caressing my core gently, his lips kissing my left nipple through the lace.

Caressing evolved into a single finger slipping fluidly inside of me and I gripped onto the edge of the table for dear life.

"You're already aching for me." He said gruffly, sounding satisfied, as he practically beckoned me towards him, his finger moving in and out of me.

And the moment his lips and his tongue replaced his finger, I felt myself lie back against a sea of ecstasy, a warmth spreading from my toes to the top of my head.

My hands found his curls, as my head tilted back, mouth expelling a soft, desperate, moan.

And I suddenly caught sight of myself in the kitchen mirror; I looked exactly how I felt.

Aroused, lustful and swimming in pleasure.

He moaned gruffly against me when I gripped his hair, my hips grinding against his mouth.

"Chase it princess....." He whispered, his warm breath making my skin tingle, a shiver running down my spine.

I shuddered crudely, his tongue dancing against me, and I couldn't stop the moans after that.

The more there were, the more desperate and loud, they became.

And then I felt it.
I felt the heat grow, as I reached the edge.

I slipped over, my thighs clamping around his head, keeping him there as I climaxed, never wanting him to leave. I felt myself shudder, my body embroiled in a spasm of pleasure, before I released him, breathlessly.

He rose to his feet and in a swift movement, hoisted me onto the dining table.

I stared into his eyes, as I heard the clink of his belt as he unbuckled it.

I heard him unzip them and he pushed them and his boxers off his hips, enough for his clear erection, to spring free.

With one hand he gripped my thigh, his other positioning himself flush with me, and we gasped in total unison as he slid perfectly inside of me, as always.

He then gripped my ass, sliding me further onto him, and I gripped his shoulders, trying not to immediately lose my mind.

And then I kissed him.
I kissed him hungrily, passionately, as he started to buck hard and fast into me.

"Yes....." I whispered, breaking from his lips to tell him that he was meeting my needs, to the letter.

"Yeah?" He whispered back, his voice heavy with arousal.

"Yes baby......." I said, before rocking my mouth deeply over his, my hands moving to grip both the table, and one of his shoulders.

I leaned back, granting him even further access, and he moaned heavily.

He pulled out of me suddenly, sliding me off the table. He spun me around, turning me away from him, pushing me down onto the tabletop slightly, by the small of my back.

He spanked me lightly, and I bit down on my bottom lip, as he moved my hair from one shoulder, slipping my dressing down off to kiss the bare skin there.

He pushed inside of me again, his lips kissing and nipping my shoulder, his warm breath on my skin, as he bucked hard and fast as he had done before.

My knees immediately grew weak, the second round of pleasure growing precariously fast.

God I wanted this.
I wanted this so much.

"You feel so good....." He said, his voice strained.

"You make me feel good." I replied, in the same manner, just as strained, just as desperate.

He spanked me again, harder this time, and I cried out; it was like music to his ears and it just spurred him on.

"So responsive, Princess." He whispered.

"My good girl...." He continued, which sent my head into a complete spin.

He knew I lived for dirty talk.
And he knew I liked praise.

His rough hands gripped my hips and just when I thought I couldn't take anymore, he pulled out of me once again, spinning me back around to face him. He hurriedly removed his clothes, pulled me to the floor with him, and he lay down flat on the laminate, his beautiful naked glory, on total display for me, waiting for me.

"Sit on me, princess." He said.

But I was already in the midst of straddling him.

"Take it off...." He continued.

I shrugged out of the dressing gown completely and his hands gently squoze my breasts, as I inched myself down onto him.

His head tilted back, a deep moan of pleasure escaping his lips, and I began to ride him.

I started slow at first, and he knew I was teasing him.

And when his hand reached up to curl around to grip the back of my neck, his hips immediately started to buck against me, our bodies crudely slapping together.

It was even harder, more feverish after that and we both climaxed together, my second, in an excruciatingly loud fashion.

And as I caught my breath, his hand toyed with a strand of my hair, my body arched over him, my chest heaving.

"Thank god Marjorie next door is 85 and deaf." I said, sighing with the last fading remnants of my pleasure.

"Martin on the other side isn't though." Eddie noted, as a breathy laugh left my mouth.

"Never liked him." I said, waving him off.

"You know, that was pretty kinky. I don't think you've ever booty text me before." He said.

"I haven't." I answered, as we both smiled.

"You wanna take a shower with me?" He asked, his chest heaving still as his hand moved from my hair, to gently cup my cheek.

"Have a minute, before I go?" He added.

"Stay." I blurted, the desperation evident in my voice.

"You want me to stay?" He asked.

"Just a minute longer." I said, echoing his previous words.

"I'm way past curfew anyway." He said playfully, throwing caution to the wind.

"And you sneaked out." I said, playing along.

"I'll likely be grounded for a week when I get back." He said, as we both laughed.

"Somehow, I could see Jeff doing that." I said.

Eventually, we moved from the kitchen, and went upstairs, stepping into a much coveted, hot shower.

We stood under the water for what felt like forever, just holding each other, arms tightly wound around each other's bodies, in the first comfortable silence we'd had for a long, long time.

I'd missed it, I couldn't deny it.
I missed him. I missed who we used to be.

Who we'd been tonight.

I just wanted that back, more than anything.

*******************
"How do you feel after the treatment centre?" I asked, as his hand stroked the skin of my arm.

We were facing each other, tired and spent, but warm from the shower.

"It was difficult. Really difficult for the first few days. But I can feel the benefit." He said.

"Did you get the pottery set?" I asked.

"He gave it to me the moment I got back. It's lovely. Thank you." He said.

"It's fine..... the pottery shop, I don't know.... I feel the closest to him there. And the cemetery." I said.

"You have to do what works." He said.

"I know.... Lord knows I'm trying." I said.

"I know." He said, sincerely.

And we took the minute I'd asked for, and fell asleep together.

********************************************
Two Months Later.

My stomach had been like a washing machine for days, spinning around, making me dizzy and nauseous.

"You okay?"

I looked up at my laptop, to see my concerned boss, Molly, on the zoom call we were having.

"Sorry.... What was the question?" I asked, feeling disoriented.

"Hun, forget about the project for a hot second. Don't take this the wrong way, but you look sick." Molly said.

"You're distracted, you look a little green in the gills. Everything okay?" She asked, sincerely.

"None taken." I said, before setting my pen down, sighing heavily.

"I feel sick, I've been sick for a couple of weeks now. My stomach, it's constantly churning, my boobs, they're so tender and I.... Oh god." I said, as the lightbulb went off in my head.

"Mhmm..... yeah, you need to go to the pharmacy." She said, with the same thought.

"How many weeks late?" She added.

"Several, now I think about it." I said.

"Okay, take the morning off. Go do what you need to do." She said.

"Molly, I need to work on this." I urged.

"You're not in trouble. You're the only one currently handing in projects on time. Everyone else, well, I wish they were as conscientious as you." She said, with a weak smile.

"And they haven't been through anything near what you have. You're still my best girl. Now go, take the morning. Go pee on a stick." She said, waving me off.

"Thanks Molly." I said, gratefully.

"And you know I'm here." She said.

"I know, thank you." I said, before we bade each other goodbye and I logged off.

I closed the lid of my laptop, and stared out of the kitchen window, my mind in overdrive.

Was I?

If I was, what did I do?

*****************
"Okay, it's been three minutes. You have to look." I told myself, as I refused to look down at the pregnancy test on the bathroom counter.

"For the love of god, Ev. You need to look." I urged, trying to convince myself,

I took a deep breath, and prepared myself.

"Alright. On three, and you're gonna look." I said.

"One, two....."

And when I looked down, the air left my lungs and I backed into the far wall, practically spiralling into shock and panic.

Two lines.
Two blue lines.

Pregnant.

The oversight of protection both times had been on both of us. We'd been so caught up in it all, caught up in the moment, the minute we were having.

And the minor detail that when you have unprotected sex twice, there's a likelihood you may just get caught out.

And here I was now, completely caught out.
And pregnant.

I was pregnant.

*********************
One week later.

I remembered distinctly that Molly had said I could talk to her, but she hadn't been the first person I initially thought of.

I didn't feel I could reach out to Nancy or Robin, and I was acutely aware that it was purely from my own doing, my own actions.

The first person I had thought to tell, was Jessica.
The lady from the pottery shop.

And when I had, she was surprisingly non judgemental, albeit surprised.

"When did you find out?" She asked, as we stood outside.

"Last week. I feel like I'm freaking out all the time. I don't know what to do." I said, toking on a cigarette, as she smiled sympathetically.

"You obviously came together, once?" She asked.

"We did. It was like we forgot about everything between us. We were who we were again. How we used to be." I said.

"But it was twice." I added, correcting her.

"Twice? Okay." She said, fighting a smile.

"And the sex?" She asked, the coy smile she had been fighting, suddenly breaking onto her face.

I chuckled then, unable to deny it as my cheeks flushed.

"Amazing, as always." I said.

"I'll be quitting these too." I said, gesturing to the cigarette in my hand.

"Not that I smoke a great deal anyway. I just feel like I need something to take the edge off." I added.

"Hey, not judging you." Jess said, as I pulled deeply on it, the nicotine slowly but surely calming my nerves.

"What happened after?" She asked.

"The first time, we held each other..... he asked for a minute, I gave him one. I just don't think he realised that I wanted that minute too. Before we went back to reality." I said.

"And after that?" She asked.

"The same." I said, with a sigh.

"What about the second time?" She asked.

"Darker.... More sensual, needy." I said, as she bit down on her bottom lip.

"It happens. I'd say it's pretty normal." She said, as I relaxed a little.

"Have you told him?" She asked.

"I'm not sure how to even approach the conversation, nevermind start it." I said, tensing again.

"Probably at the beginning, and with honesty." She said.

"I'm freaking out about it. What if he freaks out too?" I asked.

"What are you freaking out about?" She asked.

"All of it. Another baby, I'm scared to want it, I'm scared to love it, I'm scared that people will think I'm trying to fix our relationship with another baby, or think I'm replacing Theo. I'm terrified that Eddie will think those things too. What if I keep it, and I don't love it the same?" I asked, as she gripped my hand tightly.

"You'd love it. You'd love she or he, the same as Theo. When you have another child, your heart always makes room. It gets bigger, I promise you that. And if Eddie knows you, truly knows you, he'll know that you're not expecting this baby to fix things. He'll know that's not your aim. You two shared a wonderful moment, two moments where you briefly reconciled, forgot about everything and were together. And out of that? You made a baby." Jessica said, as I wiped my eyes delicately, realising that I was crying.

"He or she was made out of love, no matter what the circumstances were at that time. At either time." She added.

I nodded, and she guided me inside the shop, sitting me down at the same usual table, setting a hot mug of tea down.

She then moved the tea further towards me.

"Tea makes everything better." She assured me.

I believed her. I took a sip and sat back in the chair, sighing softly.

"Okay. Onto the more pressing matter then." She said, as I nodded.

"I know I need to tell him, and I will. I just want to work out how I do that." I said.

"Just tell him the truth. Lead with honesty. It's the best policy." She said.

****************************************
"Okay, talk me through what happened."

"He went to a treatment facility, left without telling me. I went to drop off some pottery that I'd made, to his friends house where he was staying. His friend, my friend..... he had some harsh truths for me." I said.

"And when Eddie came back, he asked to talk. When he came around, I wasn't exactly forgiving. I uhm.... Well, I lost my cool, got angry, I was hurt, even if those truths were accurate, and even though Eddie hadn't said those things himself, but I was more mad that he just went away to do what he needed." I continued.

"Okay. Why were you mad?" She asked.

"Because I believe I'm only allowed to get mad about all of this. I know I'm blinkered, I know that I feel like I'm going through all of this, and he isn't..... or he isn't going through anything like what I am..... but I don't know how to stop feeling this way. So when he went away..... I was so angry, with him. But I know that he was going to get help, he was going to get the help he needed, and he seemed better for it when he came home. I'm blinkered, and I'm being selfish. Being aware of it, doesn't make it any better." I said.

"You have to let him in, Evelyn. You have to accept that. He can help you, if you communicate how." She said.

"I'm pregnant." I blurted.

"Okay. That must mean that you two came together at one point?" She asked.

"We did." I answered.

"Twice." I added.

"I was angry, and he let me take it out on him. I know that when I was punching his chest, it was hurting him, and I guess when that became too much, he stopped me. He held me, he told me he wanted to fix it, he didn't know how, he missed Theo as much as I did..... and then we slept together. It was wonderful, we were our old selves again." I said.

"The second time, was more...... passionate, needy." I continued.

"Evelyn, I think that now would be a good time to tell him about the pregnancy, and to have the first twin session. You two need to be in the same room again, and myself and Dr Beckman can sit in with you both, and work through this." She said.

"Have a session with Eddie?" I asked.

"Yes. You've both acknowledged and processed things separately, as you have both needed to. But now, we're at a stale mate. Things need to come back together, communication and integrating yourselves back into each others lives." She said.

"Would you be open to that?" She added.

"Uhm, I think so." I said.

"But before we do this dual session, if you haven't told him already, you need to." She said.

******************************************
Eddie's POV.

We hadn't spoken for a little while, not since the second time we'd slept together.

But she'd called this morning, asking to talk and I was happy to.

I was standing at the door as she pulled onto Jeff's driveway, waiting to greet her.

And when she climbed out of her dodge charger, she was an absolute vision.

Hooped earring in her ears, flame red hair, loose and tousled, a cami vest with a sheer top over it, and her favourite leather jacket.

And a familiar necklace around her neck.

"Hey...." She said, a little timidly.

"Hey, come on in." I said, trying to hide my own mild nerves.

"How are you?" I asked, as we both wandered into Jeff's living room.

I sat down on the sofa and she occupied the armchair opposite me.

She suddenly seemed small, afraid, and I wasn't sure how to initially take it.

"I need to talk to you about something." She said, pulling on the sleeves of her jacket, nervously.

"Okay." I said, swallowing hard.

"My therapist has said that it's time to have joint sessions." She said.

It sort of explained the nerves, but she was also quite flushed in the face, and she looked tired.

A look I'd seen before.

"Mine has mentioned that too. Are you worried about it?" I asked.

"They won't be arranged..... until I tell you what I need to." She said.

"Ev, you can talk to me. I know we're in some kind of war right now. But you can tell me." I said.

"Eddie, I'm pregnant." She said, as I felt the air leave my lungs.

Of course I'd seen that look before.
The flushed face, the tired eyes.

"You're pregnant?" I echoed, my voice hushed with surprise.

"Yeah." She said, as she eyed me with fretful eyes.

She was on her feet, and she was pacing, her breathing quickening, as she began to panic.

"Please sit back down." I begged, as she came to perch in the armchair once again, fidgeting with nerves.

"How do you feel about it?" I asked, hiding my own surprising joy and equal reservations.

I'd have my time, but she seemed to be in some kind of inner turmoil.

"I'm scared I won't be able to love it." She said, as I nodded, understanding.

"No, I can understand that. But I believe you would be able to. I believe I'd be able to." I said.

"I don't want you to think that I got pregnant thinking it would fix us. Hoping it would fix us." She said.

"Ev, you didn't get pregnant by yourself did you?" I asked, chuckling softly.

"No. But you know what I mean." She said.

"I do. But the thought never crossed my mind. And you won't forget Theo if you have this baby. There will be room for both." I said.

"I know I've been selfish. I know I have. I know that you put your own grief aside to help me, to let me use terminology that was wrong. He wasn't just my boy. He was ours, I know that. I've always known that. I know that I put my grief above yours, and I know that I've caused a lot of your pain too. I wish I could take it back, I wish I hadn't been so blinkered, but I can't take it back." She said.

"Ev.... Breathe." I urged, as she took a deep breath, burying her face in her hands.

"What do you want to do?" I asked her.

"With the baby? I don't want to get rid of it..... but if I keep it, I'm terrified that I won't love it, I'm scared that I won't have enough time with it, like Theo." She said.

"Okay, we could keep it together. And if either of us are scared at any point, we work with each other." I said, as she looked up from her hands.

"Are you scared? Don't hide your feelings. Tell me." She said.

"I am scared. But I'm also happy, because those moments we had, something so pure and so good came from it. We were together, like we used to be. And we were our old selves. We were Eddie and Ev, and we made a baby." I said.

"I've tried to see it that way." She explained, as I nodded.

"I mean, I have always been the more optimistic one out of us both." I said, trying to be playful.

"No that is true." She said.

"I'd support you, I will support you, no matter what you decide." I said.

"I'm sorry for everything." She said, her eyes glassy with tears.

"I'm sorry that I expected you to fix this, and got angry when you couldn't. That was too much to ask of you, and I never should have." She continued.

"Ev, we always looked to each other to fix our problems. That's what you do, in a relationship. You're right, this was something I couldn't fix. I'm sorry that we became a little toxic towards the end. And I'm sorry I called you a ghost." I said.

"You were right though. I've existed for a long time." She said.

"It's no surprise why." I reasoned.

"I just..... I just believed you couldn't possibly feel what I was feeling, and I ignored you for so long, closed myself off. I shut down on you, and I could see you were struggling. I could see that, and I chose to ignore it and just let it all consume me." She said.

"You let me use that terminology. You selflessly let me say that he was just mine. He wasn't and he isn't just mine. He'll always be yours too." She continued.

"I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you." She finished, tears running down her face.

"You're here now." I said.

"And we've actually talked. Talked without any toxicity, talked without shouting, or making snide comments to each other." I added.

"Ev, we can do this. We've both clearly learned something from our respective therapists. We've learned something. We did this." I continued.

"I want to keep the baby, Eddie." She said, wiping her eyes in that cute, delicate way she always did.

"Then that's settled then." I said, as she ran a hand through her hair, sighing deeply.

I moved from the sofa, across the floor, coming to rest on my knees at her feet.

"Do you feel better?" I asked, placing my hands on her knees.

"Yeah." She said, sounding heavily relieved.

"Will you do this with me?" She asked, sounding nervous again.

"Of course I will." I said, thinking of nothing that would give me a greater honour.

****************************************
Eddie's POV.

"Okay, well at least I know where you snuck off to that night, at 3am." Jeff said.

"Yes, you do. But that's not really the pressing matter is it. Nor the part to focus on." I said.

"No, you're right." He said.

"How do you feel about it?" He added, tentatively.

He was trying to gauge my feelings.

"I'm scared. But I'm also happy. We slept together twice, we were like our old selves and we made a baby out of it." I said.

"Hold on..... twice?" Jeff asked.

"What happened to not judging me?" I asked, frowning.

"I'm not judging you. I'm just surprised." He said.

"Twice..... wow." He continued.

"Make your peace with it and fast. It happened." I said, raising an eyebrow.

"And you both think that having a baby will fix this?" He asked.

"That's not why we're doing it. We're going with the path suddenly laid out in front of us. We're going to start having joint therapy sessions, to start moving forward together." I said.

"You can see what this looks like though, can't you?" He asked.

"Hey. I don't really care what you or anyone thinks about this. It's happening. We both had sex, and neither of us considered protection. Okay?! And now we're here, and we're pregnant. I'm supporting her choice to keep the baby, and by GOD, Jeff, I wanna keep the baby too. This is the first joint decision we've made, in terms of our lives and our relationship. Alright?" I asked, annoyed.

"I'm sorry man." He said, sighing deeply.

"We're not expecting this new baby to fix us or save us. We're actually pretty damn scared, but I'm supporting her all the way. If that's together or we eventually come to some kind of co parenting arrangement, then so be it. Whatever it takes." I said.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry." He said.

"We actually talked. Healthily talked. There was no toxicity, no snide remarks or jabs at each other. No talking about whose grief was more than the other. Just two people, talking about how to move forward." I said.

"No, that's progress. And I'm happy that it's happening. I really am." He said.

"Good. Wayne is also super thrilled." I said.

"And Ev's parents?" Jeff asked.

"She left them a message. So far, they haven't called her back. But we both know that there's never been much of a relationship with them." I said.

"Since she chose to be with you." Jeff said.

"Yeah, and not Jason Carver." I said.

"Assholes. Pretentious assholes." Jeff muttered, as I chuckled softly.

"Their loss was my gain." I said, with a shrug.

"Have you told Gareth and Grant?" He asked.

"We're meeting with them tonight." I said, with a grin.

"We are?" Jeff asked.

"We are. Boys night is overdue." I said, with a crooked grin.

"I should think so. You've crashed on my couch for long enough." He said, playfully.

********************************************
"You're not in contact with your parents then?" Jessica asked, as we sat in a bar together.

It was a lovely afternoon, with a nice breeze and a nice amount of sun. It made me feel happy, and warm.

I was looking ahead of me, a little wistful, and reflective.

"No. I left them a message about the pregnancy. But I know they won't call back." I said.

"What happened, if you don't mind me asking?" She asked.

"My parents are wealthy, very wealthy. And about as pretentious as rich people get. My sister married good, no problems there. But me? They had their hearts and minds set on me marrying the king of Hawkins High. Probably since we were kids. It sounds like an arranged marriage, sure, because I think that was their intention. And, as we reached fifteen, sixteen, neither of us wanted that, not interested in each other at all. We didn't like each other like that, he was in love with Chrissy Cunningham. And I at that time, wasn't in love with anyone. Until I got talking to Eddie." I said.

"They sound like actual chumps." She said, as I chuckled softly.

"Because they are. They tried to stop me seeing him, but a little like Romeo and Juliet, we snuck around. Jason even covered for me a few times, telling them he was taking me on a date. They believed him at first, until they caught me with Eddie." I said.

"From what you've told me, Eddie sounds like a wonderful man. So what was their deal?" Jessica asked.

"He didn't come from much. My mother couldn't understand the attraction. You come from money, you marry money, that's how it is. Or at least that's how she saw it." I said.

"This is so much like Lady Chatterley's Lover. She renounced her title, everything, to be with the farm hand, the poor, middle class farm hand." Jessica said.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I did choose to be with him, and they disowned me pretty much." I said.

"I picked him. They kicked me out." I added.

"So, I'm guessing that they weren't around for you when Theo passed?" Jessica asked, as I winced.

"You're joking me." She said, as I shook my head.

"They told me to come home, we'd deal with it as a family. But that didn't include Eddie. So, I said no. And that was it. Back to how it was." I said.

"And your sister?" She asked.

"We speak occasionally. But she's more like them than I ever was. She's very money and class orientated. Whereas, I'm really not." I said.

"They're shitheads." Jessica said, as I chuckled softly.

"Total shitheads." I said.

Jessica smiled then, and reached for my hand.

"Well I'm honoured to call you my friend." She said.

"Thank you." I replied, as she squoze it.

"How are you feeling?" She asked.

"Still have killer morning sickness. But I feel better now he knows and he's supporting me. Doing this with me." I said.

"I think deep down you knew he was always going to. He wouldn't be going to therapy to get better if he didn't want to try." She said.

"A part of me did, yeah. The other huge part was that he'd be so freaked out that he'd hate me." I said.

"Like he said, you didn't get pregnant by yourself, did you?" She asked, with a nice smile.

"No but I did booty call him the second time." I said, as her jaw dropped.

"You didn't tell me that!" She said, as I giggled.

"Well, I did. Christened the kitchen." I said.

"That good?" She asked.

"I haven't eaten off the dining table since." I said, as she gasped in shock.

"Sex is great, isn't it?" She asked, shaking her head in disbelief.

"With him? Yeah. He sorta tapped into the whole, praise kink I sorta... y'know.... maybe, have." I said, as her eyes widened.

"You're getting there. You both are. Like I told you, the love is still there. And he still knows you better than anyone." Jess said.

"I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I couldn't before." I admitted.

"Which is progress, Ev." Jess said, with certainty.

********************************************
"Okay, so we're here for the first scan, huh?"

I nodded at the technician, who smiled warmly at us both.

"Okay then, let's have a look at this little baby." She said, gleefully.

She squoze a cold blob of the familiar gel onto my stomach, and placed the Doppler onto my skin, moving it around, as I looked over at Eddie, immediately needing reassurance.

"It's okay." He said, taking my hand in his.
I clasped his tightly, taking a deep breath.

"Remember last time? You had to see it to believe he was in there. The same is going to happen today. There were two lines." He whispered, planting a soft kiss on my fingers, linked with his.

"That's normal." The technician said, overhearing.

"You're not the first and you won't be the last. Most don't believe they are until they see their baby onscreen. Not even with a positive pregnancy test." She continued.

"We got one of those, right here." Eddie said, with a fond smile towards me.

"It's gonna be okay." He added, before his eyes suddenly darted up.

They grew wide with curiosity, dewy, like a child's, like the eyes he'd gifted our son, and his beautifully plump lips, parted slightly to emit a soft sigh.

And then I heard it.

"Ev.... Look." Eddie said, in awe, his eyes moving to look at mine.

I trusted him, and as his eyes darted up again, I followed them, turning my head.

I felt my own eyes widen, and the technician was smiling, as my eyes focused on the screen.

There was our baby.

"That's one strong heartbeat. Lovely sound. There's your baby." She said, sincerely.

Eddie's hand gripped mine tighter, and his free hand came to rest on the crown of my head, stroking my hair softly.

"It's there, sweetheart." He said, as I nodded through the happy tears.

"I'll just get some of the shots I've taken printed, and I'm just going to do the usual measurements. Okay?" She asked.

We both nodded and I turned back to Eddie.

"Theres our baby." He repeated, echoing her words.

"It's gonna be okay, isn't it?" I asked.

"Of course it is. We're gonna be fine." He said, kissing my fingers again.

"We're really doing this?" I asked.

"Baby girl.... There's no one else I'd want to do this with." He urged, as he leaned forwards to nuzzle his nose lovingly against mine.

"I know we've not been a team for a while. But this is our chance to be that team again." He whispered, his breath warm on my face.

"Okay." I said, finally believing him and the baby on the screen.

**************************************
"Would you look at that? Just perfect."

I eyed Wayne, watching him gush over the scan photo in his hand, as we sat in his trailer.

"You've made one grumpy man, real happy." He added, before his eyes met mine.

"How are you doing mama?" He asked me.

Eddie emerged from outside, tossing his spent cigarette into the pot by the steps.

"Better." I said, as he smiled sympathetically.

Eddie busied himself in making two coffees for himself and his Uncle, and a raspberry tea for me.

That surprised me.
Which Wayne noticed, and he smiled broadly.

"Didn't think I'd remember did you? Bought them as soon as Ed told me you were expecting. Wanted to make sure I had something for you, seeing as you're not allowed a lot of caffeine." He said, which made me immediately relax.

I had people who cared about me.
Who cared about me and the baby I was growing inside of me.

"So, did the hospital tell you how far along you are?" He asked.

"Nine weeks, three days." I said, as he gushed again.

"That's just wonderful." He said.

I sipped at the tea in my hand and Eddie saw down next to me, our knees brushing together.

I shifted, feeling a sudden heat and I cleared my throat. Eddie observed me both curiously and with caution, and I couldn't meet his eye for a moment.

When I eventually did, he'd cottoned on, and a coy smile was tugging at the corner of his lips.

"I uhm, kept Eddie's old room as it was. You know, when I made it up for our little guy. I was hoping that maybe, when this new little one is old enough, he or she could have sleepovers with her old grandpa?" Wayne asked, seemingly nervous.

"Of course. He or she will love staying here." I said, reaching out to him with my eyes and my heart.

"Are you kidding? Watching westerns till you both doze off, going into town and getting another hat or mug for their grandpas collection? They'll love it. Just like Theo did." Eddie said, in agreement.

"I really appreciate that." Wayne said, wiping his eyes.

My heart clenched in a happy way, and I tucked my hair behind my ears, taking a deep breath through my nose.

"They'll probably want to stay here more than at home. Theo never wanted to leave." I said, as Eddie chuckled.

Wayne too.

"Had nothing to do with having ice cream for breakfast, at all." Eddie said.

"I would never." Wayne said, playfully.

"Of course not." Eddie mused, with a grin.

**************************
"Okay, so wanna explain earlier?" He asked me, as he followed me into the kitchen.

"Explain what?" I asked, feigning ignorance.

"You know exactly what I mean." He said, his voice deep and husky.

"Oh, that. It was nothing." I said, hearing his footsteps grow closer in both proximity and sound.

He was closer to me, even though I couldn't see him.

I purposely had my back to him.
For good reason.

"Are you sure?" He asked, as I gasped slightly from his sudden breath on my neck.

His hands grazed my hips, firmly taking a hold of them, and a soft moan fell from my lips before I could stop it.

"Cause your body.... It's speaking to me princess." He whispered, his lips at my ear.

His body pressed up against me then, and I wasn't sure I could continue with my lie.

"And it's telling me..... that you need something from me." He continued, as my eyes closed, his hands squeezing my hips.

"Are you needy?" He asked.

"Yes....." I whispered, hearing him chuckle in my ear.

One of his hands migrated to run along one of my butt cheeks, snaking to the crease separating it from the second, and it slid right down in between my legs, to gently rub my core.

My head fell back against his shoulder and he chuckled with satisfaction.

"Are you my girl?" He asked.

"Yes...." I whispered.

"Are you my good girl?" He asked, as I gripped the counter to stop myself from hitting the floor, my knees weak.

"Yes...." I said, my voice strained.

"Look at me." He ordered, softly.

I slowly turned around, riddled with anticipation and his intense brown eyes were waiting to meet mine.

"Tell me what you want." He whispered, immediately catching my lips.

"I don't want hard..... I want....." I said, in between kissing him back.

"I want slow......." My voice a breathy whisper, as my eyes drifted to his plump, pink lips.

"Soft....... Long....." I continued, my chest heaving.

"You want me to make love to you?" He asked, as I nodded, hurriedly and wordlessly.

"Like Friday nights, when we were alone, at the trailer?" He asked, as again, I nodded.

"Where we'd lie together in the dark, nothing in the air except sweet nothings, and soft moans. Nothing but breath and whispers. The lights off, just our bodies coming together in the night. Buried inside of you, never wanting to come out." He said, perfectly describing those times.

"Is that what you want, Ev?" He asked.

"Yes." I answered, draping myself over him, my mouth rocking over his.

And so, that's what we did.
We lay in the dark, bodies naked and close, pressing together under the sheets, nothing in the air except for those same sweet nothings, and those familiar, soft moans. Nothing but soft breaths and even softer whispers, just us.

Just our bodies together, moving slowly and rhythmic in the dark of the room, the dark of the night. Him buried inside of me, never wanting to come out.

Me, never wanting him to leave.
Never wanting him to emerge until that pivotal time where he'd need to, because he was spent and so was I.

He praised me softly, and often, knowing exactly what I wanted to hear, allowing my small kink to flourish.

And as we held each other, catching our breath, I felt it, and so I said it.

"I love you, Eddie." I said.

"I still love you." I continued.

"I know, princess. It's always been there, in your eyes. Where I've always looked for it." He whispered.

"Can we have a minute?" I asked.

"A minute longer." He confirmed.

********************************************
"You really like this guy, over Jason Carver?"

I turned to my sister, who was standing in my doorway, as I hurriedly got ready for a secret date with the one guy I couldn't wait to see.

So far, my sister, Dottie, was covering for me.
I just wasn't sure for how long.

She was more like my parents than I ever was, ever had been, and for that I'd always felt somewhat estranged from her.

"I do, Dot." I said, as though it should have been obvious by now.

"I'm sneaking around, Jason is covering for me, and so are you. I think that qualifies as me liking him." I added.

"They're not gonna be happy." She warned, as I tousled my long, fire red hair.

I adjusted my white tshirt, adjusted my denim jacket, and straightened the buckle on my matching, high waisted denim jeans, all the while, thinking about him.

I hurriedly searched for my trainers, and Dot pointed to them, albeit with a raised eyebrow.

"You hear what they call him at school, right?" She asked.

"Yeah I do. But I don't listen to that." I said.

"Maybe you should." She said, as I paused in the middle of my bedroom.

"I don't care about status. This isn't about status, of what mom is looking for, for both of us. You got your jock boyfriend, with a rich family. Dot, I don't want that. I really like him. I really like who he is, not what he has." I said.

"You're fifteen." She said.

"So?" I asked.

"You don't know what you want or what's best for you, mom and dad do. They know what's best for you and for me." She said.

"And that's from their little puppet, herself." I sneered.

"Keep on insulting me, and I just might let it slip." She threatened.

"If you maybe got to know him, you'd find you actually like him. You might see that he's really nice." I said.

"He's a freak." She said, with disgust.

"Don't say that. He's not. He's just different." I clapped back, furiously.

"Dot, I have never asked you for anything, ever. Just this. Just don't tell them. Just let me sneak out, and see my boyfriend. Please." I said, trying to appeal to her.

"You have your pepper spray, right?" She asked, relenting.

"I don't need it. He's not like that." I said.

"Besides, we've just kissed, held hands." I added, coyly.

I quickly checked my window, to see him waiting for me, away from the house, under the street light. I could feel the excitement brewing inside of me, and I spun around, smiling broadly.

"He's here." I squeaked.

"You're literally both dire straits, you know that right. That song dad likes?" She asked, folding her arms across her chest, with a raised eyebrow.

"Why do you think he waits there?" I asked, as she laughed.

"A love struck Romeo, sings the street a serenade, laying everybody low, with a love song that he made..... finds a street light, steps out of the shade..." She sang.

"Says something like, you and me babe, how about it?" I sang back.

We both giggled, and she sighed.

"So, he likes Dire Straits?" She asked, as I nodded.

"He does. Like I said, why do you think he specifically waits there?" I asked.

"God that's corny." She said, but she was smiling slightly.

"It's poetic. And it's romantic." I argued.

"Okay, I'm going." I said, sliding my window open carefully. I half climbed out before turning back to Dot.

"I'll cover for you." She confirmed, rolling her eyes.

And once I'd snuck past the row of mini conifers lining our extravagant front drive, I broke off into a eager, excited run, seeing his face break out into a happy, wide, grin as I approached.

We met in the middle, and he picked me up, swinging me around.

"I think Dot is kinda impressed with the reason you wait here." I said, when he set me down.

"Dire Straits?" He asked, as I nodded.

"Wow. I managed to sort of impress your sister." He said.

"It happens. Sometimes." I said, smiling coyly.

"She's covering for you?" He asked, as I nodded.

"Shall we go?" He asked, taking my hand in his.

I nodded, and we broke off together in an excited run, sneaking off together into the night.

"Sorry tater tot, I was dug in there." I said, breaking from the memory.

I ran my hand over the toy Camaro, still pristine in its display case, smiling at his headstone fondly.

I noticed a bouquet of flowers, sitting freshly next to his headstone, and I frowned, slightly confused.

I reached for the card in the elaborate bouquet, and read the familiar handwriting.

'Theo, love Granny & Papi.'

I breathed the rage through my nose, as I trudged angrily to my car, the bouquet in my hand.

I tossed it into the passenger seat, and definitely broke a few speed limits on the way there.

On the way to their offensively large house.
The house that I'd grown up in.

And was kicked out of when I chose Eddie.

I stormed up the driveway, forgoing the polite action of a knock, and thundered my way through to the kitchen, where I knew they'd both be.

I slammed the bouquet down onto the breakfast island, startling them both.

"Evelyn, what are you doing here?" My mother asked.

"I don't know, Selena, what am I doing here?" I asked, sarcastically.

"Are those the flowers from the cemetery?" My father asked.

"And we have a winner. Yes, these are the flowers from the cemetery. I visited my son this morning and I found them. Addressed from his grandparents. Who had literally nothing to do with him for his three short years. So I thought, you know what? I'll just drive on up here and ask you in person." I said.

"Ask us what?" My father asked.

"Please, you're not that naive." I said, in disgust.

"Ask us what, Evelyn?" My mother asked.

"Who the fuck you two think you are, and what the fuck you thought you were doing? You had nothing to DO with him. You saw him when he was born and that was it. And that was only because I bumped into you at Harrogate's." I snapped.

"You washed your hands of me, and never even gave my son a chance. And you then visit his grave and leave flowers? I don't think you could honestly offend me more." I continued.

"So what was it then? Guilt? Reaching out? You had to know I'd see them." I added.

"We got your message. You're having another baby. I guess that put things into perspective a little." My father said, albeit sheepishly.

"I just had to lose a kid first, right?" I asked.

"You knew our thoughts on your decision." My mother said.

"Selena...." My dad said, in a mild scolding tone.

"I chose him, because I loved him. But money talks louder than love, for you, doesn't it Selena?" I asked, unforgiving.

"You don't have a right to visit him, you don't have a single right to lay flowers. He's our boy, ours. And if he was alive right now, he'd be nothing like either of you. I don't want you to go there again. I want you to stay away. He's a part of me, and a part of Eddie. Not you." I said, angrily, a firm index finger pointed straight at them.

"He was my boy...." I said, the anger turning into a hushed, painful sob, as I faltered.

I blinked back tears, taking a well earned deep breath.

"You weren't there when he died. And I already know you won't be here for me, for the baby inside me right now." I continued.

"And I don't want you to be." I added.

"Evelyn....." My father said.

"She's made herself clear." My mother said.

"Yeah, she has." Someone said from behind me.

"Pardon the intrusion." He added, peering around me to address my parents.

"And you'd best make sure she doesn't have to come back here again to remind you. You didn't want to know, you've never wanted to know. So it beats me why you'd visit our son today. Why you'd visit and leave flowers." He continued.

"Why is it she's always the one to try with the two of you? She's not the parent, you're her parents. You don't deserve it, not to me, but she still tries. And the biggest insult of all of this? You didn't directly answer the message she left. You went to our son's grave instead. How fucking dare you." He added, as my father cleared his throat.

"We understand." He said, finally.

"Let's go."

I turned to Eddie, and nodded.

His arm snaked around my shoulders and he turned me slowly, coaxing me into walking with him.

Leaving my parents behind.

"How did you know I was here?" I asked.

"I'd seen the flowers, I must have arrived before you. I went to find the park keeper, to ask if he'd seen either of them or both. When I come back, I saw you with the flowers, I saw you get into your car. So, because I knew who they were from, I followed you here." I said, as he led me to my car.

I turned to him, and his arms were already open, inviting me in. I accepted, and he held me tightly, stroking my hair.

"Wanna go back and spend some time with him together?" He asked me.

I nodded in agreement, immediately.

******************************************
"Okay, so this is the first joint session. You've chosen to have both myself and Dr Fisher in attendance." Dr Beckman said, as we both nodded.

"Can you tell us what's happened since your last respective lone sessions?" He asked.

"I think we should probably start with the obvious. We uhm..... came together. Twice, and we're pregnant." Eddie said.

"And after Ev told me about the pregnancy, we talked. We actually talked, healthily. Talked better than we've talked in months." He continued.

"That's great progress." Dr Fisher said, with a warm smile.

"What did you talk about?" Dr Beckman asked.

"Everything really. I acknowledged that I've been selfish, I put my grief and my feelings before Eddie's. I acknowledged that, and I apologised." I said, finding my voice.

"We've started to talk about it all, as the both of us feeling the same things, in the same ways." Eddie said.

"There was an incident, with my parents. Last week." I interjected.

"Would you want to talk to us about that?" Dr Beckman asked.

"They kicked me out, when I was seventeen. They never wanted me to be with Eddie. They wanted me to be with another kid from school. My parents are wealthy. Very wealthy. My mom married into money, and she wanted the same for myself and my sister. I wasn't interested. Didn't even like the guy they were trying to set me up with. When they found out I was seeing Eddie, in secret, they weren't happy. And when I chose him, they kicked me out." I said.

"I've tried over the years, to have a relationship with them, and I'm not altogether sure why I keep trying..... but I called and left a message, about the pregnancy. A message they never answered. But they visited Theo and left flowers." I added.

"I'd seen them too. I was there that same morning. I went to find the park keeper, see if he'd seen either of them, or even both of them, and when I got back to Theo's grave, I saw Ev with the flowers. I followed her to her parents house." Eddie said.

"What happened, Evelyn?" Dr Fisher asked.

"I said what I've wanted to say for a long time. And I told them that I didn't want them to go to visit Theo again. My mother saw him, after he was born. Chance meeting in a store. But they had no relationship with him." I said.

"How did it feel when you found the flowers?" Dr Beckman asked.

"Insulting." I answered.

"Why didn't they want you to be with Ed?" Dr Beckman asked.

"I never had much, didn't come from anything really. My Uncle raised me, we lived in a trailer. No one ever really saw past that, except for Ev." Eddie said.

"Because I didn't care about what you had or didn't have, or where you came from. Besides, you came from an Uncle with an enviable hat and mug collection, an Uncle who was always grumpy but deep down a real softie, and no matter how much shit you got from anyone, you stayed exactly who you were." I said, turning to him.

"And who was I?" Eddie asked, as we addressed each other, forgetting the two shrinks in the room, opposite us.

Which they also noticed.

"Kind, caring, genuine. Goofy, laidback, brutally honest sometimes, protective, warm." I said.

"Safe." I added.

"I never needed to feel safe with someone's money, like my mom or my sister. Love, is safety to me." I continued, as Eddie smiled happily.

"Love was always something you gave to me, something you always had for me." I finished.

"And would you say Eddie is still all of those things for you?" Dr Fisher asked, trying to hide her joy.

"I stopped seeing it for a long time. But he's never stopped being those things for me." I said.

"Clearly I just needed to get pregnant to see it again." I added, playfully.

Eddie laughed, and to my surprise, so did both doctors.

"I'm obviously joking. In all honesty, it started with a yellow toy Camaro, in a clear display box. And when Eddie went away, I don't think I'd ever felt so separate from him. I know I closed myself off from him, completely shut down, but we were still under the same roof, still in proximity. Even when he left to stay with Jeff, I relied on the fact that he was still close by. When he went away and there was no contact, I started to see that I missed him, I needed him, wanted him. I never wanted to be without him, that was never the case. I just didn't think he could ever feel what I was feeling. I pushed him away from me, because of that." I said.

"And has that view changed?" Dr Beckman asked.

"Of course he feels what I feel. He's felt how I've always felt. Just a little different, as a father to how I felt, as a mother. There is a difference, but it's not as big as I used to think it was. It's more of a slight difference, based on the roles we had in Theo's life." I said.

"Would you agree with that?" Dr Fisher asked Eddie.

"I would. I do. I recognise that I'm going to feel things differently, and the relationship a child has with their mom, is different to the relationship a child has with their dad. The connection grows nine months before the child is born and officially earth side. She had that with him, and they were close. He was his mama's boy. Followed her everywhere. He was going through a phase, at the time, where he wanted Ev to do everything, he wanted cuddles all the time. Just mommy's cuddles, daddy's wouldn't quite cut it. I was envious, of course I was. But then he'd wake up the next day, and he would just want to be by my side all day, tinkering with the car, helping me in the garden, with his little toy tool belt and hard hat." Eddie said, as my eyes glazed over.

"Yeah, he was at that fickle stage, alright." I said, chuckling softly.

"Remember when I was fixing the garden table, and I hammered my thumb? I shouted real loud, and he copied. 'Jesus H Cwist!'" Eddie said, as I wiped my eyes free of the bittersweet tears spilling over in them.

"Yeah, I remember that." I said, chuckling softly.

"It was the 'Cwist'. Made me laugh so much." I said.

"That's when I realised that I was gonna have to watch what I said." Eddie said.

"The question for me is, during this progress, which we're both happy and relieved to see, and it is evident. It's very clear. Do you still blame yourself, Evelyn?" Dr Fisher asked.

"A part of me will always wonder why it happened, and if I ever did enough that night...... I'll always wonder if I should have checked on him again, in the early hours. Just one more time. I'm trying, you know? As much as this will sound wrong..... I know Eddie asks himself the same questions every day, and that reminds me that I'm not alone, in this. I never was." I said.

"What does this new baby mean to you?" Dr Beckman asked Eddie.

"Everything. It will always serve as a reminder to me, that despite everything, we came together, and there was love there. We forgot that we loved each other, we forgot what Ev sacrificed for our life, forgot what we both did as a unified force, to build the life that we wanted. That life did fall apart, but the love didn't go away. We made this baby out of love, out of the goodness that we still had." Eddie said.

"And you, Evelyn?" Dr Fisher asked.

"I'm not a ghost anymore. I'm not existing anymore. Because this baby needs me, needs us. I can't afford to haunt our house, can't afford to walk around like a shadow. This baby.... Means everything to me. This is gonna sound so silly......" I said, trailing off.

"You can say it." Eddie urged, reassuringly.

"I feel like Theo has been watching us. I feel like he knew we needed something to bring us together again. I feel like this baby is a blessing. His blessing." I said.

"I feel that too." Eddie said, his hand coming to rest on my knee. He squoze it once, reassuringly and lovingly.

"He knew we needed a second chance, and he gave us one, y'know?" I said, as both Doctors smiled and nodded.

"That's a lovely, positive way to look at it." Dr Fisher said.

"It is." Dr Beckman said, in agreement.

"Okay, because we're moving forward, I think that we do still need to meet for a session, ongoing. But I think we could afford to push them out to fortnightly, keep them as joint sessions. How does that sound?" Dr Fisher asked.

"I could do that." Eddie said, before looking over at me.

"Yeah, I could." I said, in agreement.

"Let's keep this going." Dr Beckman said, gesturing to us both, with a nice smile.

******************************************
"I'm sorry that I shut off from you guys." I said, as Robin, Nancy and Steve sat opposite me.

"Hey, you really don't need to apologise." Nancy said, sympathetically.

"No I do. I pushed Eddie away, pushed you all away. Went a long while without friends." I said, bowing my head slightly.

"I made a new friend, who's been through something similar. She's helped, therapy has helped." I continued.

"And I should probably tell you that I'm pregnant." I finished, as Nancys eyes glistened with happiness.

"You are?" She asked, as Steve beamed.

"That's awesome!" He said.

"That's amazing." Robin gushed, reaching for my hand.

I let her take it and she gave it a friendly, warm squeeze.

"How is Eddie?" Steve asked.

"Me? Just peachy, Harrington."

"Even better if you scoot over."

We all looked up to find Eddie, armed with two brown paper bags and a milkshake in each hand.

"Cherry Bakewell for the lady." He said, as Steve scooted over, very pleased to see him.

"Munson, my man." He announced as they hugged.

Nancy took the milkshake and set it down infront of me. She also removed the bags from Eddie's hand, setting them at his feet.

"Thanks Wheeler." Eddie said, mid hug with Harrington.

"Still hopeless as ever, I see." She remarked with a coy smile.

"Sorry we were MIA for a while." He said, as he and Steve released each other.

He reached over to nudge Robin playfully and she grinned.

"God I've missed you." She said, diving across Steve to meet Eddie in a bear hug.

"Missed you too, Buckley." He said, with a fond smile.

Nancy waited patiently and they eventually embraced, as I watched from afar, feeling a huge part of me suddenly swell with warmth and love.

Almost like a hole being cemented over.

"What's in the bags then?" Robin asked, as curious as ever.

Eddie didn't immediately answer, instead looked over at me to gauge my reaction.

"You did, didn't you?" I asked, already knowing.

"Just a couple of things." He reasoned, wincing slightly.

"The baby is gonna need clothes." I said, as we all laughed.

"Which I did get. Some." He said.

"What else did you get?" I asked, as he reached down into the bag, and set a clear display case onto the table.

With a truck in it.
A red and blue truck.

Optimus Prime.

"I know we don't know what gender the baby is yet, but I thought that if Theo has Bumblebee, his brother or sister could have Optimus." He said, as I chewed my bottom lip.

It was a precious, endearing thought.
An Eddie thought.

My favourite.

He set a second display case down, with a familiar yellow Camaro and my heart stopped.

"And their own Bumblebee." He said, before his chocolate brown eyes searched mine, cautious and nervous.

"Maybe put them on a shelf, so they're always together?" He offered, as a tear rolled down my cheek.

"Yeah." I said, smiling through more tears as they came, nodding, completely onboard.

"Yeah?" Eddie asked, as Steve looked from me to Eddie.

"Yeah, absolutely yeah." Steve said, as we all laughed.

Robin and Nancy both wiped away tears of their own, and Nancy gave me a reassuring, one armed hug.

"It's a perfect idea, isn't it?" She asked me, as I nodded.

"Show us the baby clothes." Robin said, eagerly.

"Jesus Buckley, we were all having a moment." Steve said, rolling his eyes.

"I know, but you know how much I love little teeny tiny widdle baby clothes." She argued, as I smiled broadly at Eddie.

"Better put her out of her misery, Munson." I said, as he chuckled softly.

"Okay, okay." He said, surrendering.

******************************************
30 weeks pregnant.

Ten weeks left.
We were slowly but surely, getting there.

I'd thought I was big, when I carried Theo.
But this time, I felt like I was the size of a house.

Sure looked like it too.

I was standing in the mirror, running a brush through my recently, thicker and much longer hair, one of the more better things about pregnancy.

The heartburn, the stabbing pains in my lower abdomen, and the sleepless nights though?

Not so good.

I adjusted the sage green, long sleeved ribbed midi dress, inspecting myself, before continuing to brush my hair.

"There she is."

I spun around, to see Eddie standing in the doorway in a nice tweed suit jacket, blue shirt and jeans.

"My Rapunzel." He added, with a smile.

"You look really nice." I said, as he stepped into the room, admiring me.

"And you look absolutely beautiful." He said.

His hands extended towards my stomach and he held it gently, smiling down at it.

"Hey there, my littlest princess." He said, and like always, she kicked his hands in response.

"She's sure gonna love you." I said, with a raised eyebrow, as he chuckled softly.

"And she's gonna love you too." He said.

"I got you something, too." He said, withdrawing a slim packet from underneath his suit jacket, his wide expectant eyes on me.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I'll show you." He said, with a smile.

He opened the packet and pulled out a beige strap of some kind, before gesturing to my dress.

"Lift it up." He coaxed, gently.

I did as he instructed and he thread it around me, pulling it tight, before fastening the Velcro across the underside of my stomach.

The relief, was indescribable.

"Better?" He asked, as I nodded.

"Much. What is it?" I asked, as he chuckled.

"It's a bump support." He said.

"Takes the pressure off, for you, supports your belly." He added.

"Well, it's a ten out of ten for me." I said, unable to believe how much better I felt already.

He helped me tug my dress back down, and I sighed softly.

"You okay?" He asked.

"Yeah. I can just see my toes from here." I said, as he belly laughed.

"Need help with your shoes?" He asked.

"I did say I could just see my toes. So, yes please." I said.

He led me to the edge of the bed and sat me down, reaching for the small block heeled black shoes I'd picked out.

He fastened the straps gently, before planting a butterfly kiss on my knee.

He helped me up, and led me back to the mirror.

"There you are. My stunning, beautiful girl. And look, you can't see the support under your dress." He said.

"No one would ever know." He whispered, dramatically.

"Thank you, goofball." I said, giggling.

"Ready to go?" He asked.

"Ready." I said.

******************************************
Eddie's POV.

We sat down on the long table, our friends happy and eager to see us.

I rose to my feet, and tapped the knife on my champagne glass, clearing my throat.

"Okay, so..... thank you, everyone, for coming tonight, to this double celebration. Where we celebrate Theo's fifth birthday, and also his beautiful mother's baby shower, for our next little adventure, who's cooking away nicely." I said.

"I uhm, had a little something that I wanted to say." I added, withdrawing a folded piece of paper from my inside jacket pocket.

"You've got this, Munson." Steve said, as I took a deep breath.

"Okay...... To our son. Our son, Theodore Wayne Munson. Today, is your fifth birthday. Two of those years have passed whereby you've had angel wings instead of those tiny little feet that would patter across the landing every morning, at the crack of dawn." I began, as I glanced over at Ev, to see her a little flushed in the cheeks, with glassy eyes.

She gave me a small nod, granting me to continue.

"You'd wake us at 6:30am, on the dot, every morning and we'd groan, undergoing a thumb war to see who'd have to get up, and who'd get to stay in bed for a little while longer." I continued, hearing soft laughter around the table.

"But no matter how much we groaned at the early mornings, and no matter how many thumb wars we had, we both miss those little pattering feet. We miss your laughter, I miss having to watch what I said for fear you'd repeat it, and we miss you. We miss all that you were, and all that you'll never come to be. If I had a wish, one wish, I'd wish that you were here, blowing the candles out on your birthday cake tonight, instead of one of us doing that on your behalf, I'd wish that you were here to open a million gifts because every single person here knew just how to spoil you, and I'd wish to look over at your mother right now, and see you sitting in her arms, covered in cake, giving her a sticky kiss on her cheek as you often did. I'd wish to go home tonight, tuck you in tight, and see you tomorrow morning." I said, as Nancy reached for her napkin, delicately dabbing the corners of her eyes.

Evelyn, the beauty that she was as she wiped tears from her cheeks, was strong, glassy eyed, her eyes fixed solely on me, telling me that she'd got me. She had me.

"However, there is no magic lamp, there is no genie like the one you liked in Aladdin. But what there is, is the much anticipated arrival, of your baby sister. Who, up until now, the gender of whom, we've kept secret." I added, as everyone at the table gasped.

"A girl?!" Robin squeaked.

"Hey, you said you weren't finding out." Gareth whined, as I chuckled softly.

"Surprise." I said, as everyone smiled.

"A prince, and a princess. Today is a good day." Wayne remarked, as Ev smiled over at him fondly.

"Your mama is getting tired, can't see her feet entirely these days, but she is glowing a glow that I never even realised I'd missed, until I wrote this letter. We both feel that our daughter is a blessing that you sent us, to bring us back together, and whilst we didn't and wouldn't ever expect your sister to fix us, she has played some part in the repairs. Because no matter what, she was made out of love, in a series of moments where we were at our best. I'll spare you, and our friends and your grandpa, the gory details." I said, as we all chuckled, some sniggering from Steve.

"Please do." Wayne said, with fatherly tone.
He was smiling though.

"So, all there really is left to say is, happy birthday buddy." I said, as we all raised our glasses.

"Happy birthday, baby boy." Ev said, smiling through her tears.

*************************************
Baby Day.

Eddie's POV.

"How we doing mama?" I asked.

"Cramping." She said, looking mildly uncomfortable.

"Bad?" I asked.

"Waves." She described.

"Often?" I asked.

"Yeah." She said.

When I reached her, she clung to my hand and I tugged her onto her feet.

"Oh." She said, before grimacing.

"I think my waters just broke." She said.

And over the course of the next several hours, pain flashed across her face and she'd tense, breathing through the contractions.

During one particularly intense one, I encouraged her to lean against me, and she did, burying her face in my chest; I held her to me, kissing the top of her head.

"I've got you baby." I whispered.

"She's coming isn't she?" She asked me.

"She is sweetheart, she's on her way." I confirmed.

"And I know you're scared, I am too. But we're in this together." I continued.

She fell limp against me, and I knew the pain had momentarily passed for her.

She moved from me, taking the momentary respite to sit next to me.

"I forgot about this part. How intense it is." She said.

"You're doing amazingly already. I had no doubts." I said, her bangs damp with sweat.

"Your waters went six hours ago, and so far, your contractions are six minutes apart." I said.

Six turned to five after two hours.

And they quickened again, a further two hours later.

"Another one." She said, breathless.

"Keep breathing princess, I'm timing them." I said, kissing her temple as she leaned into me.

"I've got you. Four minutes apart. When they get to three, we'll ring the ward and tell them we're on the way." I added, as she nodded.

"I've got you baby." I said, as there was a knock on the door.

"Nancy and Wayne." I confirmed.

Ev had asked Nancy to join us in the delivery room, and so, Wayne had brought her over, and also to check in.

"Hey mama. How are you?" He asked, as Ev nodded with a clenched jaw.

"Just peachy." She said, wiping her brow.

She turned to me, extending her hand.

"I need to change." She said, as I nodded, understanding.

"Why does it have to feel like you've wet yourself?" She asked, as I steadily pulled her to her feet.

"Don't forget to check the colour." I said, as Nancy took over.

"I'll take her." She said, helping her to the stairs.

Whilst they were gone, Wayne took a seat on the sofa, and I leaned against the mantle piece.

"You okay, son?" He asked me.

"Yeah. I'm good. We know what to expect this time, so there's been a good sense of calm since her waters broke." I said.

"That's good. It was a little wild the first time around. So much we didn't know." Wayne said.

"We're better informed this time. I mean, no labour is ever the same, but the finer details are." I said.

"How many minutes apart?" Wayne asked.

"Every four minutes. It's been a little more rapid this time, a lot quicker than with Theo. No slow labour, just straight in. Waters broke ten hours ago, contractions become more frequent over the last four. We're going to the hospital once she's having them three minutes apart. So probably in the next hour or so." I said.

"Nope, a little earlier than that." Nancy said, from the stairs.

"What?" I asked, as she helped a hobbling Ev down the stairs.

"Three minutes." Ev said, in the midst of one.

"We have to go, Ed." She added, as I nodded.

"Okay." I said, grabbing the hospital bag.

"I'll drive you. Come on." Wayne said.

***************************
By the time we reached the hospital, the contractions were thick and fast; Ev was an absolute trooper, barely making any noise.

She was calm. So calm.

"Okay, I think in a few minutes, we can start pushing. Let's have a baby." The midwife said, gleefully.

Ev looked up at me, and then at Nancy, preparing herself. Naturally we both migrated to either side of her, each taking a hand, and we too braced ourselves.

I kissed her temple softly, and took a deep breath.

"You've got this, princess. You've got this." I said, as she turned her head towards me, her eyes meeting mine.

"For Theo." She said, as a lump formed in my throat, and with glassy eyes, I nodded.

"For Theo." Nancy and I said in unison.

I looked over at Nancy, who too was glassy eyed.

With a mutual nod, we turned to the midwife, who was smiling warmly.

"Okay Evelyn. Push." She instructed.

*****************
"Evelyn, make sure to breathe....." The midwife said, as Evelyn met her eyes with a stern glare.

"One push, ten seconds, breathe and onto the next one." She added.

"Every time I do that, she goes back in. It's burning." She said, through crudely clenched teeth.

I tried not to laugh, this wasn't the time.
But I'd remembered Ev describing how it had felt when Theo had begun to crown.

She'd said it was like a ring of fire.

"I know my darling, but you need to breathe." The midwife said.

And she did breathe a little in between the next few pushes, meeting the midwife halfway.

She didn't breathe for too long, just a quick few pants before pushing again. She'd listened somewhat, I suppose.

It was good enough for me.

"Dad, you can just see her face, if you wanted to look?" The midwife asked, as I nodded, eager and starting to grow excited.

I leaned over and I could just see my baby girls eyes and nose.

"You're doing so good, baby, I can see her." I said, as Ev smiled through the pain.

"May I see?" Nancy asked, as Ev nodded.

"I left my dignity at the doors, Wheeler. Once you've seen one, you've seen them all." Ev said breathlessly, as I sniggered.

Nancy smiled broadly, before the midwife coaxed her to peer over and she gasped.

"Wow. Ev, it's magical honestly." Nancy said.

"I mean, it's alright, it's pretty looking." Ev said, as even the midwife laughed then.

We laughed for a moment before I felt Ev grip my hand and we snapped back to reality again.

There was a small pop, and the midwife smiled.

"The head is officially out. She has brown eyes." She said.

"Another big push for me, Evelyn." She added, as I tried to keep myself together.

"Baby this is it. This is really it, she's almost here." I said, overcome with emotion.

"You hear that Ev? You're so close!" Nancy said, her voice filled with happiness.

"One more, and she's gonna be here." The midwife said.

"You can do this baby." I urged, as Ev tucked her chin into her chest and pushed down, hard.

She gasped with relief, as the midwife helped manoeuvre our daughter out, and her head fell back onto the pillow.

Nancy clasped her free hand over her mouth as the midwife held our daughter up quickly for us to see, before taking her over to a nearby cot.

"She's not crying." Ev said, concerned.

"The midwife is just going to clear her lungs and her airways. She'll cry, sweetheart." I reassured her.

"Eddie..... she's not crying." Ev said, panicked, as we all waited with bated breath.

And then we heard it.
And we three sighed with relief.

"It's alright my love, there there." The midwife said, as she swaddled her, and put a pink woollen hat on her head.

The midwife brought her over, and Ev's arms were already open, desperate for her.

And once our daughter was placed in her arms, she stopped crying, and Ev was immediately calm again.

"She's beautiful." Nancy gushed, as we both sat down in the chairs, sighing with relief.

"Thank you so much for asking me to be here. I'll never forget this." Nancy added, as Ev looked up at her.

"Thank you for being the sister I've always needed." Ev said, as the lump in my throat came back.

It came back for a number of reasons.

One, our daughter was finally earthside.

Two, Ev had absolutely smashed it.

Three, our daughter was the spitting image of her brother.

Four, I was a dad again.

When Ev looked over at me, I was crying and smiling, the emotion just pouring out of me.

I leaned over and stroked our daughter's face, feeling a rush of love, the same love I had for her brother.

"Jess was right. Your heart gets bigger. It makes room." I said, as Ev nodded, her eyes glassy.

"She was. It does. They're both in there." She said, in agreement.

"I wish he was here." Ev said, sounding distant for a moment.

My eyes caught a glimpse of something moving, by the door and they migrated towards it.

And what I saw, went beyond all explanation and imagination.

He was there. Looking in on us all.
He was tall, with big brown eyes, and he was smiling.

He was exactly as I'd imagined he'd be, at five years old. And it felt to me, like he'd known that.

It was Theo.

My heart swelled, it raced, as my jaw fell open and I froze, unable to tear my eyes away.

"Love you, Daddy." He whispered.

"Love you, Mommy." He added.

And then in a flash, he was gone.  

"Eddie?" Nancy asked, snapping me from whatever it was.

"Sorry, what did you say?" I asked.

"I asked what you were looking at." Nancy said.

"It was him, wasn't it?" Ev asked me, her eyes searching my face.

"Who?" Nancy asked.

"You saw him, didn't you?" Ev asked.

"I don't know how..... but yeah, I think I did." I said.

"How did you know?" I asked.

"That's how you always looked at him. I know that look. I saw it every day for three years." Ev said.

"You saw Theo?" Nancy asked.

"Yeah." I said, trying to process it.

"Did he say anything?" Nancy asked, surprisingly not skeptical at all.

"He said that he loved me." I said, as Ev began to cry happy, relieved, bittersweet tears.

"He looked happy, he was smiling." I said, leaning over Ev, stroking the crown of her hair as I kissed her forehead softly, over and over.

"He was tall." I said, with a breathy laugh through my tears.

"He said that he loved you too." I added, as Ev choked out a deep, heavy sob.

"He doesn't blame me....." She said, as I shook my head.

"He never did, baby." I replied, as Nancy squoze her shoulder, crying with us.

"He didn't." Nancy confirmed.

"He came to see that we were alright, and he went. Because we are alright, sweetheart. We're going to be just fine." I said.

"Do you have a name for her?" Nancy asked, as I wiped Ev's tears away for her.

"Yeah. Brenna Theodora Munson." I said, as Nancy gushed.

"It's perfect. A beautiful name, for a beautiful little girl." Nancy said.

"Would you like to hold her?" Ev asked, as she nodded.

"I'd love to." Nancy said.

And we watched for a while, as Nancy held her and talked to her, the maternal instinct clear to see, as well as the protective big sister we knew she was to Mike and Holly.

This was a moment neither of us would forget.

Later, Nancy had left us to have our first night together as our new little family, and I stood by the window with Brenna in my arms, Ev asleep in bed, telling her our story.

"Your brother came to see you today. He's an angel, in Heaven. But he's always going to watch over you, helping us to keep you safe. He was too precious for this world, just like you are. But I think you'll be just precious enough to stay with us this time. And I promise that there'll be no more thumb wars when you wake up at the crack of dawn, I'll happily get up, and we can make mommy breakfast, every morning. I promise that every other night, I'll tuck you in tight, and kiss you goodnight. And the three of us, we're gonna be just fine." I whispered.

"And I'll love you forever, my sweet girl." I added.

********************************
THE END.