Chapter 13 part 1
Matias
He stuttered a bit when tears began falling from Samuel's eyes. He wanted to comfort him, but his body froze. He just sat there watching as Samuel wiped his tears and tried to calm himself down.
"Are you sure you want to talk about it right now?" Matias asked and immediately regret it.
It wasn't that Matias didn't know what he should do. He knew he should say that everything was okay and rub is back or something. The issue was actually getting himself to do it.
"Yeah" Samuel whispered "I don't mean to cry"
Matias nodded slowly. He hated himself for not doing anything, but his body refused to move and his voice wouldn't work. He just panicked.
Samuel took a few more deep breaths, wiping away the last of his tears.
"She left a note saying that she was sorry. She never said why she disappeared, or ran away I guess, but I just assume she was overwhelmed"
Matias nodded and his palms began to sweat. He knew he shouldn't be the nervous one, but he couldn't help it.
"The note had all of Ellie's information like her birth certificate and all that. Then it just said that she was already dead, not to bother trying to find her." Samuel barely managed.
"Then the next day an unidentified woman was found floating dead through a nearby river. I just assumed it was her" he finally finished.
Matias once again just stared in disbelief.
"I'm sorry" was all he said.
Samuel eventually looked back at him.
"Don't apologize, it's not your fault"
The two looked at one another in a long and comfortable silence. Matias knew what he was feeling, but he was fairly certain Samuel didn't feel the same. Besides, it would be cruel to try and be in a relationship without knowing if he's ready after everything that happened.
Matias had never, not once, come close to liking someone as much as he did Samuel. He wasn't even interested in liking someone like that, he had given up long ago. But why was Samuel so different? Why did he feel so drawn towards him even though they hated each other for so long?
"Matias" Samuel finally interrupted the silence. His voice being soft and quiet.
"Hm?" He hummed in response
"Thank you" Samuel smiled weakly and leaned forward ever so slightly.
Matias hesitated for a second that felt like it lasted a million years. He forgot all about controlling the look on his face, letting his eyes go wide and his lips part nervously.
"You're welcome.. but I really didn't do anything" he finally responded with an awkward chuckle.
Samuels smile grew and his eyes squinted in a way that made Matias's cheeks flush even more.
"I just appreciate you listening" Samuel thanked "I haven't talked to anyone about her before"
Matias snapped back into reality, away from his teenage like embarrassment.
"Nobody?" Matias questioned
"People obviously asked, but I never really told them the truth. Before it was because I couldn't bear talking about her, but now.." He hesitated for a long second.
"Now it's just quicker to make something up I guess. I've gotten so used to lying I never considered telling the truth"
The two shared a look of understanding, though neither fully understood the others feelings.
"It doesn't bother me too much anymore I just.." he paused "..I wish Ellie could grow up with a mom, I know she misses out on all sorts of things because of what she doesn't have"
Matias heard every single crack in Samuels voice and noticed every time a tear threatened to fall from his eye. However, he also noticed how useless he was being in this situation. He had to say something, but he was truly the worlds worst at things like this.
After another long silence had passed, Matias finally spoke up without really thinking of his words.
"I can tell you from experience, it's better to grow up with one good parent than two bad ones, you're doing great"
The words flew out of his mouth before he really thought about what he was saying. Thinking back on his words he ignored the supposedly relieved expression on Samuel's face and went to try and redeem himself.
"Not that Ellie's mom would be a bad parent! I just meant that you're not doing a bad job or anything, I wasn't-"
"Matias" Samuel interrupted, a smile forming on his face
Matias just stared back at him dumbfounded. His cheeks were stained red and his jaw was clenched tightly shut.
"Thank you"
Matias mouthed a small 'what?' before he was pulled away from his thoughts and into a tight hug.
Samuel's arms wrapped around his upper back, going just below Matias's arms. Matias blinked the stars out of his eyes and finally wrapped his arms more gently around Samuel.
Samuel had his face going into Matias's shoulder, his cheek pressing down on it.
"Are.. are you okay?" Matias asked quietly, though he was enjoying the hug.
He got no response, but Samuel's back did start to shake in a way that seemed like he was sobbing. Matias panicked, searching for something to do or say to sooth him.
That was until he heard quiet giggles coming from Samuel's mouth. He was relieved, but also incredibly confused.
"Samuel?"
"Sorry" he giggled some more "I'm just happy"
Matias, for what seemed like the 100th time, was at a loss for words.
"And relieved" Samuel spoke up once he had stopped laughing.
Matias felt a bit cold when Samuel pulled away from the hug. His shoulder was tingling softly where Samuel's cheek was laid.
"You never know how someone will react to something like that, you know? I didn't think you'd react badly or anything, I was still nervous though" Samuel explained.
"I get that" Matias muttered as loud as he could— which wasn't all that loud.
The two looked at one other right in the others eyes. Matias took the opportunity to observe all of Samuel's features. From his rosy lips to his deep brown eyes. Matias loved all of it.
He had been too caught up in Samuel to realize, but a noticeable smile carved itself onto his face. His eyes were squinted lovingly and his cheeks were flushed, but he not only didn't care, he didn't notice,
"I think that's the first time I've seen you genuinely smile" Samuel blurted suddenly.
"What?"
"You've always got a scowl on your face, it's nice to see you smiling" he continued
Matias blinked a few times. He hadn't even been thinking about what his own face looked like while he was gazing at Samuel's.
"I wasn't" he insisted
"Wasn't what? Wasn't smiling?" A silly smirk appeared on his face "you absolutely were"
Matias wanted to deny, but there was nothing for him to say. Samuel knows what he saw. Instead he just looked away at the wall behind him.
"It's not like smiling is a crime, Matias" Samuel joked.
His name rolling off of Samuel's tongue made his heart jump. He just barely bit his lip just enough where he knew he wouldn't smile, but not enough for Samuel to notice.
"Alright I'll leave you alone about it" Samuel stated after the long silence.
"I'll go check on Ellie. I swear she loves those toys more than me"
With that Samuel had left the room. Matias was left alone with his thoughts. However, for the first time in years, he didn't mind them.
His thoughts weren't overwhelming or annoying. As a matter of fact, all of his thoughts were just Samuel. He couldn't complain when he was thinking about Samuel.
He wanted to hate that he was so vulnerable with him, but he didn't. If anything he was glad he could open up. Something about Samuel just made him happy, no matter what it may make Samuel think of him.
He leaned back onto the soft couch, his neck bending to look up at the white popcorn ceiling. Samuel engulfed his whole mind. Minutes began to feel like seconds and it wasn't long before Ellie came bounding into the living room.
She jumped onto the couch beside Matias, hesitating before hugging him as to assure she didn't cause him any pain.
"Mat!" She beamed "dad said we could go to the park if you were okay with it!"
Matias couldn't resist a small laugh as he glanced up at Samuel who was standing right outside the hallway.
"I said we might be able to go if you were willing, or after you left" Samuel clarified, a smile creeping itself onto his face despite his corrective tone.
"Pleeeease" Ellie begged.
Her eyes were wide and her bottom lip was pushed out as she stared up at Matias.
He'd be lying if he said he didn't find it adorable, but it didn't do much to change his opinion on going to the park. However, that was only because he was fully willing to go from the start.
"If your father says you can go then I can't say no, can I?"
Ellie squealed enthusiastically while both Samuel and Matias's faces scrunched up.
"Alright, let's get you dressed then"
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This chapter is short, but in a few chapters are some pretty long ones to make up for it 🫶