Y/n POV
My heart hasn't been able to stop beating so fast since leaving the bakery. The way Sweeney eyes swept over my body felt menacing. But in a good way, I can't really explain it. It honestly felt like an animal seeing meat for the first time...or maybe I'm just terrible at describing people's behaviour....
Im completely hopeless...
The town is full of people today, the different smells hitting my face every second. Bread, fish, meat, dirt, trash, shit......London.
It's not exactly on everyone's bucket list to come here that's for sure.
I don't like the really big crowds though, never have, the claustrophobic feeling has me passing out or throwing up sometimes. But I can't be doing that today, it bring too much attention. And that's the last thing i need.
"Over here" Nellie calls out. Heading towards an even bigger crowd. For fucks sake...
I can do this, i can do this.....
I follow ahead both her and Sweeney, trying to avoid the taste of bile coming up my throat, or even the dizzy feeling that's started to form in my head.
Think of something,cmon, anything.
My mind goes blank and I struggle to come up with anything. Great. I still follow behind Sweeney and Nellie, but my steps falter as the crowd becomes increasingly bigger making me freeze in place. All smells from before have become increasingly stronger, making me nauseous and the feeling of want to throw up nearly has me.
Sweeney and Nellie have disappeared and I'm all alone in a swarm of strangers. I hate it. I hate this.
I try to breathe slowly and calm my thoughts. That's when I begin to remember my family. Our special moments together....the ones I can remember...my family
.......mother, father....sisters, brothers...birthdays....picnics..........something to do with a dog...a cat? What the fuck.......why can't I remember anything.........all i can remember is screams.....screaming.....yelling.....crying..crying...screaming..crying screaming crying screamingcryingsceamingcryingscreamingCRYINGSCREAMINGCRYINGSCREAM- SHUT. UP!!!!!
I hold my hands to my ears and squeeze my eyes shut as hard as i can, blocking out all noises as much as possible. But the sound of ringing and screams consume me. The taste on copper fills my mouth as I release I'm biting my tongue hard. I don't even know how long I've stood here for, but it feels like forever when i start to feel the bumps and pushes of people passing by me.
Fuck I can't move. Im stuck. My legs feel shaken. Im cold. Im...scared. I'm fucking scared right now and it's pathetic....
"Cmere love', i feel a hand come around my waist and one on my chin. It's cold, but sweet and gentle. The feeling has my heart calming down ever so slightly as i open my eyes to come face to face with Sweeney.
He's looking at me with a worried expression.
"What is it?" He asks .
I look around, noticing that people are still walking around us paying no attention. I don't see Nellie though, she's disappeared in the crowd.
The crowd isn't as big as it was a few moments ago. But still not small enough to have me feel peace.
"Crowds.....i-i hate crowds" i manage to whisper.
I lower my hands from my eyes holding them to my chest.
Sweeney nods as he gently rubs his thumb across my chin. "I see"
He takes my hand from my chest and pulls me aside away from the crowd and into a small alleyway.
It's dark in this part, no on would see us unless they came in here.
Water drips down the brick walls and there are rats lurking round.
"Why are we here? What about Nellie?" I look at him confused.
"Shhh, don't worry about her pet" he croons.
This takes me by surprise. His dark eyes are piercing through me once again. Making me feel small. Weak. I should hate that. But by the way his hand smooths over mine makes me think differently. Safe even.
"Mr Todd?' I whisper. I don't call him Sweeney as I feel that is too personal in this matter of circumstance.
He smiles and that makes my heart beat like crazy. He's messing with me...right? If so why? It's confusing me..
He leans close, so fucking close I can't breathe.
His hot breathe hits my lips, making me realise how dry they are, but i don't dare lick, as I'm too scared they may touch his lips.
"Don't fear the crowd love, make them fear you"
"How..?" I whisper. Not understanding what he means.
He leans close now to my ear. I shiver as his breathe catches on.
"There are many ways......it just depends on how you portray it.." realising at his words from before about how i should show him my level of crazy. This then gives me a boost of inspiration as it reminds me of the way i tend to carry out my revenge.
Funny how the mind works like that.
I smile, feeling brave all of a sudden. Forgetting all before of my fears. I whisper in his ear, "wouldn't you like to know?".
He leans back, staring at me again. "You've no idea.....your a dangerous women y/n.....don't hide that"
With that he lets go, creating a larger gap between us, it makes me feel cold without his touch, even though his touch is also as cold.
He looks out to the crowd with a frown, almost like he's seen something. I wonder..
I look too but see nothing. Confused by this I try to speak.
"Sween-" I'm cut off before i can muster a full word.
"Lets go" he rushes out and i follow him behind, thinking how it was a little rude of him to cut me off like that. But I'll let it slide.
We come towards a large crowd that stares ahead to a stage with a young boy bashing a drum.
We find Nellie along the way and she's watching the young boy as he sings/speaks.
"Ladies and gentleman. May I have your attention please!"
He certainly gains a few peoples attention as they walk by, and they all soon gather round us, trapping us in this bubble, and it's making me ill. I try to remember Sweeney's words, but it's rather hard when this young boy continues.
"Do you wake every morning in shame and despair to discover your pillow is covered with hair?"
No?
"What ought to be there.....well ladies and gentlemen from now on, you can waken at ease! You need never again have a worry or care, I will show you a miracle marvellous rare!"
I look over towards Sweeney and Nellie who seem invested in this performance, I however am not. I'm rather bored and I wish to leave immediately. But with this crowd, I'm stuck, trapped even. So I'm forced to stay here.....shit...
"Gentlemen, you are about to see something what rose from the dead!..on the top of my head" the boy removes his hat, revealing long blonde hair that almost seems familiar to me, but I can't point out where from.
Laugh bubbles all around us as the boy continues, going on about this bottle of Pirelli's miracle Elixir.
He goes on about how it's supposed to grow your hair out, and tries to convince a gentleman by rubbing some on his head.
Bottles are passed around and I'm soon handed one.
The bottle is glass and see through, showing a dark yellow liquid. Which looks like piss....
I take a whiff after removing the lid.....that's piss.
I hand it to Sweeney and he too smells it. He automatically shoves his head back slightly, catching onto the stench.
As the boy continues, Sweeney too chips in.
"Pardon me ma'am what's that awful stench?"
Nellie also joins "are we standing near an open trench?"
"Must be standing near an open trench" Sweeney looks at me. So I decide to also join in as the whole thing is a scam.
"Pardon me what's that awful stench?"
The boy looks over to us but continues to try and sell the product. We however get a small amount of people to look towards us as we call out the smell.
"What is this"
"What is this"
Both Sweeney and Nellie continue to smell the bottle to appear more convincing.
I smell again, ugh.
"Smells like piss"
Passing it to Nellie to smell.
"Smells like ew-"
"Looks like piss" Sweeney say a little louder.
"Wouldn't touch it if I was you dear" I whisper over to someone.
Finally Sweeney states a little louder, "this is piss, piss with ink"
Finally the boy finishes his speech, stepping aside as a man comes from behind a curtain, dressed in a all blue suit.
He states his name and that he is The king of barbers. Sure he is..
He speaks with a strong accent, French? Italian?I'm not quite sure.
But he makes it obvious that he wishes to know who called his product piss......that would be Sweeney.
Who has no issue in stepping forward to say so.
He walks over to him, calling out in his fraud and then challenges him to a shave off. I'm barely paying attention and the crowd is even bigger to see this competition take place and I feel even sicker than before.
I grab Nellie by the arm gently, so I don't seem rude.
"Nellie, I really don't feel so hot right now..."
"What's wrong love?"
"I'm just feeling a little dizzy"
Before she can respond, a man on the side of the stage calls out stating the competition has started. Taking her attention completely away from me. He wear a top hat and a fancy suit, and when he faces towards the crowd I freeze in place.
It's him............short yellow hair, top hat...that fucking grin....he's the one who tortured my little brothers.......the one who beat them with a cane..........trampled on them........burnt them with hot iron sticks...........cut their ears off.........killed them..........r@ped them after they died!!!!
I forget all feelings of sickness and dizziness.
It's all been replaced by complete and utter rage. My ears ring as I stare at this man smirking at the crowd. My vision goes red and I shake with the need to go over and slit the fuckers throat where he stands- I shake so much I don't realise Nellie speaking to me.
I don't hear her. I hear nothing but the screams of my baby brothers pleading with their lives, as this monster smirked and laughed with taking them-!!!
"Y/n speak to me" Nellie shakes my arm.
I don't look at her but I do speak.
"Him" i hiss out. Spit flying from my lips.
She looks over, "Beadle Bamford?"
Beadle fucking Bamford.
I'm so angry right now I can't think straight. I can't see anything but this man smirking-! I want him, I want him dead, gutless.
I reach in my bag and grip my blade tightly, getting ready to pull it out but I stop and see that he's announced that Sweeney has won the competition.
The crowd applauses and begins to break. I take this time to grab my blade out and speed over to the top hat man, but I'm slowed due to the crowd in my way. Fucking move!
He's there. Right fucking there and I don't care who sees. He's the main one I want dead because he's the one who did the worst damage! Other than Turpin, I want this one dead the most.
As I stalk over, I notice that Sweeney is talking to him. Nellie beats me to it, placing Sweeney's jacket on his shoulders. Speaking something while doing so but I can't hear her.
I continue to stalk over and just when I'm finally there....
She turns to me and grabs my arm firmly.
"I'd put that away if I was you dear" she whispers in a firm tone.
I look at her, she stares back at me with a serious expression.
I try to shake her off but she's persistent. "Trust me" she says with pleading eyes. I'm so close. So close and I don't want to lose this chance like before.
"You don't understand" I whisper. I'm practically begging her at this point. I try to show her my desperation in my voice and eyes and she does see. I know she does cause she sighs.
"I do." She quickly takes my blade and hides it in her dress pocket.
I look stunned at her but I have no time to fully react as Sweeney comes to us with a strange look on his face.
"We've got work to do"
He looks at me and I turn away. I'm filled with rage, desperation and dread...
I was so close again......
Fuck!
As we leave I notice Sweeney look over at me, but I don't look back. Cause right now I need to find a way to kill those fuckers fast before I lose my shit-!
When we return back to the bakery I slam the door open and storm into my room like a child. Quite pathetic really. But I'm too pissed right now. At Nellie really for stopping me.
I pace back and forth trying to calm this feeling that won't disappear.
I'm angry...but also sad.
Sad cause it brought back all those awful memories and I can't help but collapse on the floor and bring my knees to my chest, huffing and puffing out trying to even my breaths.
*knock knock*
"Not now" I call out. I don't care who it is. I need a minute.
"Y/n we need to talk" Nellie calls out.
I can't right now. I just can't. My emotions are running high and everything is becoming foggy.
"Later Nell...please later" i say with desperation in my voice.
She doesn't respond. But i do hear the sound of footsteps fading away.
This is gonna be hard.
Twice I've come close to getting half way through my revenge.....and twice I've failed.
I can't let it happen again....I won't.
Tonight I'm gonna go out and find at least one of them. And no matter what I will kill them.
I just need one of them for tonight. Just one....and I know exactly where one of them is.
But I'll wait until dark..