Xyianne
"Let's all welcome, Bandang Kaliwa!"
Sabay na masayang sabi nila Bridgette at Prince.
Malakas na sigawan ang bumungad sa amin mula sa mga estudyanteng nakapalibot sa gymnasium.
May mga sumisipol, pumapalakpak, humihiyaw ng kung ano ano.
"Whooo! Go Xy! Galingan mo my future wife!" Napukaw ng malakas na boses na iyon ang atensyon ko. Si Lewis na nasa harapan ng taong mahal ko.
Papansin.
Nakaramdam man muli ng kaba pagtungtong ko sa stage ay hindi ko na ininda masyado nang masilayan ko siyang muli. Totoo ngang manunuod siya. Katabi niya si Nervana na kumakaway din sa akin. Nakapwesto sila sa bandang likuran ni Lewis.
"Go, Beshy koooo!" Si Bridge na agaw pansin dahil may hawak itong microphone. Napatawa na lang ang ibang mga nanunuod dahil sa kanya. Ngumiti din ako sa kaibigan ko at umiling iling.
"Hi! Uhm, I'm Xyianne from the Business Ad Department." Napahigpit ang hawak ko sa nakasabit na electric guitar sa katawan ko habang nagpapakilala para kumuha ng lakas.
Halos mabingi ako nang sabay sabay silang humiyaw matapos kong magsalita.
"Aaaahhh, anakan mo ko!"
"Akin ka na lang, Xyianne!"
"Handa akong maging gitara!"
"Papakasalan!" Hindi nagpatalo si Lewis. Epal.
"Taken na yan!" Si Nervana na nakisapaw pa. She winks at me and wiggle her eyebrows after showing her teasing smile at her cousin pero nakatanggap siya ng kurot kay Ma'am na katabi lang niya kaya napatawa na lang ako.
So she knows...
Napansin kong napakunot ang noo ni Lewis dahil sa narinig mula sa bandang likuran niya pero hindi ko na pinansin pa ito.
Ang mahalaga sa akin ngayon ay nandito siya.
Hindi ko na rin pinansin pa ang mga hiyawan ng mga tao sa paligid ko. Nagpatuloy ang pagpapakilala ng mga kabanda ko habang ako ay nanatiling nakatitig sa kanya. Wala akong ibang makita ngayon kundi siya lang.
Ganito pala epekto ng in love? Parang wala nang ibang makita ang mata ko kundi yung taong mahal ko.
She can't also stop herself from smiling back at me even though she's biting her lower lip to prevent it. Kahit madilim sa pwesto ng mga manunuod ay ramdam ko pa rin ang parehong pamumula ng mga pisngi namin.
Then she mouthed, I love you and gave me a flying kiss na nagpakilig sa akin ng sobra. Halos muntikan na rin akong ma-out of balanced dahil sa ginawa niya.
Kalma self, you need to focus on your task today mamaya ka na lumandi.
Napansin kong napapansin ni Lewis ang mga reaksyon ko dahil akala niya siguro ay sa kanya ako nakatingin. Asa.
Wala pa man din ang mga judged ngayon dahil maya maya pa mag uumpisa ang mismong performance ng mga professors. Nandito lang kami para libangin muna ang mga manunuod.
"If you know this song please sing along with us." Sambit ko at nag-umpisa nang sumenyas para magsimula nang tumugtog.
[Mahika by TJ Monterde]
Huling hirit
Di ko alam kung bakit
At paano mo napapawi ang kalungkutan ko
Abot langit
Ligayang dulot mo
Ngiti ang tanging dala sa mga labing ito
Habang kumakanta ay nakatuon lang ang atensyon ko sa babaeng nagpapasaya ng buhay ko ngayon.
Humihiwalay lang ako ng tingin sandali sa kanya para hindi ako masyadong halata dahil nasa harapan si Lewis. I know I shouldn't care but I'm just being careful for her.
I saw how she plastered her proud smile at me. Her hands intertwine below her chin, her eyes are sparkling whenever the dancing lights strikes at the audience for some effects.
Di ka pa man lang kumikibo
Ayos na
May mahika ka pang dala-dala
I dedicated this song for her. Ako lahat ang nagsuggest ng mga tutugtugin namin tutal sabi nila ay pagbibigyan nila ako dahil bagong recruit nila ako sa banda which is I'm thankful dahil pinagbigyan nila ako. They even teased me about my song choices.
Masyado daw in love.
Totoo pala talaga, love moves in mysterious ways. It felt like magic just by seeing her in front of me. Basta basta na lang kasing nagwawala ang buong sistema ko kapag malapit siya sakin o kapag nasisilayan siya ng mga mata ko simula pa noong una hanggang ngayong kami na. Tulad ngayon.
Sa piling mo
Bumabagal humihinto ang mundo
Sa piling mo
Ayaw kong mawala ayaw kong mawala
Feeling ko kami lang dalawa ang nandito ngayon, walang na kong ibang makita at madinig pa kundi ang tibok ng puso naming dalawa.
Huwag sasabihin
'Pag di ka nasilayan
Damdamin di mapakali natutuliro
Aaminin tunay na 'to oh oh
Nahulog na ng ganito
Ano bang meron sa 'yo
Di ka pa man lang kumikibo
Ayos na
May mahika ka pang dala-dala
Parang kanina lang, hindi ako mapakali kasi gusto ko siyang makita bago ako tumugtog but then she knows me more than I know myself kaya siya na ang nag effort na puntahan ako. Iba talaga siya magmahal.
Sa piling mo
Bumabagal humihinto ang mundo
Sa piling mo
Ayaw kong mawala ayaw kong mawala
Sa piling mo
Bumabagal humihinto ang mundo
Sa piling mo
Ayaw kong mawala ayaw kong mawala
Sigurado na ako. Ayaw ko nang mawala pa siya. Ayaw kong tumigil na mahalin siya.
Kakausapin ko na si Daddy after this and I'm going to tell him that I love her.
*******
Lovely
Halos mabingi na ako sa mga hiwayan ng mga estudyanteng nanunuod ngayon sa bandang tumutugtog ngayon sa stage. The band where my sweetie pie belongs right in the middle.
Halos malusaw na nga ako sa titig na pinupukol niya sa akin. Mahirap pigilan ang kilig na nararamdaman ko ngayon, sino ba naman ang hindi?
This love is unpredictable. I never ever thought that she'll choose me. That she'll ever love me back. She's more than herself now. Hindi ko talaga akalain na ang isang tulad niya pa ang gumawa ng paraan para maging girlfriend ako. Who knows that would happen? I'm still in shocked and my heart leaps every time I remember that scenario of us back at the beach. It felt like a dream. My dream that came through.
I honestly felt scared at first but I don't want to waste anymore time being a coward of the past. She's right, this is our story and I should not let others dictate our lives. She's very wise with her words everytime I talked to her. I find it more attractive because of her mindset.
Who would've thought that someone like her, despite my shortcomings, my past, my mistakes and my sin, would accept me with open arms. She's the main reason for who I am today.
I honestly forgot to tell her about my shop because I was too occupied and overwhelmed of my feelings and my thoughts of us. Sobrang saya ko lang talaga. That's why it makes me sad knowing the reason why she's mad at me earlier. I don't want to keep anymore secrets with her. I've been living with those pent up thoughts for the longest time so I'll try my best to be more open and honest with her. This will be the last.
"This song is dedicated to you and you know who you are." She said, she's not looking at me. I know what she's trying to do. She's trying not to be obvious if she keeps on staring at me the whole duration of their performance and I'm fine with that. She's just being careful.
[With A Smile by Eraserheads]
Lift your head, baby, don't be scared
Of the things that could go wrong along the way
You'll get by with a smile
You can't win at everything but you can try
"Naks naman Couz! haba na ng buhok mo ha." Bulong sa akin ni Nervana na nakaakbay na sa akin.
Siniko ko siya sa gilid niya dahil baka marinig siya ni Lewis na nasa harapan lang namin. Ramdam kong kanina pa siya nagtataka sa ikinikilos ni Yunis because she's not her usual self. Well, I'm still getting used to the changes she's showing me but I'm grateful that she's having her confidence now. I'm really proud of her improvement.
Baby, you don't have to worry
'Coz there ain't no need to hurry
No one ever said that there's an easy way
When they're closing all their doors
And they don't want you anymore
This sounds funny but I'll say it anyway
"Shut your mouth, Van. Baka may makarinig sayo. Kanina ka pa." I rolled my eyes at her.
"I'm just happy that finally...you're with her now, plus, you got laid." She said teasingly. Kaya kinurot ko siya sa gilid niya dahilan para mapahiwalay siya sa pagkakaakbay sakin at mapahiyaw sa sakit.
"Ang sakit ha?!" Pagrereklamo nito.
Paano nga ba niya nalaman?
Well...she's helping with my dress earlier and it happened that she saw the hickey on the left side of my chest because I'm wearing a tube. I tried saying that it's just a rashes but yeah, hindi siya naniwala kaya napaamin na lang akong bigla kanina.
Which I will eventually tell them naman. It's just that, she found it out because of the hickey. Nakakahiya!
Girl I'll stay through the bad times
Even if I have to fetch you everyday
We'll get by with a smile
You can never be too happy in this life
Ramdam ko na naman ang init sa pisngi ko kaya humugot na lang ako nang malalim na hininga at nagfocus sa performance ng baby ko.
In a world where everybody
Hates a happy ending story
It's a wonder love can make the world go round
But don't let it bring you down
And turn your face into a frown
You'll get along with a little prayer and a song
(Too doo doo...)
Let me hear you sing it
(Too doo doo...)
Nakisabay na rin kami sa pagkanta. The crowd sways their hands up in the air to feel the song which we gladly did too. Supporting my girl.
In a world where everybody
Hates a happy ending story
It's a wonder love can make the world go round
But don't let it bring you down
And turn your face into a frown
You'll get along with a little prayer and a song
Her eyes now are staring at me again, those stares that makes me weak and melt because how can I not? I feel loved and valued with just her look.
Tinanggal nito ang microphone na nakakabit sa stand at nagumpisang maglakad lakad.
Kumabog nang malakas ang dibdib ko dahil hindi pa rin niya tinatanggal ang mga titig niya sa akin at papalapit na siya sa pwesto kung nasaan ako.
Lewis is expecting her but she just walked past him and walked towards me instead then held my hand.
Todo sigaw ang mga estudyanteng nakakita sa amin, samantalang ako ay napatingin na lang kay Lewis na hindi ko mabasa ang ekspresyon sa mukha nito.
I also looked at my cousin who happily push me towards my girl. Teasing me more with how she speak to me through our eyes. Pinandilatan ko na lang ng mata ang pinsan ko.
I'm nervous about what she's doing but I still followed her until I felt my feet on the stage. I'm trying my best to hide the blush on my face and how my heart beats faster than usual. The spotlight caught my eyes so I just looked at her who already looking at me.
Lift your head, baby, don't be scared
Of the things that could go wrong along the way
You'll get by with a smile
Now it's time to kiss away those tears goodbye
She sings not breaking the eye contact we've been holding for a moment. My lips curved automatically as her hand gestures to the crowd to sway their hands with her.
I could literally die right now. How can she managed to do that? She's not afraid anymore and I like seeing her unleashing the confidence within her.
I am beyond happy yet anxious as well but I love her boldness.
(Too doo doo...)
Let me hear you sing it
(Too doo doo...)
I also joined the crowd, swaying my hands as well and smiling at them until the song ended with a happy scream and people who are pleased by their performance.
The lights from the stage were quickly turned off and I gasped when I felt someone pull my hips then something warm touched my lips and before I could even react, she already broke the kiss as the lights on the stage started to turn on again.
Then she grabbed my hand to go to the backstage with her bandmates. Like she didn't do anything at all. I can see the side of her lips rose up as I walked beside her because I'm still trying to process everything.
Yes, she did all that. Hindi pa rin ako nakakarecover. Malakas pa rin yung tibok ng puso ko. Kaya hinampas ko siya ng patago habang nasa unahan ang mga kasamahan niya at busy sa pagkukwentuhan tungkol sa performance nila.
"You're a silly one."
She just shrugged her shoulders and laugh at me which she earned an eye roll from me.
Lately, she's been enjoying teasing me. Ewan ko kung love language niya ba iyon. Gusto ko man mainis nang matagal pero her smiles and laughter just brings a whole pack of butterflies in my stomach.
"Xyianne tara kain na tayo!" Brandon called her nang makapasok sila sa designated room nila to wait for another performance later.
We are still in the hallway at hindi na rin kami magkahawak ng kamay. "Sunod ako, wait lang." Sagot nito na hinayaan at tinanguan lang nung kabanda niya.
"Why don't you join them? You should take a rest for a while and eat. I need to go back baka hinahanap na ako ng mga co-professors ko." We continue to walk farther from them until we stopped behind the large barricade behind the stage. It was a little dark in here and no one walks in this spot.
She held my hand again. "Pang ilan ka magpeperform?" At tila hindi narinig ang ibang sinabi ko kanina.
"3rd." Tipid kong sagot.
She hummed and nodded her head. "Okay, we still have time." Her voice soft at naramdaman ko na lang ang biglang pagyakap nito sa akin.
She rested her cheek on my temple after giving me a peck of kiss on it. I'm still getting used to her being this clingy and sweet towards me. But I love this side of her. The girl I know who doesn't want physical touch but always wants to touch me? It's really making my body reacts crazily.
I hugged her back even tighter, closing my eyes to feel her warm. Suddenly, I forgot that I'm also performing later.
"About sa coffee shop. I'm really sorry. I honestly forgot to tell you about it. Masyado lang akong naging masayang makasama ka because this still feel like a dream to me." I said softly near her ear.
She caress my back, not breaking our hug with one another. "I just don't want you to hide things from me anymore. I want you to know that you can tell me everything from now on. I don't want to be clueless about you. I want us to be transparent and honest to avoid misunderstandings with one another. I want you to trust me."
"I know, I'm sorry and I trust you, okay? I promised to tell you everything from now on."
Now, she breaks the hug then cupped my face with both of her hands and stared at me with those sweet shiny eyes of hers. "I'm-"
*Phone ringing*
She was cut off by the sudden sound from my phone that is in my pocket right now.
I checked who's the caller and it's Dexter. I gaze up to her and I saw how her eyes changed from sweet to cold.
"What were you saying again?" I asked, hindi ko na muna pinansin ang tawag sa phone ko.
She shook her head and gave me a straight smile.
As much as I want to tell her not to feel that way because he's just nothing but a colleague and co-professor. I can't stop what she feels towards him. I also sense something about Dexter. Hindi naman ako manhid but I did my best not to entertain it.
"Hey, I've already told you he was just a good friend, a colleague and co-professor to me, right? Don't be jealous." I said as tender as I could and reached her cheek to caress my thumb on it.
She snorted. "I'm not."
"Your face says a lot." I pinched her cheek this time dahil ang cute niya magselos.
"Ouch, Love! Sagutin mo na lang yang tawag." Tinanggal niya ang pagkakakurot ko sa pisngi niya na ikinatawa ko lang because her eyebrows are knitted right now.
"You also need to go back malapit na yung performance niyo. I'll be watching you too don't worry." She tried her best to smile.
My phone still keeps on ringing but I still ignored it, not until she's okay.
"I don't wanna."
"Ma'am."
Tumaas agad ang kilay ko sa tawag niya sakin but I just shrugged. "Come on. I'm not leaving you if you're not okay."
"I'm okay, for real. As much as I don't want him near you, I can't because he's still a professor in this University and I respect that. This is nothing okay? You should go now. I'm fine here."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am." She kiss me on my forehead. "Now, go. Break a leg but not literally!"
My heart melts with her gesture. I chuckled with the way she used the words I said to her earlier and then I lean towards her to give her a kiss on the lips. "Thank you, Labidabs." I teased and laughed at the wrinkled expression on her face because of what I called her.
I walked backwards. "I love you." Habol ko pang sabi habang hindi nawawala ang ngiti sa labi ko. I don't mind people hearing me anymore. I just want her to know that I do. Always.
I saw her smile and blush run through her cheeks so swiftly. "I love you too." She finally said while waving her hand at me before I left.
*******
Xyianne
"How sweet." I startled and nearly jumped out of my place because of the voice I heard behind me.
I was just about to start stepping my foot to go back to my bandmates when I suddenly heard someone. My smiling face swiftly turned into a cold and serious one when I finally faced him, Lewis.
I lift my eyebrow and put my hands on my pockets while looking at him uninterested. "I know." I smirked. Wala na kong paki kung malaman niya. I'm already sure about her, and my decision about telling my dad about us still stands. Hindi ko lang nasabi sa kanya kanina dahil may istorbong tumawag.
Tapos may bigla pang asungot na lilitaw sa likod ko.
He scoffed in offense. "So, you're gay too just like her whole clan? What the hell is this, Xy?!" I saw disgust and hurt in his expression.
I rolled back my shoulders. "So? Is that still a problem? We are in 2023, Lewis. Your homophobic ass doesn't count a penny in my life."
He walked further and glared at me. I already feel his anger rising up because of what I've said. "You can't do this to me!You don't belong to a woman, Xyianne. You're just confused and if your father discovers this shit, he will definitely not agree to this. Especially, not with her."
"Let me take care of my father. He is MY father after all and not yours! Besides, I don't care anymore what he'll say. I'm done giving bullshit about him letting me date people I don't even care and getting to marry you?" I scoffed. "That's not going to happen at all. Don't get your hopes up-"
"Stop!" He shouted at my face, his jaw clenched and his hands forming into fist.
I held my breath for a moment, my hands in the pockets of my jeans forming into a fist too, ready to fly over his face. I clenched my jaw before speaking. "This is a decent human advice, Lewis. Go find someone new. Someone who truly loves you just like you love them. And Dont. Bother. Me. Anymore." I blurted out those last words on his face before I decided to turn my back at him. I heaved a sigh and closed my eyes for a bit to calm myself before stepping away.
"You don't know what kind of person she is! She's dangerous." His words are sharp and bitter.
I stopped on my tracks and gave him a chance to continue. Hoping that I won't hear something I didn't know about her again because it will crash me.
"She's a murderer."
Nakahinga ako nang maluwag dahil sa sinabi niya. At least, I know that one and it didn't shock me. Kahit kailan siguro hindi niya tinuring na kapatid si Love. He thinks that way too? Or he's just twisting his words for me to believed him and changed my mind about choosing what makes me happy? Either of those, I don't care about him.
I turned to face him. "You're using a wrong word. She defended herself from that rapist."
Nanlaki bigla ang mga mata niya dahil hindi niya siguro akalaing alam ko ang tungkol doon but he immediately hide his emotions and showed a smug look on his face. "So, you already knew?"
See? He twisted his words. Poor guy. I shrugged.
"Well, have you also known? Kaya kulang ang bandmates mo ng member before? Oh, maybe Sabrina told you that they flew up to the States because that member's mom needs to undergo treatment? Pero nasaan na ang kabanda niya? Hindi na bumalik. Dahil ang pinalitan mo sa banda nila ay ang taong pinatay niya."
I clenched my jaw and held my cold facade in front of him. I remembered Sabrina telling me that part na kailangan nila ng bagong kabanda dahil umalis yung kasamahan nila. Sumisikip ang dibdib ko dahil sa nalaman.
"Shocking?" He chuckled and took a step to me. "What if I say that they have no idea what happened to their bandmate?"
"What's the use of all this information to me? It doesn't help, Lewis. My decision is final. Go fuck yourself." Tumalikod akong muli ngunit pinigilan niya ako sa pamamagitan ng paghawak sa braso ko. Pabalang kong tinanggal ang pagkakahawak niya. I narrowed my eyes at him, my nose flared as my hand ready to land anytime on his ugly face.
"Naomi, she's his girlfriend ang tanging taong nakakaalam sa nangyari sa kanya. She's good at handling her emotions, no one ever noticed it but you never knew what was on her mind. Gervacio used to be my friend but things turned upside down when he became addicted to drugs."
"You know what? Cut that crop. I don't wanna hear anything about them. I don't care. Hindi ko alam kung ano pinupunto mo. Sinasayang mo lang ang oras ko." Singhal ko sa kanya. Ano bang pake ko? Tapos na yun. I don't want to dwell on it. It's just giving me a headache.
"I just want to tell you that Lovely and her gay relatives silence me to hide those things from the people around Gervacio and for what? Their family name's reputation? They're selfish!"
"Ano ba mapapala mo kung malaman man nila yung totoong nangyari sa rapist na yun? Bakit ba pilit mong kinakampihan ang katulad niyang tao? Are you one of them?"
"Fuck you, Xyianne."
"See? If you're not one of them, might as well shut the fuck up and don't be such bitch towards your sister. She deserves to be happy after all those things that happened to her!"
"She won't be happy. Not with those people who want to take revenge against her."
"What do you mean?" Agad na nagtaka ako sa sinabi niya.
"Poor you, you really don't know anything that's happening around you." He smirked, lalong kumulo ang dugo ko sa mapang asar niyang ekspresyon sa mukha.
My hands in my pocket really wanted to come out and punch his face right now but I am learning to handle my patience kahit nararamdaman ko na naman ang pagkulo ng dugo ko sa mga nalalalaman ko but this is not her fault isn't it? She's a victim and now he's saying something that might scare me? If I know, nag iimbento lang siya dahil hindi niya matanggap na mas mahal ko ang ate niya kaysa sa kanya na kahit kailan ay hindi ko nanaising paglaanan siya ng salitang pagmamahal. He's a dog.
I straightened my posture as I composed myself. I didn't let my voice shake because it's not helping. "So? What's all this is about? Ano ba talagang pinuputok ng butchi mo at bakit mo sinasabi sa akin ito? As if I care about your shits, Lewis."
"I'm just saying, she'll be ruined once they found out that she's the one who killed him and that he will never comeback to life. Plus, the fact that someone out there doesn't want her to be happy because of what happened." He clicks his tongue as his foot kicks a rock on the ground before turning his gaze to me again. "Happiness always comes with a price."
My eyes flickered of the thought. "It was a fucking self defense, Lewis. You should also know that. You were there right? You're the one who came to rescue your sister. So don't pretend that you don't care about her either. You just don't admit it but you cared. Kaya ka siguro lumipat dito sa University dahil gusto mong bantayan ang ate mo." I saw something in his eyes, something that I possibly hit correctly but he looked away and made his expression unbothered. I knew it.
"Come on, Lewis. Stop being a fucking shithead who's afraid of what will his father say. I know your father hates her and that makes you hate her too but we both know what kind of person she is. So man up, dude! You're not getting any younger. Get a life and correct it." Tinulak ko ito sa balikat matapos kong magsalita. Nagtagisan kami ng tingin. Ramdam ko ang lalong pagkainis niya sa sinabi ko. Pero totoo naman, takot pa rin siya sa tatay niya hanggang ngayon. Sunud sunuran kaya hindi na ako magtataka kung bakit niya pinipilit ang sarili niyang maikasal sa akin dahil magagalit ang tatay niya.
"Xyianne! Finally nakita rin kita. Oy, Lewis nandyan ka rin pala. Kayo ha, nagmomoment pala kayo." I grimace of what Sabrina said. I rolled my eyes in annoyance.
She chuckled, "Anyway," pinatong niya ang kamay niya sa balikat ko. Hinihingal rin kasi siya dahil sa palagay ko ay kanina pa siya naghahanap sakin. "I need you to substitute in playing the piano, as in right now."
"Huh? For what?"
"Magpeperform na sila Professor Adler and Professor Dexter and Naomi supposed to be the one to play it pero inatake siya ng allergy doon sa kinain niyang pizza kanina. May seafood pala kasing halo yun. Kaya ayun nandon sa clinic ngayon. Tanga tanga kasi ni Brandon umorder."
"What?! Si Ma'am Adler na ang magpeperform?!" Sa dami niyang sinabi ayun lang ang pinansin ko. Ang tagal ko na palang nandito? Bwisit kasi itong isa eh.
"Oo, tapos tutugtog na tayo ulit after another performance kaya halika na. Mamaya na kayo mag usap." Hinatak na ni Sab ang kamay ko. Nagpasalamat na rin ako sa isip isip ko dahil ayoko na munang makipag usap kay Lewis. Bumibigat na naman ang ulo ko sa dami nang isiniwalat niya.
Naiwan itong masama pa rin ang tingin sa akin na hindi ko na ininda pa.
Bakit ba ang hirap maging masaya sa mundo? Lagi na lang may kapalit.
"Go! Kaya mo yan, okay? Magaling ka naman magpiano eh. Here's the chords." Binigay ni Sab ang papel na naglalaman nang tutugtugin ko sa piano. She tapped my back and pushed me up the stairs patungo sa stage para makapwesto na ako. Nakasarado pa ang kurtina kaya hindi pa nag iingay ang mga manunuod.
I know this song. I used to play this on one of our company's anniversary. Is she also there when I played it?
I suddenly heard a gasp kaya napatingin ako sa direksyon na iyon. Her eyes wide right now. Hindi niya siguro akalain na ako ang tutugtog for them.
I settled myself in front of the piano while staring at her and waited for her to speak. I suddenly remembered what Lewis has told me. She doesn't deserve the hate to those kind people.
"You...are you..." I just gave her a small smile and a nod. She swallowed, I felt her nervousness right now or shocked maybe. Unexpected eh.
"Where's Naomi? Akala ko siya ang magpapiano?" Takang tanong ni Sir Dexter na nakahawak ngayon sa bewang niya. Mabilis na nagtiim ang bagang ko pero bumuntong hininga na lang ako at iniwas ang tingin sa kamay niyang nasa bewang ng girlfriend ko. Makachansing wagas.
"Don't worry, Sir. I can play this instrument too." Medyo pabalang kong sagot. I can also play boxing baka gusto niyo suntukan.
He just smiled and nodded his head while the latter just blinked. Nahalata niya siguro ang ekspresyon ko. Then, they decided to get ready for their position after recovering about the sudden changes.
"Wait, kausapin ko lang si Zamora." I heard her whisper to him. I pretend I didn't hear it and busied myself in fixing the paper and tracing the dust in between the piano keys in front of me, trying hard to ignore them.
"Hey," she called me in her soothing voice. Inangat ko agad ang ulo ko para salubungin ang tingin niya. "I want you to know that this performance is for you." She leaned on me and whispered near my ear then gave me her sweet smile after.
Naramdaman ko agad ang init sa magkabilang pisngi ko dahil sa sinabi niya. Ang rupok mo naman, Xyianne. Nagseselos ka nga diba?!
"I chose that song because that's how I felt for you. So don't waste your time thinking or worrying about him." She glances at Sir Dexter who's busy doing some stretching. "He's just my partner here but I swear I wished a million times that it was you whom I'm dancing with." She held my hand that is resting above my thigh and squeezed it.
"I'm not a good dancer." We both chuckled.
"Even so, I still wish that it was you but you're here to play it with me so I'm still happy."
"Are you ready for our third contender?"
We heard Prince the emcee speak.
"I'll better go ahead." Binitawan na nito ang kamay ko.
"Okay, good luck, Love." Sambit ko, pero sobrang hina lang nang boses ko noong binanggit ko ang pangalan niya.
Her face blushed immediately as she nodded before leaving me. Nagsimula na silang pumwesto sa gitna. Nakapwesto si Sir Dexter sa likuran nito samantalang si Ma'am ay nasa unahan.
Lumingon ulit ito sa gawi ko. I saw how she stared at me with her soft eyes that caused my anxiety earlier to flee out of my mind for the mean time. The serene feeling that I always felt when she was around and the problems that I've been thinking just vanish whenever I see her.
"Well, these professors will surely make a beautiful couple if given a chance." I heard Prince said kaya naghiyawan ang mga manunuod. Habang ako ay pinipigilang magdabog. Bwisit.
I breathed in and out to calm myself and ignored what the guy said.
Kalma Xyianne, ikaw ang mahal niya. Tama. Tama.
"Let's start na! One of the most awaited performance tonight." Bridgette said, cutting off the topic as she should.
"Please welcome, Professor Lovely Uzziah Adler and Professor Dexter Martinez!" They both said in unison.
We both nodded and smiled before the curtains started to split open and revealed us from the crowd.
Halos mabingi na ako sa hiyawan na sumakop sa buong paligid namin. Parang ako pa ata ang mas kinakabahan para sa kanya, eh sila itong nasa gitna at ako ay nasa gilid lang pero I didn't see any signs of it to her. She's relax and composed.
So, I started to tap the keys on the piano and just do my job.
[A thousand years by Christina Perri]
♬ ♬ ♬
The day we met
Frozen I held my breath
Right from the start
I knew that I'd found a home for my heart
♬ ♬ ♬
Beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave?
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow
♬ ♬ ♬
Halos malaglag ang panga ko sa steps na ginagawa nila. May paganon? Gusto ko mang mainis pero nangingibabaw ang paghanga ko sa bawat galaw ng katawan niya maging si Sir Dexter.
They really dance as one and I'm kind of jealous of the way they touched each other but I admit, they dance incredibly amazing. Eye catching, worth the win. Ramdam na ramdam nila yung tugtog kahit instrumental lang.
Tahimik na ang mga nanunuod pero kitang kita ko sa reaksyon ng mga mukha nila kung paano sila napapahanga habang pinanunuod sila.
♬ ♬ ♬
One step closer
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more
♬ ♬ ♬
May times na naghihiyawan ang mga nanunuod sa kanila. Lalo na kapag may buhat at paglalapit ng mga mukha. Maging ang mga judges na nasa unahan ay mukhang nag eenjoy sa pinapanuod nila ngayon.
Nakakainis, pero ang galing.
Si Professor Levine ay isa sa mga judges, katabi nito si President T-ang nanay niya, the other one is...Tito Louis? What the hell is he doing here? Next to him is the Dean of the school which I don't know what her name is. LOL.
♬ ♬ ♬
Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath, every hour has come to this
♬♬♬
One step closer
♬♬♬
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more
♬♬♬
Patuloy lang ako sa pagtitipa ng mga piano keys at dinadama na lang ang pagtugtog ko. I miss playing this. This is one of the songs I used to love playing on my piano because it's so relaxing to hear and the meaning behind the song really hits that "forever" word. I was too young to dream about that kind of love but here I am, feeling like I've been loved since forever.
Nasasaktuhan ko pa minsan na napapatingin siya sa gawi ko and every time she did it, my heart wanted to jump out of my chest and my breathing always became stagnant. As if she's looking in my deepest soul and wanting to tell me that her love is pure, real, and she loved me for a thousand years already.
♬♬♬
One step closer , one step closer
♬♬♬
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more
♬♬♬
♬♬♬
And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
♬♬♬
The dance becomes intense, the emotions were all over the corners of the big gymnasium. It's like every spin, every jump, every lift, every sway, every touch they're doing indicates the deep meaning of the song I am playing. My fingers shake as I still can't stop staring at the woman with an amazing body language.
♬♬♬
I'll love you for a thousand more
♬♬♬
But my heart breaks at the ending of their performance. That unexpected ending brought everyone into a gasps and then screams in satisfaction.
Her hands encircled in his neck, her position was laying smoothly while he supported her weight with his strong arms around her waist. Eyes are locked with each other like there's no one around the area and it's just only them. I saw how he slowly leaned his head and she didn't move even an inch...they kissed.
THEY KISSED.
Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig. Ang mga sigawan ng mga tao dahil sa tuwa at kilig ang tanging namutawi sa pandinig ko. Nakakabingi, nakakairita, nakakainis, nakakapanghina at sobrang sakit.
Hinayaan niya lang? Should I not care? Lagi ba nila ginagawa iyon kapag nagpapractice kaya ba hindi na siya nagulat? What the fuck.
Sakit mo naman, Ma'am.
I hurriedly ran away once the curtains closed. May napindot pa akong unnecessary piano keys when I left. I nearly stumble my feet down the stairs just so I could go away as far as I could from them, from her.
So huwag magselos? What the fuck is that?! Halata na ngang may gusto si Sir sa kanya na nakakaselos naman talaga dahil he's proud saying that in front of us na crush niya si Ma'am tapos ito makikita ng dalawang mata ko?
Girlfriend ko yun eh. Pero wala silang alam at ayun ang nakakainis sa lahat. I can't defend myself.
"Ouch!" A familiar woman's voice whines. Nabangga ko kasi siya sa balikat kakamadali ko.
"S-sorry," I apologize while bowing my head to hide my stinging eyes.
"Xyianne? Okay ka lang? Balita ko may nangyari daw sa stage ah? Ayos ka lang ba?" Si Naomi pala ito.
Yes, mag nangyari nga at paulit ulit iyon sa utak ko. I just nodded while still avoiding my face with her.
Nakarinig ako nang mga papalapit na yapak sa gawi namin kaya nagmadali na akong makaalis. "Excuse me."
Agad akong tumakbong muli at kahit na hingal na ay hindi ko na inintindi pa. Mas lamang pa rin yung broken heart ko.
My tears streamed down my face as soon as I left the gymnasium. Hindi ko na inabala pang punasan. Ramdam ko na rin ang paghampas ng malamig na hangin sa balat ko habang lakad takbong patungo sa open area bago makapunta sa parking. Yakap yakap ko ang sarili ng mahigpit.
"Beshy!"
"Xyianne!"
"Yunis!"
I heard three women calling me, Bridge, Nervana, and Ma'am Adler when they saw me running wild. I hid my crying face kahit halos hindi ko na makita ang dinadaanan ko.
"Go back, Borja. They need you there."
"But-"
"It's fine, I'll take care of this and I'm sorry."
"Van, don't follow us."
"Couz-"
Rinig ko pa dahil mukhang silang tatlo pa ang hahabol sa akin. Which is hindi ko kailangan ngayon. I need to be alone kaya hindi ako nag abalang huminto sa pagtakbo.
"Honey! Wait!"
I pretend I didn't hear anything. Nakarating ako ng parking lot nang hindi ko namamalayan. I quickly look for my car and head over it. I didn't bother to wipe my own tears.
Ang sikip ng dibdib ko. Ang sakit makitang mahalikan siya ng iba. Yung mga kinilos nila sa pagsayaw, it's like they are having their own world.
Ang immature ko ba sa part na nagseselos ako pati sa pagsayaw nila? Pero naghalo halo na lahat sa utak ko. Hindi ko lang din talaga matanggap yung makita ko silang ganon.
Tang ina, hindi ko pala dala susi ko! Argh! Nakakainis! Ang tanga.
Sinipa ko ang gulong ng sasakyan ko at hinampas ang bubong nito. Bwisit!
"Yunis, please don't walk away from me. Listen to me!"
Hindi ako nagsalita at nag umpisa nang maglakad muli para makalayo lang sa kanya.
"Please, talk to me." Her voice cracked, her sniffles can also be heard. Pero masakit pa rin ang puso ko. Kakaumpisa pa nga lang namin, may aberya na agad.
Ang hirap naman magmahal.
Naabutan niya ako, dahil wala na kong maikutan dito sa parking. She held my wrist but I didn't look at her. "I didn't know he would do that."
I scoffed. Hindi niya alam? Kaya pala hindi niya pinigalan. Hinintay pa niya.
"Please believe me. I didn't want that to happen-"
"Xy, let's go." A man's voice echoed.
"No, I need to talk to her. Leave us alone." Humigpit pa lalo ang kapit niya sa pulsupulsuan ko.
"She doesn't need to hear that right now." Si Lewis ang kausap niya ngayon. Sinundan din pala ako nito.
"And who are you to say that? She doesn't want to be with you." She said kahit na mangiyak ngiyak pa rin ang tono niya.
"Well, she wants now. Look what you've done? You hurt her." Lumapit na si Lewis sa amin at hinawakan na rin ako nito sa kabilang wrist ko.
"I didn't mean to hurt-"
"I need to go. I'm sorry." I cut her off dahil ayaw ko na naman magpadalos dalos ng pagsasalita. Ngayon pa na masakit ang nakita ko. Paulit ulit na nagpeplay yun sa utak ko.
She dedicated her performance to me, huh? Ganong klaseng dedication pala ang gusto niya. Masakit.
"No, no. Please baby. Don't go. I'm sorry okay? I'm sorry. I didn't know."
"Leave her for now. I'll take care of her."
Hindi na ako umimik pa at tinanggal ko na rin ang pagkakahawak niya sa wrist ko.
Kita ko kung paanong tumulong muli ang mga luha niya sa mata at kung gaano siya nasaktan sa ginawa ko bago ako tuluyang tumalikod sa kanya at sumama kay Lewis.
Kumikirot ang puso ko sa bawat hakbang papalayo sa kanya pero gusto kong iwasto ang pag iisip ko bago ko siya kausapin.
"Y-yunis..." Her voice quivering as she called me one last time before Lewis's car pulled out and drove away from the University.
**
"So...what are you planning to do?"
"Just get me home."
"Are you two..."
"Yes," maagap kong sagot sa kanya. Kita ko kung paano humigpit ang kapit niya sa manubela ng sasakyan niya.
"What about us?"
"I told you, there's no us!"
"You can't just ruined the arrangement."
"Stop the car."
"What?!"
"I said stop the car, Lewis! Maglalakad na lang ako if you can't shut your mouth!" I glared at him while clenching my jaw.
"Jeez! I'm sorry, calm down."
I scoffed and massaged my temple. Paano ko kakalma eh ang ingay niya! Wala lang talaga akong choice kanina kaya sumama ako sa kanya.
I closed my eyes for a bit but all I see is them, kissing. Tang ina.
"You really love her?- okay! Tatahimik na." Inambahan ko kasi siya ng suntok nang magsalita siyang muli. As much as I want to answer him ay mas gusto ko ng tahimik na byahe.
Si Dad ang kailangan kong kausapin at hindi ang lalaking ito.
Makaraan ang ilang minuto ay nakarating na kami sa bahay. Naabutan ko si Manang Rosita na naglilinis sa living room.
Nanlaki agad ang mga mata niya nang makita niya ako. "Iha, diyos ko po. Ano nangyari sayo. Umiyak ka ba? Ayos ka lang? Tubig, sandali kukuha ako ng tubig."
Nagmadali itong pumunta sa kusina para kumuha ng tubig habang ako ay naupo sa couch at napapikit agad nang mapasandal ang buong katawan ko. Pero nakita ko na naman sila at ang nasasaktang ekspresyon niya nang iwan ko siya sa parking.
Bumuntong hininga ako at hinilamos ang mga palad ko sa mukha ko.
"Iha, ito tubig. Uminom ka muna." Kinuha ko agad ang tubig at nainom at binigay ko itong muli kay Manang.
"Oh, Sir Lewis. Nandito rin po pala kayo."
"Good evening," rinig kong bati ni Lewis. I rolled my eyes. Hindi pa pala ito umalis.
I turned my head to look at him. "I told you, okay na ako. Umalis ka na."
"Magpapahinga lang ako saglit."
I tsked and decided to stand up. "Manang, si Daddy po?-"
"Anak? Oh Lord, you're back!" Si Dad na kakauwi lang, tingin ko ay galing ito sa opisina dahil nakaformal pa itong suot at dala dala ang leather briefcase niya nang makapasok siya sa loob mula sa garahe.
Bakas sa mukha nito ang matinding pagod at puyat, maging ang pagkaka edad niya'y lumilitaw na rin. Tumango ako, "Dad."
"Lewis, it's good to see you both here. Are you getting along now?" Masayang bati nito nang makita niya sa Lewis sa likuran ko.
"Good evening, Tito. Uhm, yes. We're really getting along. Right, Xy?" He nudged me using his elbow na sinamaan ko lang ng tingin.
"Ah, eh. K-kunin ko na po yung gamit niyo, Sir." Pinutol ni Manang ang tensyong namamagitan samin ni Lewis nang dumaan ito sa gitna namin.
Nang maiwan kaming tatlo sa living room ay tumikhim ako, "Dad, I want to talk to you."
"Really? Have you changed your mind? I told you, you're just confused-"
"No."
"What do you mean?"
"Lewis, can you go now? I need to talk to my Dad privately."
"Xy-"
"Please?!" Medyo inis kong pakiusap. Kinamot nito ang ulo niya bago siya tuluyang umalis at mawala sa paningin namin.
"What's all this, anak?" Takang tanong nito. Nanatili kaming nakatayo at magkaharap.
Kumakabog ang dibdib ko ngayon dahil hindi ko alam kung ano ang kahihinatnan ng sasabihin ko sa kanya.
But this is the only thing I am sure about and I'm already willing to take the risk for us. I want to tell the world that she's mine. Only mine.
I heaved a sigh then look straight into my father's eyes and readying myself of whatever reaction he might show me.
"I have a wife."
*******