Riley and I immediately turned to see Marie and Nathan staring at us.
"Fuck." Riley muttered.
"Were you two...kissing?" Marie asked.
I couldn't tell by how she asked what her reaction was to all of this, or how she felt about it.
Riley glanced at me and she then said to Marie, "Well, there's no denying it. You saw what you saw."
"I think that's great!" Marie said, wide eyed.
"You...do?" I asked, heart pounding.
"Totally!" Marie said, and Nathan nodded as well, "You two look great together!"
Riley looked at me for a split second and then she said, "Marie. You need to listen to me. I appreciate you saying that, but you cannot tell anyone about this. That would be outing Jenny. And I don't want anyone else to know about this. Promise me you won't say anything?"
Riley sounded more firm in this than I had ever heard her sound before.
And I really appreciated it.
"My lips are sealed!" Marie said.
"Mine too." Nathan said- which made Riley chuckle.
"Thank you." Riley said, "Just try to forget you saw anything."
"Forget I saw what?" Marie said, with a smile.
"Atta girl." Riley said.
"Thank you, Marie." I said, "I appreciate it as well."
Riley and I then went back inside, and she leaned in and said to me as we stood by the bar, "Would you still want to spend some time together after this?"
"I would." I said, "You know, my roommate, Stephanie will likely be sleeping out. And even if she's not, she will leave us alone. Want to come to my place?"
Riley's eyes filled with excitement, "Sure! That actually works out well, I believe my sister is home tonight. I'd love to. I can order an Uber back to your place."
"You'll get to meet my cat!" I said, "Her name is Sunshine. She will love you."
Riley gave me a warm smile, "I look forward to meeting her."
Realization dawned on me as I asked, "How are we going to pull this off, us leaving together?"
"I'll tell the group you don't feel that great- if you don't mind- and that I don't want you ubering back home yourself. That sounds quite believable. Don't worry. I can make it sound believable." Riley said, with confidence.
"Okay." I nodded, "That sounds like a plan."
"As long as Marie doesn't react, we are golden." Riley said, "Want to wait up here? I'll let the group know."
I smiled at Riley and asked, "Can't wait to get me alone, can you?"
She grinned back at me and said, "You guessed it."
I waited toward the front of the bar for a few minutes while Riley went down to tell the group that we were leaving. A few minutes later she came up to me and said, "All good. They totally believed it. Marie even added that she saw you looking a bit pale."
"I feel a bit bad." I said, "But not bad enough to stay here and not leave with you."
"Ordering that Uber right now for us." Riley said.
I texted Stephanie that I was going to be coming back to the apartment with Riley- and she texted me back saying that she was staying the night at Johnny's- and to have fun.
In the back of the Uber, sat close to me- and by her glances I could tell that she wanted to kiss me, or put her hand on my thigh or my arm- but she seemed to also catch my drift that I wouldn't have felt the most comfortable with our male Uber driver seeing us being all affectionate.
I hope my resistance to being out won't affect things with Riley down the line.
When we got to my apartment, Sunshine greeted us right at the door.
Riley leaned down and stuck her hand out for Sunshine to go up to- and Sunshine rubbed head against Riley's hand.
"See! I told you she would love you." I said.
"She's adorable." Riley said, "I want a cat, badly. My mom refuses to have a pet in the apartment, though Even though she is barely there."
"Maybe one day you'll be able to." I said to Riley- and she smiled at me.
She looked around my apartment as I turned on the lights and she said, "Your place is nice! Much neater than mine. Mine is in a bit of a messy state at the moment."
"Well, all things considered, I don't blame you." I said.
"My sister and I are also not the most...organized people." Riley said.
"If I ever come to your place one day, don't worry, I won't judge you." I said to Riley as we walked up to my bedroom door.
I opened it- and Sunshine followed us into the room.
Riley watched her with a smile. She then looked at me and said, "You know, I did actually have a cat, named George. I miss him a lot."
"Did he pass away?" I asked Riley, my heart sinking.
I couldn't imagine losing Sunshine.
Riley paused for a second and then said, "No. I got him with my ex-girlfriend, actually. When we lived together. And when we broke up and I moved out, he stayed with her, unfortunately."
Oh.
This is the first time she's mentioned an ex-girlfriend. That she lived with.
I sat down on my bed, and Riley sat down next to me, facing me.
"When did you break up?" I asked her.
"Over a year ago." she said, and then she said to me in a gentle tone, "Don't worry, Jenny. I'm completely over her. I know lesbians say that all the time and they're not over their ex whatsoever. But I truly am."
"I believe you." I said to Riley, "But thank you, though...for the reassurance."
"I'll always reassure you." Riley said, "It wasn't the best relationship to begin with."
"What made you break up?" I asked, and then I said, "Sorry- if that's too personal."
"Nothing is too personal for me." Riley said, "I'm an open book. The short answer is that she cheated on me. The long answer is that I honestly blame myself. I was feeling, well, depressed. And pulling away. I also was unhappy with my ex, Rebecca. Though I didn't quite piece it all together yet that our relationship was making me unhappy as well. She wound up starting something with her ex behind my back- and it eventually turned from emotional to physical. She told me what she had done. And that was the end for us. We were together for 3 years."
"I'm so sorry." I said to Riley, "That's awful. I'm really sorry she hurt you like that."
"You know, I always thought before that there was zero excuse for cheating, and that anyone that cheated was a terrible person. And I'm not excusing what she did- and some people that cheat are terrible people. But I realized it's not so black and white. I blame her, yes. Also myself. And her ex-girlfriend. Who blatantly just broke up a relationship. If anything, she's the most terrible out of us three." Riley said- and that made my stomach drop.
I looked at Riley and said, "I'm going to tell you something. And I don't blame you if you don't want to continue on with me."
Riley's brow furrowed and she said, "Jenny...I don't think that's possible."
I sighed and said, "I did something really terrible at my last job. Essentially why I had to quit. And why my co-workers there hated me. And now I'm really worried you're going to want nothing to do with me."
Riley put her hand on mine and said, "Tell me. I feel like I know where this could be going, considering the context. And I promise, I'm still going to want everything to do with you."
"My boss cheated on his wife...with me. Multiple times." I said, my heart pounding, "And I knew he was married. Sure, he told me that things were going terrible in his marriage, and I tried to excuse him and myself for that. But he was married. That's the bottom line. And I still slept with him."
Riley was looking at me as she said, "Jenny. Everyone makes mistakes."
"Mine was a pretty terrible mistake." I said, "I was careless. And selfish. And those are qualities about myself that I didn't think were there. But now I feel like that just defines me."
Riley shook her head, "It doesn't. I know that we are still getting to know each other. But I promise you, your mistakes don't define you. You obviously feel terrible about it."
"All the time." I said, "Every day, honestly. It eats at me. I feel like I don't deserve anything good, or to be with someone that cares about me. And I'm not trying to sound like I am pitying myself, because I deserve zero pity."
Riley looked at me- and then surprisingly, she pulled me into a hug.
I wrapped my arms around her, and she said to me softly, "You do deserve someone who cares about you. You can't go your whole life beating yourself up about this."
She then lightly kissed my cheek- and I pulled away slightly and said to her, "Thank you. I was really worried to tell someone this- someone that I was going to be with romantically."
"It doesn't change how I feel about you." Riley said.
"That makes me glad to hear." I said. And then I chuckled and said, "Sorry. I feel like you came over for us to carry on what we had started at the bar. And now I'm just telling you about my past mistakes."
Riley laughed, "Hey, I started it by telling you about my ex."
"I don't mind at all." I said, looking at Riley, "I really like talking to you."
Riley smiled at me and tucked a lock of hair behind my ear gently- which I was sure made me blush.
"I could stay up all night talking to you." Riley said, "Just talking to you. No pressure to do anything sexual, at all."
"Are you sure?" I asked Riley, "Because it's not like I don't want to at all. Believe me- I do. I'm just enjoying talking to you right now.
"Then that's what we will continue doing." Riley said, "We have plenty of time to get to know each other's bodies. And believe me, I plan to get to know yours very well."
Oh, how I look forward to that...