It was 2014.
"Happy birthday!" I screamed at the camera. I was still a vlogger at that time. I blew up a candle on a colorful cake that I bought for myself. I clapped, I cheered, I was happy alone, "Thank you so much, guys, for letting me celebrate my birthday with you! You're all so meaningful for me and it's always nice to be reminded that there are people who care with me. I'm so touched when some people say, "Unnie, you inspire me!" or I cheer them up at their lonely days. I'm who's so happy. I'm happy for you, guys. I'm so grateful that my existence is meaningful!" that was the closing of my vlog that night.
After I turned off the camera, as usual, I cried.
What scary was...
...It was echoing.
***
"Unnie!" Tzuyu calls me from behind. She runs towards me who walking too fast. Even while eating ice cream, I still walk pretty quick. It was kind of my habit, "Wait for me, hehe..." she says before catching up and grabs my free arm. Tzuyu looks so good in her brown long coat this afternoon. Hmm, she always looks good tho.
"Oh sorry," I tell her.
"It's okay, Unnie."
Tzuyu and I walk side-by-side from the mart to our dorm. Just two of us, as usual. She wears a mouth mask. I'm not wearing one because I already open my ice-cream (stupid, Haeju!). I end up covering my face with a hoodie. Our manager is not with us. They trust us to be independent so we need to keep that. Don't reveal our identity and make a scene.
I and my Gemini sister talk normally on this way home but sometimes I'm worried, so I check the surrounding, making sure nobody recognizes us. It's not me. Tzuyu is quite easily recognized. Twice is and will always be popular anyway.
At a certain point, I look at somebody talking alone. It's not just talking. It's like she's having a conversation. She's bringing a sort of stick on her hand and talks to it. After a few seconds, I realize that it's a camera!
"Tzuyu," I whisper, "Look at that person at 11 o'clock."
"Ohh..." she responds under her mask.
"So cute, right? Typical millennial," I say.
"Is she filming?" Tzuyu asks?
"I guess..."
"Just like what you used to do, right Unnie? Vlogging."
Tzuyu's question silences me. I remembered some fatigue memories about me as a Youtuber. I set up my camera... I talked to my audiences... I enthusiastically edited my videos...
"How did it feel, Unnie?" Tzuyu asks again.
"How did it feel... What?"
"How did it feel as a Youtuber? Thought?"
More memories flash in front of me, "Well, you bet! I was building my own audience. Nobody helped me. It was all just me! I'm my own marketing. With Twice, so many people work with us. I feel easier, right?"
"That's true. I'm glad that people care with us," she says.
"...People care? Yes, Tzuyu. Of course," I stutter.
"Not just Once, but all of the staff," she adds.
"True..."
There's something familiar about what Tzuyu says but I'm not sure what. I decide to keep walking.
"Hey, you give me an idea!" I suddenly say.
"What?"
"How to make a vlog more interesting?" I ask her.
"Huh?"
I ignore her and start running to that random vlogger we just saw. I stand beside her, try to get her attention.
"I'm sorry..."
"Yes?" she looks kinda surprised to see me, a stranger suddenly catching her talking to a camera. Probably embarrassed.
"Are you vlogging?"
"Uhh, sorta."
I open my hoodie with my free hand, "Well, I used to be a vlogger myself-"
"OH MY GOD!" she screams right after she sees my face, "T- Twice? Haeju?"
"Nice to meet you~" I bow.
She bows back awkwardly, "Oh my God! Ottoke ottoke??"
"Mm, the reason I'm here because I miss vlogging and I'd like to say hi to your viewers. May I?" I tell her.
"Omo, suuuuure~!" At that point, some people around us start looking at me. I say hi to the camera a real quick before having a farewell, "Unnie, this might be really good content for my channel. Thank you so much!" she tells.
"Haha... Hopefully. I'm just grateful that my existence is meaningful," I tell her.
I come to Tzuyu and tell her to run! We run and some fans try to catch us. They follow but not in a harmful way. We run until we enter the gate of our residence. After that, it's safe.
"Hehe... Sorry I make you run!" I say.
"Why did you do that?" she's panting, "I'm so in trouble... Where's your ice cream?!" she asks.
"It falls," I say.
"I'm sorry Unnie, but also what the ?!"
"Hahaha...!"
"You're such so genius! Really smart and mature" she says sarcastically.
"Hahaha, miaan~"
"That was so many fans! You deserve this, Unnie. You're such an inspiration..." she says again.
***
It was 2014.
I talked to the camera, imagining my viewers were all there with me. Haneul lived alone because of his school. My mom was drunk and my dad was dead. I was alone that night. I cried. Nobody bullied me because I cried so often. Nobody cared at that time.
That memory starts to rise in my head as I walk to our dorm.
"Thank you so much, guys, for letting me celebrate my birthday with you..."
"...it's always nice to be reminded that there are people who care with me..."
"...Unnie, you inspire me..."
"...I'm so grateful that my existence is meaningful!"
***
We arrive in front of our dorm. As I put my finger on the fingerprint scanner, I remember what day it is today. It's not 2014 anymore.
When I open the door, there are suddenly a lot of presents and colorful decorations. The members are all there, surprised to see me. On the table, a cake that I don't buy is ready for me.
I'm so touched that I start to cry. They scream at me. No camera this time.
"Happy birthday!"