new book cover <3
late august - so on
allys pov
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the air was electric with anticipation as we stood in the recording studio. this was our first time as a group listening to the album start to finish.
as we sat listening to their music i could feel james eyes on me, it was clear to me that he was trying to see if i liked the album that he had worked so hard on.
and i mean of course i did.
the album start to finished was a masterpiece. a fast paced, rough, energetic, chaotic, amazing masterpiece of thrash metal music.
months of tireless dedication from the boys, especially the last few weeks, led them to what i knew was gonna be considered one of the greatest albums of all time one day.
the studio was alive with activity, a bustling scene of musicians, engineers, and producers ensuring every track was perfect and ready to be pressed on vinyl then released into the world.
you could read all their faces, a mix of excitement, anxiety, and determination.
lars, the driving force behind the band, was a whirlwind of energy, annoying at times, orchestrated each recording session, demanding the best from everyone, often almost landing himself a few punches but his ambition knew no bounds, pushing the band to surpass their limits.
james, on stage with his commanding presence and powerful vocals, led the charge on rhythm guitar. he poured raw emotion into every riff and every lyric. his guitar spoke of rebellion, defiance, and a burning desire to be heard and to hear others.
kirk, wielded his guitar with finesse, adding a layer of fine tuned clean melody that elevated the boys sound. his solos were a glorious element that the songs needed to be complete.
cliff, the quiet giant, brought a bass groove that held the rhythm together, and he played with such a unique style that had never really been heard before, more seen in his track (anesthesia) - pulling teeth. which consisting of a face melting bass solo. he was the calm amidst the storm, grounding all of us.
as the release date drew closer, they or should i say lars, shifted gears into promotion mode. it was a whirlwind of interviews, photo shoots, and etc.
the day the album hit the shelves was very surreal for all of us.
walking into different record stores throughout the day and seeing kill 'em all proudly displayed was a moment etched into my memory forever.
the boys signed albums and engaged with fans who had come in and waited in line to get the album.
it turned out all the publicity was super helpful because there was a major turnout of fans, way more than we had anticipated.
"hetfield, can you believe this?" i overheard lars whisper to james, his eyes scanning over the store filled with fans.
james smiled, the satisfaction of years of hard work starting to pay off, "no...this is crazy man".
i smiled to myself as i watched the two boys who consider themselves brothers take in what they had created.
-
the night of the album release party was...wild, we all got extremely drunk and did a lot of stupid shit.
the morning after was spent as a group trying to piece together what happened.
cliff and i roughly remember drawing on james face and lars accidentally throwing up on a girl he had been chatting up the whole night.
overall was a good night though, james and i slipped away from the crowd towards the end of the party and took some time to ourselves to celebrate.
the album ended up doing great and the boys were getting gigs here there and everywhere.
after chatting with all the people involved with metallica we all worked our asses off and compiled a bunch of dates for metallicas first ever official tour.
the boys had always been a live band, thriving on the energy of a live audience so the idea of them getting to play kill 'em all on the road was exhilarating.
i knew that a tour would gain them a bigger following too.
the preparation for the tour though was a whirlwind. the effort and logistics of organizing a tour were so complex, but with all the help from the team we figured it out.
we had to cut back on a lot of things seeing as money was tight. even though the album was doing well all lot of the money goes to all the others that were involved in the making of it.
so, money from the album went to the cheapest van we could find that could still fit all the boys and their equipment.
we were yet to figure out certain sleeping arrangements for some of the dates but that's just the fun of the road.
rehearsals in the lead up were intense. the boys practiced everyday for hours, really tightening up all the details for each song, as well as what type of crowd engagement they would do during each track.
after alot of planning we were finally able to actually pile in the van and head out on the road.
i was lucky to be able to join them.
i had originally offered to stay here and tend to the house giving them extra space in the already small van, but the boys insisted i come along with them because they needed me as their roadie and someone to keep all their heads in the game.
so we piled into the gear filed van and headed to the first show.
the gig was only a couple hours away so it wasn't long before we were at the venue and bringing all their instruments inside.
after all their stuff was in the venue we sat backstage and enjoyed a round of beers on the house.
we'd occasionally peek our head out from backstage to see what was happening and people were arriving pretty early.
about 30 minutes later and the venue was filling with people. i could see the boys growing a little more nervous now.
the opening band got on stage and started their set, we stood and watched them, they were good.
they have a bit of a way to come and tighten their sound but it was evident that they will get their one day.
as the opening band wrapped their set up, the boys geared up to unleash their music to a brand new crowd. i stood backstage, sharing the nervous energy radiating from each of them.
james, in particular, seemed to be trembling with anxiety. his eyes, filled with a fear, sought solace in mine. eithout hesitation, i took his trembling hands into my own, trying to help calm him amidst the chaos.
"fuckin' kill 'em all," i declared, a mix of encouragement and defiance in my words.
before they had to hit the stage, i leaned in, capturing his lips in a kiss. james responded, his hands cupping my face, grounding himself in the warmth of the shared kiss.
as the lights dimmed, we pulled away from the kiss and he shot me a playful wink.
the crowd erupted into loud shouts & cheers, there was a few odd "fuck yeah boys!" followed by "metallica!!!" i shared happy glances with the rest of the boys before they all walked out onto the stage.
as they graced the stage the first chords of hit the lights echoed loudly throughout the small venue.
i watched as the audience excitingly started head banging to the fast music
the high energy from the crowd reflected on to the boys and made them pour more power into each note.
i was standing side of stage watching it all happens before my eyes. i earned different looks from each of them throughout their set.
mainly james would just look at me and hit me with his signature million dollar smile which made me weak in the knees every time.
as they continued to tear through their set i moved from backstage into the actual heart of the venue so i could get in the mosh.
i went in strong pushing my way through people and throwing myself around.
i spotted james looking down at me in the crowd getting thrown around, he started laughing.
when he had a second he gave me a thumbs up to check if i was okay to which i smiled and gave him a thumbs up back.
before we knew it their set was done. the crowd didn't let them get away that easy though as they all chanted "one, more, song!".
with shit eating grins on all of their faces they paraded back out onto the stage to play another song.
they flew through a cover of misfits 'last caress' and the whole crowd sung along with them.
as the other boys bid their official goodbyes, james leaned into the microphone, a mixture of exhaustion and triumph on his face. "i'd like to thank all of you fuckers for coming out tonight!!" the crowd erupted one last time, their collective roar echoing a resounding "metallica!"
eager to see my love, i sprinted towards the backstage door and raced down the hallways.
when i spotted james, i ran, wrapping my arms around him with an excited squeal.
"im so proud of you!" i said, my words muffled by the hug. he lifted me off the ground and i wrapped my legs around his waist.
we were both drenched in sweat and smelt questionable but oh well that's rock & roll i suppose, it didn't matter to us, we were immersed in the euphoria of the moment.
"thank ya baby" he smiled, squeezing me tightly. for a brief moment, we just stood there, looking into each others eyes, lost in the embrace, before he gently placed me back on the ground.
"you all did amazing!" i cheered, my grin stretching from ear to ear as i exchanged hugs with the rest of the guys.
the backstage atmosphere buzzed with the lingering energy of their performance, and i couldn't have been more proud of the boys.
after their performance they earned many congratulations from all the crew and etc. when they finally had time they all went to their dressing room to get cleaned up.
after we emerged from backstage we were met with some fans that had stuck around to meet the band.
i offered to take photos of them and helped the nervous fans get all their signatures.
we gathered in a small circle, a fresh round of cold beers in hand, talking to the fans.
the joy from the show had seeped into every conversation, making this moment even more special.
while they were all talking i didn't really wanna butt in so i just sipped my beer and fiddled with the cap while looking down at my nails.
i felt james' familiar arms wrapping around my waist. instantly, a sense of content washed over me as i leaned my back against his chest.
he continued to talk with the fans, his voice carrying genuine enthusiasm and appreciation for their support.
i loved how effortlessly he could comfort me and engage with the fans at the same time.
the fans, thrilled to be in the bands presence, eagerly shared their thoughts on how good the show was. he listened intently, occasionally interjecting with his hearty laugh that made my heart swoon.
as i took in the scene - the joyous fans, the proud band, and james' easy embrace, i felt an overwhelming sense of warmth.
it was a snapshot of what in the future we will call the good ol days, a beautiful blend of people brought together by the music the boys had poured their hearts and souls into.
being here, with james's arms securely around me, made it even better. he was my constant, my safe place in this whirlwind. in that moment, amidst the cheers and laughter, everything felt right.
like maybe we were all gonna be okay.
the fans thanked the boys for talking with them and for the incredible show, their smiles wide and their hearts full.
here i stood, silently thanking the universe for allowing me to be a part of james' world.
to share this love and connection with him, even amidst the chaos of it all.
we stuck around for another beer but soon realized we had to start packing up the gear into the van.
with another gig on the horizon tomorrow, we had to hit the road tonight to ensure we made it on time.
drunk and packed like sardines into the van we chatted about tonight's performance.
"did you see that mosh pit during whiplash" kirk chuckled with a sleepy voice, describing the chaos in the crowd.
"you should've seen it from my point of view, it was so fun" i added with a yawn.
we continued to sleepily chat about all the fun little things from tonight's gig.
and the tour went on...
-
as we drove around reality struck in the form of exhaustion and empty pockets.
the making of the album alone also burned some holes into our wallets.
we always could make it work though, cutting cost where we could, the occasional stealing from the supermarket as one of us distracted the employee.
when we finally got on the road many a night, was spent sleeping in the van, rather than luxury hotels.
the van became a space of makeshift beds, we all had our designated corners and seats.
all their snoring together almost drove me crazy a few times though.
hangovers were an inevitable part of the journey. the blurred lines between celebration and the responsibilities of the road often caught up with us.
amidst the sleepless nights and the struggle to make ends meet, there was a bond that deepened.
surprisingly the van rumbled on, the road stretching out before us like an unending path.
one night, in the quiet van's dimly lit interior, worry clawed at my thoughts like a persistent shadow.
unable to contain my concerns any longer, i found myself in the passenger seat, cliff in the drivers seat beside me.
we had decided to choose the solace of the van over the party that echoed from inside the venue.
both of us, still nursing the hangover from the night before.
sharing a cigarette, i cast a hesitant glance towards cliff, though his eyes were closed i knew he was far from asleep, probably just trying to get a break from the hangover headache.
"cliff" i began, my voice a hesitant murmur, "have you noticed how much james has been drinking lately?"
a heavy sigh escaped him, a sound burdened by shared concern, "yeah, i have".
nodding, my worry escalating, a pit forming in my stomach. the once carefree spirit of james now seemed ensnared by a shitty coping mechanism.
"i can tell he's been using it to cope" i confessed, the words escaping me in the barely audible exhale of a cigarette, "the pressure, the expectations... it's all taking a toll on him."
cliff met my gaze, his eyes reflecting an understanding of the complex burden james carried.
"i've seen it, he's always drowned his worries, but this tour... the weight on his shoulders has grown" cliff explained, his words resonating a shared worry.
"i just worry about his health cliff " i admitted, my voice trembling with fear, a sob caught in my throat, "the effects this constant drinking is taking on him...he's shaky, his eyes are red, his body looks so unhealthy" i confided, delving into the troubling details i had observed recently.
"im worried too" cliff confessed, a note of sadness in his voice, "but james is stubborn. he won't listen to us".
i nodded in acknowledgment, envisioning the looming confrontation that would happen if i brought up the issue with james.
feeling the weight of my concerns like a heavy veil, cliff, attuned to my distress, extended a supportive hand.
our fingers intertwined in a gesture that spoke volumes. a silent pact to navigate the challenges of looking after james together.
the simplicity of the touch held the promise of shared responsibility and unwavering support for james. cliff's eyes, mirroring both understanding and empathy, met mine.
without the need for words, his comforting grip conveyed a shared concern for our dear friend.
after tonight we didn't revisit the topic, understanding how delicate the situation was that surrounded james's 'pre-performance rituals'.
-
the rest tour was a mix of energy and exhaustion. we found ourselves in different cities, each venue pulsating with the anticipation of metallica's arrival.
the shows were nothing short of amazing, the crowd's energy feeding into the band's performance. the music was raw and loud, the way we liked it.
james was a force to be reckoned with on stage. i could see the music surge through him, an outlet for his emotions and frustrations, it showed how deep this angry truely went.
but so on - the tour continued, gigs melded into one another, the adrenaline of the performances fueling our spirits.
we navigated the grueling schedule with a sense of camaraderie that made even the most exhausting days bearable.
laughter became our armor, shared jokes and funny anecdotes a source of light in the dark exhausting corners of tour life.
one night, after a show that left us all exhilarated, we found ourselves parked in a quiet corner, the van serving as our makeshift resting place once again.
laughter echoed throughout the van as we deliriously recalled funny past times.
"do you remember that time when james didn't see the end of the stage and fell straight off?" kirk chuckled, cheekily.
"that was a sight" lars added, joining in on the laughter.
james, couldn't even resist a laugh at himself for that one, "it didn't feel very good" he said as he rubbed his forehead, recalling the not so glamorous fall.
cliff reminisced, "let's not forget when kirk lost his guitar to the crowd"
the laughter continued, the van filled with the infectious joy of shared memories.
in those moments, the worries of the tour faded into the background, replaced by the simple joy of being together.
our laughter subsided, the van filled with a comfortable silence as we all drifted to sleep. it was cramped, uncomfortable, but it was home.
a home that traveled with us, carrying the hopes and dreams of four young boys and a girl who believed in the power of their music and what it did for others.
-
the rest of the tour had its ups and downs, its moments of triumph and challenges.
finally, after what felt like forever, the day arrived when we embarked on the journey back home.
the tour had been an odyssey, a time of emotions and experiences. we were all tired, but we were also extremely grateful for the success of the tour.
with smiles that spoke of both fatigue and gratitude, we marveled at the success of our adventure.
"we did it" james declared, his voice a blend of weariness and joy, "we took kill 'em all' across the country".
"yeah we did" lars affirmed, pride evident in his tone, while kirk simply nodded and added "fuck yeah"
approaching our final destination, the metallica mansion, the van was filled with a quiet contentment.
the tour had marked a significant milestone, and yet, it felt like just the beginning.
metallica had a long road ahead, and the echoes of this tour were a prelude to the symphony yet to unfold.
the tour had been an unforgettable journey, but now it was time to return to our lives, our roots, and the routines we had temporarily left behind.
for a couple of weeks we barely surfaced just choosing to stay inside and get some much needed rest in.
after while of that the boys did a couple more shows around our local area before beginning the creation of what was gonna be their second album.
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woah, cheers for reading all that legend!
next chapter will be the last for this book (not ever, but for awhile) thank you to all the readers that have encouraged me to continue writing i fucking love ya's all.
i hope to hear your opinions on this long ass chapter and trust me, a few good books are in the making currently.
love you, stay safe xx