[I know what you're thinking--how long can a bonus story last? Well, it wasn't supposed to be this long, but I had more story to tell than I realized. However, it is going to end soon. Have a couple arcs and people to wrap up, but it won't be as long as the main story, no worries--or worries, if you're enjoying this one more. I do think it's more fun, but I like both.]
Cinder stopped but glared.
"Maybe you misunderstood what I meant." Royal was more diplomatic now. "I just mean...it put me in a difficult position, okay?"
"What does that mean? Other than I shouldn't have been on that mission."
"Both you and Neo did that, all right? And so did Robyn, to be fair. All you had these underlying issues with each other. And you do understand I can't exactly show favoritism--if someone doesn't stay objective, the whole thing would fall apart. So listen, it's your right to say what you want to people, and if you want to piss them off, fine. I'm not your boss.... But, on the other hand, she was getting really worked up. What if it came to blows? It's like you don't even think about the danger you put yourself in by provoking everyone all the time. I appreciate not caring what they think, but sometimes you have to care what people think."
Cinder pursed her lips, not willing to give him that--though it was objectively true.
"And no one enjoys a few digs at Atlas' hypocrisy more than I do," Royal said. "Yeah, you were right about some of what you said...but you take it too far, okay? You could just make your point and then leave it alone, but you keep pushing until someone wants to take a swing at you, and that's just not...it's not smart."
Smart...
Getting Watts flashbacks here...
No, it was a little different: Royal wasn't trying to sound superior.
"Frankly, I can't say much because you always hate it when anyone points this out," Royal said. "I've learned a couple things over the last year. So what was I supposed to do? Getting her to back off was the only thing I could do. This might shock you, Cinder, but I don't really want to see people fight each other who I'm working with, and I don't like to see them attacking you either. I guess that isn't comforting for some reason. If you want to pick fights like that, I wish you'd do it when I'm not around."
"Why? Why would that bother you?" Cinder said.
"Because I've seen people try to kill you more than once," Royal nearly exploded, but it was from fear this time. "My gosh, woman, you have a target painted on your back. That doesn't sound concerning to you? We have to be on guard all the time for that. If you just wouldn't make it all that much harder on the few people on your side, it would be great."
"I can't help it." Cinder was starting to sound like a child, and she knew it, but she wasn't sure how to respond to this anyway. "Besides, I knew what she thought. I just had to push her to admit it. She might pretend to be nice, but she doesn't really think that. It's not like the others who really don't see me in the same light. She's a liar."
"Maybe she is. Maybe she was a hypocrite...but does calling it out change it?" Royal shrugged. "Sometimes you have to take what help you can get. I still don't like it necessarily, but it's how it is.... And maybe she didn't want to take your help either, but she was going to do it. I know people aren't fair to you--I've seen it...but maybe you aren't always fair to them either?"
Cinder didn't have words now.
She realized her hands were shaking.
Partially because she knew this was all true. Not like he was the first to point it out either. Even the Belladonnas had said it.
"You just don't know what it's like." She fell back on defensiveness. "To have everyone be able to cast that up to you, all the time. And to know they're thinking it even if they don't say it."
Royal rubbed his hair.
"Yeah...okay, you're right.... It would probably drive me crazy if that was going on all the time. I... don't have that experience, exactly. Though I do know what it's like for people to expect something of you no matter what you do...but that's just it--you can't change it by force or by playing into it. It's just how they are.... Maybe I just...well, I assume that it's simple for other people to see that."
"Well, it's not." Cinder was still mad, though more petulant than livid by now.
"No..." Royal stepped back a little, thinking. "Actually that's what I appreciate about you."
"What?" Blankly.
Yeah, he had her utterly kerflummoxed on that--absolutely no response.
"That probably sounds weird," Royal mused. "But...you have to understand, my whole life I've always accepted that people will just act a certain way and I couldn't change it. Not really the sort of person who tries to change anything. I'd just avoid it. And...that's been easier, I admit. You get right up in people's grill and challenge them, and I would never do that. I wish I had that more. Because maybe it does work, sometimes. Maybe some people will rethink how they act... not all of them, but...passivity doesn't change anything. You're fearless...but at times, to me, that's uncomfortable. And...well, it could be maybe at times it's okay to take the less aggressive route, and that's kind of where you are impossible to deter."
Cinder just stared at him weirdly, but then finally she shook herself. This was undignified...and she had lost enough dignity already in this conversation. She wasn't going to keep gawking like this.
"Lately you've seemed to be doing just fine confronting people," she said aloud, skeptically.
"Well, I'm learning," Royal admitted. "I mean, I won't say I've never lost my cool in my entire life. It just isn't as natural to me...but that's not the same thing. And I don't go out of my way to find it. I always thought that didn't make any sense to do, stir up trouble.... On the other hand, some people really should be called out, and when everyone is too afraid to do it, you get...Ironwood."
Cinder nodded.
She thought it was weird she was agreeing, but what could she have disagreed with there? She thought the same thing.
"So maybe I do need to learn not to always do that," Royal said. "But...you could just be a little less harsh about it. It's all new to me, and it's not exactly something a lot of people are used to either. There's not so many people who do what you do."
"Shine does it." Cinder couldn't believe she just compared herself to Shine, but it was the one thing they had in common.
"I could believe that, actually," Royal said. "Both of you have a fierce kind of quality. I could sense that with her too...but her partner not so much."
"He has a temper," Cinder said.
"I'm sure. Everyone does, but I get the impression he's pretty hard to piss off.... Clearly they found ways to work with each other, so I guess they've come to terms with it...but not everyone does. And haven't you all said that she was hard to handle at first?"
"She was..." Cinder was calming down slowly because they were talking about someone else. "Most of them didn't like her right away, because she confronted them on things they didn't want her to talk about. I only heard most of that secondhand, but she did the same to me...no matter how much I threatened her."
"Yeah who does that sound like?"
Well, the point was clear.
"But...eventually they got used to it, right?" Royal pressed.
"Eventually..." Cinder admitted.
"And now they all look up to her a lot, the way you all talk...so maybe she had to be that way so they would take her seriously.... It makes sense...but I'm sure she's had to work on that on her end. I believe this is a two-way street."
That was also correct.
Cinder rubbed her arm. "She did apologize to me eventually for sometimes being too critical... to all of them."
Why was she admitting it? But then, why deny it?
"I thought so." Royal sounded smug. "So I'm right then--it takes balance. Is it so wrong to point that out? It's not a condemnation, it's just...reality check. No one doesn't have room to grow, all right? Don't...well, I can't tell you what to do, but I'd appreciate it if you didn't get angry every time someone suggests that. You're not special, you know. All of us have to learn."
Cinder sighed in frustration, partially at herself.
"I hate criticism," she said aloud. "I always have. Usually it's not fair--and hypocritical."
"Maybe it is, most of the time," Royal admitted. "I can't say most people don't do the same things they complain about...but you take what you take, I guess. Is that really what all this boils down to though? You were mad about that and nothing else? I find that hard to believe."
"The fact is what went wrong was more about not knowing what we were up against than any one person's lack of skills," Cinder said more evenly, only too glad to get on this subject. "I hate failing... It's possible I took that out on...other people. Neo would too. When you do crime, failure means you die or you face other serious consequences, and we don't like to fail. We do blame other people because it's better not to take the fall for something. But she and I have talked about that, and I think we agreed that it's not going to work anymore, not with the Grimm ready to pounce on anyone who thinks that way.... However, that's expecting a lot of maturity out of people who are not mature to begin with."
She almost was wry about that.
"I don't know, it takes maturity to admit what you just said," Royal said.
"It's easier not to act that way." Cinder frowned. "People expect it anyway. But...I've been informed that if I don't learn to do better, I will not be given more work on the case."
"Wow...that's heavy. Isn't that putting a little too much blame on one person?" Royal frowned. "With Raven? That's not fair."
How quaint, he actually thought that wasn't fair.
"It was true." Cinder could scrutinize herself more when someone was arguing that it was wrong. "She's right. I can't do that if it's going to make it more dangerous. I don't know that I'll adjust to that expectation, but it's something to consider. I wouldn't like to just because she told me to."
"No, don't do it just because she told you to." Royal agreed so quickly that it was like he was thinking of something else in the back of his mind. "But if it's something you think you should do, then you also shouldn't let anyone convince you you can't do it. Still, it's not like it's weak to consider how other people might feel. It's just what it is--either it matters to you or it doesn't. That's something you have to decide for yourself."
"If it did matter to me how other people felt, I think I could be too easy on them," Cinder remarked suddenly. "And they would take advantage of that."
"They will try." Royal didn't even lie. "But...isn't it your choice how to regulate that? How far can they push it? Just draw a line. That's the smartest thing to do. And for the record, that applies to me also. I don't want to cross that line saying all this. It might really not be any of my business, but...I have an opinion."
"I wouldn't have listened to that that long in the past," Cinder observed. "Whatever that shows."
A cold wind blew past, and they realized it was getting late, nearly dusk.
"Crap, I think they're closed." Royal suddenly looked at the cheesecake shop's door.
Sure enough, it was past the closing time.
"Well...what do I tell Viv?" he wondered.
* * *
Vivian and Emerald had discussed charity for some time, and it went better than Emerald thought it would. Vivian might have been snobbish before, but when she was actually interested, she was more businesslike.
But eventually there wasn't much else to say, and Vivian looked around. "Wherever is Roy? Did that woman eat him?"
Emerald wondered herself. Cinder did tend to talk to Royal for longer periods of time, but she hadn't thought he was in that chatty a mood when he left. He seemed a little subdued.
Then again, Cinder had a way of stirring him up.
And it sure seemed that way when they did finally walk back without the dessert in hand.
They said the place was closed, but Emerald was sure they'd been gone at least 40 minutes if not more just to find that out about a shop that was two doors down.
Royal seemed more chipper though.
Vivian eyed Cinder suspiciously.
"Well, I really need to get back to my hotel," she said pointedly. "We'll be in touch, Emerald. We should do lunch when I'm in town again. Maybe we can do some kind of event."
"That would be nice," Emerald said tentatively.
"Let's go." Vivian motioned at Royal.
She cast a weird look at Cinder as they walked away.
"What were you doing with that woman?" she asked him, loud enough for them to hear her, though she probably didn't think so.
"Nothing, just making conversation," Royal said.
"That was a long conversation." Vivian frowned at him.
"It kind of was though," Emerald hissed to Cinder in a lower voice. "What did you do, give him the third degree?"
"We did discuss the mission," Cinder said. "It was enlightening."
"Why? What did he tell you?"
Cinder didn't answer that till they were on their way to the tram stop.
"I guess he had the idea I was angry at him over it because I lost my temper at one point. I never thought he'd even remember it."
"You can be pretty harsh when you're angry," Emerald said. "Or stressed..."
"Hey!" Cinder said. "I'm not the only one who gets terse."
"Nice, you actually didn't just swallow that or deny it." Emerald gave her a thumbs up. "You really are so different now. Time was you'd have taken someone out for telling you you did anything wrong."
"Do you have to point that out...?" Cinder slumped. She was still in a fragile mood.
"I'm sorry.... I just meant...well, you twist it all in the worst light. Some people are just trying to help you get on better," Emerald said. "Not all criticism is supposed to hurt you, but it was like you never could never tell before, and you tried to dish it back twice as hard...or just silence someone completely.... I shouldn't have joked about it. I'm glad you're realizing that it's sometimes okay to listen to that. It wasn't like it was easy for me at first either. I really hate being criticized, but I expected it more."
Cinder frowned. "Well, it wasn't criticism so much as the weight of my actions, if people were honest about it. I guess I've started to come to grips with that. Months ago I would have been against it, but if I have to work with people, I'll have to compromise somewhere. I knew that even when I was a villainess. I just did it resentfully and I plotted revenge or that I'd eventually put them under my feet. Now that I can't do that, I wonder if I can ever learn to not feel offended by negative feedback."
"It gets easier, but I think we're normally a little sensitive.... No one likes to be wrong," Emerald admitted. "But I'm proud of you. In a weird way. It has to suck to put up with this when people are worse to you than the rest of us, and you're still hanging in there. Really, no matter who did it, I'd have to be impressed by that."
"And I shouldn't take that as patronizing?" Cinder was half serious and half kidding.
"No, no, I didn't mean it that way.... Not all your good traits have to be ironic ones, you know. I can see you're committed to improving your skills with people, and I think that's a good thing. It's nice not to be the only one either."
Cinder looked up slightly. "I didn't think anyone would really think it was admirable, just something I should have done ages ago...if I was wise. I'm not wise."
"Maybe not...but you know most people won't do it. Very few people I know are humble enough to just accept criticism without ever getting angry.... I bet even they do, I just haven't seen it. But it would be weird if no one goes anywhere either, y'know? Doormats are weird."
"I still can't believe anyone would take my anger that seriously. No one ever does," Cinder said.
"Because they don't think you know what you're talking about," Emerald said. "But what if they did? If it was something you were actually good at, and you blew up at them, wouldn't that feel like...well, like Salem talking down to us used to feel? You knew you couldn't beat her, so it was even worse to feel like an ant."
Emerald hadn't known that Royal had been bothered by just exactly that situation, and she already was on the money.
Cinder made a note to herself not to underestimate Emerald's skills of perception even when she wasn't there.
"Crime is something I only know about for bad reasons," she said.
"But it's a talent to know about it if you're trying to stop it. Face it, you're finally cool," Emerald said. "Hey, I feel the same way. I never thought I'd use all this again. It feels good to have an edge...but it is a little weird to have people look to you for your enlightened commentary on crime as a beacon of insight. Like, should I be flattered by this...? But it's nice to be able to help without feeling like you're out of your league.... I don't know, you tell me."
"I don't know if I feel proud of it. It's just how it worked out."
"Maybe that's what people like us are for...to help stop the other people who haven't left that path. We're not that different.... They're hurting themselves, and we can't stop them.... Do you think we could?"
"I don't know.... It sounds as if Tyrone what's-his-name snapped out of it, but he couldn't have been infected for long." Cinder shrugged. "Or knowingly, but they are.... Perhaps Dawkins is not beyond salvation from the Grimm, but beyond that, I don't know. I'm not the one to ask."
"Maybe none of us really know for sure, but should we try?"
"Emerald, don't do anything that might get you killed. These people are not worth it."
"But what if Jesus said that about us all?" Emerald countered. "Risking your life for people who don't deserve it is the whole meaning of real sacrifice, isn't it?"
"But there's a time to know it's a waste of time. And in that case, He knew some people would benefit from it, but out of the small pool we're talking about, I'm not convinced."
"But it's not your job to know that.... I have to follow my gut feeling," Emerald said. "I won't say I wouldn't try...but I don't know if I could convince anyone. I wasn't that good at convincing Mercury to leave Salem. It was other things."
"I wouldn't lose sleep over it." Cinder still wasn't inclined to pity them that much.
But then she thought...people hadn't been inclined to pity her either. What if Shine hadn't chosen to open her heart to that even when she hadn't wanted to do so?
Cinder didn't think she had the character to do that with anyone else--she had a time even being civil to people she liked.
Yet...who was she to turn someone else away?
She didn't know what to think.
[I know I've spent a lot of time on talking in these last few chapters, but it was to set up the next stage of this, as usual, so I hope you enjoyed it anyway.
This is going to end quite dramatically, I promise, so I want to have it all set up properly. I hate loose ends.]
* * *
Finally, the day after that, Gira sent word to Raven that someone had spotted Dawkins sneaking back into the Capital, but no one wanted to jump him until he came home. They were sure he would.
The White Fang's active members were still watching his house, and keeping an eye on his daughter, not out of malice but because she had been left alone for days, aside from them checking in, to their horror.
Though some said that they had had to take care of themselves at her age, and it wasn't anything new.
[Like that's an excuse.]
They wanted the team to come back in time to catch him before anyone could realize he went missing.
Raven told everyone this.
"We're back to our regular squad now," she said. "The covert part of this is over for now, and I think you'll need back up if he's carrying."
"Ew," Yang grimaced. "So, all of us."
"Yes," Raven said.
"Yay, finally," Mercury said.
They looked at him strangely.
"Well, I'm bored," he said.
"You actually had an assignment while we were sitting around," Neptune said.
"Yeah," Mercury said. "So?"
"One more thing. I'm sending Pedro Piper with you," Raven added. "I know he's not well versed in the mission itself, but he's used to working with Sustrai by now, and he can charm Grimm. If there are more lurking around, it couldn't hurt to try it."
"We're not sure he can charm the Mind Grimm as easily," Emerald said.
"Any extra help would be useful," Raven said. "But I don't want too large a party. Claw is not going. They can work apart for one mission."
"Are they partners?" Cinder didn't know much about them.
"Yes," Raven said. "But we don't make that a hard and fast rule here."
"Are they partner partners?" Neptune asked.
"Now, I think," Emerald said. "I thought they might have a thing when we first met them. I'm pretty sure I've seen them dating a few times."
"I hope this goes better than the last time you included someone not in our actual special unit," Mercury said.
Cinder and Royal both flinched in different ways, which the others noticed.
Raven gave Mercury a warning look. "I trust you'll all be smarter about splitting up, but since you won't need to sneak around, it should be simple. But those words seem to be jinxed when it comes to this ongoing case. Good luck."
"We don't do luck," Yang reminded her.
"Then Godspeed, or whatever we say now," Raven said.
They saluted and left.
* * *
"Here we go again," Royal said as they boarded the ship.
"Around the bend." Robyn, who was of course, coming again for the same reason as before.
She nodded at Cinder kind of coolly--though she did feel a bit sorry for her.
"I'll fly," Cinder said.
Royal gave her a weird look. "Why would you do that?"
"It doesn't matter who does it," Cinder said flatly. "I'm tired of sitting in the back every time I'm in a ship."
Royal hesitated, but then glanced at Robyn.
"Be careful with her," he surrendered reluctantly. "No crazy stunts."
"Oh, sure," dryly.
"Wait, she's flying?" Mercury saw her take the seat. "Well, we're already in for it then."
Emerald kicked him. "Just leave her alone. She felt bad about how it went a few days ago."
"You should have seen Neo when we asked her to debrief us more," Yang said. "She was rigid. I actually felt bad for her."
"It was so creepy to hear that happened to one of us," Neptune said.
"It goes to show you can be around the light but not have it inside you." Yang shrugged. "She never really got it."
"At first neither did we, but we changed our minds. I guess some people don't have such an easy time. I could never read her anyway," Neptune said.
"She was always mean." Mercury leaned on the wall. "And acted like she was above us. I never liked her, not that that says much."
"But what does that have to do with what she needs? She's the same as us," Emerald said. "I wish they'd stop fighting it. You'd think they could see there's no point."
"If that was enough, humanity wouldn't be the way it is," Neptune said. "You know, it's all in the timeline we've read about. People just don't learn from the past...still..."
"Oscar thinks she'll be fine as far as the Grimm are concerned," Yang said. "But she seemed spooked."
She looked over at Royal, who had not sat in the co-pilot seat for some reason.
"I guess I'll go keep Cinder company," Emerald said, noticing it.
She moved.
"So, how are you doing?" Yang asked Royal.
"Coming to terms with it a little," Royal said. "I wish it had gone better. The two ladies were nice enough not to blame me for making poor calls."
"It didn't sound like it was your fault," Neptune said.
"I think a lot could have been done better, but since we just have to wait for him this time, it'll be easier," Royal said. "But yeah..."
"I feel a little like I might have helped stir things up," Robyn said. "I shouldn't have gotten into it with Fall. I should be above that."
"Oh, did she really start it with you too?" Yang said. "That's so like her. She just never stops fighting people."
"To be fair to her, they fight her also," Neptune said. "We got proof of that."
"I let her get to me," Robyn said. "I should know better than to care about anything she says."
Royal glanced at her and made a slight sound of...well, it was hard to say. Scorn? Derision? Disbelief?
"Sorry, did I say something funny?" Robyn said.
"I just thought that was a funny way to dismiss it," Royal said. "Like she can't ever be right?"
"I wouldn't think she would be," Robyn said. "I mean..." She gestured at them. "She's not like the rest of you. You have to be pretty off in the head to do those things."
"I might take that personally," Mercury said. "I was there with her."
He never stuck up for Cinder like that...but perhaps he didn't like Robyn much.
"But it's...you weren't the same," Robyn said.
"What's the real difference?" Yang shrugged. "Why would you judge her, Robyn? You did some pretty rebellious things against Atlas too."
"There it is again. How could I be like her?" Robyn said.
"I don't see such a huge difference between stealing from Atlas and setting people against them. Both things divide and cause tension," Neptune said. "I don't really get into politics, though. It's as bad as the law."
"I wanted to help people, not destroy them," Robyn said. "On top of that, she did worse than that, personally..." She frowned. "I get that you're all forgiving, and that's nice. I respect it...but her? Just...how could you be okay with someone who did things like that to people you knew? Or to you, even? It weirds me out a little how you've just let her back into your circle and she's helping you.... I wouldn't even let her fly this plane."
"She can fly just fine," Mercury said.
"You literally just said it was a bad thing," Yang said.
"I just meant she's reckless, not that she's bad at it," Mercury said. "As long as no enemies show up though..."
"Still." Robyn put her head on her hand, annoyed looking.
"I see," Royal said. "She was avoiding you."
Robyn gave him a stunned look.
Indeed, it was pretty out of character for him to say something like that so bluntly, in front of all of them.
Yang glanced at him, and then she nodded slightly.
"Ooh, burn," Mercury muttered.
Piper, who wasn't joining in this conversation--not that he disagreed with Robyn, but he knew by now if he said anything about it, Emerald or her friends were likely to put him in his place--just edged away from them.
"Sorry." Royal straightened. "I probably shouldn't have said that. No sense fighting. But let's not start bad mouthing our teammates either, okay?"
"I...whatever." Robyn was unnerved. She looked at the others like "what was that?"
They shrugged at her.
"I'm just going to watch for Grimm on our tail," she said instead and went to the back of the plane where she'd be harder to talk to.
"Great, we made it awkward," Neptune said.
Piper followed Robyn, unsurprisingly.
"Oops," Royal said.
"What's gotten into you?" Mercury said. "Normally you'd not throw gasoline on that fire."
"Don't you get tired of people rehashing this?" Royal said.
Yang studied him.
"I bet you do," she said meaningfully. "For more than one reason."
"Oh, stop." Royal leaned back.
"I'll talk to her." Yang got up. "She likes me, right? I mean, I told her the truth about the tower... which ended up being a mistake, but that makes me her ally. Maybe I can smooth it over. Worked with CRDL."
"I'm sure that was more Blue Boy than you," Mercury said.
"Shut up, Tin Toes." Yang walked away.
"I wish you'd say something other than Blue Boy. It sounds weird," Neptune said to Mercury.
"Hey, if I busted out the names I'd normally use, I'd get censored by the poor deportment police like Piper," Mercury said.
"I'll just help Yang," Neptune decided. "Maybe we can convince them to drop this whole... tension thing."
He followed.
Mercury looked bored.
Royal was lost in thought for a bit.