I plopped down next to Wayne, sighing heavily. He set an arm around me and squeezed my shoulder.
"Thank God you showered. You were starting to smell as bad as you did when you were in middle school," he teased. I smiled and elbowed him, making him laugh. He took a sip of his beer and ruffled my hair. "You okay, kid?"
"Oh, I'm fine!" I lied. He grinned.
"I was always glad that you were such a bad liar. It made keeping you out of trouble that much easier," he teased. I smiled and shrugged.
"I'll be okay."
"Has it got anything to do with the lack of sleepovers you've been attending?" he asked carefully. I sighed.
"It's embarrassing to be asked about my crush," I joked back. He patted my shoulder.
"What happened?"
I closed my eyes and leaned my head back.
"I'm an asshole."
"Well, we knew that," Wayne teased. I smiled but kept my eyes shut.
"How...how can you convince someone you've changed?" I asked. Wayne got quiet.
"What do you mean?"
I finally opened my eyes and looked down at my lap.
"Like...if you were really terrible to someone before, but you really have changed," I explained. "The person you were awful to will still remember what you did. But you want to convince them you're not that person anymore."
Wayne nodded and cleared his throat.
"Well, kid, have you apologized?"
I nodded. He nodded back at me and shrugged.
"Sometimes, kid, the best thing you can do to convince someone you've changed is to keep living how you have now. Whether or not you that person believes you can't really be impacted by anything you do," he started. I felt my mouth twist into a frown. "Because if you really hurt someone that bad, they are allowed to feel some way about it."
"I guess you're right," I said sadly.
"That doesn't mean you haven't changed though. And that doesn't mean you don't deserve forgiveness," Wayne assured me. I smiled at him and gave him a hug. I could tell he was surprised, but he hugged me back.
"Thanks, Wayne," I whispered. He patted my back.
"Of course," he replied. I pulled back and stood.
"I think I'm going to go to bed," I announced. He frowned.
"It's early, nephew," he said, concerned. I shrugged and started back towards my room.
"I don't really want to do much else," I explained.
I tromped back to my room. I closed my door behind me and threw myself on the bed. I looked up at the ceiling and groaned as I realized I was going to do something pathetic. I rolled over and pulled a pillow out from under the stack I normally slept on. I buried my face in it – I had realized this was the pillow Elle had slept on when I got a whiff of her perfume one night. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.
This was painful, but it would be okay. Wayne was right – she didn't have to forget what I did, but it didn't mean I hadn't changed. And the "just friends" of it all had gotten really hard – I had liked her so much and I hated not being able to call her my girl.
I was going to be okay. I knew I never deserved her, but golly, the time we had was amazing. I would need to take solace in that. Maybe one day she would trust me, and we could be something.
I kept repeating this mantra as I felt tears well up and I choked them back, desperate not to give into my sadness. I was going to be okay.
"Nephew!" Wayne called out. I cleared my throat.
"Yeah?"
"You've got a visitor."
"Tell Dustin that I showered, and I will see him tomorrow," I replied.
"Eddie, you've got a visitor!" he repeated. I groaned and got up.
"Dustin, dude, I love you, buddy, but I'm going to be okay—"
I threw my door open and froze when I saw my visitor. Wayne grinned at me.
"It was good to see you, Ms. Elle," he said, giving her a quick hug. She smiled and nodded as he stepped back. He looked at me and smiled. "I'm going to go to bed."
"I thought it was early?" I quipped. He grinned wryly.
"Good night, nephew," he replied. We both watched him go to his room, and I looked back at Elle.
She was in one of my favorite dresses – black with different cut outs and designs to where I could see her tattoos that I loved to trace. Her hair was pretty and curled, and she made my chest ache. She smiled shyly.
"Glad to hear you showered," she teased. I felt my mouth twitch into a smile.
"Yeah – it was touch and go for a couple of days," I said. "Dustin told me I needed to."
"He's a good friend to do that," she remarked. I nodded. She took in a deep breath. "I don't really know how to start."
"It's okay," I replied, jamming my hands in my pockets. She ran her hand through her hair, and I wanted to bury my face in her neck and smell her.
I shook my head. God, I was creepy.
"I...I miss you," she said awkwardly. I felt my chest tighten, and I had a glimmer of hope. "I miss our...I miss our friendship."
The hope was gone. She still just wanted to be friends. I sighed and blinked hard, trying not to cry. She took a step forward and I stopped her.
---
"Stop, don't, Elle," Eddie ordered, holding his hands up. I froze, suddenly petrified. His face was twisted in pain, and he set one of his hands on his hip.
"Don't what?" I pushed, suddenly feeling like Eddie probably did when he pushed me all of those times. He looked down.
"I can't...you can't get any closer," he insisted. I felt my heart stop and my face got hot. My eyes welled with tears.
"I can't get close to you?" I asked pathetically. He looked up at me, his mouth twisting.
"No, Elle. You can't get close to me. You can't get close to me unless," he started. He sighed and shook his head. I felt a glimmer of hope and wanted to chase it.
"Unless?" I continued. He looked me square in the eye.
"You can't come any closer unless you want to stop being friends."
The hope disappeared. I felt my shoulders drop.
"We can't be friends?" I asked, crestfallen. He shook his head.
"No. If you get any closer, we aren't friends anymore," he said. I blinked hard and kept telling myself not to cry. He took another breath. "We have to be more than friends."
The silence was tense, and he watched me carefully. I felt my chest burn and wanted to leap for joy. I kept my face trained and neutral as I sighed.
"More than friends?" I continued. He nodded.
"More than friends," he repeated. "We hold hands in public. We spend every night together. And I mean every night. I get to kiss you all the time. I take you on our actual first date."
I nodded and looked at my feet.
"And if you get closer, you have to agree to that. I'm so sorry, Belle. I'm sorry for everything. But I can't keep being just friends, Belle. You make it impossible," he admitted, running his hands through his hair. "You're smart and funny, and the best, and all I want to do when I'm around you is make you smile or laugh at me. And I know I don't deserve you. But you can't get any closer unless you want to stop being just friends."
I took a deep breath and looked at him. He was sad and frantic. His hair was wild and messy from how much he was running his hands through his hair while it was still damp from his shower.
"You promise?" I asked.
I tried not to smile as I watched him process what I said. His brows furrowed and his mouth twisted, and he suddenly broke into a smile.
"You and your fucking riddles," he said breathily as he practically sprinted to me.
He finally got to me, and I laughed as he wrapped me up in his embrace and held me close to him. I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him close to my face. He beamed at me, wrapping his hand around the back of my neck.
"You need to go shopping," I said quietly. He furrowed his brows, and I smirked at him. "If you insist on taking me on our first date, you need much nicer clothes."
"God, you're so fucking mean," he replied before kissing me deeply.
I felt like I was running out of breath until he pulled back and pressed his forehead to mine. He was breathing heavily as he pulled me tighter to him and I giggled.
"You prefer it when I'm mean," I teased, trying to keep my voice even. He smiled and kissed me again. I scratched the back of his scalp and smiled when he hummed happily.
"I love it when you're mean, but I don't mind it when you're all sugary, sweet pea," he quipped. I felt my face flush and laughed as he peppered my face with kisses.
"I'll work on it," I said quietly, glancing down and embarrassed for how I had treated him. I looked back up at him, and his eyes softened as he shook his head.
"No. No, just be you, I want you to be you," he insisted.
I grinned and leaned forward, but paused, suddenly doubting myself. Eddie sensed my nerves and pulled me to his lips, kissing me deeply. He pulled back, beaming at me. He watched me quietly.
"I get to kiss you all of the time."
"I know, I'm the one who agreed to it," I teased, peppering him with kisses. He pulled back and smiled at me.
"I never thought you'd let me," he admitted. I winked.
"That makes two of us," I joked. He rolled his eyes but grinned. He got close to my face, ghosting my lips.
"So mean," he whispered. I melted and pressed my lips to him, thrilled when he kissed me harder. He pulled back, his eyes frantic as he searched my face. "Can I come over tonight? We can go on our date, and maybe I can spend the night, and then I can make you breakfast tomorrow."
"Wasn't that part of the whole getting closer thing?" I replied, scratching the back of his head. I couldn't stop touching him, couldn't stop trying to get as close as possible to him. I grinned at him – he was smiling at me like a kid at Christmas. He smiled nervously.
"Yes, but I realized that I was the one who got close to you, you didn't get close to me," he admitted bashfully. I laughed, throwing my head back. He started kissing my neck and I came back to him.
"I promise, that even though you were the one who got close to me, I'll uphold all of it," I said. His eyes filled with joy, and he let out a shuddering breath.
"Oh, thank, god, I couldn't keep torturing myself," he admitted. I kissed his cheek.
"I promise, no more torturing," I replied. He raised an eyebrow and I laughed. "Fine. Minimal torturing."
"That you need to promise that you will always make up for," he started, guiding me back to his room. I felt my butterflies swarm my chest as I stumbled back with him, our arms still around one another.
"Oh, yeah?" It was all I could muster. I cleared my throat and raised an eyebrow, trying to be cool. "And what do you suggest?"
"I'm thinking," he replied as he kicked his door closed behind us. "That you can start by telling me about all of those dreams you've had about us."
I felt my face flush and gasped.
"You are such a pervert—"
Eddie cut me off by tossing me onto his bed and quickly shut me up by crawling on top of me. He kissed my neck, biting and sucking at it as he worked up it.
"Can't help it when you're my girl," he whispered into my neck, setting me on edge. He came back to my lips and grinned sweetly. "More than friends?"
I nodded tightly and kissed his nose.
"More than friends."
He kissed me softly, making me melt under his touch and forget everything around us. He buried his face in my neck and nipped at it again.
"God, I'm fucking obsessed with you," he grumbled. I laughed and pulled him back to my face.
"Trust me, I know," I teased. I kissed him quickly. I knew I needed to share something with him as well, so we weren't unbalanced again. "Don't worry, I like you a lot, too."
He grinned and rolled onto his side, pulling me with him. I looked up at him, closing my eyes as he traced features on my face. I felt him kiss my nose and opened my eyes.
"What made you believe me?" he asked quietly.
---
I held Elle tight to me, panicked that if I loosened my hold on her, she would wise up and leave. She nuzzled her head into the crook of my neck and kissed it quickly.
"You know," she started, scratching my chest and making my heart pick up. "You need to stop sending people to take care of your dirty work."
I furrowed my brows.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"First, you send me to patch things up with Dustin," she explained before looking back up at me and kissing me sweetly. "And then you send Dustin to talk to me."
"What?" I asked, genuinely confused. Her smile broke for a moment.
"You didn't know he came to talk to me?" she asked.
"I mean, I had spent a lot of time talking to him about how upset I was – but I had resigned myself to the fact that I was never going to be able to win you back," I answered honestly. The side of her mouth twitched into a small smile.
"Huh," she said. I pressed my forehead to hers.
"What did Dustin say?" I asked. Her smile grew and she kissed me, catching me off-guard.
"Let me get up," she said sweetly. As a reflex, I pulled her to me tighter and shook my head.
"No, I don't want you to leave," I insisted. She crinkled her eyes at me and set a hand on the side of my face.
"I'll be right back. I just need to go to my bag," she assured me, kissing my cheek softly. I watched her for a beat and loosened my hold on her.
She wiggled out of my arms, and I kept my eyes on her as she went to her bag. She was perched at the edge of the bed, and I scooted next to her, setting my hand on her waist and kissing her shoulder. She dug through her bag, leaning into me and making me feel at ease and like she wasn't going to bolt. My stomach dropped when she pulled out the purple notebook with doodles I had showed to Dustin.
"That little fucker," I muttered, putting pieces together. She set a hand on the inside of my thigh, and I looked down at her. Her eyes were big and soft, kind as she watched me.
"Don't be upset, please," she said quietly. I smiled anxiously and started bouncing my leg. She moved her hand from my thigh to my knee to stop my movement. "Eddie, I promise, it's okay."
"Just didn't think you'd ever see any of those," I admitted. She beamed at me.
"Well, I hope you are okay that I read the ones about me," she said. Her smile made my heart flutter, and I could barely contain myself. I buried my face into her neck.
"I told you I've always liked you," I squeaked. She laughed and wrapped her arms around me. "I just used to be an asshole."
"You aren't anymore," she said quietly. I pulled back and looked at her.
"I would never ever be embarrassed to be with you, Elle," I insisted. She smiled sweetly.
"I believe you," she replied.
I felt my heart skip and pressed my lips to hers, balancing my anger at Dustin for sharing embarrassing songs I wrote between the sheer joy I felt that she had let me back in. She leaned back and I pulled her legs onto my lap as she wrapped an arm around my neck.
"Oh, but when I see you in the hall," she started to croon. I felt my face flush and groaned. "It takes everything in me not to call...out!"
"Stop it!" I exclaimed, throwing myself back on the bed. She crawled on top of me, straddling my lap. She pressed her hands to my chest and got close to my face.
"Because Ellie, you make my legs go jelly! Want to see you on the telly—"
"You aren't even singing the melody right!" I interrupted, making her laugh as I pulled her onto me, kissing her hard. She giggled as we curled up together, entangling her legs with mine. "My songs are much better now."
"I don't know, I'm a fan of the oldies," she teased. I buried my face in her neck and groaned. She kissed the side of my face sweetly. She pulled me out of my favorite spot and looked at me in the eyes. "I need to say something."
"You can't take it back," I said quickly, panicked. She shook her head and smiled.
"No, no – I'm not taking anything back," she assured me. I let a sigh of relief out and wrapped her tighter to me. She took a deep breath in and tried to calm what seemed like nerves. "I just...I know I am not good at sharing."
I smiled and brushed her hair out of her face.
"It's not one of your strengths," I teased. She smiled but I could tell she was still nervous.
"I just...you are always very vocal about what you like about me."
"There's a lot to talk about," I flirted. She flushed and set her head under my chin.
"I just want you to know I like a lot of things about you too," she said quietly. I felt my heart skip but stayed quiet so she would talk. "I think you are funny and thoughtful. And I love being around you."
I felt the butterflies fly around my chest and kissed the top of her head.
"Back at you, sweet pea," I replied. She finally looked up at me, her face bright red and I kissed her quickly. "Did that kill you to say?"
"I'm just awful at sharing," she admitted, saying it quickly. I laughed and squeezed her tight. "But I promise I will work on it."
"I'll take it," I whispered, close to her lips. I kissed her quickly and I started rubbing her back as she settled into my arms. "So, even though I need nicer clothes for our first date, can I still spend the night?"
She smiled and kissed me softly.
"Let's stay here so we can make Wayne breakfast tomorrow," she replied. I grinned, touched by her thoughtfulness. I nodded and flipped her on her back, making her yelp.
"In that case, let's get started on our evening early," I flirted, kissing her hard as she wrapped her arms around my neck. I started leaving hickies down her neck and grinned as she sighed.
"You only ever think of one thing, you pervert," she stuttered, trying to keep an even tone.